Smooth Finish

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A few  months ago,  I was bullshitting with Gnome about Interbike and he asked me what my goals were for the show. Besides riding every bike I wanted at the dirt demo, the only other goal I could think of was to have a drink with as many cycling icons as possible. To weed out just who is a drunkcyclist and who isn’t. 

Jens Voigt is a drunkcyclist.


Dirty: “Nah, I don’t want an autograph. But do you want to drink some whiskey with me?”

Jens (without hesitation): “Of course! …There isn’t anything else in here is there?”

Dirty:“No sir, just pure Tennessee whiskey”

Jens: “Perfect”


There was no side sippin’ here. A significant amount of whiskey was consumed by both of us.

DSC_0256…and the smooth finish.

Jens: “Thank you my friend, that makes the day much better.”

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About dirty biker

I am a fan of singletrack, singlespeeds, single women and single malt. Currently in Carbondale, CO Follow on Instagram @dirty_biker

48 thoughts on “Smooth Finish

  1. That might have been one of the coolest things from one of the coolest guys in the peloton that I have seen in a while. Totally made my day.

  2. …that one act alone, dirtybiker, makes you cooler than jens voigt & chuck norris…

    …anybody else a drunkcyclist ???…

  3. Jens is truly the man

    There are many, but here are just a few of my Favs.

    Jens Voigt climbs hills so well for a big guy because they slink into the ground in fear when he approaches.

    Jens Voigt rides so fast when he attacks that he circumnavigates the globe and drafts off his own wheel, until he decides to drop himself.

    Paris-Roubaix has Pave sections because the real road is scared of Jens Voigt.

    If you are a rookie on the Pro-Tour and you google Jens Voigt all you get is “It’s no too late to take up kickball son”.

    Jens Voigt never gets a flat because the air is too scared to escape from his tire.


    From Rule 5, footnote 14: You will never observe Rule 5 as much as Jens. The diamond industry is currently petitioning to move the standard measurement of the hardness of a diamond from “carat” to “Jens”. Preliminary studies show that the most perfect and hard diamond known to be in existence is 0.125 Jens. Thanks to Velomihottie for pointing out the omission of this obvious fact.

  5. @el jefe: Carats are actually a unit of weight. And nobody knows what Jens weighs, because nobody wants to try picking him up.

  6. That should have started with “you are correct, however…”

    and the second one should end with “and neither will I”

    What I like about this post is that in our little world, he’s a famous hardman, who’s not afraid to drink whiskey with a random fan. The accessibility of many of the “big” cycling stars still can’t be beat.

  7. You Can’t Kick Sensei’s Ass. Part I

    You can’t kick sensei’s ass. You just can’t.
    Doesn’t matter what time of day it is.
    Don’t try to jump sensei
    after teaching two classes and his 100 sword draws.
    Even if you’re swell and strong
    sensei will throw you
    and then laugh.
    You can’t kick sensei’s ass. There’s NO FUCKING WAY.
    Don’t drink with him, he’ll get you swooning, and then playing,
    and then you think just for a moment
    that you could land a punch on sensei’s titanium ribs.
    Then, drunk, he’ll kick your ass laying on his back.
    The people he picks for you to square off with
    it pisses you off. You hate him for this.
    He gives you the lanky guy that can’t pull his punches
    Or the sweaty fat yellow belt that you don’t want to be near.
    Sensei can appear in any parking lot at any time and put you in a lock.
    But you… you cannot stalk sensei, you cannot surprise him.
    He is always better than you.
    So no talking of this possibility. You can’t. We’ve fallen on rule number two in life, in general, for all people.
    You can’t kick sensei’s ass. You just can’t.
    Rule number one is enumerated as such: In the absence of your usual sensei, Jens Voigt is sensei.

  8. Sensei plays a game with everyone
    while we all get sweaty and worry about small things.
    In total control at all times.

  9. @Mr. Pelkey..Mr. 3L? if that statement about class was a joke, it was pretty funny. If you are serious, well then it’s just plain hilarious. Check the URL at the top of the screen…did you not know what site you were going to?

  10. …my, my, my, mr pelkey…

    …i’d suggest under the circumstances, ie: interbike in vegas no less & particularly taking jens reply of “Thank you my friend, that makes the day much better.”, that you, sir, may be out of line…

    …perhaps on reflection, you might concur, yes ???…

    …give it a minute…

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  12. That may have been the coolest post ever to happen on this site.

    Jens signed my kit “harden the fuck up” which was cool in of itself, but I had no whiskey on me to offer.

    Very cool DB, very cool indeed…..

  13. Dirty, I think Pelkey thought I posted it rather than you. I have (to go to) class while you, sir, do not.

    Pelkey, I was in Phoenix during the trade show; in class! Oh, the horror.
    3L that I am. (my god, I’m almost done?!?)

  14. Hey Chuck Pelkey,

    Seriously??? How about your editors? I loved it when I was shoved outta the way so they could get their precious shot for your webzine? I love it when some crappy photog just needs his shot. I guess Interbike is just for your precious rag.

    This here is Drunkcyclist dot com.

    Class can be found at so piss off.

    Now I need a Drink.

  15. Oh Thank Gawd. Pelkey’s post makes sense now.

    I read it before and all I could do is ask…”Am I drunk or stoned???”.

    I feel so much better now.

  16. Damn Dirty….you asked us what we wanted to see at Interbike. well u got a pic with a Cannibal and you slug’d whiskey with a German. BUT WHERE THE HELL IS MY PICTURE OF A CANADIAN WITH A BEER!!!!!!

  17. Jens is the fucking man. Alway training… even for the late night strategy sessions with team schleck.

  18. So profound, #37. You should, like, get that in one of those lame 365 days a year quote calendars.

  19. jewfro, I take it you have never ridden a fixed gear and think it is all about trust fund twatwaffles.

  20. I had a fixed gear when people told me what to do. Now I’m just told what to do.

    This thread might be the best clown show I’ve read in a while.

    Viva Jens!

  21. several posts without lj pulling the trigger
    good restraint lj!
    good post db!
    jens is golden…the guys spirit is strong!

  22. “…There isn’t anything else in here, is there?”
    See?!? If Alberto had just asked, I’m sure his waiter would’ve told him the evening’s special was carne de clenbuterol.

  23. Pure damned awesomeness.

    And hardness is measured in Rockwell units (at least for metals).