Rapha, this one’s for you

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Yo Marketing dude man of Rapha (thinking theys gots oney) did you spend all the cash on strippers and hotdog outfits and forget this was a SS fucking race? Couldn’t you of traded some that flashy bullshit poser gear off to some local for his SS bike? Also, your mechanic Tommy boy couldn’t figure out how to SS that bike with gears really quick? Sounds like lazy got the best of him. SSCXWC doesn’t mean Super Sexy Cyclocross World Championships (Jesus, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you but I will so you know next time) It really means, Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships. Two things you guys forgot to do, Start the race with the right bike and end it with a fucking tattoo bitches! So really you didn’t win- you gotta play by the rules because there was a line behind you in both the women’s and men’s category that was salivating for a hotdog and hungry for that damn tattoo! Rapha should be DF, its that simple.

Our Hodala homies are in support of this bullshit deal, so they made these lovely shirts- here’s the purchasing info if ya need to get in on the action. These are the jokes, folks.

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About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

189 Replies to “Rapha, this one’s for you”

  1. Already bought mine. I was there, and while I think they’re good riders, they don’t deserve it.

  2. …derp – you’re being polite & that’s nice but the truth is, rapha’s participation was fucking bullshit…

    …either they play it the way it’s supposed to be played or they’re mocking & wasting the efforts of everybody else…

    …rapha owes a lotta apologies…

  3. I dont get all this hate directed at Rapha cos the riders didnt get tattoos. They rode their geared bikes fixed into one gear so that argument about ss is not valid. So DF them and then the guy in 2nd place can take the win….only maybe they dont want a tattoo either…so then its the 3rd place or maybe the 4th or 5th place that takes the win.
    If the organisers want to discriminate against those that wont have tattoo’s and keep the event for a particular little clique of riders thats fine – state it in the rules. But then its not really a world champ race is it.

  4. catboner, this is not a uci sanctioned event. Everyone knows the rules.

    If you want to ride (and win with) a SSCX bike in races and not get a tattoo, there are loads of chances to do that any autumn weekend all around the country/world. If you want to win a SSCX race and not get a tattoo, there is only race you should not win.


  5. as soon as rapha’s riders refused the tat, it became serious.

    serious ruins too many bicycle races as it is.

    if the winner bails on the tat next year, and it happens to be a pro, SSCXWC will lose.

  6. I hear there is serious thought to banning all pros in future SSWC events. That would be a real shame, because some of these pros are straight baller cats and a lot of fun to hang out and drink beer with.

    Bailing out on the award ceremony and not getting the tat was a bullshit move (If this did not occur, please correct me). Straight embarrassing. There is no way in hell these folks didn’t know full well the winner gets a tattoo before they stepped up to toe the start line. They had what we call notice.

    Dodging the tattoo was a conscious choice. If your skin is too precious, fine. Just don’t race to win.

    Racing to win and then avoiding the award ceremony and award (tattoo) is disrespectful to the event, the organizers, the sponsors, and the volunteers that made it happen. Not to mention each and every other competitor who was out there that day. It is no way for a professional cyclist to conduct themselves, full stop.

    I realize this was not a professional event – that’s the whole fucking point. This is supposed to be fun. A few years ago, in State College, I somehow got picked to race the final stage in the omnium which was the Single Speed World Championship. Yes, it was on go-karts.

    I was racing to win.

    I do not have a single tattoo on my body (a mix of being afraid of commitment & being a coward, I’m afraid). But, I will tell you, if I had won, I would have accepted that tattoo with pride. My man Buck took the honors. And the tat.

    Tattoos are temporary, blades of grass are forever.

  7. catboner, the “rule” is if you don’t want the tat, don’t win. A number pro’s have won SSWC (mtb), and gotten the tat. (or branded at Downieville). If these poseurs didn’t want to play along, they should have stayed home. I don’t care if they’re fast, they knew what they were getting into. The consequence of winning is ink.

  8. Travis Brown, Adam Craig, Carl Decker, Marla Streb, and Heather Irmiger all have ink from their mtb wins. Pros can have a sense of humor. Banning pro’s isn’t the answer. Making sure Rapha knows that their riders are douchebags is.

  9. I was there with Dirty when Heather was handed a beer, then promptly saddled up to get her ink in Ireland http://drunkcyclist.com/2011/08/28/sswc11/ That’s how ya do it my friends, didn’t even wait to get back to town, right at the fucking finish line. Rules is rules, they made that clear. If you want to dance, you gotta pay the band.

  10. From a post on the Rapha site…..

    Christian Goldstein
    29th November 2011 11:32pm
    So, instead of bitching, blackmail. Tattoos or pull their UCI licenses!!!

    UCI’s Code 1.2.019 states, “No licence holder may participate in an event that has not been included on a national, continental or world calendar or that has not been recognised by a national federation, a continental confederation or the UCI.”

    In addition, rule 1.2.021 states that, “Breaches of articles 1.2.019 or 1.2.020 shall render the licence holder liable to one month’s suspension and a fine of 50 to 100 Swiss francs.”

    Are you listening USA Cycling and UCI?

  11. …rapha just pissed all over a righteously cool event…

    …next year…one cog – one chainring…that’s it…

    …fuck this ‘fixing it in one gear’ bullshit…

    …& if you cross the line first, you go to the podium & you get the tat…if you try n’ sneak away, you get chased down & get a different tat, one that sez “world champion little bitch”

  12. goddamn. the more i think about it, what a fucking slap in the face. i have been coming up with hair brain bicycle events for about eight years now, and my friends have seen to it they happen. last october, we put on our first race. our small events are always a fuck ton of work and worry. i can not imagine something of this caliber.

    those who put sweat and blood into making SSCXWC happen, logistics, permits, planning, begging, begging more, asking friends to do stupid shit cuz you over extended yourself, not one second of sleep the two days before, figuring out how to fix whatever broke with only bike tools, corporate sponsors (let me say it again) – corporate sponsors – , then having to clean up after all you drunks trash the place…

    all that, just to have the winners bail on the ceremony, turn their backs, refuse the prize, not get the tattoo? really?



    Rapha, you shoulda done something about it by now.

  13. I’m sure Chris and Julie are nice people and they look like they had a good time, but they knew what they were doing. The comments on the Rapha blog make it sound like they didn’t do the qualifier events on Saturday. Weak Sause. The promoters are owed an apology by Chris, Julie, and Rapha.

    A simple solution is that the tattoo is the final event, and you qualify by winning the racing portion of the event. No tat = DQ. Next person in line, please.

  14. BJ – that video is off the hook. where the fuck do you find this shit?

    tattoos are temporary. i had 7 of them laser’d off – and it hurt 100xs worse than getting one.

    if they are too pussy ass not to get the tattoo, they should have never showed up to race the event.

    good follow up cavey.

  15. now, I’m with you all on the tattoo, that should be an instant DQ material.

    but the whining about Pros racing SSCXWC? and the complaints about them fixing the gear? you come across as whining butthurt children. for people who claim the race is supposed to be “not serious” you sure take it seriously.

    oh and Ribsteak, that UCI rule pertains only to road racing. not cross. sorry.

  16. I am pretty sure Barry Wicks won some sort of SSWC bike race, not sure if it was cross or mtb, but he balked on the tat and no one called him a bitch that I am aware of. He seems like a nice guy and I would have a hard time ripping him, as would many of you. I think the issue is Rapha used the event to promote their dandy brand that many have come to despise due to their inflated prices for Chinese made spandex and un-restrained epicness.

  17. @Larry, wicks won SSCXWC in 07 and didn’t get the tattoo right away, by the time next years event rolled around he had the ink

  18. the serious nature about all this is…..

    SSCXWC was contaminated by a bunch of narcissistic bitches.

    so if i tally it correctly Rapha should owe roughly one pound of skin to SSCXWC?

    I dont think an invoice for $400 would cover that. So a DQ is in order.
    Somebody find this losers a restroom cause we need to take out some shit.

  19. Milquetoast, even.

    Sorry, Gnome. Drunk and bored. You can’t let a writer get drunk and bored on internet forums.

  20. Hey guess what? Wendy Simms didnt get a tattoo, either. Didn’t she win last year?

  21. So, do I understand right, the rapha team guys handed you our assess, and you’re calling them lame/women/poseurs etc for not getting a tat… or in other words you;re about the tat not kicking ass on the bike…. hmmm think maybe youre the image-poseur and they are the real racers! Dumb ass SS-tat-wearing excuse for cyclists.

  22. SSCX is supposed to be the punk rock, black sheep of cross. the SSCXWC is supposed to be the punk rock, grass roots, black sheep bicycling event, where you drink shit loads of beer, run your bikes through a kid pool and crawl over giant logs with your bike shoulder. So wouldn’t showing up, winning that thing, and bouncing out WITHOUT the tattoo make you that baddest of all? THAT is punk rock.

    Admittedly, Rapha is clearly NOT punk rock, but Chris and Julie are nice enough people, will talk to anyone at a UCI race, an ddo the sport justice by crushing souls on the daily.

    quite frankly if you can come out of nowhere, roll up to the drama club, audition, steal the lead role, slay that beast, AND leave without any of the lame-ass, “we’re so alternative” traditional (oh ya, such a long running tradition this is) bullshit, then more power to you. I’m sure this was not Chris’ and Julie’s, but who cares, it’s a fucking bike race. BOOOOOM!!

  23. Boooom? Really?

    Lame, dude. Get the fucking tattoo. Suck it up and keep what’s badass about the bike culture badass.

  24. haha. Gnome clearly not a real cyclist… vs the pro riders who won the race (race implies trying to win btw) who he thinks are not true cyclist (for winning) and not alternative enough (because they didnt obeying the unwritten social rules). Sad. Lame. Image obsessed little Gnome. Ill stick to the guys and gals who actually love bikes and riding hard… like the apparently unworthy winners of this race.

  25. Seems the hipster lifestyle drunks don’t like the way they come across to the world of bike riders… sucked it and it was laaaamme ass, loser toss.

  26. D2 thinks cycling is a ‘badass’ lifestyle choice that makes him cool.
    Nope. and especially not to real cyclists. You guys are in fact the problem you THINK rapha is. Now that’s tragic! haha.

  27. But at least their retorts are witty, insightful comment and not just slagging and mouthing off, No, wait…

  28. I hung with Rapha boys in FLG. I took them on a tour of the trails. I don’t think they liked it. Then they drove two hours out to the Rez and rode their bicycles up and down a road while the camera man drove along them for a sweet low angle action shot. Then that shit was blogged about as a perceived cycling epic. Then they drove off.

    you can write as many words as you need and you still wont be able to tell me a thing about what cycling is because you don’t know shit. Rapha is marketing and money. Just ask those talented pro boi’s who won the event and baled on their obligation. Bitch.

    You are a fucking lemming fashion boy.

  29. wise insightful words again oh swear-gnome. Keep diggin’ that big old hole that says “not real cyclist” – you’re real good at that, if not writing nor riding a bike. Rapha is not defining symbol of cycling but is a small start up by passionate cyclists, with very little money… so your basic facts are way off. Your attitude and dislike of someone riding to win, and not following your social rules speaks for its self. As I said before, you;re the fashion-hag in this story, no matter what you think of the rapha folks.

  30. ah! That’s a funny shot… the chicken herd of single speed guys who dress up and have a laugh rather than ride hard… oh wait, you think thatis a rapha, parody? Not a parody of most of the commenters on this post who think being a cyclist is about a rad tat and living the lifestyle, rather than loving riding and racing?!? That’s just weird. Is this a sit one for those weird hipsters in NYC of bikesnob post fame who think singlespeed+music+clothesxattitude makes them either cyclists or cool to other people in general? And when will they realize it does neither. Rapha might be easy targets for their style, but you guys are way easier ones for your faux-sincerity, deeply lemmingesque ‘alternative lifestyle’ cliches and general anger/hostility level towards real racers. (sorry I’m assuming you count the rapha pros who won as real racers on an individual level, even if you dont like the clothes their sponsor makes, or the way it expresses its love of cycling, right?)

  31. Really.

    I don’t own a singlespeed, tight pants, or ironic glasses.

    You didn’t suck it again. Seriously. Try it. You’ll like it.


  32. D2 – but you did say in reply to BOOM: ” Lame, dude. Get the fucking tattoo. Suck it up and keep what’s badass about the bike culture badass.” … which puts you right in the lifestyle express wankathon of (faux)bike culture.

  33. lotta hostility in here.

    bottom line, if you don’t want a tattoo then don’t win!

    I love racing singlespeed but tattoos aren’t my thing. The ss culture is fun and that’s why I race my bike… it’s FUN. Shit, I drank a beer at the start of the SSWC in Ireland and had a blast. I knew I wasn’t going to win, and for me it was a crazy bike rally in costumes. The kid that won didn’t want to get the tattoo and part of me understood, but the “race” isn’t really a race if you don’t get the tattoo. If you don’t sack up and get the tat, you don’t win!

    Rapha did not win the SSCXWC in my book and next year they should build up a real ss and join in on the fun (mid pack) and maybe even drink a beer if their coach will let them.

  34. Yes. I am faux. I do not ride bikes for enjoyment and to reach a higher enlightenment. I do not seek myself on two wheels. I do not go to the woods to find the good in myself and reassess humanity. I am worthless. I am a poseur. There is no value in turning a wrench, pulling a brake, pushing a pedal. I drive instead. I go to work. Come home. Make dinner. Watch primetime. Go to bed. Wake up. Repeat. I live the typical life. I do not explore, do not hope to attain something better. Do not know anything about the sunrise lap in a 24 hour race. The high at the top of a climb. The wind in my face on a descent. A stop for a beer in the middle of a ride. About red sand in moab. About trees in New England. About snow rides with studded snow tires in Maine. About rocky climbs that go on forever in Flagstaff. I know nothing. I am nothing. I pose. I am a poseur. Hand me a fixie and tight pants.

    Or you know nothing about me.

    So you can suck it.


    A really, really, really bombed D2.

  35. The guys who run it (at least on their web site) clearly position it a a whole bunch of Pro-am races with lots of fun stuff around it… and I haven;t found a mention of tattoos yet (OK, only spent 30minutes on the site, so if it buried somewhere as a rule, my bad!)

    Lots of use of the word race, and descriptions of a chance to get one over the pros as an amateur…. so it it a race or a bike rally? Or more likely both – so why all the hate on the pros who didnt hang out getting tats and doing the life-styler party thing. Soo much serious treatment of supposed fun, while pouring aggression at the serious racers who did turn up.

  36. D2 – I only know what you write, and what you wrote puts you in a camp you now try to distance yourself from, which is fair enough. Enjoy the rides. ;)

  37. really?, it is my understanding that they didn’t even show up for the pre-qualification feats of strength. Again, I’m sure Chris and Julie are nice folk, they ride for Rapha because it pays the bills. But come on, using your pro/sponsored status to beat up on drunks isn’t really honorable or top-notch racing. No one gives a shit that they won. People are pissed that they didn’t play along. The game with SS is more than the race. It’s that, and all the stupid fun stuff that goes along with it. If you’re too serious to have fun, then it’s not the event for you. If you think you’re only a “real” racer if you bag UCI points, then it’s not the race for you. Most people who ride bikes and love riding bikes don’t race. Racers who think they support the bike industry are living in a fantasy world. They are R&D tools and they are ways for companies to stroke their egos. Racers don’t keep a shop in business, people riding their bikes and having fun does.

  38. Race or don’t race. Whatever. Racing doesn’t make you better, it just makes you faster. I spent years chasing that dream, and then when it was finally coming together, I got taken out by a ’72 Olds. I enjoy riding hard. I enjoy pushing myself. I enjoy what racing represents as far as pure sport goes. I’m glad I can watch other people do it. But, lots of shit is more important than racing.

  39. Kinda funny that some people taking all this so seriously are the same ones saying this shouldn’t be a serious event.

  40. …somebody ‘really‘ is a ‘rapha’ dick suck…

    …& it doesn’t matter how nice chris & julie are, they didn’t race by the rules of ‘sscxwc’ & therefore they cheated…

    …& as others have pointed out, they cheated everyone involved…racers, fans & production people…why did they bother to show up when they knew the rules ???…

    …my friends mary mcconneloug & barb howe placed 3rd & 4th, 6 & 11 seconds down…someone pointed out that they both looked like they had the strength to win but clearly ‘bagged it, not wanting the win, or the tat…they played by the rules, so as not to spoil the party…

    …some people just get it…some really don’t…

  41. Caveman, I gotta hand it to ya. You know how to get a party started. Fine piece of work, this. I raise my glass to you.

  42. Fair enough – so, just to sum up: The message for kids out there (or old dudes thinking they might like cycling), is please be assured of a rude and hostile reception at sscxwc UNLESS:
    – you want a rad tat and promise to take it if we demand it
    – you promise not to actually race
    – you will personally party, before, during and after with the charming witty dudes commenting above
    – you have a dedicated sscx bike (don’t go using that ‘loophole’ in the rules that allows you to fis your gears
    – you promise not to wear certain brands (am assuing theres others beeyond rapha they hate too for the price/look/marketing or some other reason)
    – you promise to attend all the events and neither arrive late nor have to leave early.

    If you’re down with that, come have some fun with the drunks! As always they’re charming and openminded!

  43. racing bikes took the fun out of riding them, at least for me. fuck racing. go ride yer fuckin’ bike and shut up already. REALLY.

  44. just happy to point out how agressive and angry you dudes are about two riders that didn’t’ fit in in your clique . And amused by how agressive and only able to argue by swearing rather than standing up for your earlier words. I think less alcohol might help, but I’d still go get your blood pressures checked. Really.

    Note in sarcasm you dont need the extra emphasis / boldiing. Even a low IQ would get it. Really. (see just didi it again, try it you’ll sound smarter, really! -Oops, sorry you’ve got me doing it now! :o)))

  45. Yes, guys who run a website called Drunkcyclist should drink less.

    Standing up for my earlier words: If you’re going to enter a race at which you are aware that you are expected to get a tattoo if you win, and then you win, get the tattoo and stop being a bitch.

    I’m sober now, and I still think you should suck it.

  46. @67 – really – i havent had a drink in almost 11 years. and no one is angry. what d2 said – if you cant man up and quit being a pussy ass about the tattoo, then get off the podium and let the real winners shine.

  47. “…extra emphasis / boldiing. Even a low IQ would get it.

    You would think even a low I.Q. could use spell check. Guess not.


  48. @Really? – I was at a SSWC a few years back, maybe 2004, where the organizers would not let someone race with a geared bike with zip-tied shift levers and/or derailleur (I can’t remember which). The mandate of single speed only is no new wrinkle. Commitment to the genre is rewarded in kind.

    I think the race will change in the coming years following these recent events. I think it’s a shame, because it was a good thing those guys had going. It only takes one bad apple to spoil the whole lot. You may disagree, either substantively or simply because you are into finding argument (or just trolling these boards for the lulz).

    I shall await your eminent ad hominem retort (e.g., “You’re not fast.”) with bated breath.

  49. What the fuck are you all doing? The very thing you dislike about those knobs from the UK that bang on about pain and suffering and make shit clothes in china and charge the price of Prada, have just been given much more airtime than they deserve. The stuff is shit and the riders are rich middle class fucks. Ignore the fuckers or let them ride, but rip their shit to pieces so they don’t show up again. Simple

  50. Rapha small start up? My bony ass you lame lying fuck. They turned over 9 million pounds last year and have raised VC 3 times!! Poor little start-up Really, you’re not credible and pay too much for your pink shit

  51. Seriously, they didn’t show up with SS cross bikes and they didn’t get tats. They didn’t fallow the fucking instructions. SS folks are like Roman warriors, they are fucking serious about their rules of engagement.

  52. “…fucking serious about their rules of engagement…”…i like that…

    …& as they should be – for obvious reasons…

    …doesn’t matter how ‘epic’ rapha plays their shit, they oughta do a a black jersey with pink lettering that sez “pretentious as fuck”

  53. @Really?:

    wow. you really have no idea what SS is all about do you? …and again, pink looks good on no man.

    and in the great words of the illustrious D2, “suck it.” or just have fun jerkin’ it to their “ride diaries”. woops. I mean advertisements for poorly made yuppie garbage. Would you still defend them if they raced for primal wear. yeah, i didn’t think so.


  54. some dipshit REALLY needs his IP address blocked.

    See what I did there? Ha! I amuse the hell out of myself sometimes.

  55. What’s all the fuss about? Some Pro riders coming in, schooling a fake World Championship race and then boning out? I don’t blame them for not getting one of the gayest tattoo’s I’ve seen in years!! At least if your going to do this under the guise of under ground, rebel punk, you can at least see the humor in a couple bike “geeks” dropping in and schooling your little shin dig.

    Nut it up all you cool punk scenster’s!!

  56. @JT

    the fuss is about a couple of d-bags not respecting the race. I’m sure I could “school” their asses at drinking but I don’t show up to their fucking wine and cheese social do I? It has nothing to do with winning. It does have to do with being dickheads. stay for the ceremonies. get the tatoo. Have the proper bike. Three rules. If you don’t feel like doing any don’t toe the line. oh yeah, and Johnny Thunders sucked. big time.

  57. I wonder what rapha’s angle was? they had to know this would only piss people off. i always figured they were dumb (according to my narrow view of the world) just by watching one of their videos, but this really makes me wonder what angle I am missing.

    i guess their next move should be to win l’Eroica in skin suits on top of carbon bikes with electronic shifting?

  58. @Moreman

    Looks like you guys got punked at your own game to me! Showing up, not following the rules and raining on someone’s parade seems about as punk as it gets, especially in such a lame event like SSCXWC that’s filled with rebels, out casts and cutting edge hipster’s in cutoff jeans in a Ramones shirt.

    If you want to be cool, drink beer, ride bikes and show off your ink and nipple rings, why not just do it on any given weekend since in your own words “It has nothing to do than winning”. But you call it a race a World Championships event even, so live with the results or just give the title to the next D-bag in line who is worthy of your graces, since obviously the Rapha crew didn’t seem too keen on your gay little tatt and social paradigms!

  59. Yeah, GG Allin only succeeded at one thing in his pathetic life and that was killing himself. I wish someone had the common sense to dump his body in the ocean like they did with Osama Bin Laden.

    And then we’d be spared the shrine to the true king of underground rock and roll. But hey kids, the murder junkies have a new cd out and they’re touring. Well, fuck me.

    I really don’t know what GG Allin has to do with Rapha but this thread went to hell a long time ago when all the rebels started whining about the big bad Rapha racers “disrespecting” their bad ass bike culture.

    I don’t care about Rapha one way or the other. I’m still wearing my wool Italian Famcucine jersey from 1985, moth holes and all, but it appears the Rapha riders came, saw and conquered.

    Deal with it, wankers. Tattoos are for posers.

  60. Johnny Thunders +1
    Cap’n Tony +1

    This is the most fun thread I’ve seen in a long while! So much bull – all because some pro, wasn’t punk-am enough in a pro-am race! Ha. I be the organisers who put on this Pro-Am are seriously embarrassed by the jerks dissing the winners above.

    As for how some of the above think that disliking the Rapha clothing (or not) has anything to do with it, I;ve no idea!

    This is a simple case of one group of folks hating on another set because they dont fit their own very niche stereotype of what they think CX is abuot! How welcoming! How USA!! Fits nicely in with the likes of fox news and religious nuts the rest of us like to laugh at the US for… you’re all such little niche groups that hate on each other. Hilarious!! Or sad You decide! (hahah, sorry for the fox news reference, can’t resist!)

  61. …the sscxwc organizers never implied the event was ‘punk’ or anything of the sort…you wads are basing your comments on responses
    that came through other fools like yourself, willing to defend ‘rapha’, not on any reality…

    …sscxwc is what it is because people took the responsibility of organizing the event…who the fuck are you guys to decide what their rules are…

    …like i said, ‘some people just don’t get it’, over & over & over…

  62. I defer to #92 for all future reference (can we call that rule 92 as part of the HTFU Doctrine of Cycling?).

    i’d like to add that I have decided to undergo therapy in order to prepare for the day that Specialized is also defended in a DC comment threads like Rapha has here.

    Something died. Long live some shit.

  63. @ Bikesgone, the only smart thing you’ve said is some people don’t get it, but the sad fact is you are the person (s) your referencing.

    I don’t give two shits about Rapha you tard! I certaintly don’t dive two fucks for SSCXWC and their rules either. But to read all this hate and whining over two riders who apparently won your little race but didn’t stick around to chug beers are get some horribly lame tattoo has exposed the whole scenic for what it is, a bunch of posers who want to pretend their “badass” bike riders, but yet can even back it up at your own event!

    News flash, your can chug beer, hang out and party or you can be a fast bike racer……..but you can’t be both! So which one is it?

    And if this event is not an official race, and no ones serious, then who cares if these two won, why be such a stickler on the rules……fuck rules! And if you guys had any balls you would of just DQ’d them and been done with it.

    But the idiots at drunk cyclists and this forum where just waiting for something like this to jump on, just look at D2 drunk and bored as he puts!

  64. …johnny thunders, huh ????…the only sound you make is ‘blah, blah, blah’…

    …see how i did that for you ???…i pretended to make your bitchy little ‘blahs’ loud so you could pretend you’re all ‘thunder-y’ & shit…

  65. These idiots even posted this on their website”Top-ranked professionals will race side-by side with amateurs who will do ANYTHING to dominate and lay claim to the once-in-a-lifetime title of WORLD CHAMPION of Singlespeed Cyclocross”

    HAHAHAHA!!!! They basically call everyone out, and when the home team loses on their own field they start bitchin and shredding people! That’s everything that’s stupid about the whole “SS” scene.

    @ Bikes, from reading your posts above, looks like you don’t have much to stand on, I think Thunder’s nailed you!

    Fuckin’ single speed dorks!

  66. Sadly this is also something that I realized down in Taupo while parading my DC top, this website is starting to become a victim of it’s own success, attracting all sorts of Trolls & Bitches.

    Yep, JT & gregoire, talking about you, Capt’n Tony is a Turtle Pirate so he gets some slack, but he’s pushing it.

  67. in the imortal words ” can we call that rule 92 as part of the HTFU Doctrine of Cycling?” we see revealed the true bat-shit crazy nature of this niche of ssxcwc drunkards… not your normal breed of “enjoy cycling and the party, all are welcome” types, but those who follow the one-true-doctrine-of-righteously-righteous… in the church of self-parody!

    This comments page is too good! Gnome and bikesgonewild et al have got to be spoofing! You guys surely must see the joke here?! And its not only on you, its of your own self making. This own goal is up there with RIck Perry!!

  68. wanna be 4 srs in racing? take your ass to (east)flanders. i had to spend the first 14 years of my life there. take my word, you’ll find all the srs you want, srs that’ll make you wish for usa eternal cat 3 whinging. listen, get drunk, race, get drunker. its simple. dont want the prize? its simple. don’t win. its just the tradition of the race. i know the traditions are worlds apart, but its as if somebody fought for last place in TDF but then would get upset when the papers mention it or magazines want an interview. just for the record, i have two rapha jerseys and a hat. best jerseys i ever bought, but a pretty stupid company.

  69. How can you be “World Champion” of Singlespeed Cross racin’ if you don’t even own a singlespeed cross bike? How does that work?

    “Oh, you’re the best singlespeed ‘cross racers in the world! Wow, how many SSCX races have you won?”
    – “One.”
    “Oh, that’s cool… how many single speed cross races have you participated in?”
    – “One.”
    “Oh. One?”
    – “Well, it was a pretty big race. The World Championship!”
    “One race? But you must ride your singlespeed cross bike a lot for fun, right?”
    – “We don’t have singlespeed cross bikes. In fact we didn’t know you needed one to race in the singlespeed cross world championship!”
    “…Oh. So you don’t really ride a singlespeed?”
    – “Well, no. There’s only one gear. You can’t even shift.”
    “Oh. Well, yeah. That’s the ‘single’ part. Uh, anyway, that must have been pretty exciting! Up on the podium, a world champion!”
    – “We couldn’t really stay for the awards. We had somewhere really important to be.”
    “Yeah, I couldn’t make it to Sweden for my Nobel Prize, either. If I’d already been in Sweden, though, I might’ve stayed over for it.”
    – “Are you mocking me?”
    “Of course not.”
    – “We’re world champions!”
    “Prove it.”
    – “What?”
    “Show me the tattoo.”

    If you don’t like to do it, stay away. I do.

  70. Pingback: FIN. | SSCXWC 2011, San Francisco CA

  71. SSCXWC Rules:

    And so, we’ve come to two, and only two, conclusions:

    1. Chris and Julie are allowed to keep their Singlespeed Cyclocross World Champion titles. But as is tradition, they will be banned from future SSCXWC races until they receive and present their SSCXWC tattoos. Frankly, we think this means we won’t be seeing them at our sick little twisted race again.

    2. Going forward, we will set expectations accordingly so as to avoid future disappointments. In other words, we will make it obvious as fuck from here forward that there are two, and only two rules, to SSCXWC.

    See you next year in Santa Cruz, bitches.

    Do the full read. It’s top notch.

  72. I come to this party a little late…been out in the desert…

    Whatever the fuck Rapha is, can someone please ensure that it never sullies African shores. Please.

  73. they get to keep their titles? really? wow. How could the organizers botch that. I guess it’s THEIR race or whatever but this one was a no brainer. If there are two rules and they blew both of them why do they keep the title? rapha are the kind of d-bags that ruined all my play time as a kid with their lame “well you never SAID i couldn’t do that.” garbage. terrible. looks like one more small part of our bike culture has been bought and sold. I don’t care if I sound like a cliquey jerk. so be it. fucking mice parade.


  74. Sorry been out of the loop on this, had been travelling back home. I still don’t get why the cave men think this is about people liking rapha clothes or not! – I haven’t seen anyone even mention that. (except the people hating on the rapha team) Its about us being appalled by the close-door clique and almost cult-like hostility towards the two racers who won but didn’t want a tat (or attend the right party)… Cycling has always been a really friendly scene where all comers cheered and sang and drank alongside each other at the side of the road/track/singletrack and where riders came from all kinds of different backgrounds. So its really sad to see guys entering an open, public Pro Am race/event being torn at for not being the right ‘type’ of people. You think they disrespected the ‘tradition of the tat’ ? There’s a discussion to be had about not going to the podium, but in a free country the tat issue is kind of a non starter (and sure isn;t obvious on the website calling for entries).
    And more to the point you disrespected basic human warmness and disrespected the tradition of cycling being open to all comers. That’s why we’re calling you out, it’s not trolling its calling you out for acting like a holes, and making our sport seem small, hostile and only for a niche group that demand a certain lifestyle choice, values and style. Really.

  75. I know it’s lame to compare cycling to golf, but it would be like if Tiger Woods won a major tournament and just said “No Thanks” to the green jacket. It’s a slap in the face of a tradition that means something to a lot of people. It’s representative of community, not a clique.

    These Rapha clowns have basically said the cycling community doesn’t mean much to them. This was just another race to win. That’s the clique. That’s the bullshit right there.

  76. The Master’s green jacket comparison is, as they say, on point.

    When you win, you stick around and let last year’s winner help you put on that fabled tunic.

    Sure, a tattoo is a bit more of a commitment than a garment. But the concept remains true. You do it because that is the way it is done. You don’t bail on the award ceremony and leave the organizers, volunteers, and other competitors standing around looking at an empty space on the stage where the event’s winner should be standing. If you don’t know that, you don’t know anything.

    It has nothing to do with living in a “free country” as stated above. This is the benefit of the bargain, my friend. Toe the line, take the trophy. Buy the ticket, take the ride. If you don’t want the tattoo, don’t win the race. It really is that simple.

  77. Thanks for the link gnome. That peloton video really captured it. The Rapha racers didn’t know what they were getting into and after the race they ran away never to come back. Fuck em. They were little known pros before the race and they will be the same in the future. Everyone had a great time and the race is on for next year. Cheers!

  78. the fact their kit makes them look like pussies is just the icing on the cake dude. they could be wearing a suit of fucking armor for all i care. they are still total dickheads for not treating the event with respect. That’s all you can really ask for. a gracious winner. Rapha are not gracious winners.

  79. Fuck these pussy ass mother fuckers who only rode SS to win a World Championship and not take the Tat. I normally don’t get shitty with peeps who drop derailleurs and live life on the wild side for a race or two. However this was a marketing ploy by Rapha to bring in some “ringers” to win a race that isn’t really a race. Fuck them too – rainbow brite fucktards. Remove the titles….

  80. All sides are right. Sigh.

    “Winners:” Honor the race by showing up to the awards ceremony. If I ever win anything cyclocross (unlikely) I’m going to attempt to pickle myself with belgian beer in a way that may truly bring shame to Trappist monks everywhere. Don’t be wieners. bwahaha. Fuck. Anyway, as BJ said, respect the traditions.

    “Promoters/Rest of SSCXWC community:” don’t “require” things of people that are permanent and perhaps not in accord with their values. I like to race bikes, I don’t want any tats. Contrary to what BJ says, a tat is not a green jacket. Make Tiger Woods wear that green jacket everywhere and at all times to see each and every one of his ho’s, and then we’re talking. Shit’s going to need some dry cleaning to get the cum stains off though. Hmm. What then?

    So, is this a race or a cultural event? Do you think it can be both? What does it say about it as a race if the fastest people either don’t want to attend, or are unable to claim the award because of restrictions, or (worst of all) sandbag it at the end because they don’t *want* to win? Well, that ain’t no race, homies…that’s a circle jerk.

    We can all make up races with our own rules and pigeon hole ourselves into the DWCNNPF (drunk world champion night ninja punk fuckers, known as dwikkenpiff), but in this case, it sounds to me like the main reason for the gathering was to get together and race bikes. Racing = trying to go fastest = trying to connect point A and point B in the shortest possible time = winning.

    and DAMN… if I don’t find …BGW… to be… fucking insufferable…. Sorry to call you out, dude, but OF COURSE someone who uses ellipses as a personal tradition and style point is going to side on the side of the promoters/community that favors personal tradition and style points.

    In conclusion: Point A. Point B. Ninjas. That is all.

  81. I’m a little late to this party..I was out riding all week.
    But what i think may be the root problem here is that this now solidifies SS jumping the shark.That probably makes a lot of people bummed. What was once the outlet of obsessed cyclists to get away from douchebag roadie and uber competitive types. Has now become the arena for just the people we were trying to escape. Bad enough SSCXWC was riding on the coat tails of MTB SSWC but now it has been completely polluted the gene pool with a bunch of knobs.

  82. It’s not like the tattoo was a surprise foisted on them after winning. Everyone knew up front what the winners are expected to do. Don’t like it? Don’t enter the race.

    you know what you bitches sound like?…..you winging fuck ass cunts hating like a bunch of fucked up retards cos someone didnt get no tattoo and ‘respect’ your shit. I’m going outside now to burn my my DC jersey – the gay ass blue one from back in the day.
    They won the fucking race fair and fucking square and they didnt hang around to fit in with your merry fucking men. Guees what?…you lose. I lol’d at yor reply. Twat.

  84. You lol’d at it?

    Well gents, the twelve year old girl in the room thinks we’re twats. How will we go on living?

  85. …btw…jack daniels, the lynchburg, tennessee sour mash whiskey distiller, in case you’ve never heard of them (…oh, right, dc…sorry) has a christmasy tv commercial & at the very beginning a guy who honestly looks as floyd landis-y as, well, floyd landis turns on a spigot & fills up his testing/tasting jar & proceeds to sniff the contents…

    …thought maybe the ‘mennonite missle’ got hisself a personal sponsor after his past acknowledgment of their product back in his ‘tour’ days…

    …check it out…

  86. Well,….. with those brilliant replies I have to concede…..No wait.
    I’m still winning.
    You suck. My dick.

  87. Fucking hell … I never realised how much I win until I posted on this site.

  88. OK…. you have a little think about posting somthing witty. I will check in at laters. Night all.

  89. …jimmy gets one of the first rapha ‘pretentious as fuck’ t-shirts when they come out…

    …kinda obvious why…

  90. …heavens no, jimmy…your comments are so erudite & well respected here @ dc that we’ll give you one…

    …just as soon as ‘rapha’ comes across…

  91. …don’t feel bad for jimmy, folks…

    …he might a’ lost & lost out on the t-shirt but i guarantee that he’ll be compensated…

    …the next time he buys chinese take-out, he’ll get a free cookie…stone fact…

  92. @bikes

    Are you still fucking chattering away on this thread?

    Fuck bro, give it a rest! We get it now, over and over and over again! Your the guy who is slower than shit, thinks he knows everything about the SS culture, can’t even win your own event where you make the rules,then will claim its “not a race” or “not a serious event”, then spend hours a day engaging and defending your point of view to people behind a computer while others are at work and won’t even listen to your own words “…to whom it may concern……blah…blah…blah…

  93. fucking troll ass bitch sticking up for dbags (yes Julie & Chris are fucking tards)….Read comment thread 103.

  94. i don’t give a fuck how fast or slow you are, if you win or lose, are pro or amateur, hipster or square. just don’t be a dick and treat the event/race/whateverthefuckyoucallit with respect. people put a lot of time and effort into this thingy. to not even stay for the ceremonies is being a dick. there’s no defending that. just a straight dick move.

  95. Tattoos are a personal expression and choice. SSXCWC might think its not a ‘brand’ and that it’s sponsors aren’t ‘corporate’ (as opposed to ‘the man’ and global conglomerate rapha), but honestly who in there right mind would get a tat form the sponsor of an event??? It’s not like taking the green jacket, it’s like Tiger Woods telling a sponsor of the masters that he won’t have a logo put on his forehead!!! And them bithcin’ that he didn’t pony up and let them tat his sorry ass whilst drunk!

    If you only want people who will take a branded-tattoo on their skin to turn up at the event, then the entry pool for next year just became real fuckin’ small dudes!

  96. …gee…i haven’t mentioned the event since wednesday night…here it is, friday, 2 days later…

    …i’ve been ripping on ‘rapha’, the company & what i think of their attitude & overpriced gear, no doubt about it…haven’t said shit about their riders in 2 days…

    …i AM guilty of dicking with clowns like you & the few others who ARE still talking about ‘the event’ but no, johnny ‘thunder’, your pissy little rant should be directed at yourself & those other particular clowns…

    …time to wake the fuck up, wad…

    …i will admit, when i’m bored, i like to fuck with people who don’t
    ‘get it’…it’s a negative trait i’d be wise to rid myself of…but until such time………

  97. Cave Dick,

    Can you help me out on some facts here?

    Fact: the promoter calls it a World Championship (that infers it’s a race where I come from)
    Fact: promoter set up website taking registration fee (seems like a race again??)
    Fact: promoter claims amateurs get to take on”Top ranked Pro’s for the prestigious title (hmmm….sounds like a race to me)
    Fact: promoter didn’t pre inspect bikes to make sure they were compliant (although sounds like the guy that won was actually at a disadvantage carrying all those extra gears he couldn’t use)
    Fact: promoter didn’t put in writing tattoo is required ( better make sure all the corporate geeks are in on your little joke)
    Fact; promoter buckles like a weak ass and doesn’t even DQ the winners (even after all the whining and sniveling from the outraged purists)

    I could be mixing my facts here, but all the responsibility falls onto the promoter, who did a sub par jog either converting or enforcing the rules……….or the only other thing is all you little SS dorks got but hurt someone came and rained on your parade and the bounced!

  98. If this was a legitimate gripe and not just a smear campaign, you’d all be complaining about Focus too. Remember them? The co-sponsor of the team? I haven’t seen them mentioned once.

    This is just about a bunch of bitter dirtbag bikers who were looking for an excuse to hate on a brand, and now they have it. The sad part is they took down what should have been a legitimate bike event with them and turned it into a crappy dirt allycat who berates their winners.

    The organizers allowed the pros to race rigged SS’s without doing the qualifiers. They also have always said you can’t race the next year if you don’t get the tattoo…not tattooo required. Complain to them if you’re so upset, because they let it all happen.

  99. @ Triple

    Fact: Double Douchers(D2)Green jacket comparison is stretching it (a removable shitty green jacket and a permant shitty tattoo are two different “awards”, “traditions” entirely)
    Fact: Winner’s of the green jacket are actual real skilled professionals (unlike winners of SSCXWC)
    Fact: promoter didn’t coin the term “World Championships”(how about learning the traditional of a real World Championship event,before you bastardize it with gay concepts:Link to real W/C event here for your reference-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzgVHd6fY3I&feature=fvsr
    Fact: promoter was already aware of a prior “corporate pro” rider winning and bailing on the holy grail of all that is sacred tattoo.
    Fact: knowing above said facts, the tard still let the event get punked by a couple greedy “corporate pro” racers. (not very smart)
    Fact: if promoter makes tattoo a requirement to win, then its not a real World Championship event then is it? (Play along with me here, as I pretend the event is legitimate in the first place)
    Fact: if above is enforced, then the race, er event,ummm…gathering is really the first idiot that crosses the line that’s willing to get the shitty tattoo.
    Fact: Changing the event to SSCJCX (Single Speed Cirlce Jerk Cyclocross….jesus can’t believe I have to spell that out)would alleviate all future heartache, and ensure that tradition is honored.
    Fact: If you get juked at your own event by a couple “corporate pink geeks” and are not even smart enough to convey and enforce your own rules, then shut the fuck up and live with it!!!

  100. Even I am surprised at how many Rapha trolls have jumped on this. Comment #153 nails it— doesn’t matter if you’re Lance Armstrong, it was a dick move.

  101. Ive wanted to go to this race since the very first one, and have followed it since, and never knew the tattoo was required. Glad I didn’t win! That tattoo looks more like you passed out around mean friends with a tattoo gun.

  102. @The Facts

    Good choice as a vid.

    Bacon played a real biker on TV just like your Rapha boys do.

    So what kinda tat we talking aboot here ??

  103. Jeez. 171 comments on this? This shit is played out. At this point no-one is convincing anyone. It’s a discussion on the interwebtardtubes. There’s no room for detail and nuance. I’m with D2, this thread done jumped the shark a while ago and got a serious case of the yawns.

  104. @ the facts,

    apparently you are the world champion of repetitive lists. yes, we’ve also read all the comment that were posted before you were here. contribute something new or don’t bother responding.

    Fact: they knew what the deal was before they showed up. (notice how i didn’t say “rules”?)

    Fact: they didn’t show up with a dedicated singlespeed. kinda douchey.

    Fact: they didn’t stay for the ceremonies.

    Fact: the promoters/organizers/founders should not have backed down.

    Fact: just because they were the fastest people on the course doesn’t make them “right” or make them “winners”.

    Fact: If they “won” they would have really shitty tattoos.

  105. yeah, i think i’m outta garbage to spew about this. just remember, “it’s not epic unless you film it.” fuckin’ mice parade.

  106. I still wanna know what the tat is ?

    “@el jefe, It got gang banged and left for dead.”


  107. That’s it ?? That’s the tat ??

    I was pissed before.

    Now I’m medieval.

    Fuck gang bangs. Fuck golf. Fuck Grammar. Fuck Facts.

    Totally Fuck Rapha.

  108. rapha‘pretentious as fuck’

    …they really oughta adopt that line…

  109. …somebody oughta send one a’ those puppies to gov. rick perry…

    …i think he needs some a’ that ‘warm & fuzzy feeling’ in his life…

  110. NOT trying to keep this thread alive but I note that cycle Goddess
    jacquie phelan has an insight into the event.


    I also note that there was a Drunkcyclist on a green singlespeed in attendance, nicely complimented with a fetching pink bag,who looked pretty lean & mean, (the cyclist, not the bag).


    Identify yourself sir!

  111. @Hurben Thanks for the link

    Jacquie writes an interesting, non-confrontational account of the race.
    She describes her joy in taking part without attacking others because they don’t conform to the tribal, conformist bullshit that passes for “bike culture” in some circles.

    A lot of the whiners on this and other sites remind me of a bunch of republicans lounging around the country club badmouthing others because they don’t wear the right clothes or drive expensive cars or don’t live in exclusive gated communities.

    Learn from her example. Ask yourself, “What would Jacquie do?”

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