Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the peloton . . .

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. . . here comes Masters Cycling magazine, your guide to the world of sand-bagging, treachery and egomania. Every issue will have a mirror on the cover and contain a number of cutting-edge features vital to the gray panthers of the peloton, including:

The Mercedes-Benz GL550: Six Bikes That Look Fast On the Roof!

‘Watch Your Line, Pencil Dick!’ And Other Witty Phrases for Clearing Your Path of Junior Racers

Entry Fees: Outrageous Expense Or Critical Tax Deduction?

The Bike Mechanic: Cheaper to Rent or Own?

Explaining That DNF: Top 10 Reasons You Shoulda Won

This thing is gonna earn like a no-bid reconstruction contract in the Green Zone. It’s a zero-overhead plan if ever I saw one. All a guy needs is a strip-mall storefront containing an accountant to tally the cash from hot-car, designer-booze and wiener-drug ads, an IT guy to field all the incoming training logs from CTS pootbutts and a custodian to keep those cover mirrors polished.

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About Patrick O'Grady

Making stuff up for money since 1977. Making stuff up about cycling for money since 1989. See VeloNews and Bicycle Retailer & Industry News, found crumpled near the crapper in stylish homes and pro bike shops worldwide.

13 Replies to “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the peloton . . .”

  1. We used to call the guy grandpa on that front cover.. LOL
    that was like 10years ago.. he he..

    Team Ol’ fuck. :)

  2. …shades of bikesnob nyc’s friday column (11/9/07) but for real…now that IS surreal….

    …i laughed til my catheter fell out, but nice to see that somebody cares about us old cycling fucks…(read as: figured out how to make more money from)…

    …well, time for my meds, thanks for the chuckle…

  3. As a charter member of the Old Guys Who Get Fat In Winter Cycling Team, I resemble that remark.

    Funny. Fucking hilarious!!! And sad…somehow. I’m going for doughnuts. That always cheers me up. These pants stretch, right?

  4. more articles:

    “Mail Order EPO – the Viagra of Masters”

    “CPR 101 – when thinking you’re still 20 crosses the line”

    “How to Not say Hello to Newbies”

    …and so on.

    cheers DC