What am I on? I’m on my instagram, bustin’ my ass, 6 hours a day. What are YOU on?
Oh, shit. I enjoy the ish out of the ‘grams. Some of y’all have crazy feeds that make me lololol when I whip out my pocket computer and take a break. Keep it up, kooks. Seriously.
As real life as the computer can get, though…it doesn’t put bugs down your windpipe. Or your eye. Or your ear?!? It cannot jam grit in uncomfortable body places, or make your fingers go numb (wait, it CAN do that), or grind your taint for hours on end (yet?).
It takes a bike tour do those things, and do them well.
Some shifting of load will occur, as you figure out the best arrangement. This is natural. Over time, competence will develop. Theoretically. It is rumored that 7 hashgags is the optimal amount per photo for proper media saturation without looking as though you are trying too hard. Shout out to shout outs!
I myself had all kind of issues. Surprising, I realize, yet all too true. For my next tour, I will be rolling on NEW tyres and NEW tubes and NEW (OK OK and wider) rimstrips and SEVERAL spare tubes as opposed to only the one…and then I will finally have my set-up dialed.
I will never have it as dialed as Rick is tall:
Rick Hunter, of Hunter Cycles, with the burrito fakeout coozie. Amongst all that.
Neither as cinched down as the Freedom System:
Todd Ingermanson, of Black Cat Bicycles, laying it down all day all the way to the bone.
We all know bike tour is a swell time with our jokey pals. The laughter and the farting, the stops for beers, the safety breaks, the inanity. On bike tour, you can sleep in the dirt. You will get to brush up on your flat repair skills. Or your drink beers and heckle skills. A bike tour will grant you opportunities you didn’t know were available- heck, opportunities I/you don’t even know what they are until I/you realize. Hey! I am so fucking tired and sleepy and hurty and yet…my legs can still rebound (again? again?!?) and punch out this little roller. You (not I. I’m used to it) swell with the newly found strength of purpose and character, with the depth of perseverance and resolve heretofore denied you (again, old hat to I). At least until the next roller. And the next. Repeat.
Everbody wants some…
I want some, too.
Let us not forget the wind. You cannot see it, which is funny (peculiar) because it is undeniably a factor. I will speak no more of the wind. I am afraid to provoke it.
Some things to consider: JUST FUCKING GO ALREADY. You have enough gear to make it happen, your kit doesn’t need to be perfect. The bike you have will work, assuming it’s well-maintained by your competent local bike shop. Shit is going to go wrong, and then it will work out anyways. You can’t not be feeling this. We’ve been over this and over this. If you want new shit, that’s cool…but you don’t NEED it. Well, and also, you can “document” the proceedings or not. If a bike tour falls in the middle of the woods, etc.
So this was a prep tour. A little 3 day shakedown jaunt to the tune of roughly 70 miles a day with a couple tallboys, a mixture of shitty edge-of-towns miles, lots of stiff headwinds, a couple tallboys, plenty of hours-long dirt climbing, a couple tallboys and back roads so quiet and lightly trafficked you are in danger of fading into a dream. It wasn’t all bad, though, as we did realize what great opportunities there are to brand ourselves…which is good, because left to my own devices I just look like an average idiot.
P.S. This is NOT a challenge! Nobody get upset and post photos in which I look stupider!!by