The fat boy ridth

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I got out today for an hour and a half. That would be the first ride of any consequence I’ve been on in four weeks (I wore actual lycra & brought food with me). To say I need more of that in my life would be, well, obvious. Tubs ‘o fun needs saddle time.

If you have a trail near you that is just mind-numbingly easy to ride, nontechnical to the degree of understatement, and simply a bit on the boring end of big-ring-flyer, try it on a single speed cross bike. Ripples that wouldn’t even generate the slightest concern are now paramount issues threatening your well being, your collarbone(s), and your dental plan. Small dips and barely off-camber turns are best taken while white-knuckling the drops. It will make you young again.

Wow. That was fun.

So, I busted that one out and spent the balance of my day pretty much staring at footall with short breaks to mess about with the Christmas lights. Then we (read: my wife) put together some green chile chicken enchiladas. Awesome. Simply awesome.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

43 Replies to “The fat boy ridth”

  1. Since you have a SSCX laying around, go race the thing. If you’re out of shape, get lapped and come in last…. so what.

  2. Ha! Minus the enchiladas, and plus gears, I had the exact same day. Although what the Bears did today can hardly be construed as football…

  3. …okay…we got the new jerseys last year…

    …now, a few drunkcyclist folks & i’m definitely one of ’em, need dc bibshorts that say “wide load” across the backside…

  4. Wore my DC jersey at Taupo & it caused a sensation.

    Numerous comments about “like your top”, pulled into one of the water stations to be greeted with “we don’t have any Vodka here, only water, damn it”

    The best was at the end walking back to the unit & being stopped by several hotties to have a photo taken with them.

    Sadly, at my stage in life, when I see ladies like that I get a lump in my throat instead of my shorts.

    Definately need a pair of them “wide load” shorts.

  5. Did you notice how your legs felt like some kind of mashed potatoes while you were riding? Cold . . . mashed potatoes . . . left out in the sink overnight . . . wrapped in spandex of course.

  6. @09-A true drunkcyclist carries his own damned booze, and on every ride, dagnabbit.

  7. Sorry,

    comment at #18 currently makes no sense because my comment to Sparky just prior to it is “awaiting moderation”

    Obviously the list Gods have decreed that Sparky is a delicate little petal & needs to be protected :)

  8. @ Hurben, sorry ’bout that. I saw your comment above, logged in to check on the backend, found it lingering about all by itself in the “pending” comment category/file/purgatory. It is posted now. Must have been the number of hyperlinks you used. I guess three is the new pending.

  9. @19-The day you grow the balls to come and find me, we’ll see who’s a “delicate little petal”.

  10. Are we talking straight winner, last man standing type of bet? Or, are we going to have some action here? I hope they do it on bikes.

  11. Awesome Joe,

    A sensitive & reasoned yet manly response!

    I expected no less from a fellow turtle pirate.

  12. okay wait… yesterday Joe was all, I’ll hang with the girls and make daisy necklaces during recess instead of getting all competitive and analytical on a bike ride. Today, he’s ready to throw punches. Maybe dude needs his meds titrated a little more closely.


  13. Guys,

    If Sparky & myself ever get together the only thing that will get thrown is shit loads of beer down our throats.

  14. I am the DC Turtle God.

    I proclaim this matter over.

    I also proclaim I need to take my garbage out.


  15. …We’re gonna have a TV party tonight


    We’re gonna have a TV party all right


    or something…

  16. 2 men go in. Both come out raising glasses.

    What the fuck kinda deal is this ??

    I sort of feel gyped.

    But only sort of.

    A can of Coor’s Light ok to raise ?

  17. It’s what I drink when I’m a drinking.

    I can raise a can of that or my middle finger.

    Your choice.

  18. People,

    I’m out of here for 5 days, I’m off to try to mend bridges with my family in Australia.

    Take care, at the end of the day, we’re on the same side, we all ride bicycles.

  19. Hurben’s gone for 5 days ??

    I have to talk to Sparky alone ??

    Oh the horror. The horror.

  20. How CXable are the trails at McDowell Mountain? Will be headed that way for the holidays, and bringing the road bike for sure to try to get in some miles (since I haven’t ridden since September 25); but was thinking about bringing the CX bike as well for some desert riding.