Glug glug glug

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Funny how the people who stand to be the most impacted by global warming are the same folks who fail to see any truth to it.

The area that will by completely inundated by the rising ocean—and not in a century but in the lifetime of my two cats—are the American southeast, including the most populated area of Texas, almost all of Florida, most of Louisiana, and half of Alabama and Mississippi, as well as goodly portions of eastern Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina.

…Then there’s the matter of the Midwest, which climate experts say is likely to face a permanent condition of unprecedented drought, making the place largely unlivable, and certainly unfarmable. The agribusinesses and conservative farmers that have been growing corn and wheat may be able to stretch out this doomsday scenario by deep well drilling, but west of the Mississippi, the vast Ogallala Aquifer that has allowed for such irrigation is already being tapped out. It will not be replaced.

So again, we will see the decline and depopulation of the nation’s vast midsection—noted for its consistent conservatism.

Finally, in the Southwest, already parched and stiflingly hot, the rise in energy costs and the soaring temperatures will put an end to right-wing retirement communities like Phoenix, Tucson and Palm Springs. Already the Salton Sea is fading away and putting Palm Springs on notice that the good times are coming to an end. Another right-wing haven soon to be gone.

…So the future political map of America is likely to look as different as the much shrunken geographical map, with much of the so-called “red” state region either gone or depopulated.

There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

31 Replies to “Glug glug glug”

  1. I live in North-West NJ. I actually hope all this is true so I can have beach front property in my life time.

    Sadly, I think it’s all a crock of shit.

  2. Hell, if it goes 14m, my house gets a bay view. But those aren’t feet, those are meters.

    The article you posted is crap. Most of the population of Texas? half of Alabama and Mississippi?

    Hell, the idea that if farm country is degraded, that the heartland will feel it the worst. Where do you think the big coastal cities get there food? Who do you think will get the food first, the red farmers or the blue coast?

    The whole article is crap EVEN IF you go with its suppositions.

  3. …kg…thanks for the link…interesting stuff…

    …anyone ready to invest in ‘probable’ future beachfront property ???…

  4. yeah. a crock of shit.

    you mean global warming is a crock of shit? sure….

    tell that to my brother.

    the PhD. who works for NOAA. who just got back from a conference. with his wife who ALSO works for NOAA. where they learned, in his words, “terrifying shit” about climate change, and how “basically, we’re doomed.”

    a crock of shit.

    keep smokin’ it man….

  5. “basically, we’re doomed.”

    Doesn’t surprise me. Seems like we’ve been headed that way all along, by using nuclear weapons or carbon-based fuels or some other stupid shit. This little experiment on this little planet in this little solar system isn’t necessarily going to last forever.

    Think I’ll have another beer.

  6. “you mean global warming is a crock of shit? sure….

    tell that to my brother.”

    We could go around and around for ever.

    Change England to USA

    Those in charge create whatever “facts” they need too.

    PS: People with letters after their names are the ones to avoid unless personally know.

  7. lipidlegger

    Someone with a PhD should be able to express them selves beyond a phrase like “terrifying shit”.

    Find another like him who can counter.

    Otherwise your brother doesn’t exist.

    And neither do any of us.

  8. The article is a crock of shit. The premise is that global warming will hit the red states hardest. Read the first posted paragraph then compare the description to the map.

    BJ’s comments “Funny how the people who stand to be the most impacted by global warming are the same folks who fail to see any truth to it.”

    Now I see something funny in that comment, but I don’t think it’s the same thing that Johnny sees.

  9. the nice thing about knee-jerk reactions and comments thereto is that it doesn’t take long to read them. after having the 8, 9, what are there, 12 republican candidates for president slithering around my home state for the past year, i gotten pretty accustomed to seeing these buffoons spouting some sort of sound bite nonsense and folks like the climate nay-sayers here clapping and cheering wildly, saying, “HE’S my man!”

    fun stuff. like the phd above said, “terrifying stuff; we’re doomed.” agree or disagree, your foolish opinion won’t change the truth of the matter.

  10. Global climate change is obvious. You would have to be a complete moron to disagree. The human impact from carbon emissions is a huge problem. We could slow down the melting of glaciers or just continue our normal American (insatiable) way of life. I personally think nothing will change until it becomes profitable. Right now, regular unleaded is making the bucks because we’re all buying it. I’ll bet things would change for the better if a gallon of gas cost $15. Substitutes would come into play and I would ride my fucking bike a hell of a lot more, maybe even stop traveling so far to race. Do your part, consume less, ride more period

  11. ummmm….drunkenbiker. “…people to avoid unless personally known.” hence the term brother. i sorta kinda know him.

    also — he was leaving me an answering machine message, not defending a fucking thesis — hence the “terrifying shit” comment.

  12. I fuckin’ hope it’s a crock of shit. Where ya think all these rats are gonna start running when the ship starts to sink? Arizona, that’s where.

  13. Im glad I live near the alps, right where the freshest glacial melt is. This way, when all the shit goes down, Im ahead of the game.

    Global Climate change is real. Period. Im not sure if it’s ‘Chicken Little’ or as serious as they say, but I do agree that shit is fucked up and getting more severe.

    Im staying where its cold as long as possible, shitty winters be damned. I’d rather be cold and drink some scotch, than be scorched with schweaty balls.

  14. I think the article is baiscally a crock of shit. Not because I dont believe in global warming. On the contrary, it makes the issue a red/ blue, we win they loose issue. It seems to say look at those stupid global warming deniers suffering the consequneces… Haha…
    Global warming is NOT a political issue. It is not on par with anything else our species has had to confront until now. Of course there will be people who think oh great I get beach front property or oh gee it will be nice if it is a bit warmer every year. That is not the point. It is like saying my bike wheel will still work just fine if I blow out a couple of spokes. Lets go riding.

    This is a great video that outlines the choices facing us and the consequences of each action.

    I dont care if you get your political opinion sucking at the teat of Ann Coulters knowledge or if you think that All Gore and Jimmy Carter are the smartest politicains we’ve had in the last generation, go watch this video and tell me that we should do nothing about global warming.
    BTW how do you put a hyper link in a comments box?


    I think we all agree something has to change. Then again, no lesson is better than waking up next to a dog faced fat chick and asking yourself how you got into this mess. Yeah, it was fun sluggin’ back that tequila, and the pills made all the difference. Too bad you didn’t stop for a second to look down and see “what” was actually slobbin’ yer knob.

    Fuck the blue, red, yellow, paisley states…fuck ’em all. The government is run by douche bags with more oil co. hands in thier pockets than a covey of crack whores diggin’ for a rock in a paper sack. “they” aren’t gunna do anything. The public has to WITHOUT the help of the oversee-ers.

    Wanna keep from having to explain yourself to the fat chick, or your friends? Nip it in the bud kids. RIDE YER FUCKIN’ BIKE! WALK! ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME! America is fat and stupid. Take a look…

    This is your future unless YOU fix it.

    Happy New Year, I’m getting wasted tonight. Good thing my wife is hot (ask Marty).

  16. Rusty,
    They’re already here. Read the dimwitted online comments of the AZ Star if you’ve got time to kill; it’s an amusing journey into the world as it exists when too much of the cumshot winds up as santorum.

  17. Guys–

    Here is what I believe:

    1) there have been several well-documented ice ages during humanity’s brief stint on earth.

    2) it looks like the climate is getting warmer.

    Here is what I don’t believe:

    1) changing to fluorescent lamps will stop climate change.

    2) changing to fluorescent lamps will stop the Chinese from burning coal.

    My conclusions:

    It’s one big oinking race to consume what remains of the planet’s oil and coal energy resources. Here that tinkling sound? It’s the sound of our urine falling on our children’s heads.


  18. “ummmm….drunkenbiker. “…people to avoid unless personally known.” hence the term brother. i sorta kinda know him.

    also — he was leaving me an answering machine message, not defending a fucking thesis — hence the “terrifying shit” commen”

    So your PhD bro left a message that said the sky is falling ?

    And you blindly accept that cause he’s your bro, or cause he has a PhD ?

    Legit question.

    My bro knows all shit about a subject. I need advice in that subject, I turn to him. I know he knows that shit.

    But he lives in the everyday world. As do I.

    Beyond that….Global Warming ? Iraq ? Pakistan ? McDonald’s ? Smoking ? Etc, etc, etc, until I want to pass out.

    Who do we trust for all that ??

  19. “This is your future unless YOU fix it.”

    Last time I checked, stupidity and being fat, had nothing to do with each other.

    I’ll check again and get back to you.

    10 bucks says your wrong.

  20. …science has given us proof of various temperature fluctuations going back before actual recorded history…so, ya thats a point well taken…

    …but only a fool could look at how we’ve changed the earth’s environment since the dawn of the industrial revolution & think we can progress on the same path without long term repercussions…

    …it’s all in the timing…it’s not a matter of “are we fucked ?” but rather “when are we fucked ?”…

    …either way, the planet will survive & ultimately heal herself…as to whether mankind will be around a millennia or more from now to appreciate it, may depend on us waking up to reality pdq…

    …by the way, happy new year to all…i’m sure most of us will survive tonight & tomorrow’s recovery…hah !!!…

  21. I really won’t miss Florida or Texas. It may shake up the electoral college, though.

    Do we have to let red state voters evacuate? i mean…serves ’em right.

  22. “We could slow down the melting of glaciers or just continue our normal American (insatiable) way of life.”


    So. Of all the 6+ billion people on this planet. The only ones causing all the problems are the 280 million called Americans ?

    Piss off.

  23. …it’s a recorded fact that “we” consume a disproportionate amount of resources to maintain “our” lifestyle, in comparison to most of the world…

    …so technically, no, it’s not just “us” but we are ‘world leaders’…

  24. Damn. My favorite topic of all, and here I was using up all the “carbon credits” I purchased to go jetting across the country for some snowboarding!

    We are a leacherous, wasteful, almost locust-like species and always have been, since our slant-headed inception on this planet. However, our impact on a global scheme is highly suspect…there is and can’t be a definative proof either way…at least not at the present, due largely to a lack of real data (although you’ll find PLENTY of speculation).

    Read “The Chilling Stars,” you’ll find the best arguement I’ve yet seen about cyclical climate change, as well as data collected from millenia past that drives the theory.

    We’re being taken for a ride by Al and the rest of righteous Hollywood. Who would really stand up and argue AGAINST saving the planet? And as for the backslappers that have all lined up behind the Rev. Algore…jeezus, can you even THINK of a better cause to be associated with??? As in, “HEY, that Leo Dicaprio is such a nice kid and a great actor…but I REALLY like his status on the environment. Surely his knowledge will save us all. Let’s pay him 30 mil. for his next film, waddayasay!”

    READ: WE ARE GONNA P-A-Y PAY for this unsubstantiated crap!

    Good luck, Happy New Year. I’m off to burn some gas in my snowmobiles because it’s cold here in Chicago.

  25. Well we are fucked. I guess it is human nature to point the finger at others rather take responsiblity for our own shit. No reason for me to live less extravagantly because Al Gore is a hypocrit and the Chineese are too pentiful. Americans are all fat and stupid and Bill Clinton fucked Monica Lewinski. Scientist are unreliable unless they go to the right church and pray to the god that I believe in. George Bush this Paris Hilton that.
    All good reasons to light my fires with hundred dollar bills that I got on cash advance from my Visa Card. I’m gonna cancel all my insurance policies because I never make mistakes. Im gonna watch as many reality TV shows as I can today and avoid learning anything that involves facts because they are overrated. And it is well know that the truth has a liberal bias.

  26. Dear Drunkenbiker,

    Sir, yes. You are correct. Being stupid and being fat have nothing to do with each other. That is, of course, if you are not in the United States of America. I do agree with you, and a majority are fat and stupid, but not all are both. Most are fat. Most are stupid. When you have this many fat and stupid people, you are bound to have some, if not a majority, that overlap and make fat and stupid people.

    I for one am not fat. I am stupid. My wife and I went to see a movie yesterday at the local metroplex-excess-blind leading the blind-mall type hell hole-connected to a movie theater and food court so you don’t have to go outside. Most of those people fit my criteria of fat and stupid. As i was one person surrounded by hundreds fitting my criteria, I assumed they outweigh me about 100 to 1.

    I plan to address the issue in an upcoming article on my blog with references and real-life encounters of a majority that are fat and stupid. …and lazy. Stay tuned…

  27. Yes the original article is poorly written, it’s premise is a bit silly. No global climate change is not a crock. There is no scientific argument about it. There has not been one peer reviewed scientific article that says otherwise. The only argument is how much, how fast, and how close the models are going to predict reality. Any one who wants to argue that point should shut up until they are able to find a paper saying otherwise. They won’t. Popular media doesn’t count. Peer reviewed scientific articles only. Go ahead. Try. You might actually educate yourself along the way. Even the papers written by industry shrills don’t say anything more than that the models are overpredicting future change. Not that there won’t be change. They can’t publish that, because they don’t have the data to back it up. Period.

    Drunkenbiker, I’m sorry you have a problem with people who have educated themselves and been focused enough about it to earn some letters after their name, but you don’t know what you are talking about. I have no idea what Marty’s brother does for NOAA, but if he is a PhD for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, there is a good bet he has some clue about global climate change. It’s one of their main focuses.

    All that aside, there is another reason to change our habits, and it is that we aren’t going to have a choice. Oil is at $100/barrel, and it’s only going to go up. China and India each have over a billion people. China is actively buying up oil rights worldwide, and spending whatever money they have to to out bid even companies like Shell and Exxon/Mobil. Mexico is likely to get very stingy with their oil in the next 10 years, as that increases. Venezuela doesn’t like us much. We import 3/4 of our oil. We aren’t going to be able to buy much oil for long. Climate change aside, we are going to be forced to change. Whatever costs the climate change naysayers want to avoid by doing nothing, we are going to have to do anyways. Pull your head out of the sand and face the music. Even if we pillage every known oil reserve in the US, we won’t have enough to get us by very long. We can make the changes willingly, and have some control over the consequences, or we can be forced to make them and be playing catch up while the country continues it’s economic implosion. My guess is that we will end up doing the latter, and that the US won’t exist in it’s current form in another 50 years.