Down Goes Bigworm

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Throwing it back to 2012 with some sage advice from Bigworm:

Cat and Greg invited me to dinner on Monday after the Whiskey. They said they had a gift for me since I watered their plants and since I didn’t poop anywhere in their house. I hop on my SS and cruise over to 1702 for a beer and a slice with them and Cat gives me my wonderful gift. It was a birthday gift bag with the words “thanks for not doing anything to our house” written on it. It also contained and awesome Drunk Cyclist autographed hat, a Sigg New Belgium water bottle, some DC stickers, and two great looking tallboys of Shift from New Belgium. I asked Cat how I was suppose to get this thing home since I had no back pack and she said its fine just put it on your handle bars. I said seems kinda heavy. She said its fine. Finished my beer said my goodbyes and hopped on my bike for a wonderful ride home.

Jump on the 3rd ave. bike route jamming to some and loving life on my bike. Thats when shit went south. Just as three riders are passing me my bag rips open. The first tallboy drops to the ground under my back wheel and I hit it. It sprays beers everywhere on me and the riders going past and send me into an outta control wobble. As I am fighting the bike to stay upright the motion of the out of controlled bike flings the second tallboy outta the bag straight in front of me, It hits the ground and explodes shooting beer into my face and the sky like a fountain. So now there are two beers spraying beer into the air, three bike riders looking at me like WTF, and the rest of my shit laying on the ground. Good news is I have not crashed my bike and have now managed to get it stopped so I can pick my shit up and get the fuck outta there. The other riders just look at me and ride off I yell Im sorry and ride off the other way as the last bit of beer drips from my face, helmet, and the smashed cans in the rode. As I ride the nerves off I notice my fucking back is hurting probably from twisting it in my attempts at not eating shit on the pavement. Then something even worse happens, I realize I have no beers for my ride home to make my back feel better. So the moral of the story is make sure when you house sit for someone you crap in their house or they will try and kill you with two tallboys.

*Not sponsored by Bell’s Brewery but that Two Hearted sure is tasty.

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.