Super Freak Workout Geek

I shit my brains out and smoked a ton of bowls to get this issue figured out. At first I was gonna point my finger at one particular part of cycling as the root problem. But lucky me, I tapped into my local Yoda Copas Master last night and the dome light got extra bright.

So what did I do? Drank two beers from the Master and went home to tell my bike how much I love it. I even told it good night, shut the lights out in the garage and then fuck, I had to turn them back on to take one more gander at her.  Why so excited? Bikes fucking rule. It’s a deep down skull fucking love. So when nasty shit gets involved with my love, I am gonna go find who’s fucking it up- I found ‘em and it’s a big nasty tough crew that can suck my balls in massive sets of reps. Since you fucks already like doing things in repetition so damn much with mirrors all around you so you can look at your gross sweaty veiny ass. You know who the fuck you are! It’s all you dudes and gals that have to go to the gym, cross fit, yoga, triathlons, rollerblade and what ever else you do behind closed doors to get that extra edge. What edge are you exactly looking for? The only edge I want is to shred trail and be fucking stoked about it. If you wanna get fast on a bike, ride it a lot, it’s that simple. No, running barefoot doesn’t help get the edge- neither does the 5 toed shoes unless you are rafting or doing fetish porn. Just get on your fucking bike and pedal that fucker. Those who are staying in one place are just silly. Working out, running on treadmills, stationary bikes, jumping rope, all that leg squatting thrusting action department store stuff- it’s still not shredding on you bike. So for this year,  less practicing for something you love and occupy your bike seat!

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About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

27 thoughts on “Super Freak Workout Geek

  1. I had a weight weenie out on trailside this weekend trying to convince my riding bud that his Mary bars were too heavy and instead he should look at a nice swept back carbon bar to make things less shaky & save some weight. We continued to point out that we are both fucking Clydesdales, riding steel but he would not stop going on. We laff’d our asses off at him while we hit the dugout after he rode on, lol.

  2. Fuck that weight weenie shit. Ya gonna carry your bike, or are ya gonna fucking RIDE it?

  3. I did a night ride last night on the Mukluk with a windchill in the teens and evil red-eyed deer peeking out every couple miles. Passed like three gyms on the way to the trailhead…every parking lot was full. As BSNYC would say…”Woosies.”

  4. …shit, cave…you say that like it’s something new…

    …that has been gospel since i can remember…

  5. 4 degrees F last night, rode my ass off for an hour and a half in the first semblance of what used to be known as “winter”.

    Fingers, toes, all came online after about 1/2 an hour of pushing. Felt great to be alive.

    Fuck gyms, pain caves, etc.

    Agreed. Quite bitching about how cold it is, how boring riding indoors is, whatever, get the fuck out and RIDE!

  6. get some cavey!

    but what the fuck is that bike doing in the fucking garage? when dominic builds a new bike, we put it in the bedroom, on top of Ari’s crate. and we stare at it all night lone. Hell, the only bikes we keep in the basement are the ones that need worked on. Put that fucker upstairs where it belongs, bitch!

  7. I’m gonna have to go ahead and agree with Judi on this last point. The Trophy Bike is five years old and she still winters in the guest room.

  8. Must suck not having a decent enough home to keep the bikes in their own room.

  9. fuck…half the time I have no idea what your talking about, but finally a post I can fully agree with…and you forgot to mention throwing away bike computers. Be one with the bike.

  10. I don’t allow the bikes in the bedroom but my garage is a very nice place for them to think about dirt.

  11. I tend to agree, but having a newborn in the house does give the rollers a little appeal.

  12. …caveman…good point…

    …i wasn’t admonishing you so much as reacquainting myself with something i’ve always believed in…

  13. Do Whatcha Wanna – Rebirth Brass Band.
    In my older age I’ve had to add some core stuff and push ups. All day at a desk, in a car and on a bike can wreck your lower back… I’d prefer to just ride, but my body is not down..