Happy Friday everyone. Come one, come all, tip a pint.

I'll be seeing some of you Sunday at the Kyle Bielenbergplaque dedication at South Mountain. For those not already aware, 9:00 am at the park entrance, right at the ranger station. Think soda machines and bathrooms. Right there.

If you can't make it, tip a pint in our direction. I'd appreciate it.

[make your own] chevyapprentice.com (fixed link)
[get angry] nationaljournal.com/articles/0330nj1.htm
[i love this] pitchforkmedia.com/broken-social-scene/...
[blog] thenattylads.blogspot.com/

See you on Sunday.

Counting down the days, counting down the days. Weekend, here I come.

And it can't come soon enough.

Let's get right into today's joke:

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, wish you weren't married, or glad you never married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine: Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

Ever hear of Howard Kaloogian? He's running for Congress in California. He's also trying to move America foreward. And he's an asshat.

[asshat kaloogian one] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/008045.php
[asshat kaloogian two] boomantribune.com/story/2006/3/29/23428/8027
[asshat kaloogian three] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/000218.php
[asshat kaloogian four] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/000221.php

I went snowshoeing with Big Pun tonight. We're both out of shape after doing, well, pretty much noting this winter. So we stomped around for two hours. Man, am I going to be feeling that tomorrow.

Link dump:

I am so out of here.

If you're like me, and it frightens me that some of you are, then you're excited about April.

This is the king hell month of cycling. Never mind that dull waltz in July (which, admittedly, is going to have more action this year than in the last five combined) April is where it's at. We got the Tour of Flanders coming up on Sunday the 2nd. Gent - Wevelgem gets us over the midweek hump on the 5th. Then it's right into Paris - Roubaix on the 9th. Amstel - Gold on the 16th, Fleche Wallone on the 19th and Liège - Bastogne - Liège on the 23rd.

Are you fucking kidding me? April is the shit. We got it all in four weeks. March madness my ass. I'm talking 'bout the Spring Classics. The races for the hard men. Big guy that can pound it across windswept cow tracks and cobbled tractor roads. Ah, it's going to be great. Just great.

It is going to be a very interesting month.

[up with grups] newyorkmetro.com/news/features/16529/index7.html
[bike] villagevoice.com/nyclife/0612,tucker,72601,15.html
[oh god] khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticle.asp?
[iraq] msnbc.msn.com/id/11072377
[whoops] jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/weed_joint_ear
[bizarre] entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/...
[whoa] sploid.com/news/2006/03/atf_art_by_kids.php
[bush] bushcondisex.cf.huffingtonpost.com
[unit] dailynews.com/entertainment/ci_3641046

That's it, I'm out.

I'll tell ya this much, trying to answer drunkcyclist email and update the site is a fair bit more complicated now that there is a child in the house. My time ain't what it used to be. And that would be available.

Now I'm either a) working, b) riding or c) with child. And the order of importance is just about the reverse of the order I typed those out, if you know what I'm saying.

And I think a lot of those out there with kids do. Shit done changed.

I did get on my bike twice this past weekend. As in two separate days rather than just getting on it twice. Go figure. I haven't pulled a Saturday - Sunday swing out of my ass in weeks. Hopefully I'll manage more of the same this coming weekend. Wish me luck no that one. Sure, I never really did get an update together. But I did catch up on some sleep. Priorities, man. Priorities.

[read] hnn.us/articles/23297.html
[bush] boston.com/news/...bush_shuns_patriot_act_requirement
[sweet] onnnews.com/Global/story.asp?S=4666005&nav=menu241_2
[cursed tortilla] ebay.com/THE-CURSED-TORTILLA
[michael schiavo] msnbc.msn.com/id/12025860/?GT1=7850
[oh john] liberty.edu/index.cfm?PID=6848&NewsID=131
[blog] bruner.net/blog/archives/015428.shtml
[doll] contactmusic.com/news/index33.htm
[20] huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/20-questions-for-president
[bush] huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/wah-the-president-field

Another day, another dollar. And then some.

From: Joel Subject: The Fallback Hillary's hated by too much of "middle America", and her Senatorial record pisses off a lot of the Democratic base. If Hillary does run, it'll be like when Nader runs. It'll just polarize voters even more.

You got it. Fuck Nader. That guy still won't admit he split the ticket. And I damn near voted for him. My wife talked me out of it on the way to the polling station. I thought Gore was so going to win, that I could throw a vote a Nader. to help create a viable third party.

Yeah, didn't work out quite like that. No viable third party and Bush waltzed in.

And if that didn't fuck us.

And now Hillary.... The GOP could put a three time felon, openly racist, completely corrupt son of a bitch up there and all he'd have to say is "I support the death penalty, will work to outlaw abortion and fuck all them A-rabs."

Thunderous applause, chants of four more years, cut to black.

From the March 21 edition of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor: O'REILLY: Well, at this point in his administration, the president would be wise to do more of that, to directly confront critics he believes are full of hot air. The president can't become obsessed with that kind of thing as Richard Nixon did, but he can show the public that he feels these people are flat-out wrong. There's no question the media in America is heavily liberal, every study shows that. And with the rise of the Internet, the far left now dominates the liberal agenda, the far left. To these Kool-Aid drinkers, no personal attack is out of bounds, no distortion too dishonest to use. They're all about the end justifying the means, destroying your political enemy if you can.

Just switch "Liberal" and "left" with "conservative" and "right" and you've just laid out the Fox News business model.

But then again, you already knew that, didn't ya?

Monday, March 27, 2006

damn   I   melissa walker   I   hardcore

Back in the saddle. So to speak. And all that. Actually rode my bike two back to back days this past weekend. Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.

I'll tell ya, time ain't what it used to be.

And neither is the war in iraq. Ouch.

How 'bout that shit, huh? British memos coming out about how Bush had a major league hard on for Saddam. How the intelligence was being fixed around the policy, and not visa versa. All the things that keep you up at night and make you want to pound nails into your forehead.

The reason Congress is supposed to be the only body that can declare war is because one guy could come into office with a high hard one for, say, some middle eastern dictator. You don't want one man deciding the Country's course of action. You want a consensus of many, many people on something like that. Assumedly level headed people. But even one or two wingnuts can't throw off an hundred.

But one wingnut, all by himself, surrounded by those versed in the dark arts, well, that's a problem. That puts you in a bit of a pickle. A pickle like Iraq.

The part that absolutely takes the cake, and I mean takes the fucking thing, is when Bush says, oh, getting out of Iraq? That'll be a decision left to future Presidents...

You gotta be shitting me? That's your exit strategy? Sorry... Strategery?

This one is a repost. It's proven to be quite popular as I receive it via email quite often: 911 Loose Change.

From: Brian Subject: UCI taking action against cyclists who race against banned riders been a reader of your page for a while now. the links are great too! anyway, i read the article on UCI taking action against riders who race against people who have been banned. ain't that a load of shit, they are helpless in taking any action in a race which is unsanctioned so they go after the guys who are not doping. just doesn't make any sense. i'm curious to hear your response to that one. peace

Well...

I believe Tyler. Was doped to the gills.

The guy is a hero. He more than earned my respect with the big win in Liege. The gutsy ride in the Giro, Tour de France, Dauphine Libere, Tour de Suisse, etc, etc. I love that guy. I even met him once.

But I think he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

Regardless of all that shit I just said, the UCI is way off the chart. I mean, what, if I ride next to the guy am I in some kind of trouble? No. Of course not. He can't ride in UCI races, but local yokel crits and such? You gotta be fucking kidding me. Let 'em ride. What's it matter to you, Mr. Big Boy UCI? It ain't your race. So piss off.

From: Chris Subject: Sunday so i have been thinking..do you think it would be cool for you to put out the call for all riders possible, whether they knew Kyle or not, to show up for the ride on the 2nd? what better way to celebrate life than to have all our brothers and sisters rock out up the hill...roadies ride in, MTBer go up national..i think it would really be something to see...there are a lot of riders in AZ that have nothing to do but ride on a sunday morning, they might as well ride with us!

Yep. This Sunday morning, Pima Canyon parking lot, 6:30 am. Check it out.

Another one in from our Africa Correspondent:

From: Tall Todd Subject: Iringa Hi gang, Rest day in Iringa and feeling well. Tanzania has been great, hands down the best place so far. When we left Arusha, everyone was saying that during the rainy season we were fools to cross the mountains to Iringa. Well, we got wet, but the riding has been incredible every single day. The rain has kept the temperature down and made a beautiful area seem even more lush. I have tried to ride as often as possible and I even managed to have my first crash of the Tour as well. The dirt roads we are traveling are rough and on occasion a suitable side path appears, generally no more than a few inches wide. I was cruising downhill on one yesterday, quite happy with myself that I had found some singletrack. Far down the hill, a local on his bike was coming up the same narrow path. I hopped to the road to keep my speed up. I looked ahead and he had also moved from the path to the road. "Excellent!" I thought, "He's giving me the path". I hopped back up and let the brakes off to really cruise down this fun little trail. As I passed the local at fairly fast speed, I quickly found out that he had moved to the road to avoid the section of side path that had washed away in the rains and was no longer there. With about a second to react and not fall face first into a hole, I pulled up and tried to do the biggest hop of my life. Apparently I do not pull with the same force in each arm, as I sailed to the left of the path and flew down the hill, past the path and right into an acacia bush. Considering what could have happened, a series of thorn scrapes on my knee and arm was a small alternative to what could have been an ugly wipeout. The locals were trying hard not to laugh at the mzungu who launched himself off the road and straight into a patch of thorn bushes. My quick reply of "I'm alright, really I'm alright" as I extracted the thorn branches from my arms, legs and bike didn't seem to inspire confidence. They all said "Pole!" (Swahili for "slowly") to me. 5 km later both of my tires had mysteriously gone flat. In fact the day itself was a series of mishaps. The morning started with a raging thunderstorm that hit camp about 20 minutes before we were set to depart. The camp was a quagmire and I found that I had to change two flats before I could ride from slow leaks. Once underway, I stopped a few times to help a coupe of riders get their flats changed quickly and get underway. After helping a few repairs, "The Caboose" (as we've dubbed our group of 5 riders who ride not all that slowly but stop for every Coke, Tea, picture and candy opportunity) was under way. With the heavy rains letting up, we were quite surprised to find a swollen river flowing across the road. Being the latecomers, it had risen quite higher and was traveling with more force by the minute. Phillipa shot right in and I was about to follow until I realized that she was getting increasingly deeper without coming out the other side. She made it about ¾ of the way across until the current swept her out and we thought that we might have to perform a water rescue. She bounced back up and managed to get out the other side. When we forded through, we realized that the river was flowing strongly at about 2 and ½ feet deep, with logs coming out you quickly. At this point we stopped for one of riders to fix a flat, foreshadowing for what the day would bring. The Caboose gets it's slow speed from our Three Musketeers style of riding where it's all for one and one for all. Which means that we stop when anyone flats, pees, makes a repair or need a Coke. Yesterday, we lost count after 22 flats between the five of us, so it was no surprise that we arrived in camp 11 hours after the start on a day that we managed to cycle only 85 km off-road. I think that we may have logged something like 6 hours of downtime. We apologized to Phillipa repeatedly, as she was winning this section in time for the female racers, but chose to ride with us to 'have fun'. I think that she may have enough time to burn, but hopefully we didn't wreck her chances to win this section. So much for "fun". Hope all is well with you all, and yes the cuts are already healing well. No long term damage and once again, just feeling foolish.

And they said I wouldn't post it...

From: Big Pun Subject: St. Paddy's Day OK, Here's the deal. This started off as a letter for posting to Big Jonny a few nights ago and I am now convinced that there is no way that it will ever end since its already like three pages long and is no longer a humorous anecdote and is more of an epic tale. Enjoy, or don't, its up to you. And to Bike Punk, this is what happened to us, we should have stayed in Munchen. Hey there Jonny, Pun here, Hope that you had a fine St Patty's Day. I myself spent it in Dublin, of the Ireland persuasion that is, and would recommend that if you should ever elect to try the same, have the wifey take out a significant life insurance policy on you before you go. Wrote a song about it, wanna hear it, goes a lil somethin' like this... (OK, not really a song but the whole thing just sounds better if you hum along with it) A-Dittle and I started out at around 11:30am or so on the 17th. And by "started out" I am referring to pouring cocktails from the full bar of booze that we picked up in duty free in Madrid on our way over. Irish whiskey, Vodka, Rum, more Vodka, beer and assorted mixers. At the time this seemed quite appropriate for the two of us. We are granted both of above average size; however, I'm not sure if drinking the last of our San Miguel stash from Bilbao was necessarily the best idea in the airport before hitting the duty-free shop. Moving on both figuratively and chronologically, we attended a hurling match in Dublin at 2:00 or so. Some fine older gentleman gave us two tickets that he had won from the BBC and we therefore sold the tickets that A-Dittle had already bought for booze money. Turns out that even though the Irish thought that they had a good idea by banning alcohol in the stands at their hurling and football matches, I'm not sure I concur. By banning alcohol in the stands at Croke Park Stadium, they encourage a certain style of drinking which I happen to be quite good at, slamming beers in the concourse as not to miss too much of the match. Not to say that I participated, I would have without a doubt, but, being the wise men that we are, we brought dual flasks and soda bottles so that I was well on my way to being more plowed than the Snake's mother at the VFW on bingo night before the second half of the first match was even underway. And on it went from there. Watched the rest of the hurling match, bitter cold, but drunk (hurling by the way is the illegitimate child that was the result of Baseball getting a little drunk one night and finally giving into the insistent pleas of Lacrosse to let Lacrosse and Fieldhockey have a threeway with her) Then continued on the next match of the day which is Gaelic Football (also the result of an orgy between standard European football and a whole metric shit ton of other sports). We summarily found out that no matter how cold it may be outside, the Irish don't get warm by going indoors to heat, they huddle together outside smoking and drinking cold beer. What a fucking afternoon. Proceeded then to our next goal of meeting up with some Flagstaff friends who were over here for numerous reasons including studying abroad and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Wes and Meg had rented a car for their trip up the coast. We talked about who would drive, I figured that I was drunk enough by that time that I wouldn't know what fucking side of the street I was on anyway and would be as good a candidate as any. Wes's previous experience in Australia trumped my whiskey and we drove to the airport to go pick up Rach. On the way, I figured out many things. 1.) the busses in Dublin have mirrors that stick out a good foot from the chassis frame and they drive less that 1 foot from the sidewalk. I did the math and still almost got clocked by a bus mirror 2.) Even though I'm still not sure how wise it is to let Yanks drive on the left side of the street over here, I now know that hilarity will ensue by not telling us how to get the car in reverse and then leading us into an airport parking garage. I thought that Wes was either going to get his ass kicked by pissed off Irish drivers or that Wes was going to pull the gear shift straight off the transmission. (Which wouldn't have hurt in the end since you had to pull up on the shifter to get it into reverse). So we get Rach from the airport, hand her a drink in the car, drive back to the hotel to drink more, and go out. The rest is a blur. I know that we went to a Chinese restaurant to eat dinner after a few too many and we had to leave since Wes "couldn't feel his face" anymore. After that we went for some kind of chicken wrap and I guess that I ate something there. Following this, we went to the bars. That's right, I don't remember eating and Wes couldn't feel his face before we even left for the bars. So we all got in a cab, A-Dittle, Myself, Rach, Wes, and Megs and we went downtown. If I recall, and I don't, it was about a ten to fifteen minute cab ride. Sometime around 1:30am I got pissed off at people in general and started to mumble to myself about how everybody sucks. I think that I was in a serious state of chemical imbalance by this time. I started to walk back to the hotel, drunk, pissed, and lost in Dublin with a whole bunch of other drunks who barely speak any language at all let alone English. Wes and Meg left the pubs at 2:30am after most had closed down. They caught a cab after about an hour of waiting (An hour and the 50 euro that Wes bribed a cabbie with to jump ahead in line since he was so tired of waiting) and went back to the hotel directly and got back around 3:30am or so. Unfortunately, neither of them had a key to A-Dittle and my room. So instead of wasting more time, Wes started to walk into rooms and banging on doors that he thought might belong to us. Evidently the guy in the room right above ours got a bit irate and called security when Wes either walked into his room or pounded vigorously on the door (the details are fuzzy as I'm sure that you can imagine) Security then literally grabbed them both by their shirts and tossed them out of the hotel. They fortunately realized that the car would have to do and went to bed in their pissed off at me since I didn't wake up and let them in my room. I, in the meantime, was in the middle of an epic 2+ hour walkabout Dublin cursing at the sky and babbling to people that I needed to find Croke Park and the next match. I finally made it back to the hotel at 3:45 or 4am and went directly to sleep none the worse for wear and in a much better mood after a brief hike around the entire city. You may be asking yourselves, what about A-Dittle and Rach (that would only be true if you could follow the story up to this point of course) Well...A-Dittle was the only one sober enough to keep tabs on Rach since he had been having some ankle problems and didn't want to aggravate them with too much booze (Don't ask me, I'm not that smart) although he was certainly drinking his fair share. They decided to split the difference and walk partially and get a cab at a less busy location. Rach, as is her way, had to pee along the way. Not that this is an unusual thing, people stop to pee in the big city all the time I would imagine on big nights like this. Rach, however, did it with style...on a cop car. She found an empty cop car in an alley a few meters from the cop-type-persons in the street directly traffic and squatted against the bumper in order to urinate. Good on her. So, they grab a cab at some point and make it back to the hotel. A-Dittle then spends a few minutes making sure that Wes and Meg are OK in the car but security won't let them in until 7:00am for some random reason. A-Dittle and Rach make it back to the room just after me, and we all proceed to sleep through a 7:00 alarm that may or may not have gone off t remind us to go get Wes and Meg. Around 10:00 or so there's a knock on the door and lo and behold, there are Wes and Meg no so refreshed from a night spent sleeping in a European compact car. Good times. They were rightly so still pissed at me for not opening up the door until we put the timeline together with a flowchart and some overheads and realized that I wasn't even in the room yet. After that we all laughed, and then threw up from too much laughing while that hung over (Except Rach, she never woke up, girl will sleep through anything) Well, that's about it. Wes dropped A-Dittle and I off at the airport after noon and we caught the flight to London where I am now. the other three started up the coast on a driving holiday and I just hope that Wes hasn't driven them off the cliffs yet. Thanks for reading, I had to chronicle the night, it was definitely one that will eventually be killed off by future drinking bouts and I wanted to make sure that more than just the five of us had heard the tale of St Patty's Day 2006. See you all soon EuroPun

Yeah, it was huge. But fuck it.

My man Troy from up in Fruita called me tonight from the shop at, oh, 10:00. He asked me what was up with all the Ruth? I told him I was looking to please. I think he's got her up as his wallpaper now. I could barely hear him over the ruckus. I thought the pub crawl was tomorrow? I don't know what was going on, but OTE was rocking tonight.

As it should be.

Can a brother get a table dance, or what? I've been so slammed sideways, what with the kid and all. I don't know up from down anymore.

Whatever.

In more exciting news, I may actually add pictures (gasp) to the site. Oh, I know what you're thinking, those girlie pics. No, no, we've gone down the route once already. I'm talking 'bout regular old pics. You know, my travels, trials and tribulations. All that good shit.

It ought to be fun.

Tonight's sofa king link dump:

[dasani] cnn.com/2004/WORLD/europe/03/25/uk.dasani
[uci] sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=2378116
[what?] holywater.biz/HolyRabbi.htm
[what what?] boomantribune.com/story/2005/12/28/122649/46
[fair and balanced] polkgop.com/default.asp?contentID=523
[rza] npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4525189
[tall bikes] villagevoice.com/nyclife/0612,tucker,72601,15.html
[still searching] slate.com/id/2138388/fr/rss/#StillSearching
[overkill] chopzone.com/gallery/brad-graham/overkill.htm

Ah yes, another day, another dollar. Or, as the case may be, twenty seven cents. Whatever it takes, man. Whatever it takes.

Some days are better than others.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

ruth   I   ruth   I   ruth

I think sometimes bringing the computer into it is just poor form. As in, it's more than likely user error. Especially with me.

What am I talking about? Lost updates and the like. Emails that come and go. The usual stuff. And whatever to all of that.

More snow in the northland. Had to shovel the driveway twice. Once so I could park the boat up in here, and once for the missus. Of course, she's rolling an Outback and those things are build for inclement weather.

I've driven all manner of trucks and four wheel drive, and whatever they got going on over at Subaru just plain works. I was out romping around in that rice rocket during the last big snowfall and it was very controllable. Even when one tries very hard to make it uncontrollable.

And I'd call that a good thing.

On the biking front, it seems I've been working on whatever funk is going around town. Some heady sinus deal. Good times. I feel I'm coming out of it, a little more each day. It's not so bad, it's more like allergies than anything else. If that paints a picture for ya.

That's about it on this end. No shorts and no sleep.

Three years since we danced into Iraq. How many more years till we stumble out?

It's an important question, ain't it?

One email and I'm out.

From: Bret Subject: How's he doing that? Hey Jonny- A friend of mine (Tim) sent this to me the other day. It had me laughing out loud so I figured you’d appreciate it and possibly share it with the rest of the class. Peace-Bret in Albuquerque Hey Y'all, Beautiful morning today. Mid forties, sunny, fairly calm, probably the nicest morning I've had this year. There's a little tailwind when I climb on my bike, so I cover the first three miles pretty quickly. As I'm crossing a street, another cyclist gets on the bike path in front of me. He's riding a mountain bike, wearing jeans and a carhart like parka, and he takes off. I don't really think anything of it, he's just another guy I'm going to pass on the way to work. However, at the end of a half mile, he's still the same distance ahead. If anything, he's increased the distance a bit. Now I'm a pretty strong rider. I ride a lot, and I've got a pretty fast bike. I'm a little sore from some sprints I did on Sunday, but with the tailwind, I feel like I'm riding around 23-25 mph, but I can't catch this guy. I haven't really dropped the hammer yet, but I'm getting perplexed. A bit later, he stops to blow his nose. I pass him, thinking he's some local hardcore racer who's slumming on his mountain bike. Nah, he's just some guy, maybe a little overweight, riding this ten or fifteen year old Specialized. He's even wearing tennis shoes. I give him a good morning, and continue on my way. About a minute later, he blows past me like I'm standing still, knobby tires and all. All right, now I'm completely confused, and getting a little ornery. I'm not used to people passing me, and when it happens, it's one of the local racers on a bike that cost three times mine. So I start cranking. There's two short climbs and a couple sharp curves where I usually gain on people, but I'm barely keeping up. The two of us fly past another road biker, but I'm losing ground. At this point, the wind has changed, and I can't keep it going. I'm less than half way to work, and I'm starting to feel Sunday's running, so I throw in the towel and dial it back a notch. Fortunately, there's a red light ahead, and I catch it just right, once again catching up to this animal in the black parka. I finally get a good look at the guy. Mid forties, probably, little overweight, and to top it off, he's carrying a metal cylinder on a rack over his rear wheel. This thing looks like it might weigh another fifteen pounds. Then I notice the copper coils and the pulley. With a drive belt attached to his drive train. Yep, I've been trying to keep up with a guy who's got an electric motor running his bike. It's really quiet, almost hidden in the noise his chain and tires make, but it's fast. I'm wondering what this guy can do, so I put the hammer down. Out of the saddle, I'm cranking over thirty miles an hour, and he's dropping me. I ruefully shake my head, laugh, and resume my regularly scheduled ride to work. T.

First day of Spring 2006. Happy happy, joy joy.

I guess that makes it time for all us fat happy geezers to get to it. The riding is just around the corner. Or, we just left it. As the case may be here in Arizona. Fucked up winter to be sure.

I'm itch'n for them road miles. Say what you will, but this big carcass needs a lot of saddle time to get whipped into shape. I'm Pac Man - a mile eater.

Or is that Snake?

From: Snake Subject: some photos Normally I don't hold a grudge. But as you can clearly see there are others who hold onto cars and profit from it..... So here is my open letter to the Cuban UCI official down there in Mexico. Dear Cuban, The cold war is on bitch.....may you freeze in hell and may you never set foot in my great country. Here is some photographs of a race that happened in California this past month. I hope you never get to officiate a race such as this one. You would fuck it up somehow. So the next time you decide to DQ someone you had better think about the future..... I don't forgive and I don't forget. velonews.com/galleries/Olaf Pollack takes a pull on stage two velonews.com/galleries/Olaf Pollack 2006 Stage 6

That email is a few weeks old, just so you don't think my man is holding a grudge for the better part of a month. That said, I'm sure he's still holding a grudge.

From: Z-Boy Subject: jake the snake Turns out that Jake the Snake is just a little Garden Snake, not the python that he has purported himself to be. Met him and grumpy gord for a ride up lemmon yesterday. I'm just doing some tempo and these guys are going to come with me. How long did it take for Jake to start crying? Less than two miles my friend. Two point five miles up the climb and Jake says, "Asshole." and he is gone. So, I'm not sure if he is just slow right now or if this is the way that you breed 'em up in Flagstaff. Whatever it is that boy needs to man up.

Oh shitty.

Link on park yer dump.

[que?] buytheirock.com
[mouthwatering] dasani.com/jump.html?section=combike
[read] nytimes.com/2006/03/19/books/review/19brink.html?
[close] dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/3/15/9466/19457
[cat piano] kirchersociety.org/blog/?p=116

Everyday I sit at this desk and die a little more. I'm in here. Charlie's out in the bush. Getting stronger. Every day.

And I'm in here.

Good luck T.O. I hope Dallas treats you well.

I can't say that I'll miss him. Just the numbers he put up. I'll miss those numbers a lot.

Tonight's joke:

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"

George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! ''

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'

From: Geggy Tah Subject: skiing in Flag Johnny, you badmouthing the conditions is a sad cover up for your heckling the guy that asked if he thought they'd open the hill when it first started snowing. It's okay to just admit that you were wrong. Don't know if I ever said congrats on the offspring. I'm not sure if more of your bloodline is really a great thing. I'm sure she is destined to date a Republican, just to get under the old man's skin. By the way, I am now officially a registered independent. Can't stomach the idea of hanging my hat with either of the two existing choices. Maybe I'm getting soft, but I'm trying to think for myself, rather than just arguing that whatever a certain party seems to be backing is the absolute correct stance and anyone against must be a moron. Also, mix in some spell check. Your former educators must be spinning in their graves. I can't imagine any of them being still alive after having an anarchist like you in the class. One more thing, can't thank you enough for signing my guest book all those years ago.. "Fuck You, where the drugs at?" I recently had to explain to my parents during their visit, that I make my money selling real estate, not narcotics. Just cuz I drive a Navigator (I do feel slightly bad for the environment, but you know how I roll) don't mean I'm slinging dope. Finally, overheard a former soldier talking to some family friends in the Einstein's yesterday (post a rainy round the mountain ride). He said he had met some kids in Iraq, around 6 or 7 years old. Some had their tongues cut out, and others their hands cut off. Said it was Saddam's method for getting to their parents. Yeah, that might work. Good thing they don't have a free press. Anyway, the world is better without him. That said, I'm thinking we will never change those crazies. They seem to prefer violence. Guess democracy isn't for everyone, even if we, and the rest of the thinking world, seem to think it is great. Peace

I can admit when I'm wrong. As in: I was wrong about Snow Bowl. I thought no way would they open the damn place. And it's open.

There is something to that independent affiliation I find particularly appealing. As in: Maybe I'll do the same thing.

You know me, I'd hate to be a member of any club that would accept me.

And fuck a bunch of Saddam. The guys a tool. Just like the tools in Darfur.

From: Sean Subject: AZ snowbowl and other good things Snowbowl was not too bad on Sunday. We got up early and caught the first lift. At 9 the place was almost empty and we didn't really have to wait in line for the lift until noon or so. We rode the upper runs the whole time and had a blast, not too many rocks, all in all a good $44 spent. I didn't have the legs too keep going all day after a 6 hour epic ride in Sedona Saturday and a Flaggot led late night drunk biking bar crawl. Bailed Snowbowl at 1:30 in bed in Phoenix by 5.

I stand corrected.

One more and I'm out.

From: Sadcow Subject: The Next Bars on Bikes... Dear Gentlemen & Scholar, Please announce… The next bars on bikes will be Saturday, April 1st in Tucson, AZ. All professional drinkers and aspiring amateur cyclist should meet at Bob Dobbs Bar (6th & Tucson Blvd. across from Arizona Bicycle Experts) at 4p. Bring a bike, a lock, and a smile. Don't have a bike? Check out the Gaba bike swap on 4th Ave. the morning of. Odds are good you can probably find a bike for less than $40. After you've found your new drunk-mobile give the whirly bird a try later that evening with beer goggles! Be see'n ya now, Sadcow

Sunday, March 19, 2005

jesse   I   terri   I   amanda

The blonde ambition knows no bounds: Filippo Pozzato wins Milan - San Remo.

Another weekend almost over. They just don't last long enough. A little snow here in the northland. On and off, but none much of it sticking. Maybe up on the hill it's a different story. And then again, maybe not.

Snow Bowl actually opened on Friday. I'm not sure it it was 60%, 50% or 40%, but it was open. The line I heard is that if they are open four days total for a given year, they do not have to refund the season ticket holders. Pretty shitty deal for the season ticket holders, eh? I mean, what defines "open"? If one of the fours lifts is operational, and 40% of the available real estate has enough snow to ski down it, does that count as open?

The answer, apparently, is yes.

Break out your rock skis, it's gravel time.

I had mistakenly believed the costs of bringing the personnel to run operations and get the whole show going would be prohibitively expensive. But, apparently I was wrong about that as well. I don't know how many days open, and at what volume, one has to run the place to hit the break even point, but I'd be surprised if it was four days. Even with the season ticket payback issue. Or course, I have no idea how many season ticket holders there are out there. After a heavy snowfall year like last season, it could be quite a few.

Not much on the biking front, just trying to get in what I can. And that ain't much with the new baby and the weather as they are. Looks like I'll be riding the trainer this week before work again. Looks like.

Could be worse, I could be beating up my rock ski with 4,000 folks up from Phoenix. An hour in the lift line, oh so worth it.

Today's links:

[shop] thebikestand.com
[blog] wheelsgoroundandround.blogspot.com
[goodmail] nytimes.com/2006/03/17/opinion/17dyson.html?
[deficit spending] h.nytimes.com/2006/03/17/politics/17spend.html?
[spooky] wnbc.com/news/8074053/detail.html

Good night and good luck.

Friday, March 17, 2006

puma & friends   I   michelle   I   natasha

You and me and the baby makes three.

It used to be the bottle makes three, but time, they are a changing. Maybe even for the better. At least we hope so.

The real trick is trying to piece together some semblance of normalcy. Like, this is the way everyone does it. It’s not like I’m flying to Thailand to have some quack hack my penis apart and turn it inside out. Yeah, I’m sure it’s exactly like a vagina when you’re done.

Daddy drinks ‘cause you cry is a bold face lie. He was drinking before you were born. And it’s not like he’s giving it a rest while you’re sleeping. So, the crying line is crap. Daddy drinks ‘cause he can.

And will.

And how.

Happy St. Paddy’s to you all. And to all a good night.

Well, not quite yet. But soon.

I’ll be heading down into the desert this weekend to celebrate my sister and niece’s birthday. I hear my brother in law is contemplating smoking up a brisket. I’ve got to give the old boy the nod on that one. He does a fine job. I look forward to it with eager anticipation.

Since my sister now lives on Dynamite Road, I will undoubtedly bring down a bike and sample that fine single track over at the corner of Pima and Dynamite. Some of the Valleys finest as far as I’m concerned.

Now the only question is which bike to bring:

Decisions, decisions… maybe I should just take one of the fixies and be done with it.

And noting works up an appetite like a couple of hours in the saddle.

Speaking of saddles, I’ve been contemplating putting together a bike porn section for all my bikes here on the site. I’ve got to get some pics sorted out of all these damn things. They’re like rabbits, every time I go out in the garage there is another one to house and feed.

Hi, my name is Jonny and I’ve got a bike problem…

Could be worse I suppose. It could be gambling.

We all got our little idiosyncrasies, now don’t we?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

catalina cruz   I   steno   I   sylvia

Milan-San Remo in two days. Oh, it's coming. Read about it at cyclingnews, and over at velonews.

Kinda wish I could make it up to Boulder for the fist annual retro ride. I was so bummed about it, I actually phoned up the shop and chatted to Jim about it. Looks like it may get pushed back a week due to inclement weather and wind, so look for that baby to go off on the 26th.

I've been in that shop all of once, a few years back. Next time I'm up that way, I'll be stopping in to check things out.

Enough about the computer already, I know. Just thought I'd mention the whore started right up and seems to run fine at the moment. Go figure.

And, yes, I'm sure the bottom will drop out at any moment and leave me stranded. High and dry. Up the river without a paddle. Again.

[deserters] guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,1730211,00.html
[ipod] thedefeatists.typepad.com/apoplectic/whatno_catholic.html
[santorum] thepittsburghchannel.com/news/7821894/detail.html
[blog] doucheblogcycling.blogspot.com/its-tough-being-cyclist.html
[blog] flicklives.blogspot.com
[adios chef] nypost.com/seven/03142006/gossip/pagesix/pagesix.htm

I pretty much passed out on the bed tonight with a pile of Kickstands across my chest. It could be worse, I suppose. They could have been actually bike kickstands instead of a couple of small zines from the pacific northwest.

I'll take the mags any day.

One in from our Africa Correspondent:

From: Tall Todd Subject: quickly from Tanzania Hi gang, Two days of beautiful riding out of Nairobi and we are in Arusha for 3 days off. Yes! Yesterday we rode around the base of Mt. Meru and in and out of some showers before landing in town. It was a non-race day, so we kept a casual pace with Coke and Tea stops in Masai villages along the way. The Tour showed it's developmental side with bike donations in Nairobi and again last night in Arusha. We gave 30 bikes to AIDS reief groups working in the slums of Nairobi. The following day myself and about 6 others toured the Methari slums and saw first-hand the poverty as well as the work that the group was doing. I can't even begin to describe the area, but if you have seen "The Constant Gardener", part of it was filmed in Methari. If you haven't, go see it, as some of the profits will go to the slums in Nairobi. One of the projects that the group does is to give small loans to people to start a business in the slums. This is usually as small as a veg/fruit stand or a charcoal seller, but can be a restaraunt as well. We visited 5 of the start-ups as well as the school/daycare center that allows these people to work while their kids are looked after.

The man lives. And lives well.

From: Joshua Subject: Sydney 12 Hours of Power Jonny, Needed to let you know that we’re keeping it real out here in Sydney. The 2006 CYCLE MESSENGER WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS are on here 20th October to 24th October 2006. Spread the word. All the details are here: cmwc.sydbma.org The Sydney Singlespeed Society has been lording it up lately. Wednesday night rides around Manly Dam are pretty consistent now, and there’s a growing contingent of onespeed chicks kicking our asses. We’re missing Donny (and his pinch flats every ride). He’s pussy whipped, but I suppose we stop less. (hey, nice work if you can get it Donny!) Steve-O and the messenger contingent ran a killer alley cat last Friday. My first one in eight years. Started at Observatory Hill and ran down around Millers Point (in the shadow of that famous coat hanger – the Sydney Harbour Bridge). It was an eliminator, but you could take a lap out if you trackstanded at the start finish until the leader came through next time. When the leader passed, you could commence racing again. Kept it fast and furious. Onespeed first, and fixies second and third. Special mention to Bado - who did not trackstand, rode fixed, came second, and outdrank everyone afterwards. The Sydney 24 hour is coming along soon. CBD cycles and related weirdos are entering the “12 Hours of Power”: racing 12h00 – 18h00, then drinking 18h00 – 6h00, then racing 6h00 – 12h00. There’s a good twelve hours of heckling gearies in the middle there. CBD are official beer sponsor, we’re happy about that. So far we’ve got nearly 20 punters involved (I am yet to put together the teams), and no-one’s serious. Magic. Finally, major faux pas. Been telling new girlfriend that Steak & Blowjob day was March 20th! Just realized that I got it wrong (it was two days ago). Jonny, do I tell her the truth?

Shit, flip a coin. Truth or lie. You can always wait till next year. And speaking of Steak & Blowjob Day...

From: Tony Bagadonuts Subject: I have a computer, how about that BJ? On Tues March 14th you wrote: “Now, I'd trade that steak and blowjob for a fucking computer at the moment.” I have an extra computer for trade. Can you make my steak medium rare? And please remember; NO TEETH! Sorry buddy, I couldn’t resist. Tony Bagadonuts My closer friends call me “T-Bag” P.S. It was good to see you at the Old Pueblo. P.P.S. If you go to the Dawn Til Dusk race in Gallup (www.dawntilduskrace.com) on April 8th, wear heavier boots this time.

Oh my God I hate computers. Fuck these pieces of shit.

I dropped some line on the site about it being all about a power cord. It ain't about a power cord. I was trying to make some kind of joke. 'Cause the only thing I understand about these fucking things is the power cord. The part that plugs into the walk, like a lamp? Yeah, I got that part.

Regardless, I've somehow managed to get this thing working again. And I'm also still in the market for some new shit. Does that matter? Probably not. The long and short of this is computers suck.

Tell me something I didn't know, right?

We're tied to these whores. And they are whores. Bill Gates is sitting on fat cash. Piles of money. Piles and piles. And for what? For bringing some dumbass software to market that is prone to failure, destined for irrelevancy and damn near antiquated out of the box. And tell me something I don't know, right?

I somehow managed to not only tear this thing down and get the drive out (ok, full disclosure - three screws) but I also put it back together again and it runs. Sure, it don't seem like much to the average 17 year old gamer kid. But to a mid thirties fuckhead bike junkie like me, it's nothing short of miraculous. Especially when one considers I started in on this project when the damn thing wouldn't run.

It it ran, I never would have flipped it over and started carving filets outta the bitch.

Tonight's three links

[the way it is] .huffingtonpost.com/walter-cronkite
[Bukkake Angel] boners.com/grub/795714.html
[moe] wimp.com/polygraph

I'll just leave it with this little one about Snake. 'Cause I can.

And then some.

From: Z-Boy Subject: jake the snake Turns out that Jake the Snake is just a little Garden Snake, not the python that he has purported himself to be. Met him and grumpy gord for a ride up lemmon yesterday. I'm just doing some tempo and these guys are going to come with me. How long did it take for Jake to start crying? Less than two miles my friend. Two point five miles up the climb and Jake says, "Asshole." and he is gone. So, I'm not sure if he is just slow right now or if this is the way that you breed 'em up in Flagstaff. Whatever it is that boy needs to man up.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

puma   I   friends   I   and how

So, I'm "borrowing" a computer to pull this one out of my ass. Aside from maybe being on vacation, I don't think I've ever gone this long without updating the site.

Can't say it's been much fun. I even had a few emails, real gems, to post. Oh well. Next time.

I did actually ride a bike today. Sure it was on a trainer, at night, indoors. But it was pedaling. And more of it that I've done in ten days. Yep, I am now officially lame.

Computer shopping, by the way, pretty much sucks. No matter now much coin you drop, whatever you get is going to suck ass in six months. Frustrating, it is, young Skywalker. Frustrating.

But its time I pony up and get something worth a damn for once. And why not? Maybe it'll actually last a few years.

More likely not, but it's fun to dream sometimes.

From: Bob Subject: March 14th, "Steak and BJ day" Hey Jonny, Can't believe we let March 14th slide past without so much as a nod to "Steak and BJ day". Since Valentines day is all about the women with flowers, cards, little stuffed animals with all too cutesy, crappy little outfits on, it's time for something that is directed at guys. Call it the male antithesis of Valentines Day. Like beer, bikes and porn we have another awesomely stunning combination of things that just goes well together; A steak and blowjob. Not one thing in the Hallmark card store to buy. The FDT florist doesn't make jack squat off this holiday. No running around worrying about sizes or colors or is this in or out of style. A big steak and a BJ is all it takes for your good lady and you to celebrate this day in high style. A trip to the supermarket, and if she's a real sport, a quick stop off at the liquor store for a six pack and the shopping is done. She's out $12--maybe $15 bucks tops. No $80 a dozen roses, no candy shaped hearts, and enchanting dinners for two that need reservations 6 months in advance. Let's all make this the best steak and Blow Job day ever! On your left, Bob

Now, I'd trade that steak and blowjob for a fucking computer at the moment. My Kingdom for a horse...

I could write at length about all the computer related bullshit I've taught myself in the last five days. When you have the time, and the motivation, one can read tons of shit on all the little things that make a computer run. More than I ever wanted to know. Believe me.

And, bottom line, whatever is hot right now will be a joke come next fall. What was hot back at Christmas is no longer a big deal. A large portion of what you can find on the net is all geared towards gamers and the like. I've never been much for video games, and I don't see anything much changing in the future. I just want something that actually runs.

I guess step one is to abandon all Microsoft platforms. LIke I can manage that...

From: Jacob Subject: Yes, Computers are whores Hey Big J, Computers are whores indeed - but it may give you some solace knowing that they are whores for a reason. You see, computers would still be character based and connected via 14.4kbs modems if it weren't for one thing: PORN! You see, porn is the reason that computers became the useful everyday tool that they are. Porn however is also the reason computers now suck. Innovation often brings unseen problems. In the case of porn these problems are spyware/addware/dialers/etc. It all sucks but it is all a product of perceived success. Two-bit pimps witnessed the success of the online porn industry (Yes there is a god) and then got greedy (it might have something to say about that.). Bitches bringing in the cash are sweet but if you can milk it even further you might get rich. ISP's were next: people need broadband to download porn - oh I mean music and videos - the higher-speed connection of course made the previously mentioned problems easier to spread. So there it was (and is), it all started with porn and then the greed spread to other genres. Of course porn is still rad and we all thank the broadband gods for it, but if all we internet users did have access to was your blog, 14.4kbs would be bearable.

You just can't argue with that logic.

Ah, the joys of a borrowed machine. I really hate working off a removable drive. The keyboard is different, I don't have some of the programs I usually use. I don't have 13 gigs of music to zone out to. My "bookmarks" aren't here so I can't even surf all the shit I usually do. Unless I, gasp, type in the url... the horror, the horror...

Until tomorrow, my friends.

Computer issues on the DC front. Again. This time it's a lame power cord. I know it's the power cord because this same thing happened once before. Not more than six months ago. Did I buy a new cord? No, I did not buy a new cord. I got a free one from a friend. Big Pun, actually. I'm still undecided as to whether he did my much of a favor.

As in right now I wish I had just bought on of the mother fuckers.

And they are mother fuckers. No doubt about it.

See, I've got what you might call a problem. I like old things. I like to keep stuff around, keep it running, etc. I'm finding out that is only a good idea when dealing with two things: Bicycles and furniture. And both of those are open to interpretation. But, mostly, old bikes and trunks with a story are worth keeping about.

Computers are a whole different story. These pieces of shit are good for what? Twelve minutes? They are all used up and ready for the scrap heap in less than a year. Buy this seasons hotrod, and you've got a lame duck come summer. It kills me.

It just kills me.

See, I'm the kind of guy who keeps a '89 Civic with 225,000 miles on it around just because I can. It runs fine. And will probably continue to run for a good long time. I've also just dropped a fair bit of cabbage on an 80's Moser frameset built up as a fixed gear. Because I could. It's fine. And I know exactly what I have to do to keep it running for a good long time.

Computers? They're whores. I've no idea what on God's green earth will keep one of these stinking piles of shit operational for any length of time. I'm convinced they're not supposed to last for more than three years. And I'm talking about the far reaches of their maturation curve. Eighteen months, two years, start thinking about unloading that festering slut of a boat anchor on some unsuspecting charter school or bible group for a fat tax write off, 'cause someone just entered their twilight years. And it ain't a graceful ride into the sunset with this shit neither. More like a flaming mass hurtling into the void. You, your hopes and dreams, your work and programs, all right down the shitter.

Anyway, fuck a computer. Here is some shit I wrote a few days back on my dud machine. (How'd I do that? Pulled the hard drive out and popped it into one of these little USB contraptions.)

It started snowing last night, and it's been coming down like crazy ever since. And it's good thing. This place needs it like you wouldn't believe. The forest will soak it up like a sponge.

And at least it now feels like winter around here. In March no less. It's been cold and all that for months. Maybe not cold to some folks standards, but it's cold to mine.

Throw a little snow around the place and it just feels right.

Someone asked me today if they were going to open the ski resort. I kinda just looked at him.

We may get all of three inches today. Sure, it's the most snow this town has seen since last winter. Today's accumulation will exceed the total snowfall of this entire season. Anyway, three inches. Open the ski resort? Lay off the pipe, dumbass.

Linky links:

[tpm] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/007813.php
[the big guy] tomdelaymovie.com
[harris] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/000054.php
[happy happy joy joy] tpmmuckraker.com/archives/000057.php
[oh my god] azcentral.com/mesa/articles/deputychief-sheep
[for fucks sake] cyclingnews.com/tech.php?id=tech...
[portland] zoobomb.net
[estrella results] mbaa.net/content/index.php?
[bike porn] cyclingnews.com/tech.php/features/nahmbs062
[more bike porn] dirtragmag.com/gal/showgallery.php?cat=576
[even more bike porn] clockworkbikes.com/NAHBS3.html
[bicycle day] wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle_Day

From: Subject: Stolen bikes - can you please help get the word out? Hey Jonny, We're the Zanotti Cycles folks from Tempe, now running under the name Mint Cycles for the most part. Over the weekend we were exhibiting at the North American Handmade Bicycle Show up in San Jose when some asshole(s) decided to steal two of our 29ers from our booth on Saturday night. All of the details and photos can be found on our site at mintcycles.com - we would really appreciate it if you could post this to help get the word out.

That is some serious bullshit.

And it seems to be a trend of late.

From: Hurl Subject: stolen bikes BJ, muh'fukkas in Mesa done jacked my good friend Loren Morlock's bikes out of his garage. 2 mavericks, a basso road bike, and a giant all-mountain. One of the Maverick's is the original bronze edition w/a Rohloff hub. Put the word out to the Arizona Mafia, and break legs if you see anybody riding it. The other Maverick is mustard yellow, with mostly silver parts, Sram X1 components, etc.

Bike thieves burn in hell, ride Huffy's with full Wald gruppos, etc. Bad Juju. No donut. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Go directly to jail.

From: Sabol Subject: race to the sun... race to the sun my ass....... they like like they are suffering big time. remember when Paris-Nice used to be on every day just a few years back.....i think as recently as the year Vino tore shit up after Kivilev had his accident?? why must OLN lure us into getting used to live and same day coverage of numerous races.....only to take away that coverage as fast as you can say "Kirsten Fake Boobs"...?? why?? Why?? im dying...... i really hope cycling.tv takes off... i'd pay 20bills in a heartbeat to watch Rubaix, etc. LIVE!!!! fuck OLN..... (except for when the pay for you to go to bike races for free).... give me back my race to the sun..... p.s. Lets go Phillies!!! i expect to see you at the Phillies-Diamondbacks game june 6th in PHX........ with our neat and orderly lawyer friend.

Philly's in Phoenix? After witnessing that massacre of the Eagles by the Cardinals this year, I'm not sure I'm up to it. Ok, I'm up to it. Bring on the $7.00 drafts!

Monday's come and Monday's go. But Drunkcyclist.com just stays on. 'Cause this is a brick shit house in a world of paper mache websites.

On Sunday, April 2nd, we will be dedicating a plaque at South Mountain Park for my man Kyle Bielenberg.

The ceremony will be at 9:00 at the park entrance. There will be a Saguaro cactus planted in Kyle's memory directly across the road from the infamous coin operated soda machine. Right where the road torture starts, and the downhill maniacs load up the short bus shuttle.

Right there.

All are welcome. Come out and show your support for one of the best ever seen in the Valley.

Kyle's family will be making the trip down from Washington. And Dru Brooks will be joining us from back east.

For those who are also down with a pre-event bike ride, we'll be leaving from the Pima Canyon parking lot (@ 48th Street) at 6:30 am for a spirited little jaunt up National. Come on out and turn a pedal in anger. Or, rather, in celebration. It's going to be one hell of a ride.

'Cause that's exactly what Kyle would do for me.

Afterward's we'll be heading out to Platt's house. The house that Kyle once owned out in Mesa.

Thread started here in forum.

[reef] edition.cnn.com/2006/TRAVEL/03/03/manmade.reef.ap
[blog] toovanillaforyou.blogspot.com
[tpm] talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/007795.php
[fun] mysite.verizon.net/vze1ldyn/id2.html
[bastards] azcongresswatch.com

In other news, I have a few, and I mean a few, XXL shirts in the Six Pack design over at the DC Store for all you generously sized gentlemen out there.

Friday, March 3, 2006

jessi   I   gina   I   jennifer   I   dc store

Have you taken a look at some of the hardcore bike porn over at vanilla bicycles lately? If not, you really should. You really, really should.

That shit is smooth like butter.

The SlyFox (aka bikehusla) has been busting my balls to get mentioned on DC. Well, have at it: cgi6.ebay.com/bikehusla. Anyone that beat up Snake on the regular is down with me. Even if it was back in '97. I don't care if you beat his ass a decade ago.

At least you beat his ass.

First email up out the gate:

From: Mike M. Subject: here are some good links to celebrate!!!! go to the daisy ad on: pbs.org/30secondcandidate/timeline/years/1964b.html this one just kicks ass and makes me feel like i should be blowing up something meaningful and valuable or just beating the hell outta someone: koreus.com/media/compilation-explosions.html .... i need some homebrew.

I think we all need a drink after that.

Today's links:

[read] prisonplanet.com
[lance] velonews.com/race/int/articles/9562.0.html
[redlands] redlandsclassic.com
[bush] newsblaze.com/story/.../Book-Publishing.html
[blog] jethrobodine.blogspot.com
[whoa] breitbart.com/news/2006/03/02/D8G3NUIG0.html
[rubik] superliminal.com/cube/applet.html
[bikecar] bikecarmovie.com/Site/promo.html
[pop up shit worth it…] chilloutzone.de/files/05062803.html
[porn is fun] video.google.com

Today while I was at work, a certain someone was doing his thing. Well, he's doing it every damn day it seems.

Some guys got it, and some guys don't.

Guys like me were fucked from the word go.

From: Santiago Subject: unbelievable Dear Big Juan Jake the snake was disqualified in the second stage of La Vuelta Sonora Arizona. Supposedly he caught a ride by car on a long climb. If he did that, and only if, dozens of other cyclist did it also. But only three American riders were penalized. The reality is the international UCI judge from Cuba was upset with the Americans because the USA consulate did not give him the visa he needed to go to the states on two previous occasions. He took this personally against the USA riders. And our mutual friend the Snake had to suffer the consequences. Pinchy Cubano! Welcome to the races in Mexico. Santiago L

Some guys have all the luck.

From: Snake Subject: back from Mexico Here is what I find in my mail box when I get back from Mexico..... Girl says ok I'm drunk, liek legitiamtely durnk. I have drinken: 3 vodka tonics, one jack on the rock, 1 glas red wine, and 3 budl ights. seirously drunk. my cell phone is mia, my roomies are fucking sleping and my yahoo account won't open up,so i am lef with this one. what the hell? I hope you are doing well in your race,. i want to know what its like to race,. do you enjoy it? what does it feel like? how old are you-- and really themost important question of all: how bad do you want to fuck me? cause yes, I really wantot fuck you. Lik "don't mind if you see my full on orgasm face and tensed upshoulders" want to fuck you. I am already gonna go ahead and say i" suorry for the way I'm writing tonight. blamee it on the booze. whiskey striaght up. Ok, on to the race report. I got DQed out of the race for holding on to the car.... I can only tell you that when I'm off the back by 15 min just trying to stay in the caravan so I don't get eaten by the wild dogs out there that I will hold on and I don't give a shit. But when I'm losing 20 minutes a stage who the fuck cares about my GC and that I'm holding on...... So fuck Cuban UCI officials.

Like I said, some guys have it. Some guys don't…

I'm wrapping it up with this one.

From: erik Subject: cheny Hey big jonny..here's a left coast joke.. Why is everyone mad at cheney? A:he didn't take bush hunting with him.... -- p.s. have a nice ride

And you as well. Enjoy the weekend everyone.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

arianna   I   ashton   I   athena   I   dc store

Another day, another dollar. Or another day in paradise. Or another day above ground.

Take your pick. It's all rotten fruit, all of it.

Linky links:

[bush] news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060302/ap_on_go_pr_wh/katrina_video
[wow] shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html
[justice] sfgate.com
[more justice] marinij.com/marin/ci_3554788
[way back] web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.drunkcyclist.com
[gitty] cgi.ebay.com/Campagnolo-Special-Grease-Container
[blog] mistermaximum.blogspot.com
[fun] zipperfish.net/free/yaafm12.php

Today, and now tonight, has become one of those days. Yes, those days. This is the great hump day. Get over this and it's all downhill to the weekend.

The only problem is this hump more closely resembles a rather large hill. A mountain, not a molehill. This one will take some work to clear.

As it always was and always will be. As it should be, perhaps. As it should be.

From: Vladimir Subject: new pueblo video Jonny, That's right, a short video from 24 hrs in the Old Pueblo '06 is up in the "video" section of my site, www.vladfoto.com, featuring Tinker and velociraptor-dude (and naked-dude footage is kept to a minimum!)

Less naked guys, more naked chicks.

That's all I'm saying.

So I go the the grocery. I drop two bills on provisions and assorted sundries. I'm at home stocking the shelves with hard won bounty, and it occurs to me: All this and no meat.

Not meat or meat products. Not a one.

This was not on purpose. Not part of some grand design. For I am no vegetarian. And neither is the missus. The young gun, well, she's all about milk products of late. But I expect her to grow up working out her eye teeth. We're down with the flesh up in here.

I just thought it was odd. Two hundred bucks later, seventeen trips between the trunk of my car and the kitchen counter and it's all soy products and other related items. I was surprised.

I'm thawing a steak in the fridge tonight to make battle against the insidious hippy element that has infiltrated my humble abode.

Maybe the insidious hippy element is myself?

From: Thomas Subject: Re: anal bleaching link I saw the show on E! months ago that they pulled clips from for the video you linked to - specifically the clip where the porn star is on all fours and the female doctor is about to bleach her "chocolate spider." The most disturbing part was that the doctor used latex gloves, but failed to remove them when reaching for the door handle - leaving corn and peanuts all over it.

Just when I thought that link couldn't get funnier, I get proven wrong.

From: Jim Subject: roads Hey, man. Dug your rant on roads-for-cars douchebags, so I thought I'd tell you how I always end that conversation. "Roads are for taxpayers." I've used that line 3 times, and never once had to do any more explaining after that. The coffin driver isn't happy, but they definitely aren't in my grill anymore.

It's a good line. I try it out sometime.

Another good one on the same subject:

From: Dr. Lothar Subject: ranting drivers Big Johnny; Screw the infernal combustion types. If they don't understand that tactically and strategically the cyclist is the superior individual, then they are too stupid for words. We have the advantage on many levels, better fitness, maneuverability, tolerance to the elements. Fixed gear riders also have lower incidence of mechanical failure and improved stealth. So the car people can assume they are superior, and we will continue to work and build and eventually, destroy them all. If they want to hasten the day of their demise, let them continue to piss us off, as a scientist, I look forward to the challenge of mounting a laser on my Trek. Keep the rubber side down man.

And, last up tonight, Corey the Courier brings the pain:

From: Corey the Courier Subject: Our hero recalls another episode... A while ago a friend of mine from the Marines had a bachelor party. Bill, the groom, Jay and I started drinking early in the afternoon to celebrate Bill's future. After sundown the rest of the guys arrived, beginning the tour of the Go-Go bars. The bachelor party consisted of all of his Marine buddies. We took a detour on our evening of debauchery to have a round at Cookies on 10th & Oregon in South Philly. Cookie was in the Marines, so a trip to his bar was an unspoken necessity. Shots went down and we started to trickle out of the bar. While waiting for his sandwich at the deli next door, one of the guys tells me he got punched in the face by a local. Before I could properly react someone snuck up from behind and punched me in the eye. My first instinct was start fighting, but a local pointing to a pistol in his waist told me otherwise. We talked to the gang through the plexiglass explaining that we had no business being there and were just leaving, really. They accepted our offers to leave peacefully when out of nowhere, Bill the Bachelor comes flying into the thickest part of the crowd punching and kicking.... Everyone else on both sides made eye contact. The locals, outnumbering us by about 4 to 1, were eager to begin. I remember getting one in a headlock, throwing punches at a second, kicking a third while apparently a fourth was unloading his frustration on the back of my head. Yes, 4 to 1. I was doing just fine, A Marine, drunk and brawling. Someone pulled me out of the melee so we could avoid the police. As I began walking to the car, I saw Oregon Avenue in a complete uproar. Blood, yelling and mayhem everywhere. I turned to walk away when I noticed the bride-to-be's brother standing there with his hands in his pockets. What the fuck?!!! We were getting slaughtered and him, just standing there! Fucking spy was there to keep Bill from having sex, but not necessarily from getting his ass beat down. At that very moment, one of the locals runs up, looks him up and down and says: "What the fuck you looking at?" A left comes out of nowhere and gets him square in the face. I smiled. I walked away, smiling. Corey the Courier Philly Phorever