Thank God it’s Friday

TARC Bike Rack Rap

 

I can’t believe what I just watched.

Link Dump:
[dc homeboy] joshkelleyracing.blogspot.com
[that's what happened?] ap.google.com
[and they said it couldn't happen] youtube.com
[who knew?] news.aol.com
[]

From: Graeme
Subject: I saw this on Times Online and thought you might be interested
Says they can drink nine pints a night and still stand. Nine pints a night ? What happened to the three or four ‘breakfast beers’ that set me up for the day……..not to mention elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tiffin’ and sundowners? Lightweights, I’d call ‘em……J
Shrew identified as world’s hardest drinking creature
timesonline.co.uk

From the article:

Pentailed tree shrews have such an appetite for alcohol that each night they imbibe, weight for weight, the equivalent of a human downing up to nine glasses of wine.

You know what I call nine glasses of wine a night?

A good start.

We need more men like this Shrew in this country.

The scientists, from the Institute for Studies, discovered the tiny mammal in the West Malaysian rainforest as part of their worldwide research into animals that like a drink.

The pen-tailed tree shrew sips alcoholic nectar from exotic flowers, but also enjoys gin, vodka, Sweetheart Stout and mojitos.

Team leader, Professor Wayne Hayes, said: “We started off with a couple of G&Ts, just to loosen things up and then had a couple of pints. By the time we were on our third mojito the wee bastard was totally off his face.

“I said to Dave, I said, ‘Dave! Check it out. This shrew is fuckin’ hammered. I think he’s trying to take a swing at me’.
Source: thedailymash.co.uk

According to The Superficial (aka the Word of God) Kate Hudson & Lance Armstrong make like his testicles and stop being a pair:

Bad news everybody: Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have broken up. Who saw that coming? Besides Kate Hudson and her unwavering love of new penis. It turns out the two couldn’t stop arguing and finally decided to throw in the towel, according to Page Six:

Hudson made a last-ditch effort last week, traveling to see her beau in Ohio for his Livestrong Summit, but “they both decided it wasn’t feasible,” a friend said. Another spy said the couple had a big blowout a week ago and Armstrong stormed off – “They didn’t talk for like five days.”

It must be hard to have an argument with a guy who rides his bicycle in the kitchen while eating breakfast. Sure, you can yell all you want about him taking “that thing everywhere” including the bathroom, but he’s just gonna pop a wheelie in your face then go back to his Wheaties. Some might say I’m perpetuating a horrible stereotype that all cyclists are dicks, but until I see concrete data that suggests otherwise, I’m still throwing stray cats at them from my car window: “Quit blocking the lane! Aim true, Fluffy.” REOWW!

I’m posting that for two reasons: a) we’re not above LA gossip on this site and b) if that girl pants wearing twink behind the keyboard ever throw a cat at me he’ll be shitting out meow for the rest of his life. I guess that’s means c) we’re not above threats either.

Ok. I feel better now.

Speaking of LA gossip:

The promoter of the Leadville 100, a 100-mile mountain bike race in Colorado, told a local newspaper that Lance Armstrong has registered for his race and is training nearby for the August 9 event.

“It’s huge for the race, of course, but even more grand and more meaningful to our community, because now the national and the international spotlight will be on Leadville,” promoter Ken Chlouber told the Summit Daily.

Armstrong had said he was going to do Leadville last year but then pulled out citing a scheduling conflict. Floyd Landis did race last year, coming second to mountain bike legend Dave Wiens.

The paper reported that Armstrong has been training in nearby Aspen, Colorado. Acclimatization is key at Leadville, which starts at 10,200 feet elevation and tops out at 12,600.

“(Armstrong’s) coming to win,” Chlouber told the newspaper. “I’m sure he’s got his guns strapped on, and he’ll be coming full blast … We’re going to put him on the front row, right besides Dave Wiens, and I expect it’ll be a shootout right from the get-go.”
Source: velonews.com

There will be several men in drunkcyclist jerseys at the front of that race, again, this year. I expect to see two DC in the top ten, if not top five.

That’s my word.

From: Grumskikorsakov.
Subject: Dare to believe?
tour-de-france.velonews.com

“Sastre’s calling card has been his consistency, his doggedness and his willingness to fight to the end. Not glamorous stuff, by any stretch, but believability over spectacle is just what the Tour needs right now.”

That about nails it. When Sastre topped the Alp, he didn’t do it in record time or even record fashion, just maybe a little bit cunning. It’s not as if he doesn’t have a bit of a reputation as a climber anyway. He also, importantly spent the rest of the Tour on the CSC, ‘bus’ for want of a better term. Holding his hand until he was ready to play it. I SOOOOOOOO hope he’s clean, and recon he is. If he isn’t I’ll position myself at the top of all the major climbs next year and shoot the first ten cyclists through. That ought to sort them out !?!?!?

Carlos, if you’re lying, we’re coming for you………….and if you aren’t I’ll happily write your name on the road.

Oh yeah, and when was, ‘willingness to fight to the end’ not spectacular, or indeed inspirational, heroic and exactly what the Tour should be about?

I watched this years Tour damn near start to finish. I missed only a few stages while I was at a wedding in Idaho – nice hotel but shit for cable tv. Go figure.

I wonder what the Gnome is doing right now?

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

15 thoughts on “Thank God it’s Friday

  1. Pingback: Thank God it’s Friday

  2. There will be several men in drunkcyclist jerseys at the front of that race, again, this year. I expect to see two DC in the top ten, if not top five.

    That’s my word.

    Jake?

  3. The Gnome is hoarding acorns and pine cones with his baby hands, building a nest for the impending winter, due to arrive in Flagstaff next week.

  4. Pingback: Pages tagged "rants"

  5. Gosh, I never realized hip-hop could be so cool. I’m gonna ride over and catch the 230, yo.

    Mikey

  6. So thanks for the 1:20 of my life I’ll never manage to get back. Imagine the driver’s patience by the time the second drunk on a bike fumbles around trying to figure out their f’d up rack…

  7. huh…Leadville. One-ball McGrawl gunna dope up for it? Hope Dave hands him his ass like he did Landis’ last year.

    PRIZE TIME!
    12 bottles of Yazoo beer shipped to the first guy (if any) in a DC Jersey that beat Lance.

  8. Yup, Prof. AND the impatient driver has the immediate luxury of having said drunk and stupid biker right in front of him…requiring a mere press of the pedal to effectively express his frustrations…

  9. Are you really joking about a bus driver running over someone on a bike? That’s happened here in Austin and it isn’t pretty.

  10. Gnomie hoards acorns and pinecones too?The rest of you bastards don’t know what you’re missin’…