At one time, not that long ago, our entire mission statement, start to finish, top to bottom, could be explained fully in this one simple graphic:
We seemed to, ahem, grow a bit since then. As such, we have been working on a new mission statement. Or, we have been working on an update to our mission statement. Which begs the question, really, in that I’m not sure how much you can “update” something which is so completely devoid of substantive content, such as the image embedded above, before you’re no longer talking about “updating” as “completely replacing.”
We’re all over the damn web these days.
Here is our glorious archive of old stupid shit: http://drunkcyclist.com/archive. (Be advised, it is 100% NSFW.)
And, so it goes…
Contributors to Date:
The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure.
Flagstaff, Arizona, USA
“A fan of riding bikes with one gear, mainly because I am too stupid to figure out how gears work. I have thrown my hat into the whole racing scene with varying results. I also enjoy malt liquor, riding without knowing how many miles I’ve covered, and strip clubs that let you bring your own keg. I now call Fort Collins home, so I can get a masters degree, and maybe one day actually contribute to society. I typically have a stupid grin on my face, it is because deep down I know that no matter what, my mom thinks I’m cool.”
Denver, Colorado, USA
“Hi, I am Caveman. Bikes, people, IPA’s and cameras take up my time. Kids love me for the great words I teach them. Any place I go, I leave a mark.”
Spokane, Washington, USA
“I am that guy who has a butt-load of hobbies and manages to be mediocre to awful at all of them. Among those hobbies: bikes, guitars, baseball, hockey, writing (books, stories, articles, essays, other crap that no one wants to read), photography. At the moment, I’m a wrench (again), but until recently I was a teacher (maybe slightly better than mediocre). Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner.”
Additional web presence: D2 Photography
Denver, Colorado, USA
I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.
“Other than the fact that I am a complete trainwreck with homo-erotic dance floor tendencies, I’m pretty great. I’m an art maker, totally in love, and just recently re-established my relationship with bicycles. I happily ride my sub-50 pound cruiser to work up a gigantic hill. Skidding is my favorite trick. And big 180 bonelesses off of dumb shit.”
Additional web presence: www.superissimo.com, http://www.snakehawk.blogspot.com/.
North Carolina, USA
“Cuts, scrapes, bruises… all in a day’s riding. Then it’s off for some good german beer in a local biergarten.”
This guy wrote the book on fun. And then lit it on fire. Twice.
Phoenix, Arizona, USA
He tried to call himself, “Malibu.” But, you know the rules – you don’t get to pick your own nickname. The word “pineapple” came to mind. Sorta tropical, spikey & rough, sweet on the inside. And so, a nickname was born.
“Bike mechanic, poet, sage, former collegiate hockey star. Ok, maybe not a star.” (This should really be updated. He works for New Belguim now.) “i am full time bicycle mechanic, and all around nice guy. like to ride bikes, but not very far. like poetry, candle-light dinners, and short walks on the beach. i don’t like getting hassled, and i don’t like capitalization.”
Fort Collins, Colorado, USA
There’s a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Tempe, Arizona, USA