Tuesdays with Dirty: Escape from the Maple Jungle

Maybe now that I am back home in Arizona desert I will finally have a chance to dry up and give you my take on Single Speed USA. Maybe not. I have a ton of pictures and video that I will attempt to organize in some way over the next few days. For now, you will just have to settle for a couple highlights

I decided few weeks ago that DC should sponsor the half way aid station during the race. I wanted to spice thing up a little, and show the east coast how drunkcyclist gets down. So I came up with the “40 for 40 Challenge”. I hunted down a case of St. Ides 40oz beers (no easy task in northern Vermont) and had  them waiting at the half way mark with the rest of the refreshments. I announced that I would give a $40 bar tab at the after party to the first 3 people who could finish a 40oz and finish the race.

The lead group came through a lot faster than anybody expected and everybody stopped to have a beer with me, except for the guy with the Power Tap, he didn’t get it. This guy named Montana came through and drank the 40 with such ease that I sent another one up to the next aid station on course as a joke to see if he would consider drinking it. Word on the street is that he never hesitated and downed the second one just as fast…and still finished near the front

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The lead pack of riders dispatched of the first three 40′s so fast that I felt obligated to extend the preme to 4 bar tabs. It then became a race within a race between a handful of riders which included a pirate, a guy dressed as Wonder Woman and a dude in his underware. Somewhere on course, the underware guy made the pass and took the final bar tab. Here are the four champions:

I guess 40′s make you take your shirt off…

The party at the finish got good and rowdy as things tend to do any time you have a couple of kegs in the woods. I will save the details for later on this week. But for now, I leave you with this:

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keep it dirty…

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About dirty biker

I am a fan of singletrack, singlespeeds, single malt, and single women. Tempe, Arizona, USA

37 thoughts on “Tuesdays with Dirty: Escape from the Maple Jungle

  1. Many thanks….., the only thing better than a PBR and a shot of Sailor Jerry at the half way was more of both waiting at the finish!! Sunday morning hurt, a lot.

  2. Sweet baby jesus…Sailor Jerry would be some excellent fuel for a midrace stop. Well done, sir.

  3. The sweet buzz of that St, Ides made the Stowe singletrack even more chaotic. Great meeting you this weekend Dirty, you are a classy gentleman.

  4. From what I heard you introduced some people to El Jimador as well. Good on ya for showing people that there is more in the tequila world than Patron Silver (aka Frat boy tequila) and Cuervo. Next year let’s introduce them to some El Correlejo Azul. That is some smooth Tequila. Good job on ya for rolling Drunkcyclist style and getting VT dirty.

  5. I call Corralejo Reposado (Azul) “danger juice”, because it is that good. Although the plato and reposado are mighty fine as well.

  6. I did what I could. The people that knew, grabbed the Jimador. I threw in a bottle of Sailor Jerry for good measure. There were also plastic bottles of Sauza, Early Times, and Canadian Mist to keep it classy. Along with over 250 cans of PBR, LaBatts, and Molson for hydration.

    And when it was all said and done, there wasn’t a drop left.

    This whole Aid station was funded with the very small profits made by selling t-shirts and koozies. So know that if/when you buy some DC shit…know that it goes to throwing a party somewhere in the bike universe

    That shit warms my heart. Thanks.

  7. Wait. What? A PowerTap on a singlespeed?

    (Walks away, scratching head and mumbling to self…)

  8. Damn, I thought that Corralejo Azul was my secret. No wonder it’s gotten so damn expensive.

  9. Thanks for showing my pal a good time.

    Now see if you can find a bottle of that good shit to bring with you to Vegas this year.

    I keep hearing about smooth tequila, haven’t met it yet…

    And good on you for spreading the love eastward, we aren’t all so lucky as to live in the desert southwest!

  10. Best part about this post? Thom didn’t spill a drop of his beer while fire crackers were exploding just inches away from his juevos… NOT ONE FOOKIN’ DROP!

  11. Been a Montana Fan for bout a year now…and I live in Washington goddam state.!!

  12. VMFR, Scoottay,
    Pssst. Hacienda Sotol Mescal. Tequila is a type of mescal, not all mescals are tequila. All three varieties are great. Plato, Reposado, Anejo. Slightly different than tequila (Sotol cactus, not agave. The flavor is a little “dirtier”), but just as good for half the price. The Plato may be the best mixing liquor in existence.

    Don’t tell anyone else…

  13. @El Jefe, I’ve had Sotol before and didn’t care for the dirty taste that you allude to. I have an open mind however and will check Hacienda out when I get a chance.

  14. what do you mix with your tequila? I usually don’t mix it just drink it out of a chilled glass. what would you mix with this Sotol stuff?

  15. Scoottay,
    Hacienda is the best stuff I’ve found in the US. I’d agree that many of the mescals that make it into the states are sub-par. Hacienda is not. Lots of good mescals in MX, but I’ve haven’t gone in a long time because of school and the cartels.

    VMFR,
    Mostly just ice… but on occasion: grapefruit juice, used in a proper homemade margarita or a Mexican martini, or with tonic and lime…

  16. Ok help me out you boozehounds. I’ve been a life long Scotch drinker but have recently been exploring Cognac, bourbon and tequila. Tequila is especially interesting in a “just what the fuck have I gotten myself into” kinda way.

    I could tell you a few scotch stories but that was back in the day. And back in the day I had a few more brain cells than I do now. Suffice to say, mix an Irishman, a mutant Scotsman and a bottle of Cardhu and trouble ensues.

    I got some Cazadores anejo which I’m snorting right now chased by a Magic Hat elderberry weiss (brewed in Vermont).

    So just what is up with mezcal/tequila mystique? Is it really loco juice? or is that bullshit? Is alcohol alcohol or has the magic agave plant got some magical properties ? Or is it just a good buzzz?

    Share some of your tequila stories and theories. Help enlighten a tequila virgin. After all, this is DC.

  17. Cap’n Tony…Back when I was a bit heavier in the wallet I explored many Tequila varieties. I had some help as I was waiting tables in a fancy pants only resort. At one tasting we were treated to very expensive Tequila, think 25 year old single malt and you are on the tip of the ‘burg.

    It is a great journey. Find a decent Liquor store and talk up the person who knows, find a tasting event. As a DC drinker of all that is good, my only true and honest recommendation ( in life really ) is to try it and explore. I enjoyed it, and if I could afford it, I would continue on many more subjects.

    I found fine Tequila to have many qualities found in fine Scotch. The tastes can definitely get very complex, and refined. Once you go down that road, you will realize how shit Cuervo Gold is, and also realize why you felt like a donkeys fart the next day.

    Have fun.

  18. SS-USA was going good till canadian mist was followed up by 3 more pulls of Tequilla at the 1/2 way point. Thanks Dirty!! Even better was Papa Putnam getting a dixie cup from his mom as he pulled in, thinking it was Gatorade, downing it to find out it was Tequilla.
    Those Maple donuts were the shit!!!

  19. Cap’n Tony,
    Alcohol is alcohol. (‘cepting I don’t care what your mom says, every one knows beer ain’t drinking). You go into a drunk with a pre-conceived notion about it. If you say, “Tequila makes me crazy” or “Whiskey makes me angry” chances are your are going to end up there. The worm mystique (and good mescal doesn’t have a worm) about mescal relies on the fact that by the time you get to the worm, you are wasted on bad mescal.

    Cazadores is a fine tequila. Herradura and Don Julio are also, but generally more expensive. Corrallejo. Gran Centenario. Cuervo Tradicional. All good.

  20. Thanks for your input Jefe and angry buddhist.

    I was really hoping someone would come up with a tequila enlightenment story. Or an out of body mezcal transformation. Maybe I’ve been reading too much Carlos Castenada.

    In my mind, I’m going to preserve the mystical perception of tequila. Every time I drink it I’ll be in a state of bliss rutting with Salma Hayek. Or something. In the end I’ll just have a nasty hangover and a lighter wallet.

    But it will be fun getting there

  21. Cap’n Tony

    I agree with El Jefe on the mindset thing. I have had great nights and “what the fuck happened to his face” nights on every type of alcohol out there. I knew when I left the house what mood I was in and alcohol just amplified it.

    As I told my girlfriend, one of three has to happen for it to be a party;
    someones got to get naked
    something has to get broken
    someones got to get into a fight even if it is with a parked Winnebago or Palm tree.

  22. The 2 shots of rot-gut whiskey and assorted herbal remedies at the halfway point made all the difference for my “race”. Thanks Drunk Cyclist!!

  23. Virgil Mutha Fuckin Rufus Says:
    As I told my girlfriend, one of three has to happen for it to be a party;
    someones got to get naked
    something has to get broken
    someones got to get into a fight even if it is with a parked Winnebago or Palm tree

    And you forgot the projectile vomiting. A little hurling always loosens people up.

    Wait for it.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=700Fx-7Y_fQ

  24. …while “…alcohol is alcohol…”, i’ve seen people get crazier than usual on jagermeister…

    …just sayin’…

  25. Cap’n, I’m a fan of tart, so I like about a 1:1:1 ratio of tequila, triple sec, and fresh lime juice (from key limes). On the rocks. Individually made, NOT a pitcher. Play with it from there. With good tequila, good triple sec, and fresh limes, you can adjust the ratios, and it’s hard to go wrong. Salt will take a little of the bite out of the tequila, but good tequila doesn’t have much bite. The IBA recipe is 7:4:3 (35ml, 20ml, 15ml, same order of ingredients), which will end up sweeter because of the triple sec.

  26. @32— yes, 1:1:! is the rule, if someone’s holding a gun to your head and forcing you, weeping and blindfolded, to water down your cactus juice.

  27. …@34 – mikey…a comment to chuckle over…

    …& re: the jagermeister…then let’s say i’ve seen folks so motivationly (sic) drunk that they could be in the running for president of ‘dumbdrunkfuckistan’

  28. I used to bartend and every time someone ordered a Jager shot, I automatically thought “AMATEUR”. Maybe i’m just a snob but I prefer to sip and enjoy my alcohol which after a few drinks turns into slurp and slobber and then it’s time for bed.

    And remember, be home by 11:59pm because nothing good ever happens after midnight.

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