Thank God it’s Friday. Again.

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Haven’t touched a bike all week. Hope to break the chain ’round about Saturday morning. And that would be tomorrow.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

Believe me.

First up:

From: twolf1
Subject: cyclist = terroris
Bicyclist sought in Times Square bombing

Yeah, what the fuck is up with that? Who’s this joker trying to put a black eye in the gang?

From the article:

Letters claiming responsibility for the bombing of a military recruiting station in New York’s Times Square arrived in the Washington offices of several members of Congress on Thursday, just hours after the blast, authorities said.

Police are searching for a hooded bicyclist seen on a surveillance tape just before an early morning bombing at the office…

I’m sure the next thing I hear is this cat was on a brakeless fixy with a paisley top tube pad.

Will wonders ever cease?

You’ll remember – loyal reader – that my throne lies in Stall #2 in the men’s room here at the office. Yesterday, I was reigning over my kingdom, granted an audience by the royal porcelain, when something rather shocking occurred….
Read more:

Ya, he had me hooked with that one too.

So I’m watching this video interview with Christine Vardaros. Normal racer yah yah stuff and then she says,

With a vegan diet, I work out really hard. And, the next day I’m recovered. So I go out and work out really hard two, three, five, seven days in a row. Whereas a lot of the, you know, my meat eating co-workers can’t do that.

Um. What? It’s not the diet that limits you. Believe me. If you can’t dig a big enough whole in a three day block of training, I don’t know what kind of “really hard” workouts you’re doing. There is no way you should be able to manage seven days of “really hard” workouts in a row.

But what the fuck do I know anyway? Best of luck next season.

City committee targets bicyclists, motorists
Mayor Daley’s plan to curb motorists whose reckless driving endangers bicycle riders — with $150 fines that rise to $500 if there’s a bike crash — cleared a City Council committee Wednesday amid demands that the city do the same to cowboy cyclists.

Traffic Committee members said they’re all for throwing the book at drivers who open car doors in the path of cyclists, turn left or right in front of them or pass within three feet of their bikes. But, they’re equally peeved about bike messengers who knock down pedestrians and about street racers who defy red lights in a mad dash to the finish line.
Read more:

Maybe that’s fair.

I don’t really want to be hit by either a car or a cyclist.

One reader chimes in:

From: the most factory blog
Subject: Chitown Hustle
Big J, Aw shit, here we go. That’s the way to solve our dilemmas: bureaucracy!

I’d like to see the popo responsible for chasing down the “cowboy” bikers and messengers to issue violations. I’m picturing a cross between Pacific Blue and 21 Jump Street sprinkled with a little Barney Miller/ Fife for good measure.

Lord know Chicago Aldermen know sumpin about breakin the damn law. This contribution submitted while sipping a 24oz highlife on the METRA
on my way to the lawless exurbs!

There is no way anyone is going to catch a motivated cyclist.

No way.

And then you have this:

From: Les
Subject: Gun control in AZ
“I feel like our kindergartners are sitting there like sitting ducks.”
— Arizona State Senator Karen S. Johnson, on her bill permitting students and teachers to carry guns in public schools. Johnson initially wanted her bill to cover kindergarten and up.

Is this real?

As in “is Arizona really that fucked up?”


Its looney tunes out here.

I figure Les was reading this one from Wednesday’s NY Times:

Horrified by recent campus shootings, a state lawmaker here has come up with a proposal in keeping with the Taurus .22-caliber pistol tucked in her purse: Get more guns on campus.

…Ms. Johnson, a Republican from Mesa, said she believed that the recent carnage at Northern Illinois University could have been prevented or limited if an armed student or professor had intercepted the gunman. The police, she said, respond too slowly to such incidents and, besides, who better than the people staring down the barrel to take action?

In case you’re wondering, Karen Johnson is stone cold fucking crazy.

… Ms. Johnson is not fazed by the skeptics.

“We are not the wild, wild West like people think we are,” she said. “But people are more independent thinkers here when it comes to security.”

Baby, you are 100% wild, wild west – your face would make a train turn down a dirt road.

Keith Bontrager doesn’t quite understand the concept of mounting antlers.

…she found a deer carcass. It was well on its way to returning to its chemical constituents, but the skull was in good shape and she brought it home. Notice anything odd about it? Someone used a saw to take a wedge of the skull away, probably to retrieve the brain. So, after that lengthy preface, I have finally gotten to the punch line.

No man, no. Someone used a saw to remove the antlers.

You need to get out more.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

23 Replies to “Thank God it’s Friday. Again.”

  1. Chicago summer crackdown… happens every year. Once it was because two cop bikes got stolen downtown, leading to much harassment of the downtown messers.

    Another time some alderman got a bug up their ass about “outlaw cyclists” and started a ticketing campaign.

    The crackdown on peds downtown severely backfired.

    As far as messengers knocking down pedestrians, I don’t know how often it happens (I think da Mayor might have scraped his knee or something), but I certainly don’t hear a lot of talk from the guys I know about it. Hell, the only peds I see getting hit are the ones on friday night who walk out from between cars on either side without looking in the middle of the block. In that case, there’s no way to win as biker and ped both eat shit. Unless you’re riding the 70 lb. dutch cargo bike with a fixed front rack acting as a cow catcher.

  2. The shooter in Pearl, Mississippi was apprehended by an assistant principal who went to his personal car and retrieved his own .45. He held the shooter until the police arrived. His gun was in his car because it’s illegal for CCW holders to carry at school. I’m sure the dead kids’ families appreciate that.

    People make the “Wild West” argument every time citizens carrying guns is mentioned—-and it’s BULLSHIT. Citizens who take the time and effort to obtain concealed carry permits do not commit crimes—and they have a higher hit percentage than police officers.

  3. Concealed carry permits are bunk. Register your gun and it will disappear like Micheal Jackson at a baby shower. Look at what happened in Australia and Europe.

    As far as I care, they should assume I am armed to the teeth.

  4. …i’ll be honest wit ya, big jonny…peanut vardaros is a local chick & i’m a big fan simply because she’s awesome enough to go & live the life in belgium no less, in the winter, to race cross…total props for that…

    …& so while i enjoyed ctodd’s interview, i did think that was a rather disingenuous statement by peanut…if she was podiuming in all the big races, it might make sense…but if ya talk the talk, ya gotta ride the race…

    …power quality, not pedal quantity…nuff said…

  5. Ya notice how most of these shooting occur in places where a law abiding type is not allowed to carry a gun. Campuses and malls that have no guns signs. Just a thought

  6. Regarding the Vegan “Holier than thou” race training plan: I salute anyone who watches their intake of healthy foods while living in today’s society – full of easily attainable junk. However, let us not forget that some athletes can bite off baby bat heads, eat a raw deer splene and still make 23c tires smoke when they stand out of the saddle. I have had some of my hardest workouts with half a french dip in my jersey pocket. So I say, eat meat, it can’t be beat. Train hard on a diet of lard. Lets prove this theory wrong. I’m about to do a century with a blood-filled water bottle.

  7. So they found a 10 spd in the dumpster, think it is the recruiting station bomber’s.

    shit, I would have bet money it was going to be a fixie.

  8. Not an “Outlaw biker” but a city rider who values safety over legality, and been chased by cops twice…once a car, easy u-turn…alley…hour in Borders getaway. Next time motorcycle cop…really motivated motorcycle cop…down a flight of stairs motivated cop….actually got away a half block shy of the bonk…rode through a mall breezeway on that one. Never hit anyone though.

  9. Lord knows I love barbeque, but after learning more about factory farming, there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I’d eat a steak from a grocery store. Now if I was to hunt an animal myself (and use everything from the carcass), that’s a different story. Until that time comes, I’m living vegan. Losing weight and maintaining a high lean mass ratio has been a lot easier than I imagined in the Winter, but I’d have to say that training and dedication have a lot more to do with how often you can go all out than a choice between a Boca burger and a buffalo burger.

    And as someone whose thumb was broken in traffic from an asshole opening up his SUV door without looking, I take great pains to treat other people with respect…as long as you don’t have your head up your ass. I skate everywhere in NYC. I play in traffic, and I’ve knocked a 250-pound bitch on her chin because she thought she could grab my backpack after bumping into me after a difference of opinion. Her glasses went flying, I was laughing my ass off, and I skated away slowly in the event the bitch wanted to go another round with me. If you drive like a fucking idiot, or if you’re fiddling with your crackberry while crossing the street in NYC, may BGod have mercy on your ass – because I sure as shit won’t.

  10. All you wannabee vigilantes w/ your CCW guns. Who do you think the cops are going to shoot first, when they finally arrive on scene? You, armed and visible, safe in the knowledge that you are doing God’s work, ridding the planet of mis-guided goth teens, or the perp?
    You know how they are trained these days, a lot of “get down, put your hands on your head…”.They are more likely to shoot you while you say, “he’s in there”, because doubt is removed by training. If you have a gun, you must be a baddie.
    Good luck with that.

  11. Guess what, MavicMotoGuy – if I wanted to be a vigilante in NYC, don’t you think I’d have more than plenty opportunities to go apeshit? For that matter, where the Hell did any of us say we were armed?

    I’ve been stopped by cops more than a couple times, and they didn’t even say one friggin word to me besides, “Calm down, sir. We’ll take him in.” I have no idea what delusional world you’re living in, but I’d strongly suggest you get out of your momma’s basement, or start rubbing the lotion into your skin before you get the hose again.

  12. …i’ll tell ya, seoul brother, i could be wrong but i think mavicmotoguy was making a completely different point, than whatever in your head, you were responding to…

    …you just got all worked up for what, i can’t figure out…

  13. You could be right, bikesgonewild, and if I’m wrong about mavicmotoguy, I’ll be the first to apologize profusely. However – I try to be as clear about my point as possible. How can one reasonable individual read this story and come to the conclusion that those parties involved AND/OR some of those responding to this story are: a) vigilantes, b) armed with a concealed weapon (s), c) feel that they are driven by divine (albeit completely INSANE) providence, and/or d) have a hard on for “mis-guided goth teens?”

    I’ve seen articles recently either decrying these illegal bike street races or painting them as underground “Tyler Durden” type shit. That pisses me off incredibly. How mamy people work in industries that depend upon a package/contract/memo/brief being delivered quickly, yet none of the parties concerned give a fuck how the package arrive? It’s ok to use a bike messenger service, but if the cyclist breaks the law, runs a red light, or acts in a seemingly careless manner, the cyclist is at fault right? It’s not the bastard who hires the cyclist at all, of course.

    Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. If you’re going to get pissed off at “reckless” messengers, you better goddamned well be obeying the law to the last letter. You won’t have any ground to stand on if you’ve ever jaywalked, spit on the curb, or flicked a cigarette butt out of a car window. What would happen if bike messenger services started obeying the law like the paragons of civil responsibility they’re supposed to be? Never mind that anybody on the road with anything less than a car is treated like a second class citizen.

    I’ve got the scars to show what happens when you let some jagoff cop try and deal with an accident. I assumed that the idiot with a badge knew how to take down a license plate, registration, and a driver’s license in filing a report, but I was dead fucking wrong about that. And I’m not even a cyclist. I’m a diehard inline skater, and while morons are going to take the piss out of me for that, I’ll still share whatever water & carbs I have with the poor slob who just got done weaving in and out of traffic.

  14. Sorry SeoulBrother
    Great sign-in name!
    Yeah, I was responding to the story about a concealed weapon initiative in AZ.
    We were at cross purposes, bikesgonewild (another great tag), was right.
    NYC has a stunning low crime rate, a relatively civil community except toward cyclists. Like almost everywhere else…
    I’ve been left in the middle of CPW after being doored by a cab’s passenger. He asks, as I’m hugging my nuts, “are you OK?”
    Maybe my bellowed “NOOOO” scared him off, but then the cabbie backed up, took off and left me totally exposed to traffic. Nice.
    Yeah it’s a war between the messengers and cabbies, but a steady skirmish prevails for every other cyclist out there.
    So Peace my brother

  15. Peace and understanding, mavicmotoguy. And my apologies. I was under the assumption that you were responding to something I said. On the topic of weapons, it’s not all that difficult to get either a concealable weapon or something more obvious like a hunting knife.

    Now I don’t know Karen Johnson from a Hunts Point ‘ho, but based on her comments, I say pump her full of roofies, and drop her off in the South Bronx. Just to be fair, let the fuckpig keep her prissy little Taurus .22. Oooooh a .22! Let’s see how long she lasts with that bitch-ass peashooter. If you’re going to get a gun, always remember that there are plenty of people out there with lots more experience than you with your shooting range or your silhouette targets. Hopefully this dumb bitch will end up in some landfill.

    It’s not just the marginalization of cyclists and skaters in NYC – it’s the fact that other bastards can act like the morons they are freely and without fear of recrimination. A cabbie nearly broadsided me by Union Square, and I followed the cab for two blocks. I shouted at the cabbie to get out of the cab. I informed the cabbie that neither he nor his fare were long for this world. Unfortunately, the motherfucker sped off before I had a chance to shove his hubcaps up his ass.

  16. Dear gun nuts-

    This is really pretty simple… increasing the number of handguns will not decrease the number of shootings.



  17. Well said, Mikey. I remember reading an article in Wired magazine in which Dave Grossman, an ex-US Army Ranger and a West Point psychology professor took a bunch of kids from an arcade and let them shoot live rounds on a military marksmanship range. The kids who had never handled real guns before in their lives hit their targets with battle hardened veteran proficiency.

    That frightens the shit out of me, but if a dumb meatbag like Karen Johnson wants to turn any learning institution into a cross between Hogan’s Alley and Robocop, she needs to have an object lesson in what a shotgun loaded with Taser XREP rounds will do to her.

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