The Riddle

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If you’re a DC Facebook fan, you may have seen the question of the day today. For those of you who aren’t savvy enough with the Interwebz to figgur out the Bookface, here it is:

Q: What’s really expensive, about 400mm long, and sounds like a thousand crunchy tacos? Winner gets D2’s undying respect.

Ha! Like D2’s undying respect is worth a goddamn.

Anyway, here’s the answer to the riddler:

It's amazing more of this is not lodged up my ass...
It's amazing more of this is not lodged up my ass...

Still don’t know what it is? Here’s a better angle.

She's jagged...and the other half is still stuck in my frame.
She's jagged...and the other half is still stuck in my frame.

If you don’t know what this is by now, you might be retarded. Go back and check your eighth grade report card.

Here’s the glory shot.

FSA: Full Speed Ahead...Up Your Ass.
FSA: Full Speed Ahead...Up Your Ass.

So, to recap: the sound an FSA carbon seatpost makes when it crumbles beneath you sounds similar to the smashing of about fifty hardshell tacos. This happened at Palmer Park in Colorado Springs. I was going uphill. Weird.

You’ll notice it broke clean at the seatpost clamp. This is usually a case of the seatpost clamp being overtightened. As a mechanic, I would not let that happen, especially on my own bike. Yep, used a torque wrench on this puppy. Still broke.

To be honest, though, I don’t blame FSA. I blame Gunnar. I’ve had some bad customer service experiences with Gunnar, so I no longer recommend these frames to anyone, as nice as they are. They were condescending and completely unhelpful when I contacted them about the seatpost/seat tube issues I was having, and to clue you in, this is the sixth—that’s right, motherfucking 6th—seatpost I’ve been through since I bought this frame in late 2008. I won’t bore you with the details, but Gunnar’s got a lot of ass kissing to do if they want to get back on my good side.

As an aside, the rest of this lovely post is lodged in my seat tube. It wasn’t coming up, so it got pushed down where it will live permanently. Thanks, Gunnar, for a fine product. Now I can’t sell the frame, nor do I really want to use it anymore. Too bad. You used to make such good products.

That being said, I’m on the lookout for a nice 29er full suspension. What’s out there, world?

In closing, I give you Prince, reminding you why Prince is fucking badass. If you don’t think so, I’ve got a nice seatpost to sell you…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_2tSGxGnJQ&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

Stick around for the solo. It’ll get yer giggles.

About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

195 Replies to “The Riddle”

  2. @Mikey,

    No it wasn’t funny, that’s the worst shit that I’ve seen in years, worse than Coke/Pepsi ads.

    If I didn’t hold the Foo Fighters in such high esteem after ChristChurch, more so now after seeing

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e5hRLbCaCs ,

    their CDs would be being used as bird scarers in my vegetable garden.

  3. …not fair to pick on the foo fighters for that ‘footos – big me’ parody…

    …that was during their “gay period” (not that there’s anything…well, you know the drill…) but they’re over that now…

  4. HiYa BGW,

    As I’ve said to my daughter many times..

    Life isn’t fair, Life just is.

    You deal with the hand that you’ve been given, the test of character is how you do it.

  12. You owe me three minutes and thirty-six seconds. If I have to go to a collection agency I fucking will.

  17. Far out ThreeFs.

    Cool dude,

    I posted a response to BGW but it tells me that it’s ‘awaiting moderation’

    I’m being hassled by the Man, man!

    Holy Shit!, Nam flashbacks, (Namibia & that’s genuine), Jesus Christ, the walls are melting!!

    We were so fucking stupid.

  22. …sorry, bud…war horse, budgie & curved air didn’t work for me but i keep going back to ‘spooky tooth’ on u-tube & realizing that every one of those old favorites from the 1969 album stood the test of time, so i swung by the local alternative music store & ordered the cd re-release of spooky two’ for the car…

    …gonna fit right in next to the led zeppelin…

    *******************************************************************************

    …& i’ll say that i’ve had objections to & in my own way, protested every war we’ve been in since viet nam…but when i saw first hand what that war did to so many men’s souls & the way they were disregarded by the government that sent them there in the first place, i’ve always since welcomed veterans home…

    …so don’t be such a self righteous motherfucker, joe…it’s not always so black & white…
    …signed, bgw, definitely from left of center…

  25. …sounds like your favorite mixed drink should be called a ‘weak sauce’…

    …drugs ???…i haven’t smoked since mid june, 1985…as far as anything else ???…well now, i was too much of a natural athlete to bother…

  26. “I had my first experience of combat in 1973 when I was 17 years old, every year there after until I bailed in 1987.”

    Damn.

    You’re in NZ now but South Africa just popped in my head. Rhodesian war ?

    And the older you get the younger they look. That’s why I stopped buying Playboy 7-8 years ago. I started to feel like a perv.

  27. joe,
    The legend of the spit-upon soldiers has grown to epic proportions, thanks mostly to the movie Rambo/First Blood. Almost none of accounts are verifiable, and generally happened to a friend or friend-of-a-friend or cousin. There’s generally at least one or two degrees of separation between the teller of the story and the purported victim. Not saying it never happened, but it’s been blow into mythical proportions. I’m also not saying that returning soldiers were treated with the respect and deference they should have been.

    What is verifiable? People at the last Republican debate booing an ACTIVE DUTY MEMBER OF THE MILITARY BECAUSE HE’S GAY. You’ve been pretty upstanding on the topic of not treating gays any differently than anyone else, and I respect you for that. I want to see you apply your outrage equally. Unless you do, you’re just a hypocritical ass, who thinks It’s O.k If You’re a Republican.

  29. Bad as the cheering was, the booing of a gay service man made me ashamed to claim allegiance to any political group of whatever stripe.

  30. Good on you, Joe, (seriously).

    We’ll have you wearing a tie dyed t-shirt & a peace sign before you know it, (not seriously).

    Oh yeah, by the way, save the whales.

  33. @joe, Thank you.

    @Triple, That was just the last straw. Cheering putting people to death, cheering letting people die because they lack health insurance, booing an active duty serviceman… I cringe to think what’s next. Fuck a bunch of tea-hadists. If anyone needs me I’ll be spending tomorrow helping some friends who lost everything in the Bastrop fires.

    Oh, and you want old school punk? X. ’nuff said. Finding them changed my life as a music fan.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKOikcMpcOg

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgsyFYM3PPU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uxSm1vJ0jc

    keep the rubber side down, friends.

  34. Ahh yes, The Clash “the only band that matters” as their record label arrogantly proclaimed. At the time, it was true. They were the first punk band to blend Black music (jamaican, R&B) with their angry white boy punk rock.

    Saw The Clash in Boston centuries ago backed by The Undertones (Irish punk-pop) and Sam and Dave (American R&B) on the same bill. The white punks of Boston didn’t know what to make of Sam and Dave. But Sam and Dave had the last laugh, cracking on the honkies.

    This ain’t no typical punk rock

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwm8fT3llP0

    they weren’t naive about the reality of black/white clash as the line
    “I went to the place where every white face was an invitation to robbery” (Jamaica)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhsuxUdX6WM

    Not that anyone cares except you and me Hurben, you turtle pirate.

    Cheers, mate!

  38. …i got to see so many of the awesome ’60’s artists & bands when they came through sf their first time…hendrix, led zeppelin, the who, rod stewart with jeff beck, procol harum, moody blues plus the local bands, jefferson airplane, big brother, the dead, quicksilver, santana, tower of power & they were all mesmerizing, over & over again…

    …on a thursday night, feb. 9th, 1979, at the old geary temple, a former synagogue next to the original fillmore auditorium, i saw one of the greatest rock phenomena ever…it wasn’t a rock n’ roll show, it was a fucking rock phenomena…

    …***the clash*** had come to san francisco & it was like joe strummer & his mates hung from a church spire & screamed into the damp, dark night…“we are here, oh you holy city of rock n’ roll, we are here, san fran-fucking-cisco…you are a mecca, you have a reputation & we WANT to play for you, we WILL play for you & WE-WILL-PLAY-THE-BEST FUCKING ROCK & ROLL WE’VE EVER PLAYED !!!”…& fuck me, six ways ’til sunday, WOW, how they played…

    …a bit a’ showmanship here & there, sure…but short, solid, hard-driven numbers, over & over…my god, they were good…

    …i witnessed something special that night cuz they were at their hungriest…

  39. Punk’s not dead. It just gets up at a more reasonable hour.

    Punk’s not dead. It’s resting.

  40. Having one of those melancholy days.

    Couldn’t listen to the Clash right now if I wanted too. But they did rock the house indeed.

    Fuck the whales. Save the turtles.

  41. Yehuda Moon is shut down ?

    Great. Now I’m really depressed.

    Heading to the local Fireman’s Parade. I can hear the bag-pipes off in the distance already. I love me a parade. Maybe that will cheer me up.

  44. Any serious Clash fan should make an effort to see _The_Future_Is_Unwritten_, the more or less official biography of Joe Strummer. Dude was brilliant and driven. Also his last two records with the Mescaleros are really good.