Cyclist’s dictionary: tough guy points

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From: the mostly reverend grandpa kim
Subject: snowy bike rides
i did my daily ride yesterday, here in des moines, and i didn’t see anyone
else. i don’t get it; bunch of fucking sissies around here, i guess.

happy holidays and shit.

Just in case you somehow miss the photo on that link up there, here it is in all it’s glory:

That is some serious shit.

Me? I’m all about the trainer and my garage right about now. I’m a complete candy ass.

I got a lot of links stacking up. Time for a link dump:

[dirty birds]
[race vids]
[one big ride]
[100% stupid]

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

24 Replies to “Cyclist’s dictionary: tough guy points”

  1. This is why Northern guys shave their face. No beard is a lot warmer. Less dramatic, but warmer.

  2. actually, bill basso, that blanket of ice is quite toasty. that’s why there are little eskimos–it’s warm inside.
    i’ve gone clean-shaven before, but never again in the winter.

    happy holidays, and jonny, thanks for posting.

  3. OK. I’m sorry, but that is just plain fucking stupid.

    I bet his whips his own ass and wears a hair-shirt to work too.

    Momma always said life is like a box of chocolates. There are way too many nuts.

    And that is said with the joy of Christmas in my heart. Imagine my reply in mid January. ha ha

  4. Fuck that!!!
    If my face is gonna freeze while out on my bike.
    Fuck it. I’m staying home.
    Call me a candy ass.
    But, I’m a toasty warm candy ass.

  5. I’m a northern guy and the last thing I’d do is remove my full-on ZZ Top chin warmer.

    Prevents frostbite, windburn, filters out airborne crud… In the summer it can even help keep you cool, just soak it with water and let evaporation do it’s work.

  6. I’d like to add another word to marrock’s post….BALLS!!

    Real huge ass ones that ol’ killer up there isn’t afraid of losing.

    Keep on keepin on ye old reverend one

  7. Ice buildup on a beard, while great for a photo op, leads to frostbite.

    Just cause santa wears a beard doesn’t mean it’s a Northern thing. He’s got disfiguring sores. And beards being good in the cold is a common southern misconception.

    Ever see an Inuit with a full beard? Why isn’t the face fur an advantage that would show up as a genetic predisposition after thousands of years of isolation?

    Look at the top mushers in Iditarod, they don’t generally wear beards… from founder Joe Redington to recent champs like King, Buser, Swingley and Butcher.

  8. Oh, and for the record, it is an awesome photo.

    And for those who don’t know Iowa cold, I can testify, is really damn cold. I’ve experienced 58 below zero up by Hudson’s Bay, but it can’t compare with the chill of twenty below in Iowa.

    The wide open plains of Iowa get freakin’ cold. A humid cold that gets drilled to your bones by unrelenting wind across fields of frozen corn stubble.

    Keep on bikin. That guy in the black navigator is just jealous! Keep spreadin the word.

  9. Going an extra 15 minutes on the rollers today isn’t going to make me feel any better about what a pussy I am now. Thanks for that.

  10. Oh, my! I miss winter here in TX. We only get really cold weather for about 3 weeks and then it’s hot again. And even then the cold weather is not cold cold, just a might chilly except on rare occaisions.


  11. …i saw that photo & i thought to myself, “i’m not worthy of commenting”…

    …so i went out for a late afternoon christmas day ride for several hours…got back after dark, chilly norcal evening…

    …looked at that photo again…i got nothin’, i’m still not worthy…

  12. “…looked at that photo again…i got nothin’, i’m still not worthy…”

    That ain’t worthy. It’s sad.

    Once upon a time, I rode a bike all through a nasty North-East winter. My car died and I had no choice. I probably looked like him on a few occasions.

    I did it because I had too.

    But to do that for fun or whatever? No way.

    Stupid is as stupid does.

  13. …i just complimented the dude in the photo…whatever the fuck you read into it is hard to comprehend…

    …by the way, tough guy, i may live in norcal but i didn’t own a car ’till i was 41 years old…

    …i rode my bike…why ???…cuz i fucking wanted to…

    …happy fucking holiday…

  14. I can just see it: Bikesgonewild and Drunkenbiker standing side by side, calient-toes to the line far out on the Arctic plain. As the vicious, biting cold wind pummels their faces, they struggle valliantly to remove the killer new Gore wind proof gloves the sponsers provided. Almost as one they wrench off their gloves and pull up the Marino wool jerseys underneath their new Hincape shells. Pulling down into their bibs to fondle the sad remains of their shrunken, saddle crushed johnson’s, each warrior strains to issue a meager stream of dehydrated, yellow piss.

    Who will win the day?????

    Dammit I can’t wait.

    Oh yeah. Today I managed to put my Kona on the car, drive over to a friends house and after saying Merry Xmas, drove home, promptly dropped and broke an 8 year old bottle of scotch in the driveway. Bummer. Thank the Gods I had a bottle of JW bourbon for the bread pudding……Kona is still on the car.


  15. …sorry, johnny, i’m an admitted big wuss these days…i was doing the opposite of bragging, i was giving all the props to the cat w/ the icy snoz-cicles…

    …sounds like ya got the makings for a good video game…bonus for completing the course w/ the least gear, but ya still gotta write yer name in yellow snow at the finish…if yer too c-c-cold, ya lose yer bonus time points…

    …& although i don’t drink a lot, my empathy to ya for the loss of the 8 year old scotch…enjoy the bread pudding…

  16. i’m enjoying these comments, frankly.

    hell, i’m not crazy, i was just having a hell of a lot of fun riding bikes with a friend during a blizzard. i’m 54 years old, and i’ve been having fun like this my entire life, sometimes on cross country skis, sometimes with my dogs, but usually on a bike.

    i’d like it to be 75 degrees [and i thought about that once or twice during that ride], but days like the one in the photo make me realize how much i enjoy life, living in iowa, and riding my bikes. plus, in august, and it’s hotter than hell, and i’m 80 miles into a road race, i’ll think about how tough it was in december, and suddenly feel better.

    don’t try to be too judgmental about why i ride my bike, drunkenbiker, and i’ll try not to read too much into your screen name, nor about how you get your kicks. fair enough?

  17. …speaking of iowa…

    …i see where presidential hopeful mike huckabee shot a peasant in iowa today…first off, just calling people peasants in this day & age, is politically incorrect but secondly, shooting them, well thats just wrong…

    …oops, i’ve just been handed a note…sorry…