How To Ruin Fat Bikes Like a Douche

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Fat Bikes are cool.

Steel frames. Heavy wheels. Going wherever the fuck you choose with a beer or nine in your  backpack.

That’s what Fatbiking’s about.


It’s kind of hilarious that a company called Hed is blowing it so hard.




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About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

60 Replies to “How To Ruin Fat Bikes Like a Douche”

  1. Seriously, this is what DC has become, this shit is lame.

    Who fucking cares if someone wants to spend a shitload of money on something they consider fun and who the fuck are you to talk shit on them?

    And yes, there is a fat bike (a Beast) in my garage, it’s a fucking toy and some people who can afford toys that are, in their eyes cool, who the fuck are you to talk shit on that?

    I wish we could go back to the days where it was pretty much just Big J, Snake and Gnome writing on here, shit like this just pollutes the history of DC.

    Go fuck yourselves.

  2. Slacker, go fuck YOURself. You don’t have to click our site. No, REALLY. Go scour some other bike site and bitch there about ‘the good old days’. No one here really gives a flying fuck about you, your fat bike or your fucking anything.

    Go to MTBR forums, go to pinkbike, go anywhere else.

    Just fucking go.

  3. Aaaand this is why I don’t read this site, because its stupid. I’m sorry I clicked the link on Facebook. DC is stupid.

  4. bikepunk, this isn’t some lame sports team. Are you on the masthead here? If not, it’s not YOUR site.

  5. oh, I forgot, you are. you’re the one who says the n-word in his ride reports like it’s cool.

  6. Freaking wussies with their growler cages… One, just drink the growler before you leave, if you can’t, tie a shoelace between your helmet strap and the thumb-hole and for God’s sake, do not put the cap on so you can drink while rolling. Two, the trailers are for pussies, (recreationally) anything more than a backpack, just beg your wife or boyfriend to meet you there. Three, 40 lb fatty’s are cool but in the bike world, everyone wants to loose pounds. It’s instinctive, like looking at every “big dick” pill advertisement in case it’s legit. Except in this case, a mid twenties Fat Bike is infinitely more achievable than a “mid-twenties” shadow of your former cock.

    The New Fat Tire Nation

  7. “Seriously, this is what DC has become, this shit is lame.”
    Says the guy commenting on a fat bike article with a $200 walmart attempt at a fat bike in the garage.

  8. Yeah, weaksauce. Ever rode a 30 lb fatbike. It’s fun as fuck, even more funner than a 45 pound fatbike. Stop telling me what to ride, and go ride your own shit. You sound like a RepubliKlan member who thinks anybody of different background doesn’t look right in your party. What makes a fatbike ‘right’ is a fat tire and the ability of the rider to crawl over crazy shit.

    I remember when this site was cool. Those times are passing quickly.

  9. The reason why he’s pissed about ultra expensive, gram saving race parts coming to fat bikes is not because he wants to exclude these people from the sport, but because people who *gasp* just want to ride and not worry about their pace or VO2 max or heart rate or how many grams their derailleur is can do that in peace. Fat bikes haven’t been tainted by the weekend warrior wannabe pro athlete douchebaggery that has trickled down from road riding to XC and even AM riding. I am so sick of seeing people almost run off the trail by some lycra lizard that looks like he is rolling billboard (who paid good money for the privilege of being a schill btw) staring at his heart rate monitor. Fat bikes were a way to tell these people to shut the fuck up and chill, that message is lost when you are rolling by on carbon fiber wheels.

  10. “made for insecure people who don’t have a life, designed to create a false image of being adventurous and rugged. will never be used for any purpose off the road”

    ud def of hummer, synonymous with fat bike!

  11. “Fat bikes were a way to tell these people to shut the fuck up and chill, that message is lost when you are rolling by on carbon fiber wheels.”

    That’s what fat bikes were to you.

    Fat bikes, to me, were a way to get outside when I was having cabin fever.

    The trickle down of expensive materials and fancy kit was inevitable, and happens with *everything* that becomes popular. There’s nothing you can do.

    Funny that my first buddy to actually buy a pair of these HED rims did so ASAP and has been riding his Fatback hard for a few years now.

    If there were real truth to the essence of the original post here, you’d sell your Pugsley and buy a Walgoose – and run it STOCK.

    Not impressed.

    Know who else I’m unimpressed by? Guys who buy a fattie, and then don’t ride it when things get cold outside. I think it is lame. But you know, they aren’t ruining fat bikes either, because their bike will be up on craigslist for a good deal in no time.

  12. If money was not object why wouldn’t someone use these? Yeah they may not be as durable as a aluminum rim, but why not?

    Anyone that has picked up a carbon Beargrease with xx1 has thought to themselves, “wow this would be fun to ride”.

    Riding a light bike is fun and if spending $2000 on some wheels for a fat bike is no problem for someone and while doing so makes the experience more fun, then what’s to lose besides jealous looks from other riders.

  13. I used to drop by here for the porn and hilarious conversations…I now drop by once in a while hoping that some of that hilarity has returned. Thanks for making day with this lunacy.

  14. I too like turtles, and Mr. Graham makes eminent sense, but for god’s sake people, keep your eye on the ball.

    Vehicle dynamics. The primary failing of fat bikes is the large amount of unsprung, rolling weight in the wheels and tars. A fat bile with lighter wheels is a funner fat bike. Get some! Rubber side down, brothers and sisters.

    PS— I’ll be out riding today, tomorrow and Thursday, then skiing all weekend. I just wish everyone had as much fun as me. C’mon out, I’ll buy the first round.

  15. I have a carbon fiber ball sack and it’s way more fun than the heavy old ball sack I had before.

  16. Cash is trash, if you’ve got a little extra laying around- toss it in exchange for something that makes you happy. If not, don’t waste time trying to pick it up, just go do whatever made you happy in the first place.

  17. I love you guys.

    I’m actually surprised about these comments, but perhaps not for the reasons you may think. I’m going to write another post soon about it. Stay tuned…

  18. The bike industry wants to sell more stuff. Bike nerds want more stuff. I can see both sides of this. Nobody wants their scene taken over by change (for the worse? Depends) and the folks who come in with the change think it’s improvement.

    It’s the same thing that happened with single speeds. So…don’t sweat it. Ride what you like, but ride. Change can’t take the fun out of your bike, however it is set up. I’m a keep riding my NeckRomancer, with the anyhubcapability 135mm off set and not worry about the racey carbon newness.

    …$700 a rim is a bitter pill.

  19. douches douche, and chillers chill.

    I don’t give a fuck what people do with their money, but know this: my beer-laden steel fatbike isn’t very agile. Anybody trying for a KOM in the winter with their carbon fat rides best not expect me to get out of their way. all that fancy & expensive tech should allow them to easily go around….and leave me to enjoy my ride in peace and beer….or whiskey.

  20. Very sorry I clicked on that FB link. This site used to be funny and cool. Seems like a bunch on angry douches now. Does D2 stand for Douche Too? Lame site. Lame content.

  21. DC is (and has always been) a bunch of fucks who like to act tough and talk shit about cycling. They’re not bike lovers or enthusiasts, there cycling haters.

    Eat shit DC.

  22. As much as I agree with Dr. Lazy about the majority of the current crop of DC writers I think the folks I mentioned above were all straight shooters, the current crew just isn’t the same as the original, DC has lost it’s luster as well as it’s balls.

  23. Riding bikes, any bike, is cool. Carbon, rusty ass steel, 22 speeds, it is all the same.

    If you ride a bike I am down with you. I may not want to ride with you, I may not want to get wasted with you, but you are a part of my tribe and I will not openly attack you. We are all in this two wheeled battle together.

    “Douche” is definitely an appropriate title for this crap.

    Time to roll out

  24. D2 is gay. What a fucking spore.

    But truth is, when you treat a fat bike like a road bike, you missed something. Look at those grizzled out, bearded fucks at Surly who…STARTED fatbikes. They were built to be weird. They were built to be heavy. They were built to be fun. Did they build the Pug out of anything better than the best 4130 pipe steel? Hell no. Is a 25 carbon fatbike fun? You bet your ass. But what bike isn’t (tri bikes excluded)? Ride what you want to ride, true. But carbon rims on a fatbike is like putting lipstick on D2’s mom. Fun to ride but still really ugly.

  25. I must say that DC posts like this are fucken disappointing and are becoming way to frequent..when the fuck did DC turn into a blog of staff writers that are such haters…seriously,WTF – this is website is not what it used to be. I don’t care what some of you may say but DC used to’s now a bunch of angry pricks preaching and hating..

  26. Just when did DC become the fucking snob of the bike world ? Who the fuck cares if it’s steel, carbon, bamboo or petrified shit. If it gets the dude or chick on any bike to fucking ride what the hell difference does it make D2 ? What a narrow minded Fucktard !

  27. @OMC: I’m going to explain exactly why you should care if it’s steel, carbon, bamboo, or petrified shit. Keep your eyes open for my next post.

  28. I laughed really hard at “because dentists blah blah go fuck yourselves”.

    It’s probably because I have a sense of humor.

    Or maybe because I’m half drunk on an icy rainy boring night.

    I’ve only been checking this site for like 10 years.

    Wish I’d started sooner, the angry people say it was cooler back in the day.

  29. Well boys,

    I got a 4-X bike that has been waiting 5 years for 3 inch, high-volume, lightweight tires. Thanks Phat bikes. As far as phat carbon rim wheels, WTF if the client pays for it, I’ll put them on a bike. And I would bet there are at least ten riders in the world that really NEED something like that.

    As far as DC goes, it was a blow struck close to my heart when DC eschewed porn. And the current trend to bike/woman cheesecake is no substitute.



  30. You know, carbon is a shit-ton more amenable to field repair than steel or alloy is.

    put a crack in some carbon, you can patch that up enough to limp in with a square of carbon cloth and the right epoxy. put a crack in an aluminum part and, welp, I hope the bumfucknowheresville hardware store has a QBP account.

  31. Geeze, you guys really got bent out of shape over 55 words and a shitty meme.
    Porn is still around, you just have to go here:
    A work around so that you dipshits can still open this page at work and on public networks. The amount of places DC is still blocked, 5 years after ditching porn, is astounding.
    The way it was, the way we were, how we are now… such a tired debate.
    I live this site day in and day out. Dedicated to the core, trying to make some sense out of this bazar industry and scenesterism we call bikes. All while trying to live my own dreams and adventures. We like to call bullshit on things that are funny. We show you things that are going on (albeit with a little bias) and y’all take it from there. If you are all rad enough to click here, that probably means you are rad enough to have a beer with and I’ll buy the first round. If you can’t lighten up enough to be amused by a little shit talking, then by all means, live up to your threats and never come back . DC isn’t the way it was, Big Jonny’s style weighs a ton. But we are trying to carry on the torch the best we can so that DC doesn’t just disappear from the web.
    If you need to stroke your hardon for the past, remember that there is always the archives
    go nuts.
    We are gonna keep moving forward the only way we know how…fueled by booze and pedaling

  32. As someone who has been experimenting with snow bikes for years i think its wonderful to have. more choices in fat bike gear

    I would also like to point out that snow DOES NOT stick to carbon like it does to steel and aluminum which is actually a factor for someone that actually rides in the snow.

    This article was lame boys, get it together….

  33. Dear Pussies,

    The amount and content of the comments that this post has received is exactly why DC remains relevant. I’d like to put a Fat Bike in my quiver of bicycles and would have carbon wheels if I could afford them on any of my bikes. I don’t ride any of them near enough because of my job. I also wear a leotard when I ride mountain bikes because it’s more comfortable and suppose that makes me slightly geh. I can drink my weight in beer so the spandex makes me look fat but it is comfortable. If that shit makes me a douche then so be it as I’m a big fan of vag as well. I was born to go in vagina ….just like a douche.

  34. What’s interesting is the pure ignorance of fatbike history on display in these comments.

    The bikes were both a creation of practicality and racing. Not for the “hey look at me, I can ride a normal bike, but I decided to ride a bike with huge wheels so everybody can give a shit about what I’m doing” crowd. Of course, there are people that ride the bike for the pure fun of it so not everybody is into douche-braggery, but I’ve seen a lot of it unfortunately.

    Go ride this and then I might just give a fuck about your opinion:
    Carbon wheels (if they work) may actually serve a purpose)

  35. The “keep it the way it was” mantra just doesn’t hold up, either with DC or whatever bike part you’ve got a problem with. Shits going to change and progress whether you like it or not, quit whining like crotchety old dudes about things getting better or different. You can make the same argument for any innovation ever: ah jeez, these new fat tires are for fags who can’t hold their line on 2.4’s! Grow up brah and remember those dentist fucktards on plastic bikes keep the industry afloat and bike shops open.

  36. My first reaction to D2s post was…who it that MFer to think the Carbon and Fat don’t mix especially since I had test ridden a Salsa Beargrease (slicker than shit btw) earlier in the day…but as I have pondered it, I realized that in the grand scheme I appreciate the perspective and realize that it is a funny paradox to spend so much on a bike where weight ultimately doesn’t matter much. I probably won’t ever own a Carbon Fat Bike, but I’m glad that they are being made. Shows that the niche is becoming more legit and if getting on carbon makes it more fun for you….do it – just expect the rest of us to laugh at you like we would at a fat dude in spandex!

  37. BP,

    If you and your buddies can’t deal with criticism then get off the podium.

    What’s the point of telling me (someone who’s probably been checking the site daily longer then you have) to take off?

    Your shits weak.

  38. Really? Gonna hate on a site for publishing what they want? This is ‘Merica you limp dicks. This is also the interwebs so there are plenty of places you can go if you only can stand to read things that are agreeable to you. In fact you can sell the sand in your pussy for sandbag material and start your own website and publish what ever the fuck you want-just like the assfaces at DC did. I love to read DC and since I am an adult that can mostly handle his booze, feel more than free to disagree, and I don’t have to call them out when I do, I just click to another page or goggle up on the hot ass chicks they got on here. So DC- you are wrong on this, the haters are prick faces and I like to look at boobs. Solution? I give no fucks about your story, and I go look at titties before I ride my bike. Cheers! Oh wait I forgot my solution about the prick faces…yeah, I forgot.

  39. I build bike wheels every day. In fact, that is the only thing that my company does is build wheels for bicycles. I use a lot of different companies shit to build my wheels, but the one thing that I refuse to use is anything with the word carbon attached to it. I have been riding since 1977, yes I am as old as Fuck. I left road racing because of the douche bags of the day ruined it for me. I found mountain bikes fell in love and have been happy until a few years ago when a new generation of douche bags fucked up mountain biking, come to think of it some of those pricks are sounding off here. I saw the trend going towards fat biking and followed it, a lot of fun, new challenges snow or sand or trails. Now I seen the douche baggers are going to fuck this up too. I understand why some of us don’t want to see carbon wheels in fat biking, it’s not the rims it’s the acknowledgement that soon another side of cycling will be over run. So a lot of you on here need to fuck off, you have ruined the sport, shouldn’t you be at Wal-Mart beating old women for a $100.00 Big Screen TV, Pussies…….

  40. The comments on this post are the usual cluster-fuck that I love about this site.

    Those wheels are the Ferraies(and yes I know spelled that wrong but I’m too drunk to look it up) of the world. Since the dawn of time people with more money than brains or honor have and always will go for the bling.

    Get over it.

    I need more beer. ‘Merica !!!!!!!!

  41. PS. Being the Turtle God that I am, I obviously love them too.

    Except for Bob. Bob’s an asshole.

  42. Thanks DC,
    You just reminded me that I need to see my dentist. My teeth are turning yellow and a piece of my gum is trying to fall out. I’ll ride my Pugsley if it’s not too cold out. Piece out.

  43. Bla bla bla bleebidy blee. Y’all just talking to hear the noise. If someone gave me a pair of carbon romzos i’d run the shit out of ’em.

  44. a couple of you twat waffles should really point your mouse elsewhere and just go away. I have had the pleasure to meet a few of the DC crew at SSUSA and they were top notch guys and gals. So they throw a little different opinion your way and this is your reaction? Like Amanda Bone stated, dig all of that sand out of your pussies and HTFU. Slacker? JV? Get out ride your bike and shut the fuck up.

  45. I totally agree- but Hed is a Minnesota company if anything it’s their employees who just want to make it cuz they can (and I think that’s in the spirit of fatbikes). Hed doesn’t expect to make money from this. but yea anyone who buys one is an idiot and should instead put skinny tires on their fatbike.

  46. We should be happy people always want more and better. Where would we be if those guys didn’t start cutting rims adding triple cranks to fat tire bikes or those Iditarod guys didn’t start welding two rims together for more float. Full suspension disc brakes different wheel size it’s all good