Still ain’t making the playoffs

Hey look, the Eagles won last night. Against the NFC West leading Arizona Cardinals. Go figure. They were due. Any by “due” I mean the Cardinals were primed to fold like a lawn chair on national television. That team is like ten miles of bad road.

Just. Plain. Lame.

From: The Ethnic
Jonny, as an Eagles fan you need to see this. It’s not pleasant, but it must be done.

I don’t know what’s worse: That fat Quaker bastard Billy Penn ruining my life or seeing Westbrook get brought down by his jockstrap.

I think I just threw up in my mouth. A little bit.

Let’s see, if they can round out the year by beating the Giants on the road, Cleveland at home, Redskins @ Washington and Dallas at home… No way. They ain’t making the playoffs. Even if they did, they’d get their asses handed to ‘em in the first round. It’s over.

Oh goddamnit.

I hate you Billy Penn. And I mean that. Not like that crack I took at the Dead in the comment section yesterday. That was drunken bull talk. This is for real. You fucking suck. If I knew where you were buried, I’d piss on your grave. It’s a good thing for you (and your grave) that I’m too damn lazy to google.

Ok, I googled. I’m full of shit. I’m not that lazy. Lazy as all hell, yes. But not eighteen keystrokes lazy.

It’s a good thing for you, Billy Penn, that I am too lazy to fly across the pond, to rent a car, to drive it on the wrong side of the road, to read a map, to find your grave, to drink eight pints and then to piss all over myself while trying to piss on your grave. You have better just hope I don’t win the lottery or find motivation under a rock somewhere in the next few weeks. You have been warned.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

4 thoughts on “Still ain’t making the playoffs

  1. …i feel like yer holding yer feelings back about this “billy penn & the eagles” thing, big jonny…

    …& what’s a front side jock supporter wedgy called, anyway besides ouch ???…