Back in college, I played a lot of hockey. Just like in cycling, guys on a hockey team tend to have pretty varied personalities, and we would often come up with names for those personalities instead of just the person.
One such type of person was the guy on the team who thought he was way better at hockey than he actually was, and he never missed a chance to tell you how good he was. This man’s name was Bobby Bigwheels.
This man exists in cycling, too. I have seen him as recently as today.
Bobby Bigwheels does not need to be a racer. He can be an everyday guy riding a bike around town.
If he’s a racer, the characteristics are undeniable. You all know him: he tells you how fast he is, how he ALMOST won that race, but his derailleur was just a bit off, or his brakes weren’t working right, or some other bullshit. He waxes poetic about the “Epic Gnar” he just shredded on his $3000 carbon-titanium-unicorn turd singlespeed. That’s one type of Bobby Bigwheels, and he is, for the most part, bearable because you can make fun of him later on (or right in front of his face) and no one really gets hurt.
There’s another type of Bobby Bigwheels, however, and I encountered him today. This time, ol’ Bobby was out riding his fixie commuter bike…in the middle of the road…with no hands.
I’m all about sharing the road with bikes. I am usually that guy on the bike, and I’ve ended up on more than one hood in my day. And I have ranted about shit motorists before here on DC. But I’m going to flip to the other side of the coin here. What I’d like to say to Bobby Bigwheels today is this:
You’re not doing anyone any favors by riding like an asshole.
It’s guys like you, with your self-righteous attitude, that get other cyclists hit and killed. And I’m fucking tired of you.
You see, Bobby Bigwheels looked back at me while I patiently drove behind him. He knew I was there. Yet he didn’t put his hands on the bars, didn’t try to move out of the way…in short, he rode like a fucking Bobby Bigwheels.
I bring him up today because when I get on my commuter, I make an effort to follow the rules. Sometimes I don’t, and so I admit I am not perfect by any means. I’ll tell you one thing, though: I’ve followed the rules and still gotten hit by assholes behind the wheel who think it’s okay to hit cyclists on principle. That principle is perpetuated by you, Bobby Bigwheels, and if I get hit by a car because of you, perhaps next time I’m following you in my own vehicle I’ll pull over and kick your fucking wheel in. Because you don’t deserve to ride. Because you don’t deserve the entire road.
But most importantly, because you don’t deserve to get hit by a car.
Lesson of the day, DC readers: don’t be Bobby Bigwheels.by