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First thing: Way cool. One of my favorite comedians, Patton Oswalt, is coming to the Rialto Theater on the 29th of April. F for Fat Fuck Nation.
Patton, if you can read this, please make some jokes about this ridiculous irony I see every day, to change my anger to laughter, because frankly, this shit ain’t funny:
What you are looking at is a pothole, one of thousands in Tucson’s streets, but this one is a special pothole because it is directly south of this sign:
The sign is along a very heavily ridden bicycle route: 4th Avenue. The City of Tucson decided that big, ugly, asphalt filled TRAFFIC CIRCLES would be a bicycle or pedestrian improvement. I have been nearly thrown from my bike several times by the pot holes in the neighborhood that this road is a part of, and the way drivers are reacting to the new idiot circles is more of a danger than ever, I have found. Does Tucson ride a bicycle? Clearly, its focus is keeping asphalt workers employed, but not on the simple, low cost tasks.
LIKE FILLING THE FUCKING POTHOLES. F: Failure to deliver. This sign is a very un-funny joke.
Tucson’s grade for being bicycle friendly: F for Fucked. Also, F for FUCK YOU, POLICE. While the government sits on deciding to make safe approaches to intersections without stopping legal, one of your asshole revenue generating ticket monkeys pulled me over for ‘failure to come to a complete stop’ – something I do hundreds of times a day, and it is not only completely safe but very necessary for me. If I had to come to a complete stop at every stop sign, my knees would be even more in pain than they are. Tucson, you just don’t understand. The random holes all over the city get bigger and remain un-filled. The police threaten to issue points on driver’s licenses for so called ‘violations’ on bicycles. F for Fraud.
The south side connector path still remains un-built. You still can’t get to 22nd on the Rillito path. Tucson’s government doesn’t give a an F – – F for Flying Fuck about the safety or peace of its cyclists. These white elephant projects just mock our common sense. Unlike other “bicycle friendly” cities, here it appears to be the intent.
by 
Fhings fake fime fere
I dont know why
There is progress on the west bank of the Santa Cruz, looks to soon be rideable to Ruthruf sp?
Why doesn’t the City of Tucson calculate how many people use the path going along the Santa Cruz alongside how many people use 10th, 6th, or 4th Ave because the aforementioned path does not connect to the South side. The 29th underpass of I-10 scares the shit out of me, I can only imagine what the effect would be on beginner or new-commuting riders.
I used to ride to Pima West along the Santa Cruz path, which is right under power lines, by the way. I was usually alone, but occasionally ran into a little truck with a guy spraying herbicide all over, or a power line maintenance electrical truck dude.
Lacka-dee! Watch the money!!
I love riding around Tucson. there are a few potholes and some dead end bike paths, oh well. I sure don’t find myself enraged by this.
So, what is the law now on full stops on a bicycle? I think many places were going to allow coasting stops. But then some cops think you’re not at a full stop unless you put your foot on the ground. Well, technicalities that only Jesus knows the answer to.
…i doubt that you watch tv, littlejar, but oft times local television stations have a ‘consumer hotline’ wherein concerns of the local populi are assessed & investigated & the results are then aired during newscasts…
…the station then follows up to see if & how the problem or issue is resolved…
…businesses & public works departments don’t like to be called out on tv & results are achieved…
…if you get the opportunity, just be an concerned citizen armed with the facts, not an angry malcontent…you might get to be the one who makes a difference…
I grew up in Tucson and quite frankly living in Phx has shown me the beauty of paved canal routes, nice bike lanes and cops who have better things to do (or their priorities straight) than harass cyclists.
quite simply one of the better rant posts i’ve read in a long while. I have never met you but damn bro that shit was true and F for funny.
There are these nasty cracks in the road in my hood that I’ve ridden over every day for the last year and a half. Every day, I’d try to hit a different spot in the cracks and nothing felt better. Even after switching from 23’s to 25’s, they still felt like the kind of hits that make you look down to see how badly out of true you just knocked your wheels. I’ve barely been able to keep any of my wheels true the whole time I’ve lived in this hood. Anyways, much to my surprise, about two weeks ago, they got filled in and it’s now a dream come true not having to cringe every time I ride over them. I’m hoping they stay that way for the remainder of my time in Tucson but that might be a little optimistic. I’ve seen potholes/cracks get filled in and be torn up again within a few months. There’s a particularly nasty spot on 3rd street just west of Swan… some of those holes are enough to taco the fuck out of your wheel and whatever patchwork they periodically do there never lasts long.
That said, though, I’m pretty happy with Tucson from a cycling perspective. Every other city I’ve been to looks like a fucking nightmare to ride in compared to Tucson. My girlfriend moved here from SLC when she was 21 and until then, she wasn’t even aware of the fact that people use bikes to get around.
Ride your bike. Don’t expect anyone to cheer for you, and rarely expect the road to be smooth. Do your best. Ride in the rain sometimes. Things improve bit by little bit.
I personally enjoy the riding in Tucson. While the roads are rough the sun shining 350 days a year easily makes up for it. It’s a little difficult to find the positives when you’re minds busy looking for eveything thats fucked.
-Your perception is your reality
“The optimist proclaims we live in the best of worlds, the pessimist fears this is true”
Put your foot down at a stop? Fuck that; I ride fixed.
I’ve been staring at that picture for a good five minutes and can’t see anything I would call a “pothole”. Having mentioned spending time up here in VT, I would expect you to have more perspective on this.
Also, the full stop law may be bulshit, but if you break it in front of a cop you deserve the ticket just for being stupid. Even if your bike is too cool to take a foot off of, you should be able to track stand it.
Pothole?
We have potholes that eat cars and then the thugs come out to steal your shiny bits.
Go around them or jump them.
If the cop stops you, bad luck. I don’t stop at stop signs, if I get a ticket – my bad.
Love from Detroit.
…as regards unfinished or half-assed public works infrastructure projects, i’m with you & can empathize with your concerns…
…but, re: not coming to a complete stop @ stop signs…“… something I do hundreds of times a day, and it is not only completely safe but very necessary for me. If I had to come to a complete stop at every stop sign, my knees would be even more in pain than they are. Tucson, you just don’t understand.”…
…what a ludicrous & self absorbed statement…you’re the one who doesn’t seem to understand…
…either use your gears & accelerate appropriately considering the state of the connective tissue within your limbs or be willing to help finance the city’s infrastructure problems, the very ones you’re concerned about, by paying for them, one ticket at a time…
…is it a pain to stop at every ‘stop’ sign ???…yep, no fucking doubt…i hate it but it serves to remind the general populi, as ignorant as they might be regarding bicycle safety issues, that we’re not all scofflaws…
pothole? you call that a pothole? you’re out of your fucking mind.
come on up to the great northeast, & i’ll show you potholes a family of 4 could live in.
i wonder if you told the cop that gave you the ticket about your “hundreds of times a day” penchant for not stopping for stop signs. i highly doubt it. perhaps next time you should. maybe getting tazed would help re-fire those long dead neurons you seem to have floating around your hat holder.
Art – the streets are twice to 3x as wide as they are in VT, and I am from VT too so I know what you are talking about. This pothole in the picture looks small but it is still bad enough to hurt. I ride road bikes, other people ride road bikes, and some of the holes are much bigger than that one. Such a small hole should be filled… when it’s right next to all the expensive traffic circles being built as a ‘bike/ped inprovement’ and such a sign as it is.
The point isn’t who has bigger pot holes. The point is this: THERE IS MONEY BEING SPENT ON BIG PROJECTS so the pot holes should get filled, right? It’s not anywhere at all like the Northeast here. Stop comparing them. This is Arizona. It takes 3 minutes to walk across the Boulevard. You want to see what a typical road width is here, go visit NYC and see Bronx Blvd.
I never said I didn’t love riding in Tucson. I love it every day, I just see no rhyme or reason to the construction the RTA manages other than the priority of giving street workers more busy work.
Anyone else – BGW especially, no dude, you don’t get it. You see, it is deadly to ride on the main boulevards and the side streets are like heaven. There are so damn many STOP signs and as you approach them, most of the time there is NO ONE COMING and you can see it quite clearly. So, you slow down a little and coast through the sign. In the instance I was ticketed, I was ‘flanking’ a car that had stopped and was beginning to move through the intersection.
I wish you had another hobby other than dominating the comments on every fucking post and putting your 22c in such a manner as you do.
I have to agree that some of the road projects done here seem pretty superfluous. And the ones that seem to serve little to no purpose also seem [to me] to be the ones that take the longest. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of any roads/intersections in Tucson that need a fundamental overhaul… maybe just re-paving/re-painting and perhaps throwing in a bike lane where there wasn’t already one. Those projects are quick and easy.
“… something I do hundreds of times a day, and it is not only completely safe but very necessary for me. If I had to come to a complete stop at every stop sign, my knees would be even more in pain than they are. Tucson, you just don’t understand.”…
Stop means stop, pretty simple. Also I seriously doubt that is something that “… something I do hundreds of times a day” especially on a bicycle and more so if it’s something you are willing to complain about. You fucked up, a cop caught it and you caught a ticket take your licks like a man and stop complaining. If you don’t want to risk the tickets, ride off road.
The width of the road is exactly my point. Nobody hits a little hole on a road that wide who isn’t trying to. I’m not trying to say that my roads are worse than yours. Just that anything you can ride around isn’t worth bitching about. Which is probably why it’s not getting fixed. I don’t know of any city in the US where the department of public works just drives around looking for pavement to fix. Until multiple people call them to complain, it’s not their problem. I would not be surprised if you’re the only person in town who’s even noticed some of these.
Yo, I get it.
Come on everyone it’s simple, the City of Tucson is responsible for little jar’s knee pain.
I’m guessin the public works department meeting today is on how to Fuck with you even more…
Have a great day!
L for Lucky!
Traffic circles are the shiz as they save time and effort. (or gas if yer driving)
Bravo Tucson.
LJ, you broke the law, take the fine and get over it. If it bothers you so much there are some easy solutions: stop running stop signs, or deal with riding on the main streets that don’t have stop signs every two blocks, or introduce legislation similar to Idaho’s “Stop-as-yield” law.
1) potholes are everywhere. Jinks & bunny hops.
2) traffic circles slow automobile traffic and drivers avoid streets with them. It’s pure WIN for bikes.
3) Idaho is the only place you can legally roll a stop sign on a bicycle. Most places, the cops don’t care about bikes. It sounds like you either met a dick or failed the personality test.
…so what about my suggestion at #5, little jar…totally legitimate & things get accomplished that way…
…wish ???…you got your wish when you asked for & were given the opportunity to post your thoughts & concerns on drunkcyclist, so i ‘wish’ you wouldn’t whine about my or anyone else’s responses…
…i have agreed with & even complimented you numerous times over, littlejar but literally, the only time you respond or acknowledge anything is when you don’t like it, so as far as you wishing about my ‘hobby’ & ‘manner’ of posting, well, wish away buddy boy but don’t hold your breath…
I still don’t see the big deal. Our local railtrail has cross streets every few blocks. The railtrail has the stop sign. No big woo; just a chance to practice my (admittedly pathetic) trackstand.
And it occurs to me-riding a fixed gear, it would be entertaining as all fuck to ‘splain Barney Fife how I did NOT “coast” through the intersection, Maryland not having a law that requires a foot down.
Im a ticket monkey,,,but thats just a fucking job. Im a rider and racer, road mountain cross…shut the fuck up and ride or move or just chill the fuck out.
Wait…that’s a bad pothole? You’re kidding right? Seriously?
Francis never kids.
That does not appear to be a terribly egregious pothole by anyone’s standards.
I hit one in Idaho once the knocked by hands off the bars and loosened my headset. I damn near crashed it was such a brute.
If you’re using 700x23s for general everyday riding, something is screwy. But even on hard tires, you should be fine if that’s the worst you see, as long as you’re half paying attention.
God, I’d hate to see Francis try to stay on my wheel on a typical daily ride of town and trail, especially if he was on a fixed wheel too.
This post and the absurd amount of commentary it has generated smells of weakness. HTFU.
What I see in the picture is a section of roadway that will be breaking up completely soon, not the just the small pot hole.
I’m on our local BPAC. I get to see the city budget every year. What happens is they have sections for capital improvements and maintenance in separate pots of money. The way to influence the spending is to become an active citizen and educate yourself on where the cities money is going and how/why it gets divied up the way it does. Another way is to join any volunteer boards and commisions to push for improvements that you wish to see occur.
I enjoy a good vent and vent myself but that doesn’t change much. Education, ideas, showing up at meetings, starting at boards and commissions (BPAC Planning, PArks & Rec.) That is where to push your cause. Once something gets on the city council docket it will be an up or down vote for the most part. Get in early and educated with good reasons why this affects others for the good or bad.
We have a DPS (cop) member almost every month we get to talk to about enforcement and traffic issues. We have managed to get a resonable dialogue with our DPS. I don’t know how Tucson’s city government is set up. If you want change, be prepared for slow, find out how your city government works.
Go get them.
Rolling stops have been introduced & shot down twice in the AZ legislature, since you feel so strongly about the issue I’m sure you’ve written your AZ reps asking them to reintroduce the bill & canvassed the neighborhood you live in asking your neighbors to do the same. Good for you.
There are many resources for getting potholes fixed as well, here is a recent article on the issue with links from TucsonVelo.com
http://tucsonvelo.com/news/how-to-get-bike-lane-hazards-fixed/7138
“…failed the personality test.” that’s fucking funny..
….wait…hold ON a second…Electric Joe rides a FIXED GEAR???? When the fuck did THAT happen?
Before you were born, most likely.
Big Jonny, Gnome, others:
I’m a bit disappointed in the complete lack of support for my ’cause’. It is a jackass thing to say that the post is about that pothole. It’s not. I should have just left the photo out for you morons, because you’ve found that focusing on the smallness of the certain pothole I pictured is more important than seeing the larger picture.
I could have taken pictures of some of the larger and more dangerous ones. No, that pothole is no THAT BAD but it is directly in view of a sign about improvements… and 4th ave is incredibly bumpy. I see now that it is all for naught.
respected, or appreciated in this post.
For the record, I ride 35c fat tires on one bike, 25c on the other, and I’m not concerned about ME. I’d like to see other people out on bikes and there’s a lot of bullshit in the way of that. When you’re riding fast at night the pot holes are impossible to always avoid. There are many that are much, much worse than the one pictured. A lot of them are right in the path of a right turning cyclist.
And you, the readers of this forum, couldn’t give less of a fuck…
Because here at drunkcyclist, you can’t say anything serious or with a trace of anger as this crew requires it to be text of sunshine up your ass. I don’t always want to write that way. I’ve been told I should or could be writing for something ‘better’ than drunkcyclist but I’ve been loyal and stuck through some pretty bad ridicule and asshole commentary.
The reality is that I ride every day in this shit, I’m in it, but all you jerk-offs seem to think that I don’t know what I’m talking about even though most of you – you’re NOT here in Tucson.
Gnome – smells of weakness? What the fuck are you, the Prince of Hard? You find it weak to criticize what is fucked about a place?
I don’t… but I find it very weak to stick to a certain expected format of posting and to fail to venture beyond the mundane.
Clearly, as always, this is MY failure. I admit that I have completely failed to be heard,
(zzzzzz) Huh? Wha? Did someone say sumpin’?
mmm, vodka….
(zzzzzzz)
FISH ON!!!!!
PS I did 8 years in the old pueblo with 5 bikes and a Vespa. I loved it.
…listen, shitheel…a number of people, including myself, offered logical, positive suggestions as to how you might address your concerns…
…have you even once acknowledged, thought about or countered those ideas so that any of us here might know or have an understanding of why you wouldn’t utilize or at least address our rational ???…not one fucking iota, dude…
…basically, what i get from reading 95% of your posts is that you wanna rant but heaven help us if we respond in like manner…you actually want US to blow “…sunshine up your ass.”…
…if you want people to take you seriously, why don’t you step up & take those around you seriously ???…tit for tat…at least it might lead to opening a discussion but do you really care about ‘discussions’ ???…i don’t see any evidence of it…
…people TRY to have discourse with you, littlejar but again, if it’s not ‘sunshine up your ass’………
Man. I love this site.
A dumb ass post about a wanna be pothole ends up being WWIII.
Amazing.
Rocking out to the Beastie Boys latest. It’s freely streamed if anyone likes. http://beastieboys.com/preorder/
I tried to dig on the climbs today. Nine miles of gravel in there just to bounce me around a little. I’m feeling it tonight, but the Mrs. fed me a steak and some fine red wine. I reckon I’ll pull through. Keep the rubber side down.
I visit Tucson once or twice a year. This last visit in early April, I thought things were looking better. A lot more bike lanes. There was some rough pavement but shoot, didnt you live in Seattle for a while? We have the real potholes!
People,
You’re being a bit harsh on Francis, he means well.
I’m sure that straight after taking that picture he ran out with waving arms stopping that nice practical little suburban vehicle with its happy, smiling family from disappearing down that GAPPING CHASM!!
“Does not appear to be a terribly egregious pothole” Big Jonny?
My God Man, that’s practically a BLACK HOLE into an ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE!
If it were any deeper, SATAN’S HORDES would be issuing out of it.
And they only ride Huffys…
We have a lot to thank Francis for.
I like turtles.
I take my earlier comment back. After a ride and some thinking time I came up with this: Ride at your own risk; have fun!
Hey, Jesus told me to add more nonsense. I do what our Lord says. One thing the USSR was really good at producing were potholes, mud and concrete slabs are the others. Well, we have some true ballers coming from the USSR. These cats ride through mud, potholes, and along side drunk-as-skunk drivers. Tough as nails these cats. Maybe, we should enjoy potholes and look at them as a Russian would look at a pothole, or a rock climber at a difficult overhang. It is something that Jesus put there to make us better at what we love to do, ride bikes or rock climb. As for rolling stops, cool idea. Maybe I will pray really hard and Jesus will make a miracle in the beautiful state of AZ.
Way ahead of ya, pal. But good advice just the same.
guess that explains why you ride on the sidewalk, little-tittie-jar.
Allow me to extrapolate from a previous sticker I saw on a certain seat-tube.
If you’re not an asshole and comment on DC, will you ever really fit in?
I’ve run stop signs pretty regularly on the bike. Been caught for it, too, though no tickets yet. HTFU.
Potholes suck wherever you are. HTFU.
LJar makes some good points in his post. Don’t ignore him just because you want to make fun of him. HTFU.
He makes some not-so-good points as well. By all means, rag on him for them. HTFU.
Ljar tends to be dramatic on many points. That’s his way. You love his posts and read them mostly for this reason. HTFU.
Ljar is one of the most popular posters on this site because he incites threads like this. Shut up and enjoy it. HTFU.
LJar is not a stupid guy. Many of the commenters are. I am included in this category most of the time. Internet anonymity permits it. HTFU.
If I don’t pay the $212 fine for rolling through a stop sign and getting caught, I lose my driver’s license and a warrant is issued for my arrest. Punishment must fit the crime? Hogwash – they’re getting a lot of revenue out of ‘cyclists’ for this nonsense ‘violation’ and while some cyclists are broke and have no money, this is a very oppressive law. Yes, I ride a lot, and yes, my knee is in a lot of pain, often. I ride side streets that are way overloaded with stop signs everywhere. 4 way stops that should be 2 way, stops that should be yields…
I simply CANNOT stop at every sign. I’d feel like a moron for stopping completely in the dead of night when no one is approaching and I can see 70 yards in each direction. Brainwashed cops say that it’s UNSAFE every time to violate the traffic signs. How moronic.
Now I have to stay in Tucson and deal with this even though I’m trying desperately to leave this fucking hot hell. To anyone that agrees with the policy that police should be handing out $200 tickets for not completely stopping at every stop sign every time, you’re an ass-wipe and I really hope that you someday have to face a lunatic law that you know completely defies sense but makes you vigorously jump through hoops and pay through the nose. The police are out there to primarily generate revenue for the administrative entities… and occasionally they enforce more important laws.
Look around – everyone drives. A few of us ride bikes, and a few of us aren’t in fancy kits. If I had a fucking nickel for every time a driver makes the assumption that I’m a DWI convict because why else would I be on a bicycle… I’d be able to pay someone to haul all my shit by electric car and wear pretty fancy kits and ride a carbon Giant to work and back, so that people don’t think this about me.
I must be some bad scofflaw. I ride safe, but it’s MY way. And now I gotta live in fear of being arrested.
I have seen TPD beat up pregnant women at protests, but that must be more OK than going 5 mph through a deserted intersection that happens to have a red octagon posted.
More cars, worse weather, worse potholes… but riding in Seattle is WAY WAY BETTER than riding here in Tucson.
I have said this before and I’ll say it again……I think LJ is one the big honchos in disguise pulling our piss ;) Needless to say it elicits some great responses. Long Live LJ!
AND FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME – ASS-WIPES: THE POST IS *NOT* ABOUT A FUCKING POTHOLE. I FUCKED UP. MY BAD.
It’s all the same. Seattle, tucson, where ever. You rationalize being a victim, you rationalize how the system is unfair, and that’s what you become…a victim with a reason to maintain his need for persistent contempt. As if there are actually people whose mission in life is to care about your demise.
Let me restate it; HTFU.
…and I mean you no disrespect, LJ!
Come for the Liege Bastogne Liege but stay for the pothole.
Now with 47% more persecution complex!!
FWIW I also received a ticket for running a stop sign in Tucson. I deserved it, I looked the tricycle motor cop in the eye and rode through the intersection just west of campus. None of the 4 others I was with were cited. I went to court to talk to the judge who as I’m telling my story stated something like “this was on a bicycle??? get out of here, I’m throwing this out”
Cool move on his part I thought.
Good luck and have a Great Day!!
LIttleJar, you are awfully entertaining! the reality is shit flows down hill, and in every group someone needs to be there to catch it. Keep it up. I encourage you to get out out of Tucson. find a new place where you can plant your little seeds of farce malcontent, and then share them with all of us eager road side gawkers who love seeing you smolder. Best of luck! Keep it coming!
…“…the grass is always greener…”…HTFU…
…& bartender, a refill for the very succinct gnomer…
Actions usually speak louder than words. How about you take things into your own hands. Pass the hat, scratch together $20 and go fill the hole (or any others) yourself
http://www.acehardware.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2296694&CAWELAID=109389816
If you were a skateboarder or a BMX’er and you want a spot to ride you would grab some quick-crete and make it. I don’t see how this is much different. Instead of waiting for the city govt to hold your hand and do it for you, do it for yourself and for the rest of the riders out there.
10 bucks says they’d arrest him if he filled in himself.
So Francis likes potholes after all? Knew it.
Fuck you, dirty biker. You go fill pot holes with asphalt for free. I don’t have an income and I’m focused on survival. I don’t have cones,reflective A-frames, or the right to work in the middle of busy streets. I pass dozens upon dozens of pot holes. If I were to fund raise to fill them in, I’d get LAUGHED AT, not money. You don’t get it.
Fucking idealist in the wrong way – easy to make easy suggestions!
The ‘go fix it yourself’ ethos is a fallacy in the urban environment. My point (totally missed by nearly all) was that hundreds of thousands are being spent on traffic circles (the work in Seattle, they don’t help so much here) while pot holes go unfilled. It’s common sense ignored to the Nth degree. But the photo of the relatively small pot hole overshadowed everything else I wrote in the post.
I should have taken pictures of the dozens of HUGE potholes in Country Club, the most dangerous (no shoulder) road to ride on in Tucson. Don’t ride on it you say? I live near there. Sometimes I have to.
No, I don’t appreciate yours or anyone’s directive that I should go out and volunteer and be the lone activist. It’s not for me. I go hungry often because of food allocation issues these days. Got more to think about. I post recreational-like to see what effect it has. This time I totally failed to make a fucking simple point.
I NEED HELP – legal help, actually. I need advice on how to proceed. I am trying to navigate a legal system that is new to me (arizona) I do not wish to stay all fucking summer to fight a traffic ticket but I know I must fight back with paper, and I know a few things about how to. I need target practice, too. It is a situation where a municipality is perpertrating automated fraud on people. But that’s not my battle. I need to get a judge to agree on something. I do not wish to fight the idea that obeying street signs must be done – I was victimized by an officer that handed me a ticket that didn’t even have an amount on it – and found out it’s MORE THAN TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Fuck this. Let them dig it out of the ass of my corpse.
Big Jonny, if you want to help, this is target practice for your lawyer skills. Help me do a little research on the issue. This is bigger than it seems. I was at the court building today and they just handed me more paper and told me I need to jump through some hoops.
In the US military, I found out what it is to be a piece of shit jumping through hoops; going along with the program. I’m done. I want a WIN, I want to NOT PAY a fine, I want to NOT TAKE a stupid bicycle safety class, and most of all, I want to be left alone and be able to decide for my own self, as i have been for 20 years, whether to hit my brakes or pedal on through. I can’t stand big daddy government telling me that I committed a wrong when in fact it is I that have been wronged.
And to the fucking snob that wrote this:
“It’s all the same. Seattle, tucson, where ever. You rationalize being a victim, you rationalize how the system is unfair, and that’s what you become…a victim with a reason to maintain his need for persistent contempt. As if there are actually people whose mission in life is to care about your demise.
Let me restate it; HTFU.”
Harden the fuck up – does this mean accept the ass reaming and bend over? Or does it mean FIGHT the mother fuckers. Does it mean camping out at the law library, showing up at a hearing ready present a clear argument?
You don’t know me, Gnomer. You have not met me and make so many assumptions. I’m not a victim, in the identity sense. I get FUCKED by dishonest shit and I try my best to stand up to it when there’s not a knife at my throat. City is a party. I’m a party. I won’t give in to automated fraud. I will hit pot holes at night and curse briefly and move on. I do have contempt, and for good reason. But it doesn’t run my life nor does it dictate my actions.
Harden the fuck up, you say – from your air conditioned apartment cozy. Fuck you, dude. I’m giving up the bread truck for a tent, giving up the mattress for the dirt. You harden up. Come follow me around for a few days and see what my life is BEFORE making such conclusions about me. You don’t know the hard shit I’m capable of. I could care less if your fresh legs and new age equipment can win a trail race. You ain’t so fucking hard. And why is hard so virtuous? I’ve found hardened heart and mind to be my detriment…. big-time.
The right thing to do is not fold, but to call.
easy there big guy..just saying it sounded like an awful lot of talky and no do-ey. you got a desert full of dirt you can fill those holes with and a city full of walls you can post complaints at. results don’t come to you, they are sought out. take action.
as for the ticket, you got unlucky holmes. A lot of us have been there. Show up to court, take your lumps. plead financial hardship, get it reduced to community service and/or traffic school (been there). you can’t fight city hall, but you can undermine it. my advice is to be modest, and keep your message simple. I have been in front of a judge for everything from BWI and running red lights to not having a bell, and they all were reduced or thrown out because i was(as far as they know)sincerely sorry. Hit me up on the email if you want some details of those instances. they were in 5 different states, including AZ so i may be able to add some insight
Fuckin’ A. Patton Oswalt. He gets an F for not coming to Flagstaff, despite all of my emails.
And in my opinion any ticket to a cyclist that falls in either of these categories is bullshit:
A)You broke the law, simple as that, here’s your ticket.
OR it’s cousin,
B)We’re concerned about safety, yours and others, that’s why we have that law, you broke it, here’s your ticket.
Anybody that commutes on a bike knows its not that simple. I have my own set of laws and rules that are much more fluid depending on the time, location, traffic, etc., and the only goal of my rules is to make sure I stay in one piece as I go around town. I haven’t been squashed yet so I think my rules and how I ride is working.
Littlejar— consider how much of your time, effort and emotion are worth $200. Overstep that line and you make yourself a loser— not the cop who wrote you a bullshit ticket.
And always ALWAYS do your best to pass the “personality test.” I notice that your last two comments both started with a heart-felt FUCK YOU… that dog won’t hunt.
Keep the rubber side down, brother.
lj, you just expect that everyone owes you something. you are an F fuck fuckstick, how’s that? jesus fuck. come to cincinnati and ride and hope to hell you don’t flat out from all the fucking bumps and shit in the road. this is one of the most unfriendly cities to ride a bike in. gnome, be warned. i keep wondering what you will think of riding in this city.
i can’t even read the dribble associated with this post. just telling DB to fuck off makes me mad. you have more isms’ that i can count. maybe YOU ought to go out and get a fucking job and a fucking life.
DB – Yes, now you’re making useful suggestions. Finally.
It ain’t about potholes or the two hundred bucks.
I’m owed only the freedom to move about. When that is threatened, any of us will get very upset about it.
Judi – A job is not a life. I’d be insulted but I don’t give a shit what you think. You’re even more inflammatory than I am, and don’t understand what I’m about one bit.
Self ’employment’ and knowing when to rest is the best life a person can live, but it’s not for everyone. It’s so funny how people who think inside the box also believe that everyone else should get in, too.
It’s no different than drunks encouraging more drinking.
LJ – oh i understand exactly what you’re about. you are all about what everyone else can do for YOU – you are all about YOU and only YOU. and when someone tells my buddy to fuck off, i get mad. and if that makes me inflammatory, so be it. get the fuck lost. loser.
If I’m all about me, I’m no different from everyone around me.
A loser? You bet. I lose. I fail often. I’m OK with my losses.
[Just don’t like to have it extorted out of me. It don’t sit well]
Better to have lost than to have not entered in.
LJ, you are chronically petulant and it gets you get picked on for good reason. if you could put down your tired-ass ninja-costumed bandfag with asperger’s shit for a goddamned second, you wouldn’t have to take all your toys and move every 3 lunar cycles. your posts are an endless stream of brown watery shit. fucking chill.
i meant to say that long ago.
Rhys, I too like turtles.
Oops, that didn’t work. Anyways, my suggestion is for everyone to put their dicks away for a minute and watch this fucking video. Kid’s a BEAST.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSbZidsgMfw
“Jesus called, he said he’s sick of the disses
I told him to quit bitchin’, this isn’t a fucking hotline.”
FWIW, LJ, I rolled a stop 5 years ago [on my bike] and was given a ticket and never paid it. They don’t issue an arrest warrant if it’s a civil ticket, however I imagine things wouldn’t be good if I were ever pulled over while driving. At the time I didn’t care about not being able to drive because I never drove, but now I drive once or twice a week so I’m gonna have to pay it… but in the last five years I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with police on countless occasions for non-transport-related issues and have never had a problem. If you don’t pay it and leave the state, I’m not sure how it’d effect you if you were pulled over in another state.
tyler the creator RAPRASANT.
I’LL STAB BRUNO MARS IN HIS GODDAMN ESOPHAGUS
AND WON’T STOP UNTIL THE COPS COME IN.
If I were to undertake an illegal task on city roads I’d be sure to include my friends Ray, Peter, & Egon. Hard hats are available at Home Depot as are road construction signs. It’ll look proper, and if a cop stops to see what’s up, blame your boss in a Brooklyn accent.
…one knows the crime is egregious when our paintbrush poet laureate breaks the glass & walks barefoot through the shards, feeling no pain…
Shit, I just wanted to get in on this gang bang and make it post #82!
Jesus titty fucking christ people, hug it out, fire it up and get over it. Deal with the cards you’ve been dealt. Now, let’s move on.
Rhys & Snake Hawk,
I freely admit that I hate that shit with every cell in what is laughingly called my body.
But I’ll meet your bid & raise you this..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbW9JqM7vho
It’s also the instant when I realised that I’ve disconnected from my homeland &experienced the magic moment when you realise that you’ve become you’re father.
I never thought that I’d see the day.
Jesus, ‘Cry the beloved country’ indeed.
I kind of enjoy Die Antwoord’s music, but I can’t help but feel like they’re South Africa’s ICP.
SnakeHawk wins with Asperger’s.
seriously. ..and it sounds so much nicer than ‘asshole’.
Tyler The Creator – Yonkers
Jesus. Titty. Fucking. Christ. 86 posts on this? Really? Go on a ride and have a beer. Snuggle this shit out.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/adff47c5b3/the-snuggler
LJ: Calm down a second and take some actual advice.
1. Take the diversion offer (the bike safety class).
2. Move on. You got nailed one time out of many.
If you try to fight the ticket you will lose. You did it, right? You ran the stop sign on a bike? Because that is an actual infraction and yes it carries a $212 fine.
You can plead poverty and get community service and do it at BICAS or whatever, but the problem is that that infraction will not be identified to your insurer as a bike infraction — it will just show that you ran a stop sign. That will increase your driver’s insurance A LOT. Insurance companies do not like people who run stop signs, and just try to convince them that you did it on a bike. You will not succeed.
So take the damn diversion class already and move on with your life. This is not the catastrophe you seem to think it is.
Come on we can reach 100 posts on this.
this post is only about one thing.
Not about potholes or the law
It’s about this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu0u2a4SYJU
And another thing
I’m relieved that no TURTLES were harmed during LJ’s altercation with law enforcement personnel
because I REALLY FUCKING LOVE TURTLES!!!
#87 el jefe – YThat video just made my day, as well as the day of my work colleague who came over to see why I was shooting coffee out of my nose while laughing my ass off. Thank you.
OK. I gots to ask. What’s the whole fucking deal with turtles ?
I see that in comments now and then. Que ?
Seattle Anarchists for the police brutality, those kids show the MAN what fear is.
Shove a flowering cactus in the potholes and call it good.
I fucking hate unicorns. Flying around farting rose petals and crapping on my Grandma’s lawn. Oh and for fuck’s sake those damn manatees think their something special.
LJ – I bet you are also lactose and gluten intolerant. And yes, the holocaust WAS all about you. We know.
And watch what you say to el Gnomer. He might just come down there and stuff you in that pothole.
I can’t speak for others but my love for turtles, terrapins or tortoises is because of their peaceful and placid nature. They are the buddhas of the animal kingdom, except for the fat belly and shit eatin grin. They move purposefully and mindfully through the world harming no other living creatures and are protected from predators only by their hard shell.
You’ve heard the expression, “Life sucks get a helmet” Well, turtles already have a natural protection from the slings and arrows of life’s misfortunes.
Ohh damn. Who am I kidding? I just wanna get to the hundred comment mark and talking about turtles is as good a way as any.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y
@Tony
We should go for 200 on this post. Nothing less would suffice.
I hit a pothole once and it took out my left front shock and bumper. That was the story 30 years ago.
Now I tell a true horror story about broken bones, broken cars and broken cops.
And. Oh, yea. I got a ticket.
I paid it. Best $22.95 of my life.
Well. Except for that Philippine hooker. Only $2.87. Then once I was done with her, I dumped her in a pothole.
…I swear on a stack of bgw’s that this is all true…
Turtle soup is good.
…i did my errands by bike on monday…everything was fine & as peaceful as it gets whilst pedaling amongst traffic where there are no paths…i’m good, no worries, i stop at signs, i pay attention out there…
…then i read littlejar self-incriminating ‘why me, woe is me, fuck everybody but me’ rant & then next thing ya know, when i go out for a little ride on wednesday, damned if all i can see are stop signs & pot holes…sheesh…my world is now filled with ’em…
…yet fortune smiled on me & i was able to keep my wits (& knees) about me as i stopped at all those fucking signs (we all hate ’em, lj) & keep from entrenching myself in the pot holes…
…nonetheless, what an injustice that shitheel has thrown amongst us & all because he thinks he’s doing our little world a favor…“…when ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise…”…
…& dammit, triple f…you’re turning me into a literary currency…
I drive too much. But I work for a living.
“literary currency”? Can ya break a twenty? Didn’t think so.
Turtles. God damn right. Just like typing in caps lock.
Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/veganstraightedge/694236353/.
@fff – thats no way to talk about a hooker. im serious.
my very first ride with dominic, he almost crashed his bike to save a turtle in the middle of the bike path. i fell in love with him instantly.
Jeeze, I was riding along the C&O just minding my bidness one time (fixed, natch) and thought I hit a helluva rock or a branch or something.
Turned around, went back and sure enough, there was this box turtle sitting all shaken and stuff. He looked miffed alright, I’ll tell you what.
So I apologized all over myself, told him I didn’t see him (they’re damned near invisible in the woods) gave him a little pat on the shell and went on my way.
Didn’t see him on my way back so I guess he was a’right.
I likes me the turtles. They is good people in the woods. I’d never hurt one and hell, I’d probably crash to aviod it.
The wee critters. Yes, that’s what I’m all aboot, eh.
Hey, I got three cats.
A buddy of mine has a tortoise named Spanky and he’s BAD ASS. He can crunch down an entire coeur du romaine at a single go.
Ahhh. Much better. See how the tone of this thread had mellowed once the subject turns to our reptile friends. Why even Joetheelectrician and I agree on turtles. Which means there is hope for mankind. Or it’s just a temporary cease fire until we commence to ripping into each other.
Let me summarize. We all hate potholes. We all hate stop signs. We all hate the police. But we all LIKE turtles. How do we blend this tortoise love with the subject of LJ’s post which has just been highjacked?
Why don’t we put turtles in the potholes? Their hard shells will protect them from being hurt if they’re run over and most potholes are full of water which is the perfect environment for them. Then we add “Turtles Ahead” to the letters on all stop signs. What person wouldn’t stop for a sign that says,
STOP
TURTLES
AHEAD
The cities will save $. Everyone will feel good about themselves for saving the turtles. And the police? Well, I still hate those bastards.
I know what you’re thinking. Tony, you are a F#cking retard. No. I am not retarded. Just unemployed. But soon the economy will improve and I will get a job and stop annoying you with my nonsense.
Until then, I say
SAVE THE TURTLES.
Only 98 more comments and we reach 200 for a new record on DC. Do it for the turtles!
Get a job.
Atta Boy, Joe. Thanks for your kind wishes. Only 95 more and we can do it!
Tony, why not get a job filling potholes?? Huh,huh???? Now we’ve come full circle.
Excellent idea nyhc00! There aren’t many open positions for hermits, lighthouse keepers and misanthropes which are my preferred occupations.
So where do I send my resume? Do ya think the human resource departments will think my idea strange? Filling potholes with turtles? I think not.
93 more comments to go. Comment on DC. Save a turtle.
my name is jonatrhon ware I am a youtube star my video got over 29 million hits Since then I get more hookers and blow then Donal trump
I really like this site becasue you linked to my video in #95 and because you drop more f-bombs than any other site. Don’t you people like each other?
also, i like turtles
Isn’t it great how turtles can make us all be happy together?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv85y08aA2w
Turtles ain’t bad, but I like pie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-kvd4zGLlo
I have a turtle. well tortoise actually. I love him
I could say how about ‘Turtle Pie”, but that would make us all sad except for el jefe so I won’t.
What would be awesome would be a picture of a turtle/ tortoise/terrapin with a DC and/or VDB Posse sticker.
What would totally blow the dial off the Awesome-O-Meter © would be a picture of a turtle/ tortoise/terrapin:
With a DC and/or VDB Posse sticker…
In a pothole…
By a stop sign…
With Francis in the background spread-eagled over the bonnet of a police cruiser being reprimanded by a nice policeman because he ran the stop sign & then failed the Attitude test.
There should be a prize for such a picture.
(Photoshopped entries not accepted, judges decision final, no correspondence will be entered into…))
I’d throw a DC sticker on my box turtle buddy, but whenever I do something to annoy him he gives me a look like he knows I’m going to die first. Little guy knows who’s really in charge.
…fuck a buncha turtles, dammit…
…hey, what ???…somebody hadda do it…somebody hadda have the balls to stand up n’ say it, ‘cuz this, dammit, is drunkskitzoid, i mean, drunkcyclist, ya ???…
…sheesh…it’s become some kinda turtle love-fest & one big fucking group hug…god damn mutant ninja motherfuckers…
…i’m here to mock turtles if only to add some zen balance to this terrapinacious affair…
Show me the turtle love !!!
Then kill that fooker and serve me some soup !!
America. Fuck yea !!
I’m looking for a 2 bedroom pothole if anyone can help a brother out.
I prefer uptown. Only lj goes downtown.
What was I talking about ?
jonathon @108 I’m impressed that a bona fide celebrity would actually comment here. And you started this whole thing. Because you like turtles.
You know how Lance Armstrong is on a one man crusade to save the world from cancer. Well, it’s the same with you except you’re saving turtles from the world. And as for the people here on DC, they actually have a deep respect and compassion for each other, they just have a funny way of showing it.
@Hurben You are a dangerous man with that imagination of yours. The imagery of LJ spreadeagled on a police cruiser has been burned permanently into my brain. And now my brain hurts. Keep up the good work! For the turtles.
Only 86 comments more and we’ll be able to build the turtle sanctuary!
Do you think Gary Busey likes turtles? How ’bout Donald Trump? In my heart of hearts, I want to believe that they do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ2RA0DzgJo
Gary Busey is the poster boy for helmet laws. At first I was going to mock him but he’s got some serious brain damage. Sad, really.
If there was any justice in this world, Trump would be ground up in a massive err … grinding thing and fed to the turtles.
But then again, turtles wouldn’t eat that kinda garbage.
OMFG !!!!
I love Gary Busey. I think about him eating turtle soup all the time. My counselor says that’s the dumbest kink he’s ever heard of.
He just doesn’t understand.
I am so voting for The Donald.
An old housemate of mine had a box turtle named Donny. He was always out of his element.
The Funky Turtle ??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADuOTSDMwZg
Gotta love it.
Even if you do like turtles things can still work out
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/web-redemption—i-like-turtles-kid
@ribsteak
Off the chart. Thank you for that.
Bwhahahahahahahaha
Donald Trump” “We Shall Overcomb.”
Oooh yeah, tortoise sex:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagAokRb3vk
@mikey +1
@el jefe
I wasn’t going to post this, but you started it. All teenage boys have made this face. It’s called the turtle face
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R5QueuvKQ4
Only 74 more comments and we’ll have enough money to pay for the shelter for aging turtle prostitutes.
@Tony “I can’t believe it’s actually happening… I’m having sex with something other than my hand! WooooHoooooooo!!!!!” You mean that face?
Woody Allen once said,
“Don’t knock masturbation-It’s sex with someone I love”
and
“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own”
Endless streams of watery brown shit? Yes, I produce this. It goes right in the ground; it is tomorrow’s potatoes. I’m pleased with that.
I looked up Asperger’s syndrome. I definitely do no have even mild autism. None of the symptoms describe my habits. I do have many symptoms of alcoholism. Being mad and swearing occasionally is not Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s never getting a blow-job syndrome.
This is fucking hilarious, on that subject: Wait… what?
I have never owned a ninja suit. I did used to play the game Shinobi back in the day. I wear white button down shirts and US Navy short shorts. I wear holes in my ass from being in the saddle.
I do not own a sword or a twenty-sided die.
Here’s the link that didn’t go through. It’s retarded. Don’t watch it.
Buttarded
In 2009, the 4th avenue underpass, a gateway to Congress, was ‘improved’ for ‘bicycle safety’ – since then, accidents there have exactly tripled.
Source: AZ Daily Star page A2 29April2011
…turtle sex video…he’s screaming “…who’s your daddy, who’s your daddy, now, bitch, who’s your fucking daddy, now…”…
…she’s going “…thank god we’re both wearing shells…i hope he comes faster than he crawls…i’d yawn but i don’t wanna encourage him with any kinda response…i am SO over this shit…”…
…turtles…just sayin’…
@the person pretending to be littlejar
As one of the pirates officially responsible for hijacking your post, please stay on topic and the latest topic was turtles. No wait it was masturbation. So please refrain from going back to the topic that was the original topic of this post. Or we’ll all get confused.
And besides we haven’t reached the lowest point yet. I thought videos of turtles having sex would be it but I’m sure we can get even lower.
We groundlings want low comedy.
Anyone?
Retarded policeman youtube video is pretty low. Lower?
lowest as in Limbo low. I’m really ashamed of myself for posting this. I will burn for an eternity in hell. here goes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfaQuk5tEKE
But just when I thought I’d seen the nadir, there’s this
“If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkGUI4bnQbQ
“retarded policeman”-Isn’t that abit redundant? And I’m sure it’s offensive to all retarded people who are NOT armed thugs.
Durn burn you Tony! Now I got that damned song stuck in ny head.
I sure picked a hell of a day not to drink.
TripleF, It’s because turtles are pretty neat little animals, and tend to spend very little time bickering in the comment sections of websites. At least that’s why I ever mention my affinity for them here.
@the person pretending to be littlejar
Fuck yea. +100
Come back again soon. We’ll bake ya a turtle cake.
The turtles never even were able to develop their own QWERTY because they were always out “doing”. I bet they regret that now because even if they have 27 letters of say, no body cares.
Anyhoo, talk amongst yourselves. I’m going to consider elimination of comments all together. Silence is golden.
Where is the remote?
…ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…
…hey, i know it’s not ‘silent’ but it’s kinda peaceful n’ quiet…
…besides…old habits die hard & ya gotta wean yourself off this comment shit…
No comment.
Geez.
gnome wins one little race and he thinks he runs the place.
Someone pull the remote out of gnomes ass so he can put a quick death to this retarded post.
The turtles would understand.
Nah, let it roll awhile. I want to see where it goes.
@joe
Apparently everyone has decided to let this one die the slow pitiful death it deserves. The smart ones any way.
As you well know, I ain’t amongst the smart ones. So here’s a question for ya.
If a turtle could ride a bike, I know you would say fixed, so I’ll ask instead what material ? Carbon, steel, Ti or bamboo ??
I say bam-fucking-boo.
I am greatly honoured to be commenter #146. Must be close to a record?
#147.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/Sh08LvaqKUI/AAAAAAAAHow/qpO2ZMozSAc/s400/turtle+sepia.jpg
I feel retarded now.
As you should.
@145-Would any of us be up in here if we were smart?
…if we’re to give turtles/tortoises their real due, then i’d suggest we ramp up the comments…
…being as they have consistently proved to be the longest living creatures on earth, exceeded only by a particular koi (& while koi can be kinda cool & beautiful, fish aren’t ‘loveable’ like turtles), with certain of the largest land tortoises living as long as 176 to 180 years old, then there should be at least that many comments as tribute to these guys…
…i mean, i’m just sayin’ i’m only #150…
Where’s Tony when ya need him ?
He could get this post charged up for another 30-40 comments at least.
Myself ? I’m all fucked out. I need a nap.
bgw. It’s all up to you.
…fffuckin’ a, triplef, i’m heading out the door & off to work in an hour…
Now that’s what I need. A fucking job.
So I’m not sitting here all day every day posting inane shit about potholes, turtles and retard cops.
Your place hiring ?
I feel like that lady in the Lifealert commercial. “Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”.
Only with me it’s; “Help. I’m doing stupid shit and I can’t stop”.
Just shoot me. Please.
…you could start a business selling mock turtle soup…
…“…try our new galopagos brand mock turtle soup for a wonderfully satisfying flavor & remember folks, no real turtles are harmed by galopagos brand…try it today…”…
…don’t make a mockery of turtles, make mock turtle soup…
Good thinking BGW.
We could then branch out into the motivational shell band market, a big yellow ‘LiveLong’ band that fits around the shell!
Entire Creeps of tortoises & Wads of turtles would storm our doors for them, (in a nice, slow, deliberate, ponderous way of course).
“…don’t make a mockery of turtles, make mock turtle soup…”
Then I would just get accused of being a “mock turtle soup Nazi”.
And now Goodwin’s Law has been satisfied.
Can we all just go home now ?
…custom ‘livelong’ turtle shell bands…
…“…167 years old…but who’s counting ???…”…
…“…127 years old…still a kid…”…
…“…189 years old…chuck darwin was a personal friend…”…
**************************************************************************
…come on folks, please, donate a comment…give from the heart ‘cuz it’s not for us, it’s for the turtles…
“…come on folks, please, donate a comment…give from the heart ‘cuz it’s not for us, it’s for the turtles…”
Oh. Now you’re just encouraging this idiocy.
For that Sir, I salute you.
Can we save # 200 for LJ himself??
…who ???…
Oh my Gawd. I thought that roller coaster at 6 Flags was bad.
This is a nightmare of stupidity, genius and turtles.
I will never be the same again.
Thank you.
In all seriousness(I betcha never thought you’d hear that from a fool like me) maybe it’s time for all of us turtles to get a life. It was fun changing the tone of the comments which ALWAYS get ugly when LJ posts something people don’t like. Instead of insulting each other mercilessly, we were just trying to outdo each other with stupid jokes. It’s better than threatening cross country roadtrips and punchups! Right?
Now we risk pissing off the admins of this site if we continue with our nonsense. Don’t know BJ or the admins personally, but they have a pretty liberal attitude to comments which you don’t see too often.
In the future, if someone says something stupid or inflammatory, just comment back “I like Turtles”
The sun just came out so I’m going for a ride and I won’t be commenting anymore on this thread(I swear on a stack of bibles)
Keep the hard shell side up.
Tony has said, so it will be done.
…@tony…have you ever heard the phrase “…it’s created a life of it’s own…” ???…
…well, you’re the ‘baby daddy’ of the turtle commentary but it has spawned a life of it’s own…
…i just wonder if patton oswalt has ever done a turtle routine in his act…
…climbing, climbing…
Francis started it.
…while crickets and cicadas sing,
a rare and different tune,
Terrapin station…
A dusty, stray neuron started glowing & I remembered this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugRct9pNQYM
I’m now so mellowed out.
This thread has allowed us all to grow as individuals.
Turtle Love !!
Damnit Marcus!!
you beat me by 1 minute !
Kudos Sir.
@164 Agreed BGW, but I feel that credit should be given to Rhys #46 for putting us onto this path of redemption.
We like nonsense.
It’s kinda hard to convince me of anything else, especially since you’re the one that posted a picture of your busted ball-sack a few years ago… Just sayin’.
@Tony, I see your Hoff, and raise you a Shatner:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN3MGN899yE
I’m leaving @TripleF alone…
There you go BJ, only 29 posts before history is made.
I’m totally motivated to get a turtle themed top, cruel people would suggest that it suits my ridding style but my metaphoric shell shrugs off those barbed comments.
I turn my back for a few hours to try on turtle necks and mock turtle necks and look how far this thread has come. Bravo!!!
If I was a turtle, this would be so me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FfgXdleU9E
this is a picture of a bike, a lady, a turtle, and some disrespect, (courtesy BSNYC)
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/Sh08LvaqKUI/AAAAAAAAHow/qpO2ZMozSAc/s1600-h/turtle+sepia.jpg
Wait. What?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I’m with stupid.
I think whoever comments next sets the new record. Until that time I offer these observations.
This site has too much of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m-xZ4gz4MM
And not enough of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tsowodylu8c
I don’t get the turtle thing. Seriously.
@D2.
You don’t understand this turtle thing we have going one because you Sir are a true moron.
Turtles are the key to life. Once we understand them we understand ourselves. I have spent the last couple days mastering the subject to the point where I am now the Einstein of the turtle world.
That has made me the chick magnet I’ve always dreamed of being. It will also bring me fame and fortune. And a Nobel. But I will of course refuse to accept it. Only morons accept that silly award.
So. You see. It is best you not get involved with things you could never understand.
What the fuck was I talking about ?
@181
1-I just remembered-In certain Asian cultures turtles are associated with bad things. Buggered if I know why, but I clearly recall reading/hearing it. Should be good for twenty posts at least.
2-Algor gots him a Nobel. So’s Barry Hussein, but damned if I know why. So yeah, I guess you’re right aboot that, eh.
Next…
@FFF You are now the official Turtle God of DC
The Oracle was right.
I am the One.
Or was that the old guy in that drinking bar in Clifton who said that ?
Doesn’t matter.
All hail TripleF the official Turtle God of DC.
Almost as famous as Great A’Tuin the Giant Star Turtle who travels through the Discworld universe, carrying four giant elephants on his back who in turn carry the Discworld on their backs.
From Terry Prachetts Discworld series, I’m amazed that it has been mentioned sooner.
Wikipedia has a stunning entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discworld_(world)
@D2, you can’t argue with a zombie, turtles rule.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y
Obviously #185 has a ‘Not’ missing.
@Hurben
The One saw that mishap before you even typed it.
Not a problem.
Oh fuck this. I need to get laid more than lj does.
I’m going to go do something productive. Wash the car, buy a new microwave, wank off. Something. Anything.
Whoa, back up-Francis gets laid?
@FFF OH Turtle God why would you want to do something productive? Stay here in the warm confines of this turtle opium den. Pull up a comfy chair. Slip off your shoes. Kick back and relax where it’s safe. Just type and click. Type and click. Type and click.
being productive is over-rated
Yes I agree. Leave the den and you could wind up in the soup. Metaphorically and otherwise.
…lest we forget…flo & eddie = THE TURTLES…
…Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It’s only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together
If I should call you up
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be
So very fine
So happy together…
…just sayin’…
Ummm, yeah, nice…
…post #109…
…memory what…?
…just sayin’…
…hey, uhhh, i was, ummm, just seein’ if anybody was payin’ attention…
…you win…be sure & collect your prize…
…your prize…
… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_%28chocolate%29 …
…#196 & counting………
Their benevolence manifests.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110430/sc_livescience/aliengianttortoisehelpsrestoreecosystem
Backing up to my earlier statement: Turtle Pie, damnit!
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/turtle-pie/Detail.aspx
And only one left till we can all forget about this post.
lj. Please man up and make it 200 comments.
Anyone else takes his place, it will ruin it for all eternity.
WE DID IT!!!!
i’ll be using the “whoops” defense. did not read the 199th post, don’t worry eternity shouldn’t last too long.
Oh Hell. lj doesn’t last that long in any place he goes.
Eternity can’t be much different.
3 lunar cycles someone said ?
lj. Time to move.
How aboot Guam ?
Turtles are gentle & forgiving in nature, that’s why we like them.
I’d suggest heading down to:
http://www.turtlemountainbrewing.com/
to celebrate except for the minor fact that I’m at the end of the world & talking to you from Monday afternoon.
nyhc00. I wouldn’t beat myself up too bad. Francis ain’t got that much of an attention span. He’s surely wandered off by now. And hell, even if he was watching this thread he’d have deliberately not made the 200th post, just to be a dick.
So who’s up for 300?
…el jefe…sorry, amigo…i saw “turtle pie” & i thought “…ohhh, nooo !!!…this being drunkcyclist, somebody hadda do it…turtle porn…i’m not even gonna look”…
…& here you just meant “turtle pie”…i should a’ known better…
…btw, littlejar’s fave comic, patton oswalt is pretty damn strong with his material…a thinking man’s comic who still rides hard on the absurd…guy’s work is great…
Patton Oswalt is one of my faves as well. Equally deft pointing out the absurd, the gross, the or politically gross and absurd.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55h1FO8V_3w
@BGW, I too had a similar reaction to el jefe’s post but for a different reason.
Pies down under mostly have meat based fillings so I went all cold at the thought of 4 small gentle reptilian legs sticking out of a pie crust.
Fortunately I saw that no physical turtles were involved so it was in fact a Mock Turtle Pie.
I should never have doubted you el jefe.
300?
Now there was a tale of Spartan bravery & honour!
I sure turtles featured somewhere, the concept of the phalanx probably came from a turtle shell.
Turtles & Bin Laden. Let it roll, baby!
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/after-killing-of-bin-laden-reaction-pours-in/?smid=tw-nytimes&seid=auto.
Guys,
well done, I’m glad.
9/11 will always be in my memory. I’d just returned from working in Darwin when my wife phoned me & said turn on the TV, I could not believe it. I ended up going for a run & every shop, house or bar I ran past had people watching a tv & crying.
NZ & OZ, have had troops put there every since & we’ve taken casualties as well. I really hope that this starts to signal the end but I doubt it.
All take care out there & keep safe.
…hard to fathom after all these years…is it a righteous good ending or will it simply signal an ugly new beginning ???…
…“…& the beat(down) goes on, ya, the beat goes on…”…
Surprised Barry Hussien could find enough time between shooting hoops and partying to comment, not that he personally had one damned thing to do with it. “Mission accomplished” banner not included, and so on and so forth. But he’s got to be figuring this will let him get away with raising gas at least another three bucks. Huge props to the folks who were actually involved. That kind of courage is beyond anything most of us will ever see.
Or maybe the body (if there is one) has been in cold storage awhile, to be trotted out when the approval ratings need a bump. And that’s another thing-Why burial at sea? Crap, I read too many bad spy novels.
Two things I’d bet the ranch on-There will be reprisals, and they’ll be on a par with 9/11. It ain’t over, boys and girls. It’s just beginning.
It took 7 days to reach the new comment record on DC.
It took 10 years to hunt down Osama Bin Laden.
200 comments were reached at the very moment Bin Laden was being gunned down.
Coincidence? I think not.
300 ?
3-fucking-hundred ??!!???
I have to ask. Are we on drugs ?
They buried him at sea so he could be slowly digested over many millenia by turtles.
They buried him at sea so as to start yet another conspiracy theory.
I am so bored by them. Grassy knolls, Jewish bankers, Area 51 and bug eyed green aliens. They are all BS.
Only one I actually believe is that Humpty was pushed.
Yep. I was there. Poor ol’ Hump was pushed off that wall by a bug eyed green alien, a Man In Black and a Jewish banker.
Then all the Kings Horse’s and all the Kings Men came riding up. And did they try to put Humpty together again ? Nope. They stood around laughing, high-fiving and smoking dope.
It took all my energy to cop a dime bag before I had to run away in horror.
True story. Just ask lj.
@FFF EXACTLY!! Bingo! I have no idea what you are saying but I wholeheartedly agree. the conspiracy theory behind it is completely valid.
Dime-bags. That’s so 70’s
My favorite eye-opener or drug of choice is The Irish Coffee Car Bomb
1 22 oz. glass
16 oz. triple brewed coffee
6 shots of espresso
I drink these all day every day until dead relatives beckon or my heart explodes. Then I ease off a bit.
And we’ll need all the drugs we can get if we’re to reach the new milestone of 300 comments. What could possibly be accomplished by this, you ask?
1) End Global Warming
2) Save the homeless puppies
3) Eliminate the national debt
4) Procrastination
5) The end of all tyranny in the middle east
We have to work fast. Lives are at stake. That evil humorless grinch Gnome will shut us down if he catches wind of all the good we are trying to do.
Lance Armstrong was being interviewed Sunday about Bin Laden. And he said, “Leave those folks at DC alone, they’ve done too many good things for too many people”
“Dime-bags. That’s so 70’s”
I have to show my age Sir. If I show anything else, I’ll get arrested.
The 60’s happened in the 70’s and if you remember those days you weren’t there. And then the 70’s had a brainfart, out popped punk rock and things changed for a few years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3XyJ0VjAw4
The only brainfart I remember in my life, musically, is the 80’s.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUjIA3Rt7gk
Forward towards the 300!
A mighty jigabee of turtles is behind us, all wearing their yellow ‘LiveLong‘ ™ bands.
With black shells and Anarchy symbols chanting ‘Hey Ho, Lets Go’, (the turtles, not the Anarchy symbols))
Seeing as it’s only 6:22am on Tuesday & I’m only into my 3rd coffee I’ll stay here & read Yeudha Moon.
But don’t worry I’ll catch up. (Goal #4, tick)
@TripleF, I see your Flock of Seagulls, and raise you a Huey Lewis and the News.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6uEMOeDZsA
They were such rebels…
Ghaaaaaaaaaa.
…‘i ran’…not the country but the a flock of seagulls song is one of those great tunes to ride the trainer on…something about the meter just works for me…
Flock of Hairdo’s…saw them in 1981…first time sneaking into a bar underage to see a show…Merlin’s on State St Madison Wisco. It just seemed right at the time, but now, not so much.
Okay, I’ll bite. The bipertisan Congressional Budget Office released figures today that show the Bush-era tax cuts have cost the United States $6.3 trillion dollars. President Obama’s frantic spending in the name of “stimulus” has cost $719 billion— one tenth what the tax cuts have cost.
Our path to national fiscal responsibility looks crystal clear: Raise taxes.
By the way, I’m off to Lake Tahoe tomorrow for four glorious days of spring skiing. See yez at Alpine Meadows. Keep the waxy side down.
…joe sez “…Surprised Barry Hussien could find enough time between shooting hoops and partying to comment…”…
…obama’s bin biden his time, waiting to send in that seal team…those hard workin’ folks sent ol’ osama bin laden home to his 72 virgins in the land of milk n’ honey…
…on a real note: the whole ‘burial at sea’ thingy basically violates sharia law in the islamic world (unless one dies at sea), so i’m bettin’ it serves a twofold purpose…
…there will be no physical burial site that followers can visit & thus turn into a shrine, a new ‘mecca of terrorism’, if you will & it may also be a ploy to piss off & thus draw out more extremists, the intent being that they won’t be fully prepared & thus more likely to be exposed & caught…
Dogs love bacon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
Tell me animals don’t rule this world. If humans did this they’d be arrested
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loVhvZWpTwM&feature=related
Many years ago kitties lived outdoors and hunted their food. That was before humans were domesticated. For anyone who knows cats knows this-People don’t train cats. Cats train people.
Round here, kitties still live outdoors and hunt their food. Cougars are extremely dangerous. Just a couple of years back, we had a mountain biker kilt right on the Snoqualmie Valley Trail, between Rattlesnake Ledge and North Bend. What do they eat in winter? If I ever hear about a skate-skier being eaten, that’s it, I’m moving somewhere safe, like L.A.
Cougars? What does old broads chasing young dick have to do with kitties?
Today’s science lesson. Just like some of my old girlfriends.
“copulation tends to be a protracted affair”
“the mating can take several minutes to several hours!”
“Once the mating is over, the male is in deadly danger”
(no shit Sherlock)
“the male is quite simply the nearest high energy meal around”
“incredibly the mating continues even after the female has BITTEN OFF HER PARTNER’S HEAD”
Watch this if you dare.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYp_Xi4AtAQ
Is it humanly possible for this to get any more retarded ??
I feel dirty posting.
Not that I’m going to stop.
…just saying…
Neffermines taht. Moar kittehs, plz. An cheezburgers.
kthxbai
Have fun Mikey. I was at Squaw and Northstar about a month ago. Got hit with 60 inches while we were there.
And cats rule. I like them better than turtles and some kinds of beer.
Turtle tech brought to pens:
http://gizmodo.com/#!5797724/the-turtle-pen-is-possibly-the-only-interesting-pen
Wow.
I’ve know the name Amy Winehouse for years but only as a name.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll7UFxqI2pM
Me likey.
Too bad she’s a skank ho.
At least it ain’t Flock of Retards or whatever that band was called.
@FFF This is uncanny. You read my mind. It must be the great Turtle consciousness.
I was just going to comment that the younger generation has not fulfilled it’s entertainment responsibilities for providing us it’s share of “Human Train Wrecks” and then I remembered Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse, Lil Wayne, Pete Doherty and Robert Downey Jr.
But the ‘utes have a lot of catchin’ up to do in filling the shoes of the greatest human train wreck of all time: Shane Macgowan of the Pogues.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SirutCHZ-QI
Let us all now bow down and say a prayer for Shane Macgowan. The 2nd greatest fucktard the world has ever seen.
The first of course being The Oz.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBMMwuMFmWk
When you get kicked out of an Irish band that lives the life of getting pissed drunk and in fights, for being too drunk and getting in too many fights, that is hard. Look at his nose. How many times must it have been broken?
The liver is evil and must be punished.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQZ5tdsB1vg&feature=related
Shane was just a lightweight.
Dr Feelgood was the real deal!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ySdocMeBW8
Lee & the boys could get off their faces every night & still put in dynamite sets.
And for all you kitteh lovers out there, here’s you next purchase.
http://www.engadget.com/2007/11/27/bicycle-tire-rocks-hello-kitty-tread-pattern-world-wonders-why/
Murder City Devils. The could make a healthy person contemplate suicide.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1vwpETbf-g
Badtz Maru > Hello Kitty
http://connect.in.com/badtz-maru/photos-badtz-maru-toungeout-5d0eff3ecb334300.html
…i thought the consensus was g.g.allin when it came to train wreck rockers…
Mr. Senna:
Relax. Those of us who live on 4th Ave. are well aware of the bike safety shake-down. They received a grant to enforce cycling safety and conduct classes. The aggressive policing of cyclists are to FILL these FREE diversion classes. Chill out…go to your arraignment after registering and all charges will be dropped. Confirm that you read this.
Bike Safety Diversion Program
In an effort to improve the safety of bicyclists in our community, the City Prosecutor.s Office will dismiss a cyclist.s civil traffic citation if he or she submits proof of completion of the Road 1 Safety class offered by the Pima County Bicycle and Pedestrian Program.
If you wish to take advantage of this opportunity you need to take the following steps:
Register at http://www.BikePed.pima.gov or call 243-BIKE
Bring proof of completion to the City Prosecutor’s Office located at 103 E. Alameda, Suite 501 prior to your next scheduled court date
The class is free. Part 1 of the class lasts for 3 hours and includes a review of state and local laws and a discussion of crash types and crash avoidance techniques. Part 2 of the class is required for completion of the course and requires a bike in good ridable condition.
A cyclist who has had his or her citation dismissed through this program is not eligible for another dismissal for one year.
@BGW,
DR Feelgood are seriously bad arse rockers & fucking good with it.
To call GG Allin a rocker is a stretch but he is without doubt the greatest fucktard I’ve ever seen.
@242:
<<>>
Must. Have. Tire. (splort)
kbai
I guess I should define “train wreck”
A way to describe how one can’t look away from something that is appalling or disgusting, due to it’s bizarre or compelling nature.
I never understood the fascination with GG Allin. He was a pathetic loser. I couldn’t stand looking at him for more than a few seconds. There was nothing even remotely “interesting” about him. He was like a dog turd on the sidewalk, try not to step in it.
The person closest to him today seems to be that shit Pete Doherty. all the little girls coo over this Talentless hack. He’s dreamy, they say. Truth is He’s a fetid junkie with legendary halitosis who once squirted blood straight outta a needle on a camera crew that was interviewing him.
If you’ve never heard of him search for “Pete Doherty drugs” I got over 3 million hits.
Lemmy, Ozzy, Shane, Dr. Feelgood had something going on. I’m sure you all can come up with some others.
This post and comments are the DC version of the Special Olympics.
Only 50 more to go till we can start chanting Sparta.
If I come in first in the Special Olympics, do I get a pony?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyMXYE_50Ts
I note that Gnome has once more pulled the plug on comments.
Which is a bit disappointing as once this thread had gotten over LJ ranting & various responses, it just became a random flow with everyone have a goodtime bullshitting, no threats of violence or verbal attacks.
Counting up, the lack of abuse is probably a record on this site.
My feelings are that if you don’t like the thread, ignore it.
If it’s a bandwidth or storage issue, set up some form of donation mechanism & I’ll happily throw dollars at it.
If you come home after a shitty day at work pushing bedpans or whatever you do, don’t throw everyone out of ‘your’ sandpit because you don’t like the game.
Given that I know the secret of how to comment while comments are disabled, I’m tempted to continue to push to the Magic 300.
But I won’t because the goal has lost it’s lustre, but full credit to Triple F, Tony, Capt’n Tony, Sparky, BGW, mikey, el jefe & others, it was a great ride.
Take care out there.
What he said.^^^
…wore my cool, designed by snegg hogg, drunkcyclist jersey for the first time today on my birthday ride…considering the “comments by” box was eliminated this morning, i couldn’t quite wear it with the pride i had hoped to…
…& if ya can’t wear a jersey & be proud, well, hmmm…
…wonder if i’ll wanna wear it anymore ???…
…guess we’ll see but right now, i think something got pissed on & that’s a damn shame, ya ???…
Totally with Hurben.
This thread started off a “piss on lj” deal and ended up a silly, off the wall chat about anything and everything.
Damn shame the plug was pulled.
Comments seem to be cut right after my post #251. So it was my fault. Mea culpa. Retarded is ok. Horses are ok. But retarded horses is NOT ok. If you didn’t see the video go back and click on it. It’s guaranteed to lower your IQ by 50 points.
ThejerkoffformerlyknownasTony is now gone. His pirate friends got sick of his nonsense so we keelhauled him, then seasoned him with a spicy dry rub, smoked him all the next day lo and slo. He was a skinny feller, little bit gnarly but he still tasted good. Is cannibalism an unfit topic for DC?
@BGW Happy Birthday you old bastard!!
And hopefully I’ll see you pirates on the next post we hijack.
Arrrrr. Prepare to be boarded, ye scurvy dogs.
…‘arrr’ is right, joe…& thanks, cap’n tony…is that a cutlass in yer scabbard or are you just glad to see me ???…
…so, mateys…are we gonna have our sails “reefed” from now on or is this “ship of fools” gonna float, sails unfurled, full speed ahead into uncharted waters ???…
…“…it’s a pirates life for me..”…
bgw wants pirates. bgw gets pirates. DC style.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dysG12QCdTA
…ya know, fff, despite the romanticized image of pirates over the years, that just might be a more realistic version when ya consider the circumstances…
…for every available female on the high seas, ie: not many, there were more than few ragged horny pirates…
…maybe “walk the plank” was really a euphemism for what pirates did with ‘morning wood’ ???…
…‘arrrhhh…tell the cabin boy to get in the barrel…i’s feeling romantic, me buckos’…
“Give me a fast ship, for I intend to go in harm’s way.”
John Paul Jones, American naval hero
“Fortune favors the bold.”
ibid
You mean this John Paul Jones eh ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXxFK_OjM38
Many years ago I helped chaparone a field trip of my daughter’s class. We went to Annapolis MD, toured our state Capitol and (pre-9/11) were taken on a tour of the United States Naval Academy, where the best our country has to offer are trained to be the best this world has ever seen.
In the Academy’s chapel are entombed the earthly remains of John Paul Jones, American naval hero. He lies, as they say at Arlington, “in honored glory”.
Well, our guide was a Petty Officer First Class. Female, and yes, smokin’ hot. She was telling of the heroic exploits of John Paul Jones and some idiot made the Led Zeppelin quip. You never would have guessed by the Petty Oficer’s demeanor that said wisenhiemer would have been two seconds away from the ass whuppin’ of his life at another time and in another place, and from a split tail, no less.
Professional and disciplined. Like I said, the best of the best. I thank God every day that her brothers and sisters in arms are watching out for us.
Damn, I think I could use a drink. And maybe a Kleenex.
Now we’re talkin’ pirates? Sweet! I’ve got the avatar here tattooed on my arm…Blackbeard’s flag.
And bgw…I rocked my DC jersey yesterday as well.
I tried on my DC jersey the other day. First time since I got it.
Oh the horror. The horror.
I gained way too much weight over the Winter. I am now a certified fat fuck. Going to be a couple months before I try wearing it again.
35 to go. Can we do it? Yes we can!
Oops, I meant 34. 32 when I post this’n. Usually right decent at math, but one of my cats is on the desk all up in my face demanding my undivided attention. More fun that a barrel of turtles in the hold of a npirate ship.
Dear Gawd joe.
How drunk are you ??
I am so jealous.
FUCK YOU POTHOLE!
Source: http://donedid.tumblr.com/post/5217413054/fuck-you-pothole.
Aah poor mite ?
But….
YES!!
Thread has the official seal of approval from the site deity!!
Permission to come aboard fellow Turtle Pirates ?
“Arrr Jim Lad,
Twas a rough passage!
Who put sand in the vaseline? “
@271-Wasn’t drunk at all. Just got home from work. One of my spoiled rotten cats was all up in my face while I was trying to type. He missed Daddy, I guess.
Actually do my finest posting when I’m about half in the bag.
Um Sparky,
That’s @269.
But it’s those Kittehs again..
Akshooly, teh kittehs nawt responsbiblol. Was kaffeen defishinsea.
kbai
…littlejar has a sister !!!…who knew ???…
…i see riding bikes isn’t the only thing that runs in the family…
…just sayin’…
Is her name Francine?
Actually that’s lj as a kid. Sex change operation don’t ya know.
Only something went horribly wrong. We don’t discuss in public beyond that.
–
And now we’re back to ragging on lj. This thread has jumped the shark fer sure. We should get to 299 and then shut it down.
(in best pirate voice) Nevarrrrrrr!!!!
My nomination for worst pirate joke evah.
—————-
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.
The bartender asks, “Why are you wearing a paper towel?”
“Arrrrr…” says the pirate. “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”
…favorite pirate joke…
…A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”…
…#280 & there’s still some life left in this baby…
…@sfb…somewhere in my subconscious, i knew i’d seen your avatar before & that’s it !!!…as you mention, that’s edward teach or as he became known, blackbeard’s pirate flag…
…i recall doing a report about blackbeard, way back in public school, so i’d seen that flag but it’s pretty amazing to have that as a tattoo, matey…
…there was a picture posted here on drunkcyclist last summer of moi avec road bike, all kitted up in a black ‘skull & crossbones’ pirate jersey…
…avast, me buckos…it’s a pirates life for me…
300? Can of corn.
@joe
Can of corn ? I had to look that up.
You Sir are a repository of useless information.
“…had to look that up.”? With an attitude like that, you damned sure ain’t battin’ cleanup. Park it, son.
Park it ? So I’m not a one gear antique like you. Sue me.
And I was a major diamond player growing up. But I never heard that can of corn thingie. That’s from the 30’s I guess ?
Bad News Bears. I was the fat catcher. What ever his name was. Englebert ?
I bet you were the nose picker who couldn’t catch eh ?
…triple f n’ joetheelectrician…
…“…ride the pine…” or “…walk the plank…”…
…your choice, gentlemen…selig’s folly or pirates of the caribbean…
So. Uhmmm. Pirates don’t play baseball is what your telling me ??
Well. Fuck baseball then. Pirates are so much cooler.
Arrrrrrrrr. Shiver me timbers, ya bilge rat. Avast mateys. Etc, etc, etc.
…the ‘pittsburg pirates’…in name only…
…real ‘avast, matey’ pirates are way cool…
…somalian pirates, not so much…
…just sayin;…
Won’t be no Somali pirates if Obama give ’em the Osama. Just sayin’.
@285: “…one gear antique…” FYI (look it up if you need to) I had my first freewheel ride today in dog’s years on my ’91 HooKoo.
Guy at bike shop: “Remember, this one keeps going when you stop pedaling.”
Me: “I’ll be careful.”
So this is what it feels like to pedal up a nine percent grade, seated. What an odd sensation.
Arrrr shipmates,
I be suspecting that the villainous troll Gnome be keeping the comments sidebar under lock & key until this merry thread be sunk.
Therefore I be proposing that we gets our 300, securing our legend in thread pirate history & then we scuttles this thread. Then we seeks out new threads to board & plunder.
What say you shipmates?
Please note, no turtles were harmed in this thread hijacking, no chemicals were used & only decent beer was consumed, just as God intended..
I be a fair musket shot when I be up in the rigging, Cap’n. And no slouch with ye cutlass neither, if I do say so meself. Permission to come aboard.
Arrrr Sparky, ye be welcome anytime, and yer pirate Kitteths
http://danshive.deviantart.com/art/Pirate-Turtle-95529572
We must never forget the turtles.
…shit…i was expecting more out a’ you guys…i just get home from work, it’s 4:00am & i wanted to be able to hit maybe a warm up with a #298 & a #299 & then finally splatter the deck of this reeking hulk with a mighty, mighty #300…
…but nooo !!!…you give me nothin’ so now i’m only batting .295…
…i could a’ strapped a turtle to each foot & moved faster than this…
Sorry bgw. I for one am running out of steam on this post.
I mean really. How much baseball playing turtle pirate crap can we come up with ?
4 more and we can shut this sucker down for good and go hijack another post.
Courage Shipmates!
The prize is in sight.
Let us gird our loins, (make sure that the girding material is black otherwise there’ll be the inevitable sausage fest), and with a MIGHTY Turtle Pirate ROAR count down to the finish,
THREE……
I say #300 should go to our brilliant, magnanimous, slim, good looking glorious leader.
None other than the Dark Lord his-self.
Anything else would be an insult.
Do I know how to kiss ass or what ??
I love turtle soup.
Two…
DOS
…hey…are we @ #300 yet ???…
Halle-fucking-lujah !!!!!
It’s finally over.
We are the Kings of the World.
Well. Until the damn boat sinks.
You know how that works.
kthxbai.
Why stop now?
…exactly…& besides, it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality & i’d say this run to #300 & beyond has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that ‘we’ are #1 when it comes to highly intelligent class acts…
Speak for yourself…
Hey fuckstick [Wendel]
Thanks for the regurgitation of what is written on the paper that they gave me at the court house:
Bike Safety Diversion Program
In an effort to improve the safety of bicyclists in our community, the City Prosecutor.s Office will dismiss a cyclist.s civil traffic citation if he or she submits proof of completion of the Road 1 Safety class offered by the Pima County Bicycle and Pedestrian Program.
If you wish to take advantage of this opportunity you need to take the following steps:
Register at http://www.BikePed.pima.gov or call 243-BIKE
Bring proof of completion to the City Prosecutor’s Office located at 103 E. Alameda, Suite 501 prior to your next scheduled court date
The class is free. Part 1 of the class lasts for 3 hours and includes a review of state and local laws and a discussion of crash types and crash avoidance techniques. Part 2 of the class is required for completion of the course and requires a bike in good ridable condition.
A cyclist who has had his or her citation dismissed through this program is not eligible for another dismissal for one year.
(************************************************************)
But fuckstick, you’re not going through this hoop jumping yourself. I called, and after TEN TIMES I got through, only to find that the DIVERSION CLASS IS FULL. Fuck this shit. I’m not staying in this hot hell hole to attend a class I don’t need. I’m now riding on 22nd every day and I aim to smoke the bus every day.
On Friday, before the court house closed, I filed a MOTION TO DISMISS and if that does not work, I will file a MOTION FOR A CHANGE OF VENUE to another state. Fuck paying the fine, fuck taking the stupid class, fuck the TUCSON POLICE and fuck all this scorched pavement.
I’ll cut up my 40 year AZ license into 75 pieces and give it back.
There goes the neighborhood…
The circle is complete.
Hurben +1. Wow.
Wow is right.
Leave it to lj to properly finish this off.
He’s a human iceberg.
I am officially out of this thread.
Ignore the above post. Apparently I lie a lot.
Had to post this for joe and his kittehs.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6501028/kitten-crash-tests
Seen it already at icanhazcheezburger. I hit that site at least several times a day. Screen name is kinjinsdaddy.
@307-Yep, what’s a circle without the pivot man?
…WOW…holy shit…
…clearly the tucson police department & the arizona department of motor vehicles are conspiring against you, young man, in order to make your life a living hell…
…i can’t blame, you, littlejar, for wanting to leave “…all this scorched pavement.” when there are greener pastures down the road where you’ll be greeted by traffic signs that read STOP – ‘unless your name is littlejar, in which case the rules shall be waived – because you, sir are special & have bad knees’…
…littlejar, your propensity for never allowing yourself to be happy with your locale, reminds me of the title of the short story ‘The Man Without A Country’ by edward everett hale…
…doesn’t matter where you go, amigo, you always look for something to despise…it’s you, it’s your ‘reason’ for living…it’s what drives you through life & drives you further down the road…& while living minimally can be an admiral trait, you carry so much fucking baggage, that you’re blinded by your own vision…
…too bad for you…seems like every fucking time…
…“…can be an admiral trait…” ???…hmmm, must be a pirate joke…
…that would be ‘admirable trait’…late working hours, little sleep, blah, blah, blah…
“…I am the very model of a modern Major General…”
Boo.