Strava Terrorism…

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This last summer I bought into Strava to see what the whole thing was about. I ended up in 2 months putting 1100 miles of local single track on with my 29er. I was actually digging the whole deal until I blew my back out. When Cavey is injured for any great deal of time, trouble usually comes into place. So what I discovered was my Honda pit bike with 10 inch wheels can crush KOM’s around town- any hill climb, any single track and most of the downhills.

So for this next year, I am gonna be hunting down your KOM’s and crushing them on a kids bike!

she a dreamy ride
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About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

79 Replies to “Strava Terrorism…”

  1. Once you are in it you are in it, you have to go all the way to the end because you commit yourself to such a level where there is no compromise. You give everything you have absolutely everything. Sometimes you find even more because you require more if you want to stay ahead and you want to win.

  2. Cavey, I gotta say, seeing the Strava CEO flag your account was the highlight of my day. Brought a tear to my eye. We’re doing it here at Drunkcyclist. We’re really doing it!

  3. Not gonna lie. I’ve thought about having my man strava my account through segments, so I can QOM. Only because I know I’ve ridden his ass through segments when strava wasn’t on and now I can’t QOM. But then I remember the internet doesn’t matter.

  4. Hey Buddhist, I want in on that action.

    Oh, and let’s drink beers. This week. Belligerently, if possible.

  5. If I’m gonna jerk off to my computer, It is for sure not gonna be over ride stats. The winning feeling that I get from riding does not involve a computer.

    Full Throttle Caveman!

    Where da naked women folk at?

  6. Dear Strava CEO,
    Your app still turns people into Stravassholes. Competition is fine, during a race. Quit encouraging people to take it where it doesn’t belong.


    el jefe.

  7. First off Cave, nice recovery from yer last post.
    Second, fuck ya! I hope this starts a revolution. People everywhere should fuck with strava cheating anyway possible. Cars, motorbikes, horses, atv’s anything. I see Strava as the great divide in cycling. It kind of reminds me of when some of my friends got into coke after being happy weed smokers for years. It just turned them into fucksticks overnight. It was like putting up the iron curtain. As more folks i know get hooked on Strava, there are fewer folks i want to ride with. Don’t get me wrong, i like hard and fast, but i way prefer competition in the here and now. I know, if i don’t like it, i don’t have to play it. But if i find myself with a Garmin, i’m gonna rack up a bunch of KOM’s anyway i can, and i don’t think i’ll be using my bike. And i’m not gonna post it so some Fuck with nothing to do can flag my Strava profile. Let the revolution begin!

  8. Why bother when you can edit your routes (runs or rides) in any GPS software by hand, export it and then manually import into Strava?
    It’s all bullshit. I’ve done it by mistake when I forgot to turn on my watch and tben added a small bit by hand. It was quick…

  9. Dear Stravahole CEO,

    Your recent post has been flagged for inappropriate use.

    This site is for folks with a sense (warped as it may be) of humor.

    You and your worthless product can burn in the flaming abyss of hell.

    Fuck Off Dickhole.


    Your Mom

  10. Between Strava, chocolate milk commercials, and you local nightly news, I can’t tell you which is more baseless and just plain stupid.

  11. Joe…get a moto and bring it. The cross training for mountain biking is a great reason to ride a moto. The other reason is to get called a weak assed bitch by a key board juggernaut troll such as yourself.

    D2, if you are able there is a little shred leaving from CO to rip Shredona over the Turkey shopping holyday. I can even arrange a squishy bike for you. ( any old bitch can ride a squishy bike ).

    As for this week, lets try something this weekend, maybe even get two wheels involved. Did you hear Red’s are now only one years salary? So cheap eh?

  12. So. Fucking. Awesome. You guys rule.

    Dear StravaCEO: Your product is sucking the fun out of too many rides. You might know that if you actually rode bikes instead of spreadsheets.

  13. Dear Strava CEO, In an all consuming quest to break my local KOMs, I have hit rock bottom. Your product has forced me to sell off my prized basball card, pog, and porn collections to fund HGH, Testo cream for my sack, and a rusty syringe of what I was told is 99% Amgen EPO. After shaving seconds off of my ‘PR’, I recieved a text message from my boss notifying me of my immediate termination due my “casual” apperances at work and my compulsive, practice victory salutes during board meetings. My roid rage has now escalated to a boil-point of fury; my only outlet for calming my frustrations is to bust a nut in the hair of said CEO’s mother and then push her down the stairs.

  14. If you don’t like Strava, don’t use it asshole. You have a sad fucking life when you can’t live without stepping on other people’s fun. Being “Western as Fuck,” in reality, is about the time-honored ethos of ‘live and let live.’ Stepping on other people’s fun? Who’s got the ego now, you stupid shit? Was it your fapping hand that got broke? Is that why you’re so miserable?

    DC has devolved. Really fallen off. Use to be a good spot to read good stuff from friends. Now it’s just sad. I’m kind of embarrassed that I was associated. I drop by here once a month when I’m bored and it just gets worse…posters and commenters alike.

    Have fun, frat boys. You’re embarrassing yourselves in front of your old friends and riding family.

  15. What’s with all the holier than thou, sanctimonious asshats coming out of the woodwork lately?

    Jeezum Christmas, I thought this was the internet or something, not a goddamn prayer meeting…..

  16. Jeez, I’m usually the humorous one around here, but the last few days you-all have been a LAFF RIOT! I think I may have wet my pants— no wait, I just got back from riding in the rain.

  17. I have been doing this for a while. I go and beat local KOMs on my CT by a small amount, wait to they get it back n repeat. I know some of the riders but they dont know its me screwing with them, great fun baiting them this way.

  18. @32-Angry, as a matter of fact I used to ride dirt bikes back in the day, and am quite aware that one must be in pretty good shape to operate one at anywhere near its potential. Having said that, I rarely encounter such on my velocopedic perambulations. Indeed, my senses are routinely offended by the morbidly obese, piloting unmuffled Hardly-Ablesons. God, will someone please place a bounty on such as these?

    I’m pretty much quits with gas engines in general, using them only in case of dire need. Years of working on construction sites, surrounded by noisy stinky gasburners, plus living in a town populated by troglodites who expound the “Ya gotta have a truck if you’re gonna be a man” point of view will tend to do that to a fellow. Thus I seek solace astride my wheel, hearing only its tyres on the ground. There, I can find peace.

  19. “Any weakassed bitch can twist a throttle.”

    Yup, and any 5 year old can turn a pedal.

    Comparing dirtbikes to hardly-ablesons is like comparing giving someone shit to their face to giving someone shit on the internet.

  20. Thus I seek solace astride my wheel, hearing only its tyres on the ground. There, I can find peace.

    I hope we can all agree on this at least.

  21. These last two posts are pretty tame compared to all the retards Caveman is living next to in the City of Spokane Valley.

  22. @jon, I don’t agree with joe on much, but the list just reached at least three things: 1. Good whiskey 2. Good cheese 3. His last post. Gotta’ give the man his due.

  23. I’ve had some pissing contests with joe but anyone who loves “Kind Of Blue” by Miles Davis can’t be all that bad. Considered by many to be the finest jazz album of all time. i would say it’s one of the finest albums of any genre.

    And I agree with joe about bikes, motorcycles and trucks. I drive a concrete mixer. So i know all about shitty construction sites and the even shittier attitudes of the assholes who work on construction sites.

    Love that term Hardly-Ablesons.

  24. Ah, music. So four things. Truth be told, most of us would probably get along, at least in small doses, as long as politics didn’t come up.

  25. el Jefe, we’d all get along just fine- campfire, trails, bikes and shit to talk about- fuck it would be a good time. no matter who showed thru the DC tribe. I think thats why I am always laughing most of the time even when I get pinned for being a jackass- we’re just family.

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  27. I hate to burst your bubble, but there is a “Flag this Ride” button on every ride you do. This allows Strava users to remove your ride from the system as it was performed on an automobile. The “Strava Terrorism” will be self-policed by people who care about their KOM’s.

    For KOM’s that slip by in your scheme, uh, big congratulations on those. You sure showed them!

  28. I’m a lover of the violin. Always have been since seeing 1776.

    And especially if it’s played by a piece of ass as Ms Stirling is.

  29. I think it’s hilarious to mess with the Freds. Make sure to just sneak a little over the KOM time as to not get flagged… Unless the KOM was already boosted up on EPO and motor pacing.

    Also, being a bit of a hypocrite… I’m a premium user. I’m glad that motorbike aren’t allowed on the single track in my area. Even if they were venture into it, they wouldn’t go much faster than the pedal bikes.

  30. @joe

    Well….no. No one can carry Perlmans bow. That shit weighs a ton.

    But chick is not a good phrase for Lindsey. She deserves better. Not that your limited mind could ever arrive at the decency required to deal with a woman who doesn’t live in a kitchen making you ham sandwiches.

    You are and always will be an asshole.

  31. Oh right. Because here at DC we’re all about treating all women with dignity and respect. Admit it, fool. That MUZAK video wouldn’t have held your pathetic little teeny tiny attention span if there weren’t some titties in it. Now take your sorry hypocritical litle bitch ass somewhere else. We grownups are busy.

  32. And another thing, dickless-“Chick” may not be the preferred term, but I’m pretty sure that “peice of ass” is at least equally offensive. Police your own sewer, huh?

  33. OK. Ya got me there “joethedickhead”.

    I officially withdraw the phrase “piece of ass”.

    But you are still an asshole.

  34. Well of COURSE I’m an asshole, dillwad! But only out of neccessity, as when dealing with the likes of you.

    Now begone! It’s beginning to smell in here.

    “…withdraw…” Sounds like something your Daddy could have done. The world would be a better place.

    Oh, and close the door when you leave, could you? KTHXBAI

  35. KTHXBAI ???

    Talking to you is like talking to a 6 year old.

    Calling you an asshole is actually a compliment. If I said what I’m thinking Homeland Security(aka Brown Shirts) would haul me away.

    Now do the world a favor and ride yer shitty bike off a bridge.

  36. Well, I don’t smoke. Never have. And I might get bacon a couple times a month. But I do pound the 80 proof and I’m not on my bike near as much as I’d like.

    Still, my work keeps me pretty active, and at 61 I could probably ride co-workers half my age into the ground. But only because they are non-biking, chainsmoking rednecks. Who probably think bacon is one of the four food groups.

    And now I’m craving me some bacon. Fucker…

  37. To begin with Cap’n Ashole. It’s TripleT.

    And to end, no one beats anyone suicidal.

    Even death is a victory.

  38. @68— “christian mingle?” Is that one of those dating web sites where all you get is a hand job? ha! +1

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  40. I actually partied with the Strave CEO this weekend. Actually a pretty cool guy. Smokes weed too…..