Drunkcyclist.com

Just so y’all know. Oh, and new crap up at the Nest of the Hawk

Teflon spittin’ and written, I stab kitten.
Happy New Year, fools.

Hey, listen –
Most folks know that when you ask someone for something, you have to give them something in return. It’s pretty fucking basic. Maybe it has to do in some way with the 3rd law of physics. I know, gutter punks think that because they eat from the dumpster, they don’t [...]

I spent far too long watching the tube tonight. Given that we only have about 12 or 16 accidental channels that happen to squeak in through our cable meant for internets, it was only fitting that I punished myself tonight with such great shows as Baby Daddy on the BLT network, where 248 tricks [...]

My brain’s still swimming
in the fetid, swampy foam
of last night. Fuck, man.

He studies the Law.
Big Jonny’s rants lie in wait.
Thursday Haiku lives.

I’m developing some new clipless shoes and would appreciate any feedback from any of you. These should be much better on bikepunk’s knees.

Lance Rules

So i made some more crap. One of the craps is even bike-related. Whoa, dewds. Maybe you wanna check it out.
HAWK DO ART

This guy did the after party, which was rad, because I have a total mancrush on him, and he KILLS the turntables. You may not care about that kind [...]

Let me preface this super long story for those of you that don’t really like to read. I was a male stripper for a night.

Man, in my ever-continuing search for my birth dad, I keep running across dudes that, because of their ridiculous cool factor, make me think, “Hmmmm. Maybe that’s my dad…”
this week’s winner:
Snakehawk Daddy?

Well, if my calculator watch serves me correctly, I believe it’s Thursday. Time for a poem. Perhaps, first you have time for a quick story.
Working here at this gallery of art and other pop-culture curiosities, I rarely encounter a customer worth much at all. I mean, we have our regulars: the [...]

Well, here it is, a beautiful Labor Day in North Carolina. The hurricane weather has decided to chill out long enough to let come to the surface a cool, sunny day. Work is done, and as I drove home, the smell of grilling was everywhere. There’s nothing I’d love more than to [...]

Well,
it’s
time.
It’s
been
3
long
days.
As
I
stand
here,
the
knife
in
my
hand
shorter than the one in my brain,
I realize
that
I
really
need
to
get
back
to
the sauce.

Oh yeah, the Tour de France. Crunk Cyclist seems to capture the attention of many different kinds of thinkers, so I’d like to talk for a bit, and direct this mainly at what I believe to be the source of the problem: the people who watch.
In the recent past, let’s say 10 years, I [...]

Here’s an interesting KCRW interview centering on the jerkwad doctor that tried to some bros on July 4th. It’s worth a listen anyway. Go America.
laist.com/…kcrw_looks_into_bicyling_in_a_car

I was gonna write a Thursday poem, but it occurred to me in the nick of time that this is Friday. What that tells me is that it’s time to get back to the sauce. I’m out of here in 19 minutes. I’m bee lining straight to a thinly padded round stool [...]

Hey Dewdz.
I’ve been spending a couple of days, or a week, or something, getting my head back on straight. There was an art opening. It was rad, and lots of stuff sold. There were visitors in from out of town for an entire week following. Good times flowed like whiskey, and [...]

Eyes like donut holes.
Legs quivering, empty flask.
Pork rinds in my ears.
But Jonny is fine.
Cottage cheese in pantyhose,
jiggling as he laughs.

the valley grew dark
suddenly, as big jonny
went back to the fridge.

Hey, okay. This is where it starts for me, my foray into the gang of cruel hustlers. I’ve got my shirt off, bitches. And the A/C is on. Where’s the continuity here? Soon you’ll learn, if you haven’t already, that I possess continuity in ever-waning amounts. Detritus of a boozy past (and future) tend to [...]