Carlos Bertonatti: pop star, shit bag

We’ve all heard about the recent ugliness out of Miami. But, did you know guy is a freaking pop star?

An up-and-coming Miami pop singer with slick looks and a Sony recording contract has been charged with vehicular homicide in a horrific hit-and-run crash near Key Biscayne. . .

Officers say Bertonatti was drunk when he slammed into Christophe Le Canne, a 44-year-old South Miami cyclist, and then sped away with Le Canne’s bike lodged under his front fender as the biker lay bleeding to death next to the road.


Not so sexy cool now, eh big chief? The reality of the situation beginning to soak through that suave exterior?


More glam pics of him here: You know, for your dart board and the back of the urinal.

What kind of person drunkenly slams into a cyclist on the Rickenbacker Causeway and then speeds away while the biker bleeds to death on the road?

In the case of this Sunday’s horrific crash, according to police, it’s the same kind of person who can rack up more than 40 traffic violations in 12 years.

. . . Bertonatti can now add to that lengthy record charges of DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide, leaving the scene of a fatal accident, driving without a license, and resisting arrest.


That kid is a winner.

Inside the Key Biscayne Fire Department’s station house, a Miami-Dade officer told Bertonatti that he looked drunk and explained that he’d killed Christophe Le Cann, a 44-year-old bike rider.

“He’s not dead,” Bertonatti told police, according to the report. “You’re lying to me. Cops do that stuff all the time. I don’t believe you.”

No, Carlos, the officer said. Le Canne was dead, and cops needed a sample of Bertonatti’s blood to test.

“I don’t believe you, I’m not doing anything,” Bertonatti said. “I want my lawyer.”

Two more cops tried to convince the watery-eyed, red-faced singer that, indeed, the guy he just ran over was dead. Bertonatti didn’t believe them either.

Finally, to get a blood test, police had to carry Bertonatti to a fire truck and strap him to a back board.

“His arm was forcibly extended as the defendent [sic] resisted and the blood sample was drawn,” the police report says.

His website,, is currently down. We’ve been told his site was pulled due to comments he made regarding his multiple traffic violations. The internet may never forget, but the Way Back Machine is coming up short. (See*/ Maybe someone out there either downloaded, copied or mirrored the site content before it was disappeared down the memory hole.

If he really did brag about his multiple traffic violations, and how he continued to drive while unlicensed and uninsured, I think it’s going to be damaging to him. The prosecutors in the criminal matter, and the civil attorney’s representing the estate of Mr. Christophe Le Canne, should start digging with a query such as this:

I’d bet dollars to donuts everything was backed up on tape daily by (or whomever owned & operated the servers that hosted his site). It’s all still there, just waiting to be read. Damned evidence? Maybe not. But, if he is anything like what the picture being painted suggests that he is, I would try to get as much of that bluster and bravado regarding his law breaking as I could before the court.

When he prostrates himself before the court and cries about how deeply, deeply sorry his is, I’d want to show the jury his own words, written by him on his own website, illuminated on a 8 foot wide projection screen, where he brags about accidents, wrecks, speeding tickets, driving without a license and failing to carry insurance.

Assuming, of course, that he actually did so. Otherwise I’m just an idiot pissing in the jury pool.

More of his web presence:
Facebook Group:
Custody Inmate Information:…NAME=BERTONATTI, CARLOS.

According to our own antiquated, but suddenly relevant, Prison Bitch Name Generator (link to DC archives is 100% NSFW), he will now be known as “Alter Boy.”

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

25 thoughts on “Carlos Bertonatti: pop star, shit bag

  1. thanks for this. i just printed his mugshot to sight in my 30.06.

    a pop star, eh? my guess is this shit stain is soon to be a popped-in-the-ass star on a regular basis. the clientele will love his pretty little mouth.

    too gay?

  2. Let’s take a collection to send four to six King County Sheriff’s deputies down to Dade County so they can show the locals how an alleged perp being transported can accidentally fall and sustain a fatal brain hemorrhage. Cut to the chase and save the County a ton of money. Just trying to help.

  3. I guess you all have a lot more confidence in our current criminal justice system than I do.

    After reading about the bullshit sentence handed down to the fireman who capped an innocent man in the head in Asheville NC, I am doubtful that a fair outcome is a given when a cyclist is involved. The doctor getting 5 years in Cali was encouraging, but it seems like that only happens in a small minority of these cases. Maybe it will become the norm instead of the exception so that my pessimism can be directed at other worthy issues.

    On a separate note, my prison bitch name is “Ass Mangler”.

  4. Mikey, what the fuck is wrong with you? “fatal brain hemorrhage”? Damn, I thought you were smarter than that. Of course if you’re a quarter as pissed off about this as I am it’s understandable.

    But we don’t want to kill the guy. No, education and rehabilitation, them’s the answer. Figure-A lifetime of searing pain. Homeless and destitute. Maybe break all four limbs in five or six places each, then take him to the sewage treatment plant and let him swim with the brown trout. Like that there. And make it clear that it’s revenge for Chris. That way maybe, just MAYBE

    See, killing him will take him out of the public eye. Leaving him a mangled almost-corpse with years and year to think about how he got there? Now THAT’S justice.

  5. And if folks know about it, and know it’s revenge for what that piece of shit did to Chris, maybe they’ll think before they drive.


    Yeah, right.

  6. I’m with Pfaff. 10 bucks says this asshole gets minimal time and we see him on American Idol in 5 years.

    On a separate note, my prison bitch name is “Fat Boy”.

    At the moment that is so fitting.

  7. “See, killing him will take him out of the public eye.”

    dave, et al— My mistake. I believe I was correct in that it would be fiscally advantageous for Dade County, but I should never have presumed to direct the efforts of a team of trained King Co. Sheriff’s deputies while transporting the alleged perp. I stand corrected.

  8. The sad part of this is: According to law, if a person is intoxicated, he is not responsible for his actions. However, this charge is aggravated by the past record of the suspect. If he was SOBER, the murder charge would be higher than what it will be. Don’t ask me why, this is the way the law works. People get OFF for being drunk at the time of doing things. It’s fucked, but that shit happens OFTEN.

  9. Carlos Bertonatti has a posse…on his tail, bitch!

    The Fist (prison bitch name)

  10. I second E. No free pass when intoxicated. Dangerous activity (driving) carries the same duty, burden, and responsibilities no matter if one has been drinking or not. If anything, the drunk driving is an aggravating factor.

  11. I’ll show you “aggravating factor”. God damn, that piece of shit will be out of jail eventually.

    Where can I rent a logchipper?

  12. I felt a little sorry for the Pop Boy and sent him some adult diapers for the bleeding and the eventual loss of contenance.

  13. This asswipe is on bond and will most likely be deported, since he is a Venezuelan citizen, Chavez will declare him a hero. sonofabitch, hope sony drops his recording ass.

  14. He ain’t on the plane yet. Is there no one in Florida who will step up to the plate? Bueller? Bueller?…

  15. Remember the scene in Lethal Weapon II where Riggs and Murtaugh finally corner the bad guy and he goes “Diplomatic immunity.”? Remember what happened next? Won’t someone PLEASE revoke that shitstain?

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  17. If you are on facebook and want to join a group directly related to this, here is the link:

    Mr. Bertonatti will be going to court for his first hearing on February 8. If you live in the Miami area, go and show your support for the victim and let the prosecutors know that this will not be forgotten. He had over 40 moving violations at the time this happened. He was driving not only drunk, but without a license or insurance.

  18. I just got this in an email about that court hearing:

    from: Ted a
    Thanks for bringing to my attention the story about that douchebag Carlos Bertonnati… what an in-human turd this guy is. Unfortunately, I don’t think he will be coming back from Venezuela any time soon after posting his $100,000 bail. Anyway, keep letting us know about any developments you happen to come across.. and encourage people to join the “Cyclists Against Carlos Bertonnati” Facebook group…

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  20. This is just such a sad story but even more sad how every single one of you can be so judgemental and hateful. I understand the outrage, the anger, and the hurt behind the entire situation. For everyone involved. All sides of this atrocity. I myself have lost already 2 people due to drunk driving. I don’t condone what Carlos did, but have some compassion people. Find it in your hearts to see past your rage….lets instead practice positivity and see the higher picture here. Lets use the situation as a platform to ensure that these types of things happen less and less in our society (hopefully in time- NEVER). In the eyes of Love, both Carlos and Christophe have made a sacrifice. Christophe with his life, and Carlos with his. So you see, Carlos is already paying for what happened. He indeed is already suffering (and his story has just begun), as are the loved ones, family and friends of Mister LeCanne.

    Let this be a lesson to all! Too many innocent people are killed every year due to drunk driving and this crime has to eventually be eradicated from our system and way of things. If we could just understand the responsibility of getting behind that wheel….