About Chopper

Poet, sage, liar. Bike fag, BIKE Mag contributor and lacky who couldn’t handle the discipline required to be a real pro. Bald, slow and generally known to speak out of turn especially when under the influence. He’s got two beautiful daughters who make you question genetics and a wife who could school your ass on a bike any day of the week. Ketchum, Idaho, USA

11 Replies to “Festina is for Pussies”

  1. I read that article and said….Well fuck a duck. Which brought to mind an old diddy. Sing it with me boys…to the tune of Row, row, row your boat.

    Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
    Screw a kangaroo.
    69 a porcupine.
    Orgy at the zoo.

    Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
    Screw a kangaroo.
    Finger an orangutang.
    Orgy at the zoo.

    Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
    Screw a kangaroo.
    Eat a grape, rape an ape.
    Orgy at the zoo.

    Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck.
    Screw a kangaroo.
    Masturbate with a snake
    Sunning at the zoo.

    Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck
    Gently in the ass
    Roll around on the ground
    Until you cum at last!

  2. A’ight.

    As anyone brainy enuf to open a can of spam will realize from my last post, I am 1/2 in the bag.

    If I was fully in the bag I would say I was as sober as a 12 year old choir boy. Tho..I did actually start drinking as a 12 year old choir boy. Peppermint Schnapps. Went down like Snapple back in the day. And no you pervs. My ass is still one way.


    I’m trying to shoot a load in Bill Strickland’s face over his last post. And I’m not getting anywhere.

    Post here

    I hate spandex. I have Bicycling mag coming in every month cause I made the mistake of signing up for 2 years when I got into this biking shit last year.

    Do they ever give a bad review to a bike ?? If yes, I missed it like Paris Hilton missed every class presented on how not to be a skank whore.

    And it’s too cold to ride. And I’m out of work. And I haven’t gotten laid since Jonny posted something that didn’t make me want to yak. And the really fat chick next door is starting to look good.

    Gawd my life sucks.

    Hey bikepunk. I hope you get your bike bike. And I hope it’s painted pink when they return it to you.

    Oi vey. I need beer/pussy/food/something.

    This Empire is going to end soon isn’t it ??

  3. Ah . . . rich white suburban kids gone bad . . . I just don’t feel sorry for some fat lazy grown up kids still living at their parents mansion in Villanova suckin’ on their mama’s tit while acting all thug and driving a Plymouth Township. . . . . fucking pathetic really.

    No wonder why the Eagles suck so bad. . . .

  4. there’s gotta be a lesson in there somewhere. can’t wait for the press conference where these two losers complain that expectations are too high for rich white kids dealing dope in the ‘hood.

  5. Anybody else enjoy the beautiful irony provided by the links at the end of the article? Oh yes! Yes! Please let me buy an Eagles ringtone! hahahahahahahahahaha!

    Define Loser (capital “L” is intended) : Anybody who smuggles ANYTHING in their rectum. Do this, and you have a problem that really needs to be addressed.

  6. Fuck Andy Reid and fuck his two sons.

    I hope the young guns end up in jail and the Fat Fuck gets bounced outta Philly.

    They are dead to me.