Mission Statement:

At one time, not that long ago, our entire mission statement, start to finish, top to bottom, could be explained fully in this one simple graphic:

We seemed to, ahem, grow a bit since then. As such, we have been working on a new mission statement. Or, we have been working on an update to our mission statement. Which begs the question, really, in that I’m not sure how much you can “update” something which is so completely devoid of substantive content, such as the image embedded above, before you’re no longer talking about “updating” as “completely replacing.”

We’re all over the damn web these days.

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/drunkcyclist.
Tumblr: http://drunkcyclist.tumblr.com.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/drunkcyclist.

Here is our glorious archive of old stupid shit: http://drunkcyclist.com/archive. (Be advised, it is 100% NSFW.)

And, so it goes…

Contributors to Date:

Big Jonny
The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure.
Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

40 Hands
“A fan of riding bikes with one gear, mainly because I am too stupid to figure out how gears work. I have thrown my hat into the whole racing scene with varying results. I also enjoy malt liquor, riding without knowing how many miles I’ve covered, and strip clubs that let you bring your own keg. I now call Fort Collins home, so I can get a masters degree, and maybe one day actually contribute to society. I typically have a stupid grin on my face, it is because deep down I know that no matter what, my mom thinks I’m cool.”
Denver, Colorado, USA

caveman
“Hi, I am Caveman. Bikes, people, IPA’s and cameras take up my time. Kids love me for the great words I teach them. Any place I go, I leave a mark.”
Spokane, Washington, USA

D2
“I am that guy who has a butt-load of hobbies and manages to be mediocre to awful at all of them. Among those hobbies: bikes, guitars, baseball, hockey, writing (books, stories, articles, essays, other crap that no one wants to read), photography. At the moment, I’m a wrench (again), but until recently I was a teacher (maybe slightly better than mediocre). Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner.”
Additional web presence: D2 Photography
Denver, Colorado, USA

dirty biker
Fan of singletrack, singlespeeds, single malt, and single women.
Additional web presence: http://twitter.com/dirtybiker.
Tempe, Arizona, USA

Cupcake
I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.
Tucson, AZ

Gnome
“I’m little. I ride.”
Additional web presence: www.superissimo.com
Phoenix, Arizona, USA

Snake Hawk
“Other than the fact that I am a complete trainwreck with homo-erotic dance floor tendencies, I’m pretty great. I’m an art maker, totally in love, and just recently re-established my relationship with bicycles. I happily ride my sub-50 pound cruiser to work up a gigantic hill. Skidding is my favorite trick. And big 180 bonelesses off of dumb shit.”
Additional web presence: www.superissimo.com, http://www.snakehawk.blogspot.com/.
North Carolina, USA

Legs
They call him “legs” because he’s got a set of pins on ’em you wouldn’t believe.
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA

Bike Punk
“Cuts, scrapes, bruises… all in a day’s riding. Then it’s off for some good german beer in a local biergarten.”
Munich, Germany

Patrick O’Grady
“Making stuff up for money since 1977. Making stuff up about cycling for money since 1989. See VeloNews and Bicycle Retailer & Industry News, found crumpled near the crapper in stylish homes and pro bike shops worldwide.”
Additional web presence: http://www.maddogmedia.com/.
Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA

Snake
Our requisite professional cyclist. Just so he can tell us we’re all fat and slow whenever he gets around to actually posting something.
Tucson, Arizona, USA

Marty
This guy wrote the book on fun. And then lit it on fire. Twice.
Phoenix, Arizona, USA

John Bon Benson
Just another bike geek.
Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

Erik B.
“I am a lawyer who handles a lot of bicycle accidents, injuries, and assaults on bicyclists in the Tucson area. If you are a cyclist and have been injured, assaulted, or are in need of some assistance in handling a bike accident, feel free to call me. Consultations are always free.”
Additional web presence: http://www.tucsonbikelawyer.com/.
Tucson, Arizona, USA

Chopper
Poet, sage, liar. Bike fag, BIKE Mag contributor and lacky who couldn’t handle the discipline required to be a real pro. Bald, slow and generally known to speak out of turn especially when under the influence. He’s got two beautiful daughters who make you question genetics and a wife who could school your ass on a bike any day of the week. Ketchum, Idaho, USA

Flodizzle
Another cyclist toiling away in graduate school.
Tucson, Arizona, USA

giantcu92
Engineer living in the NOVA, and working for “The Man”. Cycling and political junky. All things 2 wheeled are good. 4 wheels? Eh, OK, but 2 wheels better.
Washinton, DC, USA

Judi
Bicycles are my salvation. They are my way of life. If you don’t like it, then you can go straight to hell.
Additional web presence: http://spunbicycles.com

Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

little jar
5 – Learned to ride in paved alley behind liquor store in Lowell.
16 – Road bike riding alone while peers do soccer practice.
18 – First new road bike bought with winnings from Project Graduation.
20 – Burlington VT. Nuff said.
22 – Joined the Air Force.
23 – Joined team Fair Wheel in Tucson – rode the Shootout.
24 – Rode El Tour in under five.
26 – Toured to Quebec City
28 – Toured Oklahoma to Vermont
30 – Found my dream bike – a 1989 58cm LaBan (#22)
32 – Experienced Minneapolis and saw BIKE CULTURE.
34 – Building my first bicycle frame, with a self made jig.
Somewhere, USA

Pineapple
He tried to call himself, “Malibu.” But, you know the rules – you don’t get to pick your own nickname. The word “pineapple” came to mind. Sorta tropical, spikey & rough, sweet on the inside. And so, a nickname was born.
“Bike mechanic, poet, sage, former collegiate hockey star. Ok, maybe not a star.” (This should really be updated. He works for New Belguim now.) “i am full time bicycle mechanic, and all around nice guy. like to ride bikes, but not very far. like poetry, candle-light dinners, and short walks on the beach. i don’t like getting hassled, and i don’t like capitalization.”
Additional web presence (as “Juicebox”): http://www.newbelgium.com/community/blog.aspx.
Fort Collins, Colorado, USA

the sullied cycologist
“measures, daily, just how quickly we are destroying our atmosphere. thinks riding bikes might just help this problem. tapes his middle finger to the handlebar (unsuccessfully represses rage). mountainbikes in lycra. Tomac did it. he does it. he’s not Tomac.”
Missoula, Montana, USA

Brad Q.
Bikes are cool, and I’ve been making a go at this ‘industry’ thing for a while now. You may remember me from some nine years at Dirt Rag Magazine. Or not. Now I do some writing, wrenching and photography to pay the bills. And run my half of a little magazine project called Urban Velo. We love riding in the city.
http://urbanvelo.org/.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA

Pave Fiend
After several years racing domestically, I finally decided to give it a go overseas. Two years in Belgium were enough to prove to me that I was more suited to other things. But I stayed behind wheels so to speak–this time as an Assistant Director Sportif for Mercury-Viatel. Now I’m back stateside, happily married and feeling nostalgic for Northern Europe and it’s cycling traditions.
Additional web presence: http://www.pavepavepave.com/.
Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, USA

Lovedawg
Long time Arizona based road cyclist.
Additional web presence: ridecleanteam.com.
Tucson, Arizona, USA

Bush43
“Long time cyclist, skier and purveyor of all that is good in this life.”
SLC, Utah, USA

Scandinavian Jesus
There’s a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Tempe, Arizona, USA