Minibike Winter

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Minibike Winter – Feb 14-17 – Portland, OR
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages and sizes! Step right up and prepare to be amazed and aroused! For 5 years now, in the heart of Cascadia, Portland, Oregon, there has been only one winter bicycle festival in the Pacific Northwest, and that festival is Mini Bike Winter. Created by free-fun-minded individuals as an excuse to to get krunk and wreak some havoc. A combination of thrills, chills, spills, and liquor is just what the doctor ordered to warm the cockles of your heart and in your pants in these dreary winter months. Enjoyed by all walks of life, be it Zoobombers, daily commuters, bike messengers, weekend warriors, or the occasional passer-by, Mini Bike Winter is a free weekend of bike debauchery
brought to you by the local bike community, and open to everyone who wants to have a good time. This year, all the stops are being pulled out. Stencil night, Olympic torch ride, mini bike hill climbs, downhill races, bike-drawn chariot death matches, fashion shows, bike beauty contests, live music, DJ’s, community brunches, death, destruction, mayhem, no-pants dance parties, Olympic-inspired feats of bike strength and stamina, and of course, a little bit of nudity. Ok, so more like a lot of nudity. Mini Bike Winter is a phenomenon that should not be missed, and if you do, you will be ridiculed by all of your friends and family.

BEN HURT II Chariot Wars
BEN HURT II Chariot Wars be a post-apocalyptic battle for life and limb. YAR! It be a true test of might and stoopidity. Can you ride a little girl’s bike and get hit the most hardest by a padded mace? Or would you rather cheat, (cheating is allowed) and use chicken-shit bombs made from real chicken-shit like the chicken-shit you are?! Or maybe just show up in your underwear and win anyway because you are badass? Hey, it happened last year… There will be a multitude of chariot tests, from speed to steed, gladiator to flatulator, chugger to bugger, flailing to wailing, and dying. Yes dying, and after that, drinking. Okay, fine, during too.

Just watch the video and it will all make sense. Maybe.

Thanks for helping spread the free-fun bike madness!

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

2 Replies to “Minibike Winter”

  1. I’m not sure if I’m that ready to go back to Portland. They should warn you that you can’t buy a bottle of whiskey on a Friday night after about 8pm.

    I thought I was in Utah.