Imagine you need to change the cable on your dream honey road bike, the one you adore, and you come across this:
Pictured here is a Campagnolo 8 speed shifter, with a badly stuck, misshapen cable end, cut to the quick, mentioned in an earlier post and since, my sweet baby has been sitting apart, the triple crank canned for the Landshark. I had visited Montlake Bicycles, my favorite shop in Seattle, and they said they could do it. I was very, very skeptical. There was no place to grab the broken off piece, and I had tried, when the cable was still on it, to push the thing through while winding the cable mega-tight. Didn’t work – it was as though I had used lock-tite on it, which I would not do. This challenge makes removing a stuck seat post suddenly seem like an easy thing.
“We can probably get that out for you, let me ask the mechanic.”
“How?” I asked.
“Well, we’ll do it carefully with special tools.”
“What special tools?” I asked, persistently. “I’ve got a lot of special tools myself and I can’t do this.”
I was left waiting in the showroom while my shifter was taken to the back shop, across the way. Montlake Bicycles has the very best selection, or shall I say collection, of unobtainium Cannondale parts, and I gave them a rare 1 1/2″ threaded fork. I got irritated at this, and went over to the back shop.
“You should wait outside” I was told.
“I need to talk to you first.” I said, persistently. “I want to know HOW you plan on getting that out.”
“With these bits.” he said. I looked at them from across the room and knew they were HSS. He made me very angry by making a crazy assumption and telling me that I’m not a mechanic! I made it clear to this man that I was not only a mechanic, I was also a machinist that has designed my own truing stand and frame jig, but because I hadn’t worked in a bike shop as an underpaid wage earner, had only worked in my own home-based shop, I was unemployable.
“Are they carbide?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Let me see.” He showed me and they said COBALT. I laughed. Cobalt bits are nice, but not hard enough.
“These are high speed steel, and softer than cables. Won’t work. I tried that. I have more drill bits than this shop and the next one combined. What I need is CARBIDE or a ruby bit” We talked, and he soon realized that I indeed knew what I was talking about. It was concluded by this expert mechanic that it could not be done and I needed a new shifter wheel, and that he had one at home and would sell to me. (never called me, though) Two months passed, bike on red X.
So where did I go? I went to the dentist. As I’m sitting there waiting, I was staring at these beautiful little drill bits and thinking how one of them could get into that shifter wheel and grind enough so that I could pop the damn stuck piece of shit through. I asked the dentist:
“Do you have one of those that’s a little worn out, that I could have?” And lo, he gave me one. An hour of fucking with it on my truck mounted vice, getting it out just enough so that I could find purchase on it, and using a corner chisel, it worked. It felt like I should get another stripe on my belt. It was a sweet victory, and now I shall be riding my LaBan once again, without going back to Shy man O. Special thanks to Montlake Bicycles for not calling me back when I put in a resume and cover letter (prior to the time I went in there looking for help, and I should know better)
IT’S TIME TO RIDE!
Diaper pins are what hold my cuffs from the terrible fate of un-held pants. I’m always getting them confiscated at the entrance to the courthouse, though!
Seriously,dude? A 1989 LeBan? Shitcan the shifty bits, grind off the brazeons and rattlecan ‘er. WOOT!
“Francis”. Jeeze, I’m STILL laughing.
Sooooo….I wonder what would happen if we were all in a room together…
It’d be fun as hell, that’s for sure.
…“keep yer meathooks off a’ my bikes…i find any a’ ya touchin’ my bikes, i’ll kill ya…
…any a’ you homos make comments about me, i’ll kill ya…’cept for you real homos ‘cuz,well, ahhh, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that, bein’ a homo, so i’m just sayin”…
Campy also makes their own $50 tubes of grease, in case nobody told you that either. It MUST be used on Campy parts instead of inferior grease with the same chemical makeup. Any other grease will completely destroy Campy.
That’s O.K., Shimano is far superior anyway unless you’re an 80 year old Italian. Debate that for a few days you mofos
How many of us here have ever tried to make a “less than ideal” substitution just to get a bike back out on the road/trail ASAP? (I have, more times than have fingers and toes to count)
How many of us here have memorized the complete compatibility charts for a single group manufacturer (let alone, all three of the current major manufacturers)? (I never have and never will)
How many of us here are or were actual mechanics? And I don’t mean “yeah I work on my own bike…” stuff, but formally trained and certified to spin a wrench? (I am USCF certified)
How many of us here have ever gotten pissed at the honest-to-god stupidity of a bike shop employee (mechanic or sales) and either let ‘em have both barrels right in the store or vented about the experience afterwards? (Been there; done that)
I personally love LJ / Francis’ posts because they generate some of the largest and most passionate responses. Does he come off as a bit self righteous, sure, but that’s one of the oldest and best traditions of DC, and no one lasts here without having damn thick, straight-gauge, unobtanium skin to protect themselves and a razor-sharp tongue to fight back with. This is the interwebz, it’s accepted AND expected behavior on forums to act like a know-it-all dick and get into flame wars.
Everyone keep fighting the good fight.
@johnny, …and mixing Campy and Shimano can cause a tear in the space-time continuum… Shit, that means my townie is a rolling universe killer…
@saupak, ingenuity and problem solving is what separates good mechanics from great ones, and I’m not criticizing Francis'(sorry dude, Gnome said so…) use of the dental drill. In fact, I think that’s kind of cool. I generally like his posts, but the self-righteous turn the comments take is where he loses me… and once there’s blood in the water, it’s the DC dogpile…
El jefe, slacker, et al – bravo.
“In my world we have the internet….” – just made me pee a little (ok, a lot).
My favorite part of this, LJ, is your shitting all over the “underpaid (sic) wage earner.” A preponderance of your posts involve no small volume of reminders to the DC readership about your incomprehensible state of destitution. However, you have no compunction whatsoever about 1) slinging bullshit all over a local business that was actually willing to put up with you, if for a limited time and 2) belittling someone who with little doubt does not have a pot in which to piss.
I won’t give the trade the indignity of claiming that I was a bike mechanic (I like to think of myself as more of a “de-greasing specialist”), but I did some time in a little shop. I certainly did not live the high life at that point in my life, monetarily speaking (it was the good life, but that’s another story). Do you not have any sympathy for someone trying to earn a living with his/her hands? You won’t shut the fuck up about what you do with yours, so I honestly find this particular attitude of yours surprising.
What I don’t find surprising is the fact they didn’t call you back.
Dentist drill? WTF? Last I checked, teeth are softer than the shit pot metal used for beer caps, why would a dentist drill be made of harder material than carbide?
I’m not a dentist (because those blackballing bastards won’t hire me in spite of my 10 years of masonry experience and extensive recreational use of hypodermic pain killers) but I’m better than most.
Some dental tools are impregnated with diamond. It cuts preeeety much anything non-ferrous.
P@J is a funny mo-fo
1) dentists run carbide or diamond bits because they cut predictably and last a really long time. (I sold diamond abrasives for a while.)
2) if you want good service from ANYONE, simply be the nicest guy he’s met all day. I do this UNFAILINGLY and I get free and discounted parts and service all over town. If you bolloxed up the parts, man up and admit it. Make a joke at your own expense. Try to use phrases like, “I trust you” and “I think you’re right.” If you see a jar on the bench with “beer fund” sharpie’d on it, shove $2 in. $4 if you’re really up the creek, like you need a Ksyrium bladed spoke and a true before you can make it home. This is not difficult. Walking into a bike mechanic’s shop acting like a big swinging dick and expecting prompt, expert service is just plain ignorant.
@56 – oh fuck… The Landshark I ride currently has a Veloce triple crank set turning a Shimano 8 speed XT cassette and an XTR long cage. Do do do do, do do do do DAAAAHH! You’ve been just drawn into… the drivelight zone.
…@ p&j…i’ve got some pliers, a cold chisel & a dremel tool…hell, i trust ya…c’mon over, i need some dental work done…
…@ mikey (hey bud)…i agree & i’d add that the other part of what you’re suggesting is that it has to be genuine otherwise it comes across as disingenuous smoke blowing…
…actually requires a bit of honest personality humbling which is a decent human trait…know-it-all’s generally get what they deserve…
So does the SRAM chain and cassette work as a buffer between the Campy cranks and Shimano rear der? It must, because I haven’t seen things randomly dissapp…
Your setup sound almost identical to mine, Veloce triple, turned into a single front, original XTR 8sp rear der. Don’t need more than 8 speeds in town… Settle LectricJoe, the only reason I need those is lugging my fat ass up the hill between home and school…
I’d like to take Electric Joe on a ride through North Seattle on his fixie. And if he don’t got one, I’d gladly build one for him. 42/16. Easy shit. Just give me 10 miles, Joe. No, we’re not taking the Burke Gilman. Up, down, up, down. Let’s GO! “One Two Three Four, I love the Marine Corps!”
“Where’s your sass now, mister? Get up that hill, fat body!!”
And when I connected a KMC chain to the teeth of a Campagnolo chainring, two old men in Italy passed momentarily into a state of incoherent delirium, mumbling something about buttons and bread sticks, and Mr. Colnago had an unexplainable tick or two.
Francis slowly returns to Littlejar status…
Alls I knows is, when I MUST run shifters they’re friction. Fuck STI, “brifters”*, indexing and all their demon spawn kin.
We now return me to my regularly scheduled first Bourbon of the day.
*Hate that term, even if Sheldon thought it a perfectly good one.**
**Did I mention Bourbon is awesome?
Basil Hayden… mmmm…
Go to a tool maker. A plunger EDM would have that out of there in , I dunno, 45 seconds? Need the right tools….
EDM is a great thing – when I foolishly FUCKED UP and broke a tap in the fork of my precious cyclocross touring bike, I had access to one in the Clark College machine shop. I blasted the broken tap out. However, the fork has no plastic or rubber parts. The EDM would have turned that shiftwheel into wax before the cable pieces were out. Again, it done.
EDM is boring compared to laser tools. You wanna throw sparks? A kilowatt of Nd:YAG will git r done. Please remember to wear eye protection.
Yeah, well my old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools…
needless to say…I can fix it.
Happy Friday mofos.
The “ultimate set of tools”? Happy Friday indeed.