Ride Report

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On in from our South of the Border Drunkcyclist Correspondent, Pistol Pete.

From: Pistol Pete
Subject: Re: Touring Mex
I am living with a soopersmall tent, a bathing suit and a fixed gear. I use a candle for heating coffewater in the morning and eat fruit and smoke dope. Every day right now is FILLED with adventure. I am living near a VERY friendly small town in southern Jalisco with a major biosphere reserve across the highway from the local village. Sometimes the trail I use to get to town is blocked by a group of ENORMOUS crocodiles that force me to backtrack and use to beach to get by. Every bitchin bird you ever heard about has a Winter headquarters around here and if you head up into the local hills you will find large cat tracks in the dust of the road. Every ride takes me to some new wonder and all the trails seem to have all kinds of animal tracks. I’ve seen where REALLY BIG snakes cross to get to water, but not the snakes themselves (yet!).Getting up into the local hills sometimes is a bit of a sweat though. Holy Shit the grades can be a pull! Some sections I have to walk up AND down, but a fixie sure seems to lock up on the climbs.

I’m pushin’ like 52 inches right now with my Surly Dingle. I would be fucked without a low gear option. The Steamroller is a gem. It handles to climbs like a champ and the descents are manageable. I keep loosening chainring bolts though, must be the over torque of climbin’? One of my bros sold his Steamroller, said it was too “stiff”. Well, shit, they are stiff, but just let a few pounds out of the ol’ 38s and it smoothes right out. The “FFF” technology must mean Fatties Fit Fair on the ol’ Roller. My thirtyeights rub the seat tube which cuts down on the amount of available dropout. Gotta carry a spare link to use the Dingle…sigh.

There is a kinda nearby beach that requires a three mile climb (yeah, and decent) on a cobbled road that could loosen teeth. It leads to a Gilligan’s Island type lagoon of unbelievable beauty. Oh, yeah, the humidity is UP! Holy Moroni, I come back from these all day trips smelling like a science project. I’m hungry, thirsty and SWEATY! Fortunately I’m camped right on the beach, so a quick jump in and I’m mildly less offensive. Most nights there is a taco stand open for those who swing that way, and the local produce is GREAT!

Unfortunately I’m at war with a local bitch, just had her puppies. She HATES the sight of me! Got my shirt one time and my hand another. She’s a sneaky one too, comes circling around behind without barking and attacks. I’ve spoken with her owner who tells me he won’t tie her up but that I should clobber her with a stick “so she learns her lesson”. Problem is she’s fast! I’ve got her twice with thrown stones, but now she just hates me more. DogWars! It would be funny if it weren’t me…

So, anyhow, I’m down here for a few more weeks. I might move on to Oaxaca or mosey North to some old stomping ground from the old days…who knows? I hope you are all snug and pleasantly occupied,
Yer Uncle,

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

7 Replies to “Ride Report”

  1. …well hell, pistol, somebody’s gotta do it & it sounds like yer the man…

    …that bitch may be a handful but better n’ a bitch in an suv, on her cellphone, runnin’ ya down in the bike lane…

    …don’t get eaten by any large crocs, wild cats, huge snakes or whatever else yer sharin’ jungle space with…

  2. when i first glaced at this i thought it might be a ride report from jonny actually riding his bike
    never mind.

    keep those updates coming pistol!
    we will drink some cold ones this summer in the sierra when you get back

  3. Thanks for the reports Pistol. Gives me good thoughts from the dark, cold, wet (and occasionally frozen) Northwest. Cant even think of the last time I rode in shorts enjoying warm weather. Keep it up.