In case all you fake baller cats are wondering what the hell happened to big jonny lately, I'm working on a little something something. Yeah. When I say it's the end of porn as you know it, I ain't playin.

It's a change up that's been a long time coming.  I'll be pointing all traffic that way in less than a week.  It's time I got with the program and stopped coding this html crap every night.

I need me some easy blog nonsense so my stupid drunk ass can write funny stuff and keep people happy.

I gots to.  Some of these mother fuckers know where I live.  Some even got my phone number.  And they ain't afraid to use it to tell me I'm an assclown and shit.

A call like that will ruin your day.  Believe me.

[note] As an aside, I've been having trouble accessing the server via ftp.  Yee haa, right?  I've tried four times tonight already to just upload this fucking update, with about an hour between each attempt.  And now I'm packing it in for the night. This post might, and I mean might, get uploaded tomorrow morning.  Oh, WordPress, how do I love thee?   Let me count the ways...[/note]

Kung Faux ~ The Box Cutta style, baby.  Blade it up. Holla at your boy. Part one and three are, well, "Embedding disabled by request". Yeah right. I'll just embed what members of your immediate family I can then, kid.

It's like that.

This is Kung Faux ~ Box Cutta 2 of 3

And do not miss these:
Kung Faux ~ Box Cutta Pt 1 of 3
Kung Faux ~ Box Cutta Pt 3 of 3

I'm all out of order like Star Wars. 

Also check out Ill Master, Funky Bottoms and Pimpstick. It's all good.

Link dump:

[typical] sltrib.com
[he smoked the baloney pony] jerry-falwell.com
[what up my freaky spanish brother?] bobkestrut.com
[you know you want that] cgi.ebay.com
[upcoming event] roadanddirt.org

I found these links to some fine Paul Kimmage writings in the Velonews forum an hour or so ago. So thank some cat name "splitwheels" for all this.

[kimmage 1] timesonline.co.uk
[kimmage 2] timesonline.co.uk
[kimmage 3] timesonline.co.uk
[kimmage 4] timesonline.co.uk
[kimmage 5] timesonline.co.uk
[kimmage 6] timesonline.co.uk

The funniest thing I read today was how Ullrich cheated his way into second.

Oh, good times in the cycling world.  When's Armstrong's eight years gonna be up so he can tell us what he really did?

I'll say this: Riis was a rockstar in 1996

Today's right out of the box news flash: Riis admits doping.

"My yellow jersey is in box at home, you can come and collect it," said Riis of his 1996 Tour performance. "What matters to me are my memories."

Well god damn...

[Riis] cyclingnews.com
[Riis] velonews.com

I'm glad he came clean. Too little, too late? I don't know. At least he drew a line in the sand and admitted what he did.

I'd like to see more of that from a lot of people.

This is his prepared statement:

After the long run of confessions concerning the Telekom team in the 1990s, I have decided to give a statement about my involvement.

I have decided this for two reasons.

First of all, I'm doing this to keep the focus on the work we are doing today that keeps cycling in the right perspective. The massive steps we have taken to fight doping and the ways in which we have secured that the team rests on the right and proper foundations.

I think if we are to talk about doping, we should talk about what to do now and not about the mistakes in the past. The recent developments in Germany have taken the balance out of this and therefore I want to set the record straight. And I want to do this, because the future of cycling needs the right focus.

Second of all, I'm doing this to get rid of the endless discussions about things that are truly in the past and that I personally have put behind a long time ago. I don't want my personal past to overshadow that work and brilliant effort that Team CSC is doing today. We are the number one team in the world for the second year running and I want my riders and sponsors to be proud of that. They work, within the rules, with passion, professionalism and commitment and I want them to keep on doing that. When I was a rider in the 1990s, I worked extremely hard to get my results. I worked extremely hard, day in day out and I sacrificed a lot just even to be part of the best. In that time, the perspective on doping and preparation was wrong and misguided.

That also means that I did things that I shouldn't have and I have regretted that ever since. Those were mistakes that I take the full responsibility for and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. We all make mistakes and I think my biggest mistake was to let my ambition get the better of me. That I have had to deal with a long time ago and I am glad to say that I am a lot wiser now. Both in my personal and in my professional life.

I don't want the mistakes of my personal past to stand in the way of the work we are doing today. I did what it took to compete at the highest level back then, and it's a deep satisfaction for me that those days are long gone and the sport has moved in the right direction. If that wasn't the case, I wouldn't be here today.

I have learned from my past - for better and for worse. The experience and wisdom I have gained informed my decision to come back to cycling and has energized me to create the best team in the world.

Changing up gears a little to some political mumbo jumbo, Bush says the investigation into the Justice Department scandal has been "drug out".

How "drug out" was Whitewater?

How "drug out" was that whole thing with the last sorry chick named Monica?

How "drug out" was Kenneth Starr's fine work?

Funny how it switches from one party to another and suddenly we're talking about "Political Theatre" and not "Justice".

From: Dave
Subject: 100 mile world record
Dan said that “The 3:22 is paced and on a track.”

It wasn’t paced, it wasn’t on a track, it was out and back on a road. It’s 3:22:45, and it was set by Kevin Dawson in 2003.

See cyclingtimetrials.org.uk

That one ought to hold 'em for the weekend, eh?

All I've got for tonight's post is this email.   

From: John Stamstad
Subject: Uncle Ron
I was out there at the hearing last wednesday, it was nice to talk to Floyd and catch up, haven't seen him in a while.
The now infamous Will G, I have known for, christ almost 20 years. Trained with him nearly every day for years, toured the country in a VW van going to races, blah, blah.
You learn a lot about a person when you suffer with them....
I encouraged him to help floyd when floyd's team was a complete train wreck right after the whole thing broke last august. Will and I started the Chevy Trucks Team and hired Floyd to his first real pro deal, and we all rode together at the 24 hrs of Snowshoe. Will got floyd to switch to the road........
I knew Floyd needed someone he could trust and Will is a super smart, super sharp guy who helped floyd more than anybody knows.

The Uncle Ron call obviously is a disaster and impossible to defend.
But think about it from Will's perspective and remember everyone involved here is a former pro--including Will.
Every July my aunt ruthie asks (in a think wisconsin accent) Hey Der, why didn't those other guys take off when that little fella had a flat tire?
---Because the other guy will retaliate 10 times over.
----If you run a guy into a ditch in a race, what do you think he is going to do next time he sees you in a race? Can you really blame him?

What if Will knows Lemond is going to lie under oath (or maybe it is a misinterpretation--either way floyd tried to clear it up--that he never admitted to doping) about the phone conversation with floyd, last august.
If you and i share private details in a conversation, and i go to the
media (and court room) and throw you under the bus.......do you really
think that I would expect you to keep quiet? That is totally
unrealistic, crazy even. Lemond had to know it would come out at some point, and for the record, Lemond is the one who made it public, nobody else. I fully expect to see lemond on oprah sometime soon, desperately trying to be Lance.
I am not excusing what Will did, just shedding light on maybe why.
Will is an easy punch line right now, but I would encourage you to look
at the full picture.

Keep up the riding. I am headed out the door for a spin....

Hit "Get Mail" and I got one hundred and eighty five fresh ones coming straight at me.

I need a hug.

I knocked back a few with my man Garro tonight. Now I can't feel my hands.

And they told me this would happen...

Did I listen? No. Of course not.

If you didn't know already: The world just ended.

Link dump:

[toto] nyvelocity.com
[change my pitch up] tucson.craigslist.orgl
[smack my bitch up] crooksandliars.com
[he's unstoppable] theonion.com
[the plea] centredaily.com
[and the raw deal] centredaily.com
[cool} speedgoat.com

Monica Goodling testified today with the promise of immunity.  Pretty good deal for someone who committed felonies.  Read about it

Today's emails are actually several days old. After Bike to Work Week, going to Prescott last Saturday and now being home sick, I'm a bit backed up with this shit. Go figure.:

From: Dan
Subject: Re: [Fwd: 100 mile world record - your information is flawed]
The 3:22 is paced and on a track. Do the math on that one - it's 29.7 mph. Rod Evans holds the unpaced track record at 3:47. I have seen the England info, and they certainly have a passion for the TT stuff - of all distance and variations. I'd love to go over there for a couple months and do some of their events. In 1995, I covered 135 miles at an average of 34.6 mph - with a tailwind in NM. And last month I road the AZ Ironman course as a training ride and averaged 25.0 for 112 miles - should we count those too?

The issue is that the road course has to be less than 20 miles and approved by the UMCA. Check the rules at www.ultracycling.com, under the "Records" section. The course here in AZ is a 11.887 mile loop with sixteen 180-degree turns and 230 feet of elevation gain per lap. I don't know why the dude that had it surveyed and approved in 1991 picked this course, but that's where the record was set and has been held since 1991. Huggy-bear says the word on the street is a dude in Slovenia went 4:01 about a week ago on a totally flat 17.5 mile loop with only three 90-degree turns that was surveyed but needs to be certified. Until that happens, if it is true, I still hold the UMCA record. Whether it is true or not, I will do everything in my power to break the 4 hour mark on the certified road course in IL in July - a course that is also pancake flat, with no 180-degree turns, and is an 18.4 mile loop.

Let the saga continue.

I can't wait till July. It'd be worth the price of a plane ticket just to sit in a lawn chair drinking beer with Marty while you suffer.

From: Lovedawg
Subject: world record
Dan McGehee's record is through UMCA The UMCA only sanctions a few surveyed courses in the U.S. for this kinda thing. Not sure what the rules are on the other records, for example the U.K. one, but I can assure you that the Sun Valley Parkway course is a relatively slow course with some uphill and a high rolling resistance pea gravel surface.

You just gotta love a slow going pea gravel surface. It's like riding into a headwind, uphill in sand all day: It's still riding, but it still sucks.

From: Snakebite
Subject: porn?
Dude,
What's up with "The end of porn as we know it...."??? Inquiring minds want to know.

Pretty soon, all the porn around here is going to be in one place. I'm just bored with it all. It's time to flip the script.

Today's joke:

From: Erich
Subject: tweakers
Q: How many tweakers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One and an eighth.

Oh. Stop. My. Sides. Hurt.  

Will Geoghegan enters rehab. What is this guy, a Republican? He's proudly following in the footsteps of such noteable GOP alumni as Mark "page stabber" Foley and Ted "speed lines off gay hookers back" Haggard. Talk about fine company.

Blame it on the booze, Will. Just blame it on the booze. Whatever works, right?

Fucking ametuer. You didn't call up Lemond because you had a "beer or two", you called up Lemond because you're a dick.

More at cyclingnews.com and velonews.com.

Between that and the ongoing confirmation of systematic doping at Telekom in the early 90's, I don't even know why I bother to get out of bed in the morning.

But, really, should I be surprised? It's been baltantly obvious for years that pro cyclists use drugs.

I'll leave you with this one to ponder: Dennis Kucinich has game.

I just got this pic of you humble author on some of that fine Prescott singletrack.

Do I look overgeared?

From: Sean
Subject: Nice work at WOR
You were sure moving when you passed me. Solid work.

I wonder what the gnome is going right now?

That's it, another Whiskey if the books. I'd say "Whiskey 50" but your author admits he did only the fifteen mile course this year. And "Whisky 15" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

That said, the 15 was stiff. It went from the, even though I did not The guy who was first into the corner was the first to finish. I was second behind him getting to the dirt, but not so much because I was trying to beat everyone up the hill: I was on a single speed. And a 34 x 18 on a two niner is a fairly stiff gear. I was out in front of other folks only because I didn't have any lower gears to shift down to.

If I had, I would have used them.  A lot.

That said, there was only a bit of walking on my part.  I was surprised actually, and in a good way.  I was able to get up on top of the gear and muscle through some difficult sections.

And that's a good thing.

I got to the one feed zone on the 15 mile course and took my time eating an entire Cliff Bar, drank a whole bottle of water, refilled my bottles, checked out the view, bullshitted with SadCow, watched a bunch of people ride through and soaked up some sun.  It was well worth the price of admission.

As I stood there looking way down at Skull Valley all I could think was: God damn am I glad I don't have to ride out of that hole in this heat!

Sometimes the short loop has is upside, know what I mean?

The bike worked well, which, really, was a relief.  I laced up the rear wheel on Thursday.  Nothing like "racing" on brand new equipment, right?  Then I took the front wheel off my cross bike on Friday and put on a bigger tire.  I had wanted to run a 20 tooth cog on the back, but I couldn't spin off the 18 with my crescent wrench.

The Gnome laughed at me.  He said, "I can't believe you don't have a vise in that garage of yours.  You've got 15 bikes and no vise.  What's up with that?"

"Dude, where's your vise?" I shot back.

"Where's my fifteen bikes..."

He has me at hello.

So, the 18 ended up staying where it was on the bike.  The 20 ended up staying where it was was in the garage.  And the world kept on spinning round.

Go figure.

I say this every year:  Come out and do the Whiskey.  This one hell of an fun event.  The course is the real deal.  This is Arizona riding, through and through.  Kick ass singletrack, great views, gorgeous scenery.  The 50 is very, very hard and the winner much deserved.  The 25 is quite a challenge as well.  And now I can personally attest to the quality of the 15.  There was more climbing than I thought there would be, that's for sure.

Ah shit.  I've got one day till I try and ride the 15 mile option at the Whiskey and the Floyd Landis hearing is off the fucking chart insane.  In fact, that crazy train is pretty much off the rails. 

Gives me something else to read about besides Gonzogate & BushCo.  Talk about off the rails... Once Monica Goodling testifies with the promise of immunity next week, all hell is going to break loose.

I mean, all hell aside from the recently revealed story about how Gonzales and Andrew Card tried to get a hospitalized John Ashcroft to overrule James Comey, his stand in while he was unable to perform his duties, on the infamous warrantless wiretapping program. More at the following links: balkin.blogspot.com, and tpmmuckraker.com.

And then we have this little bit: Wolfowitz stepped down today from the World Bank.  The man who came in to fight "corruption" gave his "girlfriend" a raise totally some $47,430 US dollars.  What was the limit for such pay increases?  $20,000.  He more than doubled it.

Oh, we'll miss you Wolfie.  Heck of a job.

Can Gonzales be far behind?  How long can he hang on?  My money's on next Thursday, one day after Goodling testifies.

I built up a new rear wheel tonight 'cause it's really smart to go race on something brand spanking new.  Not like it matters much, I plan on walking a lot.  Maybe I'll even take a nap.  I should wear sandals and bring a pillow for all the "racing" I'll be doing.

Maybe I'll pull a cooler full of beer in my bob trailer? 

I've heard from a reputable source that drinking whiskey before a big day can help boost your testosterone levels.  And since I'm always looking to go out like Rocky Balboa, I'm all about a little extra testosterone.  I need a t-top Z-28 IROC. 

What's IROC mean?  Italian Retard Out Cruising.

Today at the Cirque de Landis, Greg Lemond dropped bombs.  Boom.  Out go the lights.  Then Floyd Landis dropped his former "associate" Will Geoghegan like a fucking hot potato. 

From cyclingnews:  Landis' attorney Maurice Suh stated, "To the extent there has been any business relationship between Mr. Landis and Mr. Geoghegan, I would like to inform the panel that Mr. Landis has made the determination that Mr. Geoghegan's services are no longer required and they have separated their agreement as of this moment. And so Mr. Geoghegan is now terminated from the previous position he's had with Mr. Landis."

(And that might be the only thing I've read from Suh that was worth a damn.)

Since Geoghegan is now in need of employment, perhaps I can offer him, oh, I dunno, $12 dollars US to hang out with me on Friday night as I drink shots of Jack Daniels and drunk dial people haven't talked to in years.  I hear old Will's a hoot on the tele late night.  He should do stand up with all that kick ass material he's bringing.  The guy kills it from LA to the Catskills.  He does wedding, Bar mitzvahs, birthdays...

The dumb fuck.  If you're going to tamper with a witness, use a fucking pay phone.

My god these people are stupid.

Link dump:

[Lemond drops bomb] cyclingnews.com
[More Lemond] cyclingnews.com
[inane bullshit] cyclingnews.com
[Lemond at velonews] velonews.com
[a lawyers view...] velonews.com

Bike to Work Week is very busy indeed. Tonight was the super fun (or stupor fun) cruiser ride. We started out at Pay-n Take downtown and tooled around a bit before heading right back to the bar.

Me? I went over to Chop's place to sort out tomorrow's free food bonanza for Bike to Work Day.  No bar time for this old hat tonight.

Man, I showed up. Pimpin ya cold up.
I head straight to the bar just to post up.

Not like you worthless son's a bitches shouldn't be riding every damn day of the week anyway.  Wamp wamp.

Link dump:

[right on] ihatealbertogonzalez.blogspot.com
[holy shit] tpmmuckraker.com
[so dumb I can't stand it] velonews.com
[dream big] craigslist.org
[ball game] talkingpointsmemo.com
[god damn...] cnn.com

Today's email:

From: RW
Subject: Nice Read
So, you like to help kids and drink... you know there's a place for people like you...
shrinershq.org

Yo, and I get to wear a kick as Devo hat while I get my swerve on? Shit. I'm down, homie.

Happy Birthday, Steve.

And, oh my, the Giro has begun.  Stage one: Robbie McEwen.  And Di Luca looking pretty in pink.  This one is going to get hot.  Wide open race.  Totally wide open.

Bike to Work Week just hit off in a big way up here in Arizona's northland.  It's going to be one hell of a fun week for all of us involved with FBO.

The high point of my day came when I was busy helping countless kids get a kickass brand new helmet for $5.  You should have seen this one little cutie when her father had to go get a few bucks and he handed the pink poodle covered lid back to me.  She looked absolutely crushed when the helmet left her fathers hands.  She turned into his leg and sobbed. 

And I'm just standing there with her helmet like the world's biggest asshole.

I was able to turn it all around by asking he name, and telling her no one else would be able to buy it, I'd save her helmet for her until she came back.  That one got a little smile out of the poor thing. 

When she came back with her father not more than ten minutes later, her outstretched hands took the helmet from me and held it helmet tight.  As if it was a treasure.  And, I suppose it was in a way. 

Her smile said it all.

It's the little things in life, isn't it?

Link dump:

[toto] nyvelocity.com
[a monica problem] nytimes.com
[word] endofworld.net
[read this] splcenter.org
[he's a cop] citynews.ca
[this ought to be interesting] velonews.com

Today's email:

From: Philip
Subject: 100 mile world record - your information is flawed
I guess I missed something on how 4:06 is a World record for 100 miles - is that uphill or something? The U.K. National record is 3:22 (www.cyclingtimetrials.org.uk) and a bit and last year Dave Keane from Bristol, England did 4:00:01 on a tricycle. Yep a Tricycle, 3 wheels but not as you know it. (www.tricycleassociation.org.uk). Of course 4:06 is about an hour faster than me.

Well then, you've both got me by at least an hour. And most likely a good bit more than that.

And as far as Dan "HD McGehee's record, I have no idea.  It seems a "world record" would encompass both Britain and the US, wouldn't it? 

Some friends of ours are in town this weekend.  The ladies went out for a night on the town and me and boys stayed home Friday night.  I was on baby duty.

No big deal really, put her down and try not to be too much of an idiot and wake her up.  Once we had the place to ourselves, the serious work began.  We started out with a case of Keystone Light and a bottle of Tanqueray.  One thing led to another, and fun was had by all.  'Round about three am we called it quits and turned in.

I got up with my daughter at 6:30.  I didn't feel so good.  It hurt.  I went downstairs to an empty bottle on the counter and four beers left in the fridge.

There is only one thing to do after that much punishment - make chorizo burritos and go ride bikes.  We geared up and checked out Waterline Road.  I clocked my longest ride of the year at 3 hours saddle time.

Oh, it was totally worth it.

Link dump:

[honchar later'd] iht.com
[the touch system] newscientist.com
[yeah baby] electioncentral.tpmcafe.com/none
[of course they did] cyclingnews.com
[yeah] velonews.com
[yo, what?] dogfish.com/Limited_Edition_Beers/Golden_Shower
[tucson haps] tucsonweekly.com
[mcgehee 100 mile record video] mediafire.com

I'll tuck you in homie, Buenos Noches.

I got in a small ride yesterday afternoon.  Big for me, small for most others as fitness is a relative concept.

On my way back home after two long and tedious hours on my single speed cross bike, I cut through Papago Norte (aka Ft. Tuthill). I came across one sole figure circling the Wednesday night crit course - The Future.

There were people in black t-shirts everywhere.  Traffic cones.  Parking attendants.  And not for Future and me, no, these folks were there for the Social Distortion concert.

Yes, Social Distortion played outdoors at Ft. Tuthill last night.  We rode half lap of the course together and then went our separate ways.  Each, coincidentally, heading toward home.

And so it goes...

Ah, doping in sport.  Good times.

I can't even read this shit anymore. Bruyneel called it "an unfortunate situation". Discovery Channel "surprised".  Riis is full of it.  Massimo Martelli and Johann Bruyneel: both full of it.

Nothing these people say is the truth.  It is all lies.

My man O'Grady put together a nice little write up on the whole situations.  Give it a whirl.

Link dump:

[motorist caught on video assaulting cyclist] citynews.ca
[cool] erikaschultz.com
[more cool] kirkmastin.com
[gop sucks] talkingpointsmemo.com
[bradley schlozman] tpmcafe.com
[right on matthews] talkingpointsmemo.com
[the demise of an administration] thecarpetbaggerreport.com
[its coming] greatdividerace.com
[they really do it] tourdivide.blogspot.com

Today's email:

From: Marty
Subject: 100 Mile World record goes down!
OK here is the quick news release ---

Dan McGehee From RideClean Team - Proud Father Of Bouncing Baby World Record

(The cyclist is resting comfortably)

On Saturday the 5th of May Dan McGehee from the RideClean Team BROKE his own 100 Mile UMCA World Open Road TT record by 4 MINUTES!

Dan set some INCREDIBLY fast lap times in the early morning hours and turned himself INSIDE OUT to hold on to his early lead and set a NEW WORLD RECORD of 4:06:11

As you can see from the pictures, he decided to commemorate the Record by following a growing trend in cycling and tattooing his chainring on his face.

He was assisted in this by his incredibly good looking crew...who suffered horribly when the cookies ran out after three hours.

Good looking out, Dan. You are the man.  Not sure how you're standing after that one.  But you're the man.

You can't really tell from the pic, but that's a drunkcyclist sticker on my man's seat tube.  Trust me.  He's rocking it.

From: Curt
Subject: How to Climb Fast like Basso

cgi.ebay.com

Relatively cheap method to train like Basso and climb like Basso. Shriveled balls and heart attacks are a bonus.

Yo, that ought to do it.

From: Lovedog
Subject: Remember when Clinton said he didn't inhale
Question: After crushing everyone in the Giro in May 2006 while riding "clean", why would Basso decide, "I better dope for the Tour" in July? Did he experience a sudden onset of insecurity about his competitiveness?

You're on to something with that one, Lovie. Basso is full of it. He was doped to the gills.

From: Rich
Subject: Basso Doped
I'm sure you've seen the news about Basso. I'm not surprised anymore, but all this crap has me wondering what there is left to love about cycling as a spectator sport.

I've been suspicious about doping for decades, but tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. Last year, when Floyd tested positive, I decided that it was all stupid. Money corrupts, and money plus bike racing equals shameless whores dragging the sport I love through shit to make a greasy buck. People should look inward for their cycling heroes. Turn off Phil & Paul, cancel the magazine subscriptions, just ride.

But I couldn't stop myself from caring who won, and how they pulled it off. So I followed the races, but I didn't believe. All winning ever proved to me was that you were doping. I hate guys who take the "they're all doping" line, but now I had become one of them.

And then Basso and Ullrich were both proven guilty. You gotta figure anyone who ever beat either of them was doing it, too, and a lot of the guys who gave 'em a run for their money. And probably whoever operated at the top of the game before them. Hell, it just doesn't pay to believe in anyone anymore.

So assume for a second *everyone* is doping. What's left for us? Well, how did they win their races? Anyone who only won because they were the best time-trialist, or the best climber: you can get those things from an IV bag. Grit, handling skills, tactics - if you're a doper but you've got some other winning qualities, well, at least nobody can say your success was *completely* undeserved.

But is that the kind of person I want to admire? Do I really want to waste my time following a sport that's just a short, slippery slope from being the WWE of the slow-twitch set, just because it's "still entertaining?" Hell, no.

So I'm trying again to get off the racing fan habit. I'm just gonna ride (and run, and play with my kids, and hike....) and I'll make my own stories of endurance and skill. And if I cheat, it'll be by skipping a ride, and I'll know it without pissing in a fucking cup.

It is hard to watch this shit knowing its all about who's got the best doctor and who's doing something they haven't figured out how to test for yet.

I'm down with just riding.

The shot that was heard around the world: Ivan Basso admits involvement in Operación Puerto.

Word. It went boom. More at velonews.com.

Ivan, I gotta say, good on ya. I'm glad you finally came out with the goods. Come clean. Be a man. Admit what you did. You're lawyer, Massimo Martelli, is full of shit. But that's what lawyers do, right? That's what you're paying him for, to lie, right?

Today Martelli said of his client Basso: "He wasn't feeling good and he wasn't calm, and he wanted to lift a weight off his conscience..."
Source: cyclingnews.com

And just four days ago he said, "Ivan Basso is calm, serene.."
Source: cyclingnews.com

Yo, Martelli, pick one already. He's either calm or he's not. Fuck. You're killing me.

You hear me, Tyler? Holla. Why you still frontin'?  You're dirty as John Holmes's penis.  And everyone knows it but you.

Link dump:

[a whole lotta pain] youtube.com
[organic tequila] alternativeconsumer.com/certified-organic-tequila
[grim business] latimes.com
[notice your nuts - psa] noticeyournuts.com
[the aristocrats] driftglass.blogspot.com
[these guys might be retarded] crooksandliars.com

Today's email:

From: John
Subject: Basso
velonews.com Finally, a straightforward confession. Maybe others will now step up and the sport can move forward.

At least he didn't foist the "I was drinking scotch with my unborn twin" defense.

At least no one was selling "I believe Basso" pins and bumper stickers....

From: Andrew
Subject: Basso Is Tanked
Hey Man,
Surprise, surprise...I think Basso is going about this in the right way...quits Disco so he doesn't bring the entire team down (stand up move in my opinion), then confesses all and throws himself on the mercy of the courts. Hopefully this move will allow others to come clean without fear.

"Insert sarcasm" It's also nice that they Italian Olympic committee are trying to keep their options open for the '08 Olympics, isn't it?

I wonder if there wasn't more of a push from the Discovery side of things once they figured out he wasn't going to get into the big Tours this year. He may have been encouraged to spread his wings...

From: Anthony
Subject: Basso
I'm sure this is the 242nd email you have on the subject. But what the shit did Basso admit to? Involvement in the scandal? Which came about through the doping help of Fuentes? So Ivan has now admitted to doping? We all knew he was involved in the scandal, his name was along side poster-child Ullrich's. You don't have to admit that to us Ivan. We're sick of hearing about it actually.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Ivan has man'd up. But I'll wait for the official statement before I start commending him for fixing Pantani's (RIP Marco) mistakes.

Yeah, he's made up for Pantani's sins as much as I have. And that isn't very much.

Cinco de Mayo, oh what a time-o…  No tequila for me, thank you very much.  I'll stick with the bottle of level vodka I've got in the ice box.

Ice box, 'cause, you know, that's where ice lives.

I got in a two hour ride today on my single speed cross bike.  I should take some pictures of the old girl in her present configuration.   Ya'll would laugh at how high I've got the the stem pointing.   I've never had a bike with the bars so high.  And I've got to say I've grown quite fond of it.  Very comfortable indeed.

Played around on the hundreds of miles of dirt roads to the south and east of where I live.  I didn't see more than ten or fifteen of those miles, but sometimes that's enough.  It was snowing on and off, as it has since last night.  Most if it didn't stick, and the ground was mostly dry and manageable.  I didn't see one other person on a bike, just a small group of hikers near the Urban Trail in Fort Tuthill and then one lone car on some back assward dirt lane I couldn't even tell you where.

In short, the whole thing was a smashing success.  I was wearing just about all the heavy winter riding gear I own, and it was quite nice at the mid-forty degree mark.  I really can't complain.

Link dump:

[biker down] news.cincinnati.com
[horner] velonews.com
[28%] msnbc.msn.com
[good times] tpmmuckraker.com
[wait a minute, patrick lefevere?] cyclingnews.com
[good times] talkingpointsmemo.com

Today's email:

The Tour of the Gila is happening right now just to the east of me. And man, is that ever a fun one. I've never participated, just lugged bottles, cleaned bikes and drove cars. And sometimes, that's enough.

Bottom line: Silver City is one hell of a fun town.  And I recommend you go there soon.

Check this out: Drew Miller x3 times top spot. 1990, 1994 & 2003. Bing, bang, boom.

I'll leave ya'll with this one: How to spot a redneck with a DUI.

Yeah, word. That's a guy riding a bike with a dead deer thrown over his shoulder. So you rode to the spot with a twelver of PBR in your backpack last Friday.   Or rolled back from the corner store with a half dozen forties in your messanger bag.

You ain't done shit till you've pedalled a carcass across town in the snow.

Holla.

One more day to the weekend, and I couldn't be happier about it.  Can you tell I've been working?  Yes, someone pays me show up and do things.

And I can't wait till the weekend where I don't have to show up and do anything.  I can just sit and fart while I drink my coffee and read the paper.  Oh, it's the little things in life, ain't it?

The Whiskey 50 is fast approaching.  I won't be doing the 50 milers, or the 25.  But I sure would like to try my hand (or my legs, rather) at the 15. 

Because right now, riding fifteen miles not only seems like it's be quite an achievement... It would be quite an achievement.

And so it goes...

Link dump:

[84 olympics] stanford.edu/~learnest/cyclops/dopes.htm
[coors is safer than tea] stanford.edu/~learnest/cyclops/grewal.htm
[you reap what you sow] whoisioz.blogspot.com/look-how-cute
[bitching about the local offensive line] whoisioz.blogspot.com
[4/20] youtube.com
[oh my goodling] tpmmuckraker.com

I got a lot of email regarding that Tom "poonen" Boonen photo.   This by far was the best:

From: charlie
Subject: poopen
Regarding the Tom Pooin picture, let us remember that lighter is faster.

Perhaps there should be a caption contest for the Boonen photo. I can not stop thinking of funny things to say about it.

"Your ass would look like that too if you just rode 200k on cobbles on an all aluminum bike since your sponsor can't get their shit together."

I hate this mid-week slump. Seriously. Every week it's like this. Wednesday fucking sucks. 

I did turn some circles today, so we're already well ahead of the status quo.   So I've got that going for me.  Happy happy, joy joy.

Ah, whatever.  Let's get straight to the link dump:

[god damn…] youtube.com/rage against the machine…Coachella 2007
[rush sucks] talkingpointsmemo.com/rush_limbaugh
[oh yeah] youtube.com
[wtf?] cyberhap.com
[trans iowa pics] mombok.smugmug.com/gallery
[trans iowa results] transiowa.blogspot.com
[trans iowa stories] forums.mtbr.com
[more trans iowa pics] picasaweb.google.com/TransIowa

Today's email, bad news on the bike front:

From: Morgan
Subject: Please Help! Stolen bike!
Jonny,
As you might remember my son is going to NAU and he had his bike stolen last night on Campus. Did not know if you could forward this to your frenz in the hood and see if anyone sees the thing. Jay is bummin, nice dirt jumper just built up this year from Hard earned cash. CREC chainsaw work if you know what I mean. 2 weeks before graduation and his study project was how to increase bike use on campus and ditch the parking lot thing. A full frontal slap in the face.

Thanks
The one titanium legged man
Morgan

Click here for the flyer.

From: Clarence
Subject: Short funny film for Bike Month - Grading Your Bike Locking Ability!
Hello!
We here at StreetFilms make all kinds of short films about BICYCLING and pedestrian issues as well as transportation and open space concerns in cities.

Anyway, to celebrate the onset of Bike Month, we have posted a video that we hope we will teach people to make sure to lock their bike properly. Featuring world famous bike mechanic Hal Ruzal from NYC. THAT and so many more high quality films here....

streetfilms.org

Thanks for help spreading the word about our advocacy. All films are free for requests for festivals and screenings.

One more and I'm out.

From:
Subject:
Recent government action has dramatically increased the fees internet radio companies must pay to play the music you enjoy and threatens the future of internet radio. You can help, let your voice be heard. I'm sure you hate commercial radio as much as I do and being from Cincinnati I must in some way share some of the blame because this really is the home of Clear Channel. I'm sure hat group of douchebags has NOTHING to do with the attempt to stamp out interweb radio.

Click on this URL to take action now: capwiz.com/saveinternetradio/home

If your email program does not recognize the URL as a link, copy the entire URL and paste it into your Web browser.

Tuesday already? Man, this week is just flying by.

Kidding.  This week is fucking crawling.

Today marks four years since George Bush touched down on an aircraft carrier and proclaimed "Mission Accomplished."  Oh, those were the days.

Four years later we're still in Iraq.  And from the looks of things we ain't leaving anytime soon.

Good times.

Link dump:

[not our steve smith…] fox6.com
[bitch'n] youtube.com
[hamilton smolders] cyclingnews.com
[hammond is down] observer.guardian.co.uk
[toto] nyvelocity.com

Today's email:

From: marco
Subject: in case you hadn't seen it
Hi,
You might like this for your site:



And this one from roubaix velodrome while I'm at it: Tom Poonen.

Boonen rocking the dookie drawers in Roubaix? Say it ain't so.

Good reason to wear black shorts...