What’s smug and deserves to be decapitated?

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Great tag line. Gotta love it.

What’s smug and deserves to be decapitated?
Matthew Parris: My Week

A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists. It’s not just the Lycra, though Heaven knows this atrocity alone should be a capital offence; nor the helmets, though these ludicrous items of headgear are designed to protect the only part of a cyclist that is not usefully employed; nor the self-righteousness, though a small band of sports cyclists on winter’s morning emits more of that than a cathedral at evensong; nor even the brutish disregard for all other road users, though the lynching of a cyclist by a mob of mothers with pushchairs would be a joy to witness.

No, yet another cyclist-generated horror – and a new one – has come to my attention this Christmas. They’re chucking their empty cans of hi-energy drinks into hedgerows as they pass.
Source: www.timesonline.co.uk

If I threw all the garbage in the world into the front lawn of Mr. Parris, it would not be enough. He complains of cyclist-generated horrors… What of automobile-generated horrors? He writes as if an empty bottle jettisoned into the hedges was indeed worth of capital punishment. And, of course, no chance anyone in a car threw anything out the window. Had to be someone on a bicycle. Surly no-one else would stoop to littering.

And stop calling me Shirley.

For those of us who have tasted the losing end of automobile-cyclist altercations, this ignorant rant is nothing short of offensive.

I am hard pressed to better the first response in the comment section following the piece:

Change the word “cyclist” in your article, Mr Parris, to read “gay” or “black” and you’ll see the article for the nasty, violence-inciting rant it is. For a man supposed to be a serious journalist, you have just joined the gutter press. Do you really think it funny to incite murder, Mr Parris? There are idiots out there who take words such as those you’ve written to justify their violence towards others. You are a fool of the highest order. In case you just haven’t got it into your nasty brain just how bad your hatred is, two friends of mine could have been killed by sort of actions you incite. One was seriously injured by such a wire strung across a cycle path and it left a nasty wound round his neck. Another was pushed off his bike by the passenger of an overtaking car. My friend ended up in a ditch with crushed vertebrae in his neck. He was lucky not to be made a quadriplegic: or worse. No, Mr Parris, your article is not funny: it’s pathetic.

Helen Simmons, Norfolk, UK

Well said, Ms. Simmons. Well said.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

7 Replies to “What’s smug and deserves to be decapitated?”

  1. …this kinda ‘journalism’ is so amazingly irresponsible…

    …i honestly hope “timesonline” sanctions this twit & makes him apologize & state why…

    …a case of one socio-maladjusted careless idiot calling out to more of his own kind…

  2. I only hope to Goddess it was satire. Still though some people are unbalanced enough to take the suggestion seriously. I hope they get caught before someone gets seriously injured.

  3. Well, this bustle in your hedgerow just might indeed be a sprinkling for the maid-queen. Mr. Parris, prepare your backside for broadsides.

    And in case you didn’t get my attempt at tea and the Queen, and whatnot…would you really like to see what brutish is? I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but that’s likely all you do anyway.

  4. And to think this man used to be an MP!

    Oh and I think he wouldn’t mind a bit of the ol’ backside broadsides, in fact he habitually visits Clapham Common at night for man-on-man-action…


    I guess the article was written as satire but sadly it just came across as lame and offensive. I used to enjoy his writing but in recent years he’s just become more like a bitter old fart with nothing better to do than throw insults around.

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