It’s in the Accident Report

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A joke for the morning:

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road. The guy I hit slowly gets out of the car, and starts to walk over to towards me.

You know how you just get so stressed and life’s stuff seems to get a little on the funny side? (you know when you laugh to keep from crying or going insane)

Yeah, well, I couldn’t believe it . . he was a dwarf!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, “I am not happy!”

So, I look down at him and said, “Well, which one are you then?”

. . . and that’s when the fight started . . .

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

3 Replies to “It’s in the Accident Report”

  1. Big Jon that’s the dumbest joke I’ve heard in a while and simultaneously the only thing I’ve actually cracked a smile at on the web in a while. Kudos.

  2. Meanwhile, a Nude Life Church preacher walks into a Bibleburg tavern (stop me if you’ve heard this one) and takes a seat at the bar.

    “What’ll it be, rev’?” asks the barkeep.

    “Twelve shots of tequila,” replies the sky pilot. “Line ’em up here in front of me.”

    The barkeep raises one quizzical eyebrow, but hey, the customer is always right, so he reaches for the Mexican cactus whiskey and commences to fill shot glasses, lining them up in formation like so many little choirboys in front of the preacher.

    Taking a deep breath, the parson slams the shots, one after the other, as the barkeep watches in astonishment. Downing the 12th and final shooter, coughing, his eyes watering, the rev’ sighs and slumps on his stool, elbows on the bar, both trembling hands clutching his spinning skull.

    Taking a deep breath, the bartender leans forward and whispers, ‘Y’know, I’ve never seen one of you sky pilots in here, much less slamming tequila shots like a college kid on spring break. Y’don’t mind my askin’, what the hell’s the story here?”

    The rev’ replies, “Well, I probably shouldn’t say, but you seem like a fellow who can keep a confidence. The truth is, I just got my first blowjob.”

    The barkeep bursts out laughing. “Well, hell, padre, why didn’t you say so? The house would’ve been happy to buy you one.”

    Replies the preacher: “Thanks, but I didn’t think one would take the taste out of my mouth.”

  3. …nice…when i die & go to hell, i know eventually, i’ll have good company…funny stuff…