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One nice dig at the left I came across said, "After all they claim that only real threat to our security is the fella who occupies the Oval Office." (Ok, I'll link this one: bullmooseblogger.blogspot.com) Big Don Rumsfeld's latest display of ignorance follows the same tired line. He recently said of our terrorist adversaries; "This enemy is serious, lethal and relentless. But this is not well recognized of fully understood." He also cited a "moral or intellectual confusion about who or what is right or wrong" when speaking of human rights groups, and, assumedly, those on the left end of the political spectrum. I'll tell ya what's wrong: Wire tapping US citizens without a warrant, locking people up indefinitely without right to counsel and habeas corpus, and last but definitely not least, torture. Speaking for Liberal douchebags everywhere (because, ahem, I am one) I will say this: Liberals understand the threat of terrorism. I can remember where I was when I first heard the towers fell on that chilly September morning. I walked into the University of Idaho bookstore, where I worked at the time, and everyone was standing around a television, just staring and not talking. I asked, utterly clueless, what was happening. I was told, quite clearly in retrospect, but still I had to ask a co-worker to repeat herself as I just couldn't quite get my mind around the concept of hijacked planes and collapsing buildings. It was that kind of moment for a lot of us. One cannot equate questioning the war in Iraq, the detention of "enemy combatants" at Guantánamo Bay and this whole wiretapping fiasco with somehow being unpatriotic or downright supporting terrorists. It's a load of shit, and I'm sick of hearing it. It's a lame attempt to hijack the discussion by introducing a wholly unsubstantiated and completely ridiculous assertion into the mix. Why? Because it's better to get your opposition back on their heels fielding accusations like "you beat your wife" than talking about quantifiable goals and benchmarks in Iraq, or trying to keep a lid on Iran's and North Korea's nuclear ambitions. We should be talking about how to avoid future terror attacks and keep people safe, not seeing who looks best wrapping themselves in the flag and pointing fingers. Of course, some will read this update and only ask themselves why big jonny hates freedom. Tonight's links: [olbermann blasts rummy] youtube.com And I'm out.
At least I go to physical therapy today. I can look forward to actually doing something. Otherwise I'll wander around my house all day in my underwear muttering to myself that Dick Cheney would have made a fine Nazi back in the day. Oh wait, I did that before I got hurt. Dump of links. That ought to hold those little bastards for a while. [zappa for president] theagitator.com Back from physical therapy. Another day in paradise. It was actually pretty fun, all things considered I even broke a sweat for the first time in three weeks. I got to spin the legs out a bit on one of those exercise bikes where you sit on a chair with the pedals out in front of you. I pedaled away on that things for all of ten minutes. Not exactly a record setting workout, but I felt it. I can tell I haven't been doing much of anything for the last three weeks. I've already lost about seven pounds, and I think it's mostly been muscle. It's a damn shame to watch fitness evaporate like this. But, as they say, it could be far worse. So I'll go back to physical therapy on Friday and give it some stick again. I mean, what the fuck else am I going to do?
The author of the piece wasn't particularly happy about this posture, that these young men accept and even look forward to being arrested and jailed. If I was a fair bit smarter and didn't utterly lack motivation (neither attribute currently present and/or accounted for), I would write a couple of thousand words on mandatory sentencing, drug laws, and our habit of jailing an awfully large percentage of our population here in America. We love to throw people in jail. For example, does some bonehead with a roach in his ash tray, or three pot plants in his closet, or half a sheet of acid, or two ounces of mushrooms really need to be locked up for a few years? Isn't jail where we should be putting those who would rape our sisters, daughters, wives and mothers? Some people do need some time alone. And jail is for those scary fucks that just can't figure out why punching a woman's lights out to get a little pussy isn't a great fucking idea. But it's getting a bit out of hand when entire segments of this countries citizens (call it whatever subset you like, African American was what this particular article examined) now think of being jailed for three years as a right of passage. Graduating high school is a right of passage. Obtaining a drivers license is a right of passage. Registering for the draft, oh, you get the idea. Maybe getting plowed by a drunk driver and spending five days in the hospital is a right of passage? If so, my shit is paid up in full. Drinks across the board for all my men. Links coming at ya, right outta my ass: [graffiti] shriiimp.com Some more bad news for the "Believe Tyler" camp below. I mean, bad news other than the fact that anyone ever actually believed anything the guy said.
I cheered for that guy as much as anyone. I've got his Liège-Bastogne-Liège victory on DVD downstairs. But that was then, and this, this is now. The Man from Marblehead is straight fucked. He's looking at the possibility of a life time ban. Can you believe that shit? Not that long ago people were telling me, point blank, I know Tyler and he didn't dope. I wonder what they're saying now? Maybe "goodbye" would be appropriate in this instance?
It'll take up a few minutes anyway. Oh snap, did you see this? Looks like Janny Boy is going bye bye.
Linky dumpy: [heavy levees] afterthelevees.tpmcafe.com Want to hear something fucked up? If I sit up straight, or it may be more accurate to say if I don't recline the desk chair way back, my back hurts. And when I'm way back like that and trying to read emails, type, and use basically use and abuse my computer, my neck starts to get sore. I think I gotta find a way to put the monitor way up on the wall or some shit like that. I already bottom out the height adjustment in an effort to sink my ass down as low as possible. This is getting ridiculous. Well shitty. Time to hit ya'll off with a few emails.
I called him "E" as I was unsure if he wanted his name splashed all over this fuckhead website. Figured it's better to error on the side of caution and all that. But damn if that email doesn't hit me square in the gut. I've know that cat for about four or five years. I knew his back wasn't perfect, but damn.
I've known Steve for 15 years now. And it's just like that bastard to out do me. I drink ten beers, he drinks twenty. I ride twenty miles, he rides forty. And so on. In all seriousness, it's really cool to hear he's doing better. I'll be the first to admit he got it much worse than I did. One tough son of a bitch, that guy.
I've got some results from the Arizona State Road Race yesterday. My pick for the win, Lovedog with Grand Canyon Racing, came it 13th. Good thing I didn't put any money on that loser. Just kidding, I'm sure he's happy to keep the jersey in the team. And it was nice to see a return to form by everyone's favorite ham fisted mutant, Brian Forbes. Cat I-II Men Cat III Men Cat IV Men Cat V Men Cat I-II Women Cat III Women Cat IV Women As far as I know, there was no separate Women's Cat V field. If this proved to be incorrect, I'll list the results later. Today's dumbo links: [damn] tpmcafe.com That's it kids, time to get ready for the work week. Which for me these days, pretty much means nothing. Word.
This is the three week mark from my little "accident". I've fallen off bikes plenty of times in the last fifteen years. But I've never been fucked up for three weeks. Past experiences are more along the "three day" kind of thing. You know, crash on Sunday, feel bad Monday, feel worse Tuesday, start getting better by Wednesday. Cuts and scrapes? A couple of days, vast improvement. A week? Forget about it. This is three weeks and I'm still wearing bandages in half a dozen places. Today's stupid links: [bomb iran] video.google.com How 'bout some reader mail?
It's like people voting for Bush because he's a "Christian" like they are. Its bullshit. They think they understand a guy who makes six digits a year racing his bike. He literally got off the farm because of cycling. You think he wants to go back to that shit? Yeah, I don't think so either. I got an email this week where someone asked me "can you take some more pictures down so I don't have to look at your hairy ass in-between the naked girl links?" Shit.
I hear you on the part about not being paralyzed. I'm not knocking any of my brothers and sisters that are laid up worse than me, but damn if I'm not glad it's not worse. And we all know it can be a lot worse. This site could be archived somewhere while my wife figured out how to raise a kid on her own, you know what I'm saying? Good night and good luck.
Happy Friday everyone. Doesn't mean quite as much to me these days as I'm spending my days at home and not working. I guess I'll be seeing more of my working friends for the next two days. And that could be good. Or bad. Depending on the friends in question. The Arizona State Championship Road Race is tomorrow. And for the first time in a few years I will not be out there dressed up like the devil. Nor will I be working the registration table, driving wheel support or any of the other multitude of jobs Big Pun usually ropes me into. Somehow the event will go on without me. Somehow. Anyway, I'll get results up as soon as I can. My money is on Lovedog to repeat. But if Miller shows up, it ought to be good. [blog] soggyfrog.com Shit man, what else is new? Not much on this end. Same old story of beating my head against the fucking wall. It's almost sad how deep some of us get into bikes. My case in particular. When you ride every day of the week for a couple of years, being told not to ride for a few months is one of the worst things you've ever heard. Or so it seems at the time. In the big picture, still having legs is a real plus. Having to find other stupid hobbies to indulge in for a while is no big deal. You just have to get your head around it. That, and make a conscious decision each morning not to crawl into a bottle or go find that son of a bitch who hit me and dump a few rounds in his ass. Neither of those options would do me much good in the long run. But their appeal is still strong. Fuck. When does football season start? Baseball is about the most boring thing on the planet as far as I'm concerned. And I could give a rats ass about the Vuelta, to be honest with ya. So one of the juiced to the hilt Euro dogs will win. Big deal. We're all just waiting for the inevitable drug scandal to hit the third national tour on the calendar. Last years Vuelta is a joke. This years Giro is a joke. This years Tour is a joke. What's next? Who's going to get thrown out of the Vuelta this year? Half the fucking field no doubt. Should I stop? Man, I'm in a shit mood. Fuck it.
Me and Garro as Grand Marshals? Sure, we'll send you fucks off good and proper.
I went to see a guy about my back yesterday. I've got two fractured vertebrae, L3 and L5. Good times, let me assure you. I'll be wearing a back brace for the next three months (at least). Not supposed to lift anything over ten pounds. Did I mention my daughter weights sixteen pounds? Yeah, can't pick up my own kid. I guess I can hold her in my lap when she's handed to me. But as for picking her up off the floor, out of her crip, out of the highchair, and covering her with kisses, can't do it. I am absolutely supposed to stay away from bikes, even ones ones attached to the wind trainer in the garage. My wife threatened to sell each and every one if she so much as suspected I threw a leg over one. If you've met her, you'd know she's more than capable of backing that threat up with real force. I can go on "walks" if I get bored. Like around the back yard. I made it down the driveway all of twice so far. Twice. As in two fucking times. I can't bend over and pick up the newspaper in the morning. The newspaper for Christ's sake. I'm supposed to lay down as much as possible and study the cracks in the ceiling I suppose. I'm to go back in a month for a new set of x-rays and the like. We'll see how it goes I guess. Fuck me running. It could be far worse, and I really don't want to sound like I'm complaining. But damn if this ain't much fun. Links: [love] capedmaskedandarmed.com/video/love.mov My man Chris down in Tempe just hit me off with a bunch of old Quicksand stuff. I'm rocking it at the moment. He saw the Gorilla Biscuits show last night down in the valley. He told me it kicked ass. If it wasn't for this damn back, I would have been there for that one.
In the just glad to be here category, I'm just glad to be here. Did that make any sense? Maybe not. But, from where I'm standing, not much is making sense these days. I'm a bit of a news junkie, and lately, it's seems I'm immersed in the shit. And it is shit. All if it. The Middle East (Afghanistan, Iraq, Lebanon, etc.), John Mark Karr, Tom Cruise. Whatever. I go see a Doc about my back today. Wish me luck. [free shit] thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=54084 It's tough out there, folks. Keep your heads up and your eyes open.
Another day, another dollar. Or, a day late and a dollar short. Take your pick. I'm cool with either. Shit man, I'm just glad to still fucking be here. As you can well imagine.
Today's links: [tyler's "extensive doping"] cyclingnews.com/...aug22news2 That's about it for tonight folks. Thanks for reading.
Not much to say really. Just trying to plug something in for an update. You'd think I'd have all kinds of things to say, recently battered and bruised as I am. Yeah, whatever. I did figure one thing out though, you know you're good and fucked up if your mother flies across the country to spend a week with you. There ain't any other way to say it. I'm wrecked and she's helping her 36 year old son put his pants on. Being the good spirit she is, she claims she's just putting a little time in now to assure I'll be there in a few years when she needs me. And I've got to say, if that's her plan, it's working. Links coming at ya: [az defined] urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=valley+of+the+spun Oh hell, I'm done.
Well, it's been two weeks now since I was hit by a drunk driver. I'm at home recovering from my injuries. Things could be far worse than they are, all things considered. And to think of all the times I've written about folks being hit... This time it's me. Thanks for all the visits at the hospital and at home. Kinda makes you feel like you've got some friends out there. Of course, everyone that came to check up on me I owe money too, so it's not really the same "feel good" stuff you'd think it was. Speaking of visits, I still have no idea who this was. Hey, wow, check it out, only 557 unread emails. This'll take ten minutes! Then I can lay down and read another magazine. Thank god I've got a subscription to the New York Times. Gives me something to work through each morning. This "lay around" stuff is driving me absolutely insane. In all honesty, thanks to all of you who wrote emails and posted stuff 'round the net. Nice to get all the positive vibes. Today's fine links: [spooky caterpillars] user.it.uu.se/~svens/larverna/normal.html
Dear Loyal Drunkcyclist.com Readers,
Amongst other developments, Jonny was interviewed by both Phoenix's
Channel 3 as well as Flag's illustrious Channel 2 television stations.
I would offer the excuse to him that the television camera adds 10 pounds,
but, well....I don't think that Channel 2 has that many cameras. Either
way, he did a great job as the newly appointed spokesperson for bicycle
safety and if you get a chance to watch the interviews they are pretty
decent. Apropos of Jonny's new celebrity status as a bicycle safety
advocate, he had a special visitor.
This may be our last post, it has been fun for us despite the circumstances.
Sad news on the DC front. The man himself, Big Jonny, was struck by an automobile on his way back from the Saturday group ride and is currently in the hospital with multiple lumbar fractures (fortunately, no paralysis) and severe road rash. Big Jon was legally in the bike lane at approximately 12:15pm and was hit squarely from behind on an uphill section of the road by a sedan traveling approximately 55mph. The driver left the scene but has now been apprehended and charged with felony hit and run due to the diligence and efforts of multiple other drivers on the road who witnessed the collision. Jon is currently in good spirits and is expected to make a full recovery. An unforeseen, yet fortuitous, byproduct of this horrific incident has been the opportunity to have numerous conversations with Jon while he is under the influence of numerous pain killers. For your reading enjoyment, and in the spirit of Drunkcyclist.com, we would like to showcase a few of the conversations that Jon has had with the amazing staff of Flagstaff Medical Center and the friends and family who have been visiting over the last two days: (Medical personnel are preparing to move Jon from the stretcher to
the bed in the ER) FMS Staff: "Are you ready sir? Big Jon: "Wait!" BJ: "Ladies, I must warn you. I'm naked under here and extremely good looking" (Nurse enters the room with water and cloth to give Big Jon a sponge bath and clean some of the superficial wounds) Big Jon's Wife: "Do you want help with that?" Big Jon: "Hold on, are you going to do this? (Looks at wife and frowns) Or are you? (Looks at nurse and grins) Silence from both wife and nurse Big Jon: "How about both!" (The Snake stops by in the AM to see how the Big Man is doing) Snake: "So is there anything you need?" Big Jon: "Three Asian girls would be great." Snake: "I'll work on that for you." (Nurse comes in to check on kidney function) Nurse: "Jon, do you have to urinate?" Big Jon: "I might, but I don;t really want to since I'd have to pull my penis out in front of all of these people." (Talking about Jon's left arm which had swollen up and become extremely rigid do to a reaction with an IV drip.) Jon's Wife: "Geez, look at that, your left arm is swollen up like the incredible hulk." Big Jon: "Yeah, I look like I have one popeye arm, I wonder what that
stuff was?" Pun: "I wonder if it would work on other parts of the body as well?" Big Jon: "I bet that you could sell that stuff down at the coffee shop to Germans. It'd be like a stiffening elixir. They'd be like 'Vat is dis?' and then the coffee shop person would say 'don't worry, you'll like it, just drink it' and then they'd all be walking around with giant arms and penises." (Editor's note: the preceding conversation may not seem to make any sense. This is not because it was one of those "you had to be there" moments. He really made absolutely no sense.) (Nurse walks in to get Jon latest dose of pain killers) Jon's Wife: "See what I mean Pun, all his nurses are beautiful" Jon: "Yeah, no shit. I'm glad I was on drugs down in the ER when they were all around me. Otherwise, Lil' Jonny would have come out and I would have been swingin' him around like a damn baseball bat." Anyhooters, that's all for now kids. We will post again if there is
anything new. Jon should be back in the saddle again soon and
hopefully he can post the next update. Although I'm sure that he would enjoy hearing from everyone, he is bound to fall behind on e-mail replies. Let's all just tip a pint or five back at the local bar and hope for a complete and speedy recovery. Yours Truly,
Super early morning update on the Floyd Landis debacle: [b test confirms drug use] cyclingnews.com The Tour is Dead. I don't know about ya'll, but I'm going riding. I hope I can avoid applying testosterone patches to my scrotum between now and when I leave. Lord, give me strength.
Fucking Floyd, you're killing me. As soon as we call this out as a win for Philly, the earth stops turing. What the fuck, are we the most cursed city on the planet? Dude, you went from hero to zero in the time it took you to fill that cup up with your tainted piss. Damn it all to hell. I've had this picture for, two weeks? Lemme check, it was sent to me on July 24th? And I just sat on it. I didn't know what to do with it. Do I post it? Print it out and frame it? Fucking throw darts at it? What? Shit. I'll just share it with ya'll. Here he is. My man Floyd. The Mennonite Sensation. The Pennsylvania Kid. Mere hours before he rode the entire field off his wheel on the roads to Morzine.
Drink beers. Don't stick needles in your ass. Floyd Landis is the new Icarus. Well, Happy Friday anyway. Bring on the weekend. I need me some family time. Last weekend before Leadville. All across the state, people I know are tuning up their fitness, getting their gear sorted out and crying themselves to sleep. Leadville cometh. I'll drive up on Thursday, get to the camp spot like I have the last two years. Stand around and eat. Ride my bike a little. Go the the mandatory pre-race zoo/meeting/clusterfuck and pick up my number plate. Affix it to my bike and wonder what in the fuck I'm doing this for. Same thing every year. Never changes. Next year I think I'm going to Bend to give the Cream Puff a whirl. What the hell, it's time I mix things up a bit. Stand still too long and things get stagnant. And then I might start sticking needles in my ass. Linkies: [the hole] cp-tel.net/pasqualy/hole/index.html I linked these guys a while back, but god damn this shit is funny. Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you Hurra Torpedo's version of Total Eclipse of the Heart.. Sit back and enjoy.
Well, thanks for those. Nothing like a little "Dutch Rudder" to lighten the mood I always say. More mood lightening coming your way fast:
Shit yeah. Don't miss the rest of the fine 30 second bunny reenactments over at angryalien.com
Haiku? Sure. Beats worrying about Leadville. Here goes nothing: What a fucking jerk, Please feel free to post your utterly sophomoric verse here.
Let's hear it for two wheeled love machines.
What do we have now, eight days till Leadville? Oh fuck me running. At least I've got a bike that works (mostly) at the moment. Things could be far worse. If my past experiences are any indication, they soon will be. Oh yes. They will. An new item for your consideration, the drunkcyclist head badge. Yes, you too can roll in style with a hand made sterling silver DC head badge. Link dump: [could be fun] teslamotors.com/index.php?js_enabled=1 Another one in the "fuck a hummer" category.
Don't get your blood up on that one, it's all in jest. You can put this one in the "event" category.
Speaking of events, perhaps I should actually post email I got back on the 23rd about the Taylor House? Yeah sure, lets do it.
The Taylor House story finally comes out. I sat on it for a week. For no good reason at all. Shit happens like that around here. Go figure. Good times in the Middle East these days, eh? I don't pretend to have any answers. I'd like to see things get better. But, unfortunately, they have a habit of getting far worse before they get better. I'll just say it's a fucking train wreck and leave it at that.
Last, but definitely not least, one from our boy Response.
That's it. Goodnight everybody.
We've got a local mountain bike festival and race coming up, put on by the fine folks over at Absolute Bikes. The single speed race is something like 27 miles of fun. I'd say a good half the course is single track. It's a good one, so don't miss it. Rider cap at 200 per Forest Service regs, so don't delay on registering.
The next time some assbag tries to tell you Liberals just want to cut & run from Iraq, ask him about wanting to stay & play. Because that's just what we're doing at the moment, we're just playing around. Well, that any lying about it. Lie about the insurgency, the civil war, the accounting, the reconstruction, the no-bid contracts, the extraordinary renditions and the torture. Let's just keep playing games. Because it's working out well so far right? Cut & Run vs. Stay & Play. Results out this November. Today's fine links: [ride] tourdestgeorge.com/index.html Arizona's own Jake Kirkpatrick took the top spot at the 24 Hours of 9 Mile this past weekend. He rides for Mint Cycles and New Belgium Brewery. Jake tells me he rode more like 17 laps, not the 14 officially listed. But multiple rain delays kept riders off the course during the worst of it, and nullified laps for all the participants. He described it as a good course for singlespeeds. I'll take his word for that one. My man Dejay Birch won last year, so everyone's favorite ambiguously gay due is keeping it in the family. As it should be, as it should be. Dejay was doing well himself till an unfortunate incident involving a tree knocked him out of contention. In his own words, "I plinko'd off a rock and into a tree superman style. I thought I broke my leg." Whatever that means exactly, it can't be good. Just use your imagination I suppose. Apparently the bystanders who witnessed said "plinko" were also concerned about his health and overall well being, saying, as they were sure he had hurt himself, ahem, superman style, "Stay there! We'll get someone! Don't move!" Must have been one hell of a wreck, eh? The x-rays came back clean, so my man's still in action. Ladies across the country just breathed a collective sigh of relief. This is a de facto national title with no stars and bars jersey for the effort. Singlespeeders deserve their own National title for the endurance and 24 hour events. Currently, this only exists in the cross country event. NORBA's Program Director Kelli Lusk can help to make this happen. There is a vote coming up, I believe this September, where NORBA considers additional classes and categories. It's time to crank up the email folks. If you are a current NORBA member, I ask that you consider writing to Ms. Lusk. Please include your NORBA number and a brief request that NORBA consider adding a class for singlespeed in the endurance and 24 hour events in 2007. You can reach her at klusk (at) usacycling.org.
Ah yes, the sound of the other shoe dropping. I guess it's adios Landis. More links on Landis below: cyclingnews.com/news.php?id=news/2006/aug06/aug01news2velonews.com/news/fea/10627.0.html theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,19989033-2722,00.html The Tour went from absolute joke to the best Tour in years to absolute fucking joke again. So, Snake just moved into a new spot. He's housemates with Big Pun, the Gnome and Double A Ron. Things are about to get ugly up on that piece. He tells me today, "I've been here two days. The college girls next door just brought me a plate of cookies. I got game." I don't care what people are saying over at mtbr about Leadville: My man is running shit. Link dump: [bert] bertisevil.tv[shirts] store.muledesign.com/shirts/colbert.php [rant] dailypeloton.com/displayarticle.asp?pk=9843 [kunstler] jameshowardkunstler.typepad.com/clusterfuck_nation [wtf?] weblife.org/humanure So now a judge in Portland has decided that a fixed gear must have a caliper brake of some sort installed in order to be legal. Come on. Just take a look at the actual Oregon statute listed below.
For the sake of this discussion, this is the Arizona statue:
As you can probably imagine, the whole argument hinges on how one defines "brake". Personally, I run at least a front brake on my fixies. But I can attest that with little practice a person can indeed "skid" a fixie sans caliper brakes on dry pavement. It's not that big of a deal. And if that is the letter of the law, well, that's the way it is. Fixies skid, done deal. I would imagine that a reasonable person would agree with that. If you can slow and "skid" it is "braking". All other discussion about "what if your chain falls off" and the like are missing the point. A bicycle equipped with only a coater brakes would suffer the same issues if the chain were to fail, fall off, bust in two, what have you. Or, if a bike with only one hand brake and caliper had a faulty installation, broken cable, busted up housing... Same deal: No brakes all of the sudden. Is this example a potential problem? Yes. It is. No way of stopping can't be good under any circumstances. But the law does not state one needs to equip a bicycle with redundant braking systems. Only one brake is required. And a fixed gear satisfies that requirement. More over at bikeportland.org/2006/07/28/judge-finds-fault-with-fixies
The upside is they did cite the cyclist for "riding without lights and riding on the wrong side of the road". So at least we have that. Mt. Lemmon news: The road is closed. See below.
And finally, this just in:
Yeah, I'll say. We're about to get shut down.
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Dear loyal Drunkcyclist.com readers,
