Nowhere to hide…

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Keepin’ it real.

From: Pistol Pete
Subject: Nowhere to hide…
Here we are, more than halfway through the first decade of the Twenty-first Century and nothing much has changed. You know, when I was a kid in the Sixties and Seventies everyone was talking about the “Environment”. No lie, I was there. Looks like most folks really mean it too. As long as it doesn’t cause them any inconvenience. “Why, I’ll just buy a new Hybrid”. News flash motherfuckers: How ’bout you get off of your fat ass instead. Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to get the raw materials and manufacture on a new car? Keep you old one. Tune it up all tits. And park the motherfucker. Yeah, I know, we need cars in the world as it is. It’s true, but we sure don’t need to drive them every place we go. And we all know it. We are lazy fucks and hypocrites to boot. So don’t get all smug about your fucking Prius. Fuck you, you rich fuck.

And don’t get me started about giant pickups with one head driving to work. Yeah brah, you need that thing. Yeah, you’re a Cowboy. Often a fucking bully, pushing all other traffic as if the World was yours, with a cell phone welded to your head like you’re a high school teenybopper. Fuck me. I want to set fire to every one of those monuments to vulgarity. But I won’t. Too old and too beat down. All my life I’ve been waiting for the change. We promised ourselves it would be good by now. Huh!

Well, at least we lived through the Seventies and Eighties M.A.D. times. Mutually Assured Destruction. Those people were insane, we were insane to let the “Leaders” play that game. But we pulled it off. Or did we? Bunker busters and they’re makin’ new nuclear fuel everyday. “Clean Energy!” My ass. A big stiff middle finger to all of Posterity. How you gonna get rid of that shit when you’re done with it? Can’t bury it. What? You gonna make a “Danger, No Trespassing” sign they can read in a hundred thousand years? You ever try reading Hieroglyphs? Or pictographs? They’re only a couple thousand years old and a fucking mystery to us… Like I said, A big middle finger… Use it all up and “I don’t care…”

So what sent me on the Warpath this time? I’ll tell you. See, I’ve been working for a government agency, who shall remain nameless, for a few years now. Working in the field, back country type job. Been in the Promised Land of Eastern Az. Fucking Beautiful. Full of an old time ethic. Work hard, respect your neighbors, raise you kids right, kill everything that moves and God will provide. Mostly great folks, good people you can count on. That part about the Earth belonging to Man was killing me though. You know, every living thing loves it’s life as much as you do. Sure we gotta eat, but sport killing is murder. Fuck you if you don’t like it, you know in your heart it’s true.

So, I left my most loved land. Figured I head out where the libraries weren’t purified, you could get a good cup of coffee and maybe a bit of conversation that didn’t involve the death of some critter.

I fell into California, bless my hide. The Land of Fruits and Nuts. Well, kinda, but as usual, mostly nice folks trying to make a good life. I’m in the Eastern Sierra, way nice country. And now we get to what set me off.

I’m out patrolling. I’m an OHV Ranger, I ask folks to please respect the Land while enjoying their machines. Most of them are good that way. A few need a wakeup, natch. And they are Citizens too. My personal feelings about motorized off road travel are not going to change a motherfucking thing. Me, I ride the shit outta my fixie… So, anyway, I’m cruising a piece of remote country and I see a coyote laying on the twotrack. Looks like he’s sleeping there, he’s so beautiful and perfect. But coyotes don’t lay in the road like that, and his head is on a bad angle. I stop my patrol rig and walk over. He’s so perfect I’m kinda afraid he’s gonna get up and be pissed at me for bothering him. Fur’s ruffling in the wind, he’s fat and healthy looking. Coyotes in California are the biggest fattest I’ve ever seen. A perfectly good Coyote. Missing his tail. Yeah, I guess some asshole needed it more than my poor friend. You know, some folks call ’em God’s Dogs. Well, if you believe in an Afterlife you might want to consider that the next time you go “Varmint Calling”. Me, I’m not too sure. About anything really. Maybe “Homo Sapiens Sapiens” will get what we deserve… Bless our hides.

Sorry about the rant, but fuck me, what’r we gonna do?
Yer Uncle,

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

6 Replies to “Nowhere to hide…”

  1. d00dz–

    Mr. Pete’s comments are extremely true.

    The nuke industry is edging closer to being able to bury much of their waste. They design better plants than they used to. Be that true or false, it’s still the wrong side of the equation: it would take fifty new nuke plants to support America’s one fatass car/one fatass driver paradigm beyond “peak oil.” WE DON’T NEED FIFTY PLANTS. Get smaller cars, drive less. Half the problem disappears… THEN argue about how to make power.

    Three rides in Portland OR this week, man that’s a cool place to ride. Their ‘cross dudes seem like pretty well-adjusted fellows, I think. Enjoy the ride. Awoo.

    Helpful as always,


  2. …i read this post & i can see what’s in your heart, pp…you sound like a straight up & obviously concerned dude, which i can relate to…

    …w/ everything you mentioned, the story about the coyote was the most distressing for me, because it involved a ‘helpless creature’ & that kinda thing is sick as can be…doesn’t matter if it’s a ‘dumb’ animal or a defenseless person…

    …anyway, i understand you better, but your rip on my man ‘gravy’ was over the top, so i left you & others some facts to mull over, back at that post…

  3. nukes for electricity makes more sense to me than the giant coal strip mines I live by. lets not forget all the coal miners dying thousands of feet underground. there are large numbers of men dying so we can run the .com shit.

    it’s the nuclear bombs that don’t make sense. all nuclear armament needs to be ended immediately.

    we don’t need nuclear electric power so much, as windmill farms are going up all over, but I don’t think ignoring nuclear energy is possible.

  4. forgot to mention. . . a hunting guide in western ND got busted recently taking a guy out to kill a cougar. i guess all they did was take away the dude’s guide license for a year and a half.

    in my opinion no state should allow the sale of hunting licenses and guns to people like him, and any weaponry these people have is to be taken away.

    not to mention this has been a really bad hunting season for shooting accidents.

    man, i need to ride more.