I rode my Surly Steamroller to work yesterday for the first time since I started at the shop. I figured it was about damn time. The ride to work was cool, ‘cept for some crazy lady who passed me while we were both turning left at a traffic light. Go figure. (I wrote about it in the comment section of this post)
On they way home, I turned into an alley an rode over a storm water grate I’ve crossed, literally, a hundred times in my life. Looks simple enough, doesn’t it?
It has been raining, and I took it easy on the corner into the alley. My rear wheel got completely buried in the right side of the grate.
It sank to the hub and got jammed up on those cross members. Stopped me dead. I had to pull the grate halfway out to get my bike out of that fucking hole. When I put the grate back, I tried to re-center it as best I could. There was a big enough slot there when my stupid ass turned into the alley that a road wheel fit right in.
That thing is way dangerous.
Take a look at what happened to my wheel:
It’s done. Stick a fork in that one.
And you think that’s fucked? I hit the goddamn stem so hard you wouldn’t believe it. I just stood there for a minute, as my bike was stuck in the grate, and thought, damn that hurt. I got my bike out of the hole and walked back across the street to the shop I just left, dragging my bike with me. I went in, walked into the bathroom and unzipped my pants.
I saw blood.
I walked out the bathroom and went straight for a beer. I drank an ice cold PBR and thought about what was going on in my pants. I hadn’t yet looked inside my shorts. The view from outside was enough.
All I knew is that it hurt real fucking bad.
Big Gay Randy took a look at me and said, “You all right dude?”
I guess I looked the part. I went back in to inspect the boys.
I was bleeding from three abrasions on my nuts and thigh. I gave the boys a quick palpation, rolling ’em in my fingers while I bit down hard and tasted metal in the back of my throat.
Oh, good times.
I had to make sure they were still whole and nothing was leaking out anywhere. It sucked. It totally sucked.
Then I drank two more beers and had a shot of whiskey.
My wife came and picked me up as my bike was fucked and I wasn’t looking to throw my leg over much of anything else and pedal my happy ass anywhere.
This next photo is so fucked, I don’t even know if I want to post it. Fuck it. I gotta post it. This is drunkcyclist. Posting stupid shit is what we do.
Yep. That what my ball(s) look like. Shit is real.
I might send that one out on my Christmas cards this year. Destined to be a classic.
I’m calling out the City of Flagstaff to fix their fucking storm drain grate before someone buries a front wheel in that death trap and gets killed. I’m serious. That thing hurt me. And I’m a big solid guy. What happens when some kid stuffs it up and goes over the bars into traffic? You want that to happen on your watch?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Fix it. Fix it now.by