If it squeeks lube it, if it rolls ride it…

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There are things in each of our lives that make us giddy to jump out of bed in the morning and take on the world with a cheek to cheek smile. Things that provide pure joy no matter the circumstance. Never mind the throbbing hangover, you relationship problems, or your dead end job. These afflictions are meaningless and stand no chance in cutting you out of the activity you love most. For some, this feeling of ecstasy comes from a big fat IPA, for others, the act of pedaling and exploring a new route. For the more eccentric, just acting on your own whim brings an overwhelming sense of fulfillment. For me, there are two distinct things that make me feel like the king of hell, baking cupcakes and lubing bike chains.

It’s funny because before I knew how to make amazing cupcakes, I had no idea how to make amazing cupcakes. So I did what most of us do when we don’t know how to do something, went to the internet and watched a video. Betty Crocker videos not only provide quality instruction for building the perfect Princess Doll Birthday Cake, but the instructors are always a boon to the peepers.

Going along those lines, there are wet lubes, dry lubes, race lubes and big boobs, it’s complicated work, and so, I took to the digital universe to get instruction on how to get my chain all greasy before my next huge six-miler to work…here’s what I found:

Gnar Lube is one of the top porn producers in the United States, and they happen to make lube too (for your chain). Actually, I got that backwards, they make great lubes, and happen to be very talented adult film producers. Either way, I’m here to tell you that our amigos at this San Diego based company have things going on in more ways than one. The wet works with the wet and the dry works with the dry. I just got my first order of the stuff last week and when I opened the box, it smelled of magical vanilla lotion potion. Tell me the last time you got a package smelling that tantalizing.

Something else, Gnar partnered with the one and only John Slawta’s Land Shark to form Gnarshark which are “guaranteed to be gnar.” Shit, I’d thrown down for anything with that pitch! Slawta has become known for building some pretty slick rides, a few of which made it into the ’88 Giro. Andy Hampsten rode one, and Andy Hampsten was a baller. The man happens to be a hell of an artist too. I need to hook this dude up with some cupcakes. Cheers John.

In other news, if you aren’t on our facebook page yet, hop on over there because we’ll be running a weekly contest for those of you weekend warriors that like to get silly drunk and ride your bike. It goes something like this: Share what you are doing, or what you did over the weekend that makes you the biggest drunkcyclist for a chance to win amazing things. Winner will be chosen Sunday night. Submissions will be accepted until then to account for spontaneous, unforeseen drunkcyclist behavior.

With that said, I want to shout out to the first ever winner of this contest. Glen is a drunkcyclist from the southern hemisphere and had the most drunkcyclist weekend of us all. Way to go Glen, you rock. Glen was one of the five people that completed The 14th annual – 12 Pints (beer) in 12 Pubs in 12 Hours ride.

Here’s his race report: “Followed through with it. Ended up with only 5 left (out of 31 starters) at the end. Still feel sick and think the beer is trying to escape through the pores in my skin. Was a VERY slow ride to work this morning. All up had a great night.”

Cheers Glen!


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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

14 Replies to “If it squeeks lube it, if it rolls ride it…”

  1. damn a few decades of wrenching and I have been lubing wrong the whole damn time!

    i always forgot the hot chicks in undies…..

    thanks for steering me in the right direction. boing

  2. …can we get a fucking re-edit on that damn vid…

    …jeezus h krist…that shit is jumpin’ around like a (insert good analogy here) & with that much delicious pulchritude performing some good ol’ fashioned bike maintenance, i need a little time to choose my next mechanic…

  3. That might be the lamest commercial video I have ever seen. Does any shot last more than 0.5 seconds? And the chicks are kinda fug, tbh. Apparently the GnarLube race team drives around a big ol’ Euro pro team bus to local races, which is a pretty shameful shenanigan for an amateur race team, esp a Master’s one at that.

    Is the lube any good? Nothing about this has convinced me to buy it. In fact, the opposite.

  4. Ya, ya, sex sells, however, with those bright colors and all the fun, how could you NOT enjoy this? The jerseys are sick!

  5. Okay, I was gonna stay out of this, but that young lady got icky grease all over her shirt and should be spanked.

  6. …mikey…i agree & i realize that task should fall to someone mature enough to be responsible & yet unencumbered by family in case the young lady has other discipline issues that need to be addressed…

    ..i AM willing to take one for the team & handle the problem…