Keeping it old school

From: Marc
Subject: Ride fight
Hey Big J;
Now that I’m living back in sunny Newport Beach, I’ve been riding Pacific Coast Hwy a bit. One day I got completely shelled by the group after 25 miles. I’m stuck about a 1/4 mile back by myself playing catch up and praying they hit red lights or something. While humping along I pass another lone rider and he jumps on my wheel. After about half a mile I’m popping so I slide over to let him by. He passes me about 1 mph faster and I slip into his draft.

Instantly the dude starts swerving left and right and not just a little but big Tour De France 2 lane jobbers. I just stared at his wheel and stuck to it thinking WTF is this guy doing and then bang…I saw his rear caliper clamp down and lock up the rear wheel! Without a single thought I swerved to the left BARELY missing his wheel, let go of the bars with the right hand and as I was sweeping by, punched that fucker in the back of the skull with everything I had! His helmet slammed down over his eyes sending his glasses smashing off his top tube and on to the pavement.

He was still swerving but now it was in an attempt to stay upright. I grabbed some brakes and pulled right next to him, and with a hand full of his jersey pulled him as close as I could and screamed “Who the fuck do you think you are. Don’t ever brake check me or anyone else ever again!! I will kill you if you ever pull that shit again.”

The look on his face was priceless. Sheer terror. That was probably the last thing he expected from a fat bastard on a Colnago. But hey, I’m old school like that. With my new found serge of adrenalin, I managed to catch the group buy the next light. Great ride!

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

15 thoughts on “Keeping it old school

  1. Born and raised there, and I can attest to them being the most snotty idiotic people in SoCal more or less. Too much money and wayyy too self-important.

    I hope that fucker isn’t friends with anyone in the group, or they will have to answer for his actions as well.

  2. The two-lane swerve is a completely legitimate option when someone is blocking your tailwind. Once I saw Lance killin it on an uphill stage and when he couldn’t shake the guy and lost his tailwind, he locked em up, and the bad guy flew right by and then he got missile lock and blowd him aways GO MAVERICK.

    Goose smiles from heaven and is proud.
    Iceman and Mav and lance make out.
    Goose is disappointed.
    Biker who got punched cries.

    FIN!

  3. I agree with Mr. Hawk – the only thing that would have been cooler would have been if he’d gotten knocked out by your sucker punch, swerved into traffic, and gotten hit head on by some old bat in a Caddy, who then would swerve off the road, killing her. 2 for 1! Rock on, bro! You are the savior of all that is right in cycling. Thank god there are cycling vigilantes like you to enforce the law and then write a cool story about your heroic deeds scaring the bad, bad man! But hey, maybe you should be happy – if it weren’t for the “anti-hero” you may not seem to be the hero that you are. If he hadn’t caused you so much distress, you might not have been motivated to get your fat ass back up to the group, and thereby we wouldn’t have such an amazing story, with such a touching ending. I can’t wait for the Lifetime movie!

  4. Marc,

    I too am familiar with the racing tactics of PCH well and can honestly say I’d have done the same thing. To brake check someone on PCH is just blatantly stupid and could have sparked a major accident itself.

    On another note, you riding dirt at all? I’ve got an old friend of yours here that would like to say hi.

    B-

  5. Guys-

    Mr. brake check sounds like a major league dumbshit. The only time I ever brake checked a guy is when I was brake checked by a dipwad in an SUV chopping a right turn across my path. Me and my buddy collided but both of us stayed upright.

    Mikey

  6. “I will kill you if you ever pull that shit again”
    “I’m old school like that”

    What a douche………….Seriously, how are you? You’re an a-hole for acting that way and a bigger a-hole for writing about it and thinking anyone else would think you were justified or cool.

    Way to go tough guy!

  7. Wanna-be old school: Blah,blah,blah…..”I will kill you if you ever pull that shit again” “I’m old school like that”…blah,blah,blah.

    Actual old school: “This asshole did me wrong and I set him straight”

    The more a guy talks….the less he did.

  8. yea fuck those swervin fools unless you just got done drinking with them at the circle-k and they can’t hold your 3 40′s

  9. exactly the right move.anyone that disagrees is a know nothing wannabe poof ass fag that deserves their own beatdown

  10. My favorite unannounced, uninvited wheelsucker was the guy who pulled forward just far enough to let me know that I wasn’t doing a very good job of alerting him to obstacles in the road before tucking back in. I think that he finally figured out that I was doing my best to get him to hit something big enough to crash.