I may have glossed over a few points, but I think I hit the highpoints. Just remember kids, nobody died when Clinton lied.

Unless you happened to work in an aspirin factory, or something missiles liked to hit when Lewinsky hit the front page of the papers.

Ah, Dick Cheney, what a card.

My man James in Denver wrote in today to say, "If you have to go out drinking, might I recommend…" this.

Oh, a fine suggestion.

And, ain't this just a kick in the nuts?

More from mike on the "dud from Crawford."

From: mike Subject: gee… ya think?? ya think this negative attitude towards the good ol' USA might be exclusively due to some Dud from Crawford???? ya think???? Do ya think that might hurt us in the terror war??? Ya think?? I'm feeling less safe w/ BushCo Inc. leading this country, that's for sure. news.xinhuanet.com/english/2004-03/18/content_1372004.htm out

On the same webpage, I saw a line that said, "Rare photos tell you more about Russian President." A click later, I find out those are his daughters.

Talk about false advertising.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

tila nguyen   I   jenna jameson   I   redhead

I'm heading out of town till Sunday, so this'll be the last update for a couple of days.

Don't worry, I'm not going to jail. Not yet, anyway.

From: Shannon Subject: how bout some more jenna? Jonny: Hope you've recovered from your ham fist drunken episode the other night. Check out this link. xfreehosting.com/hardcore/fisto/pornstarbucks/jenna_briana/index.html

Hell yeah I'm recovered enough for that.

And a happy St. Paddy's to you as well.

And why stop now?

From: trevor Subject: links Here are a few links that I thought were great. coedtootsies.com/sweetblonde/bike/ hosstyle.com/Goofy%20shit/Goofyshit29/skincyclin.htm hosstyle.com/Goofy%20shit/HTML/chicksonbikes.htm

Turn off brain, read email, reply to email, cut and paste email, repeat.

From: Tom Subject: cool band site hey jon. i was skimmin through my tempe buddies bands website steppchild.com when i came across these guys. Pinky Tuscadero's Whiteknuckle Assfuck. pinkytuscadero.com/ great fuckin name huh? check out the band bios under "knuckleheads" on the banner. pretty funny shit. i have no idea what the music is like cuz im in the middle of d/l'in another of pete fagerlins south mountain vids atpetefagerlin.com . mormon trail this time around. the vids of national and geronimo kick some serious ass. makes me homesick as hell. cant wait to rail some good ol az trails when we come out for the 24 hour race in oct. we plan an stayin a few extra days for rides and kiltlifters so mayme i can get yer fat gay ass downtown for a night of debauchery. connect these dots, bitch!

Word.

From: mike Subject: rip just rip BushCo, Inc. a new fukkin asshole .... like totally... and ya know what ... totally deserves it .... what a DUD he is ... slate.msn.com/id/2097241/

That article does such a great job of pointing out the outright idiocy of the Bush campaign ads. So good, in fact, that it doesn't leave a lot of room for improvement. I especially enjoyed the part about the similarities between a scene in an advertisement and the default window xp wallpaper background.

And, it looks a whole lot like Moscow, Idaho. Scary. I may not sleep tonight.

Good thing I'll be drinking. Heavily.

Got this link a few times today.

From: bobby Subject: Rumsfeld Caught Lying on Tape MoveOn.org has posted a clip of Defense Secretary Rumsfeld caught lying on camera. Check it out at: moveon.org/censure/caughtonvideo Enjoy.

I'd put that right up there with that old Wild World of Sports clip where the ski jumper eats shit and wrecks. Yeah, it's that good.

My favorite part is where he really gets into his gospel, saying "it's become kind of folklore that that type of thing happened…"

And then he gets fucking slammed.

He's sitting there saying, ah, buoh, daiye, doh, while trying to backpedal and figure out what the fuck just happened.

Look buddy, you just lied. Flat out fucking lied. And got called on it.

What a doochebag.

One more and I'm out. Moose are badass.

From: Eric Subject: Mooses Hey Jonny, I've been reading on your site for about two years now and have loved every minute of it. You have one helluva funny take on the world and since I live in places that are hard to bike in year 'round I tend to live vicariously through you. I've always wanted to write in to comment but I know you get lots of mail and I didn't want to add to the onslaught. But the link to the moose story finally convinced me to come out of the dark. I've been living in Anchorage Alaska, a land where biking season doesn't officially start until June because the ground still hasn't thawed and dried up. One thing you learn to do in Alaska is to watch out for animals bigger than you. When we're biking up here I tend to be more afraid of the moose than I am the bear. Oh yes, bear are fucking scary. And oh yes, they will kill you if you provoke them. But nothing feels quite like the soft, scary glare of a pissed off moose. Once while cruising along a trail my buddy Jed and I came up on two babies munching right on the trail. We skidded to a halt faster than if they were a brick wall, because sleeping in the tall grass right behind them was momma moose and she was a big one. This was the only way through to the area we needed to reach so we plotted. Our approach had scared momma enough to get up, but instead of leaving she moved to the other side of the trail with her back to it. Now, most people would say "Just leave." Don't fuck around with this little family or you'll end up dead. But Jed and I sometimes betrayed our better nature and really wanted to tempt fate. So we decide to roll back, get a full head of steam and see if we can make it through before momma knows what is happening. I mean, she's 8 feet tall she can't move that fast can she? So we roll back, get all gunned up and with me in the lead take off at the trio of angry brown fur. Just as I get in line with her she jumps around and starts to charge...FAST. Jed bails, and takes off the way we came. I do the best thing I can and just keep going, and sweating. Momma doesn't chase me because she doesn't want to leave the twins. So now we are separated, with this REALLY PISSED OFF moose in between giving me the evil eye and snorting. I yell to Jed that I am going to move off down the trail, out of sight to see if she'll calm down. And we wait. 5 10 15 minutes. Snack on a Clif Bar. I go back to look for Jed and he is missing. Right about then I hear crashing in the brush ten feet away and here comes Jed, Specialized over his shoulder, plowing through the woods all scraped up, says he was sick of waiting. As we continued down the trail we passed a group of other riders. We tell them to look out for the family and they say they already knew because they were scared away by momma more than an hour ago. Stupid moose. As a side note, in Alaska it is known that the only other animal in the wild that can take on a grizzly is a moose. Many stories exist of a grizzly and a moose having at it for more than 8 hours. Usually the moose dies and you think the bear might make it. But after tracking it you'll usually find a dead bear suffering from too many lacerations and moose-inflicted broken bones. Thanks for the great riding war stories, beautiful ladies, and laughs. Keep up the good work. And if anyone wants to ride in the Chugach Mountains or the northern-most rain forest give me a write.

Aight, see talk at ya Sunday.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

michaela fenclova   I   krystal steal   I   for ray-ray

The talk around the table at lunch today was of cycling. Of doping, the Tour, Willy Vote and what it takes to win. Got back in front of a computer and found this link. Interesting to say the least. More over at velonews.

This Big Trouble in Little China link in from Bensey. Funny stuff.

From: bikedump Subject: links love your out look on life and the bastard Bush! check our web site, nothing fancy but bicycles are my life -'bikedump.com' -maybe you could link us > thanks again for cheering up my day-bikedumpDave

Glad to hear I was able to cheer up someone's day.

Ho ho, the Maven update last night sure was quite a blast. I'd say that was a success. We may have to ask her back.

From: Jason Subject: no subject Your tax dollars at work. WTF. news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=2652922

It just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, don't it? See you at Ragbrai.

More of the same over at the NY Times.

I had no idea a moose could kick this much ass. I thought they were peaceful creatures, like, for example, hippies. Nope, card carrying badass

Turns out this rogue bought the farm in the end.

Poor bastard.

From: Peter Subject: couple links I figured you'd appreciate Hey Jonny, First of all, here's what i would call the "Penguin's Revenge" after the incident with the bats and the mines and all that jazz... starterupsteve.servepics.com/swf/poke_penguin.html Second of all, i figured you appreciate this pic a whole bunch...makes you wonder why we've never seen it before and if it would be a good seller... ttr2.co.uk/bikedong.jpg War In! (as opposed to peace out...god i kill myself)

That is one angry penguin.

And the picture of the dildo/bikeseat contraption I get three times a week. At least. Maybe if I link it again, people will stop sending it to me.

Then again, maybe if I post it people will send it more.

Go figure.

From: Chris Subject: don't buck the system How dare he slander our puppet, er , president. lasvegassun.com/sunbin/stories/nat-gen/2004/mar/12/031207963.html don't speak against the machine, man..big brother is watching…

Ahem. Straight up fuck George Bush.

I might as well get into it now, its been simmering below the surface for a couple of days now. I'm getting pretty damn sick of all these jackpoles on the radio, television and internet going off about how the Spanish elections are some kind of victory for Bin Laden.

And, how voting for anyone other that Bush in our Presidential election is a vote for Bin Laden.

The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend. This lesson we all learned back in elementary school. Or, at least some of us did.

The less astute of us are still trying to figure that one out it seems.

I think the Spanish voters pretty much just said that about us. Kinda makes ya feel special, don't it?

Check out this article by David Brooks, where he asks, and I'm not kidding, "What is the Spanish word for appeasement."

And, Scott McClellan, the White House press secretary, said today, "It is the wrong message to let terrorists think that they can influence policy, that they can influence elections. ... You simply cannot make peace with terrorists."

These guys are so out of touch it's amazing. Either that, or they are just lying through their teeth. You're choice. When Spain's new leader José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, says things like, "My most immediate priority, will be to fight terrorism" you're going to have a hard time convincing me he is capitulating. Does that sound like he's attempting to "make peace with terrorists" to you?

He's not giving up the fight. And no one in Spain wants a repeat of those awful train bombings. His words are clear.

He's not on board with Bushco. And that's the whole point. It's that whole, "You're either with us, or you're against us" stupid cowboy line over and over again. No compromise, no flexibility.

No chance of success.

What Zapatero is doing is asking for a greater involvement of the United Nations in the rebuilding of Iraq. Specifically, Zapatero "will move to bring the troops home if there is no change in Iraq by the June 30 deadline for transfer of sovereignty from the U.S.-backed authority."

Spain now wants the reconstruction of Iraq to be in the hands of the United Nations, not the United States. And he is going to give us until the end of June to sort it out.

Pretty simple.

What these Bush supporting folk just don't get is that involving the United Nations is not quitting. Even the Bush administration has sought to involve the UN to a greater degree in Iraq. Why is it different when someone else does it?

If Bush had secured the support of the UN and the world community before he started his trumped up little bullshit war, we wouldn't be talking about this now.

But, of course, every conservative pundit takes any diversion from the Bushco policy as a wholesale attack on America. With us, or against us…

I actually had a guy tell me a vote for anything other than Bush was unpatriotic.

I asked him, why even vote then? Lets just make the bastard King and be done with it.

Polls taken a year ago showed people of Spain at as high as 90% against the war. Are people really that surprised at how many voters voiced that very same opinion on Election Day?

I think it's a pretty easy line to follow: I don't like the war, I think my government is bullshitting me, I can't believe anything they say, and I'm going to vote the bastards out of office.

It's called democracy, and it's a beautiful thing.

And, you know what? It's got King George scared.

From: Mike Subject: begging now the WH is begging ... BushCo Inc. pissed in everybodies face, and now that people realize that being a big bully and knocking off things that aren't Al Quaida doesn't fight terror, but having great relations and finding networks before the bombs go off and ripping those networks out BEFORE the bombs go off ... well ... now they are begging ... so predictable .. but the right wing whackos interpret everything but stupidity as smart ... so, probably the first thing to do in a terror war is shitcan the right-wing morons so we can get to the business of killing Al Quaida ... because right wing morons can't stay focused .. they paint the world black and go down Bully Lane. miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/politics/8201263.htm

And, of course, Krugman just hit one out of the park.

Now that I've written my update and had a few moments to surf around the net and blow off a little steam (easy big daddy) I found this excellent piece written by Juan Cole. He says it far better than I ever could.

Monday, March 15, 2004

maven's #1   I   maven's #2   I   maven's #3

Drunkest update in recent memory. No doubt about that. I can't seem to type with my big ham fists.

All I can figure out about tonight is some drunk guys got arrested at the bar. Or, outside the bar. Down the street. I don't know.

When we walked by these two douchebags stuffed in the back of a cop car, one stuck his tongue out at me.

Maven told me, "I think that guys wants to toss your salad."

I laughed so hard, I couldn't even walk anymore.

Since I'm so blotto right now, Maven is going to be responsible for tonight's update.

Enjoy.

Maven here,
Justin and I came to crash out at the Big J's house on our way through Flag…. It's always a good time, but I have one complaint. Big J.. yes, you know, big DRUNK jonny…. I'm telling you, after 1 hour and 3 beers at the pay and take, he was drunk and stumbling home 4 blocks away. Maybe the trauma that took place there helped his drunkenness set in… some crazy drunks made a little bit of a scene and then on our way out we saw them in the back of the cop car making tongue gestures at jonny.. he ran off like a pussy yelling STOP-it… eeww! I told him not to worry. Maybe the guy liked him, especially his large ice-cream cone shaped ass. I don't blame the guy. If I was him, I'd want to tongue him too! Rocky road is my favorite flavour! Maybe it was the salad that jonny ate for dinner in his attempt to lose weight (if jon wanted to lower his weight, maybe he should cut back on his drinking a little… what do you think) I asked jon if he thought that maybe the guy wanted to toss it. Yum yum.. poor jonny's a lonely man right now. He might be up for it.

Now it's the three of us back at the "J" pad… I doubt some threesome excitement is on the plate. Jon is now drinking water and he just brought the LARGE bottle of lotion and set it on his nightstand. DARN! I'll wear my earplugs tonight. He's not used to company at his house. He had some anonymous person leave a pornographic connect-the-dots book on his porch. I think I saw that in on his nightstand too, but I hope he doesn't pencil in the real pictures. I think it is much more exciting and arousing to try and guess where the guy's dick or the girl's tongue really are. I think it works best if you hold the picture far away and squint! Mmmm. Mmmm.

Justin ran into some guy he met at the pay and take who he'd raced with years ago. Nice guy, but before long jon, Justin, this guy, AND his buddies were talking about how there were upcoming plans for a single speed category in the Race Across America… and even worse, a single speed, fixed gear category for the Furnace Creek 508! The part I have a problem with is that all of these guys were actually excited about it! WHY? I mean, I know that all of you would rather have sex with your bikes than your girlfriends, but for godsake! You'll be in such pain that you won't even be able to wack off for probably a month! And isn't that yall's second most favorite activity? But by all means, if it's cool and you like it then do it! More power to you. Don't get me wrong, I like my bike too, but dAng! Do you realize that it would take twice as long to do these 30 hour events (minimum) on a single speed!

I wonder what Jake's doing right now? I made my bed and left the house clean when I left Tucson on Saturday night. I wonder if my bed is still made? Maybe he's taken this opportunity to move into the house, tent and all, and sleep in a real bed. Instead of 12,000 feet, he could sleep at 12,004 feet elevation! I hope he's enjoying the alone-time. I miss Jake.

Well, that was my spiel. Good times in Flagstaff, like always! An adventure always materializes in the company of Big Jonny. Never a dull moment. I think he just asked me to leave his bedroom so he could go to sleep. Damn, what's it take for a girl to get lucky around here!

Saturday, March 13, 2004

avery adams   I   jayna woods   I   tiffany lang

Oh, the beloved weekend. Bring it on.

Went on a four hour hike down in Sedona with Big Gay Randy and Nic the Dick. Why do all my friends have nicknames?

What, yours don't?

Right now I'm waiting to go get a brewski. I think I deserve it.

Oh, sweet, sweet beer.

First up, some thoughts on Madrid as they were sent to me.

From: John Subject: no subject i read the link bbc link on your site, and posted my own comment which i thought that i would share with you. i, too am saddenned by what happened in madrid, but i am more angry at the system that nations have put together to allow this to happen. we accept terrorism as a side effect of our foreign policies, after all, our leaders are still safe and i think that we forget, when we began a war in iraq, this is what we said would happen. we didn't detonate the bombs in madrid, but our nation, as well as spain, the third country in the iraqi war, certainly played a role in the lead-up to madrid. anyway, here is my post on bbc: What happened in Spain is a tragedy, but we are forgetting who dropped bombs first. It is no more a tragedy than their participating in a war against Arabs. They call it terrorism, what was it that happened in Baghdad? A country that makes murder their foreign policy should expect murder to be a domestic problem. I believe that like the U.S., they are reaping what they have sowed. I too hope for peace, but I see people on this very board condemning the attacks while encouraging this "war on terrorism." There is no way to fight a war against a word. We instead fight a war against Arabs and call it a war on terrorism. Then, we condemn the Arabs for having the audacity to fight back. Yes, there were innocent victims, but they were on both sides. Peace begins with everyone, not just with the people that we are killing. Until we accept our responsibilities and move towards peace in our nations, we will cease to find peace anywhere. Further, the attacks against the Basque are shocking. The immediate baseless blame. the Repeated comments "they have never acted so severely," yet we still blamed them. We found evidence that it was an Arabic attack, and we still blamed the Basque. We found out the truth, then Spain pushed the U.N. to condemn the Basque anyways, which they did. Does no one care anymore about truth? Does no one care about the core of this violence, about stopping it themselves? If we are in such need for someone to blame why don't we look where it all began. look to our leaders who led us into a war despite warnings that these people would not just be victims, that they would fight back. Look to your leaders in Spain, to ours in the U.S., look to them, and blame them for starting another war. Look to the leaders of the past who have condemned the Middle East while arming it. Condemning violence while they bombed Iraqi hospitals. Peace begins at home. "Naturally the common people don't want war, but after all it is the leaders who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country." Hermann Goering, Germany, 1946

Thanks for the email, John.

Check out this exchange between an older brother who is stateside and his younger sister who is in Spain.

From: Gordon Subject: Spain My little sister is in Madrid at school. Here is what I wrote + her reply... INITIAL MESSAGE I felt the need to be a big brother and give you some advice...here goes. I know you are fine physically. I hope you and Amelia can over come any fear because after all, if you guys live in fear, "they" have won. "They" refers to Al-Al-Qaeda, The Basques, The Bushes, basically any one who gains influence sociologically, politically, economically, or otherwise. My best advise to you is to stay sharp, ease up on the clubbing, and get a bike. Staying sharp, meaning keep alert of thing and of the things going around you but, don't be paranoid. There is a tremendous difference between paranoid and alert. The club thing, or lack there of, is probably a good idea because back in the 80s they were the favorite targets of terrorists across Europe. You probably don't remember but, for a while it seemed some nightclub in Europe had a car bomb go off in front of it every other week. Plus you have sounded beat up when we have talked. "All things in moderation" (Ben Franklin) Get a bike. SES (self explanatory shithead). Fitness, speed, cheap transportation, and mom and or dad will float the bill. You could probably get dad to get you a nice Junker through the BX (Base Exchange). I am surprised how blasé mom was about the whole thing. I figured she would be demanding your return home. Congratulations on your grades. OUTSTANDING!!! It is up to you to get your degree. The rest of us renegades let them down. Shine on you crazy diamond. Call or write if you need anything. Don't worry. DON'T BE AFRAID. You will be fine. I LOVE YOU. P.S. Listen to your old brother. He is wiser and smarter then you think. HER REPLY I know what happened is really horrible..I mean Im in the middle of it. But i feel like everyone is making a huge deal out of my safety. Im not stupid, I know not to take the metro for the next few weeks. Buses where I can and cabs everywhere else. Cabs are a waste of money but Mom asked that i stay of public transport so what the hell. Im not going out this weekend anyway just because i have about 6 papers to finish in two months and Id like to finish them soon before the end of the semester. Come APril and May, I wont want to be locked up in my room studying! Thanks for all of the advice though...means a lot. The rallies going on in the city are amazing. Mom thinks I should avoid them but there is so much security right now. Mom is being a little more relaxed than I figured. She´s sad and IM sure scared but I warned her last week not to panic when there is a bombing this week. We all knew this would happen, obviously bc of elections, but no one figured this many people would die. Im just thankfuyl for Amelia´s friends that they had classes canceled due to a strike...otherwise they wouldve been on the C-1 when it exploded! As for school, its pretty easy but getting more demanding with all the shit I have to do in the next few weeks. The life of a college student! Im glad Im doing well though...for a bit I thought I would fuck everything up bc I couldnt study until I proposed the idea of ritalin to mom and my doc gave me a perscription in a heartbeat. It has made the world of difference for me..I can actually study for hours and hours and retain all of the information! For instance, Law. Hardest class I have..my prof is the secretary general of parliament (class should be interesting on tuesday)...she only give C´s out bc she is that hard. But somehow I got a B+! Very proud of that one. Mom´s worried Ill abuse ritalin and start snorting it and shit like that. Not that kindve person though. I only take it tuesday through thursday bc I only have one class on monday so it doesnt make sense. I think Im handling it pretty well. Im thinking of changing my major now. Im currectly International relations with a spanish and french minor btu Im realling loving my law class. I dont think I would want to become a practicing lawyer but I would consider law school. But yeah, so Im changing my major to internation business, keeping my current minors. So, thats about it here. Heading down to one of the demonstrations in the aminute. Taking lots of photos so Ill be sure to email some. Love you and keep madrid in your thoughts! MY REPLY Why don't you re read what I wrote shithead. Take of the "Some other fam member is worried" filters and just read what I said.

It just speaks for itself, doesn't it?

I think we can all relate to what it must be like to communicate over such distance in time like these. The feeling of isolation, knowing a part of your family is so close to such violence. It must be an incredible weight to carry.

I too have a younger sister.

And, you know, she always took my advice.

Not.

My man Ludo Dierckxsens is ready to rock the Classics, saying, "Sure I'm going to be 40, but I'm not done yet." Now that's what I'm talking about. The guy is hard as nails. Read about it over at cyclingnews.

From: Ceballos Subject: bikes and girls Found this and I think it goes w/ your web. spycy05.1gbhost.com/A4Y/kaka07a-65p/ Enjoy

Yeah, I'd say it does.

One teachers feeling's on domestic terrorism.

From: George Subject: terrorist teachers union I'm a High School teacher, I ride bikes, I'm a union member. My wife is a teacher and a union negotiator. Neither I nor my wife have ever been to a teachers union meeting where we've ever asked, "What would be best for the kids?" The teacher's unions, NEA, CTA, etc are about getting more money for teachers and helping teachers keep their jobs. Even the bad ones. Rod Paige was not far from being wrong, the teacher's unions don't have kids as their priority. Paige had the balls to say it and now one of the nations strongest special interest groups will slam him for it. You may ask, why am I a member of the union then. Well, they take the money out of my paycheck anyway, and since I'm pretty outspoken, I may one day need the legal representation. BTW, I like the layout of your page so much that I stole it for our group's web page.trogspace.com

Sue Haywood can drop me whenever she feels like it. And she's a fan of the site.

From: mike Subject: the shit I'm told by others this is the shit salon.com/opinion/feature/2004/03/10/

Ah jeez. What a kick in the nuts. And to think I was all fired up on railing down beers.

Articles like that just make me depressed. So I've decided not to read them anymore.

Call me what you will. I'm happy now.

Busch/Cheney '04.

From: Tall Todd Subject: Hi friends, America Bikes needs a part-time office person, a jack (or jill) of all trades to help keep this great campaign moving forward. Please forward the announcement below to anyone who might be interested. It's a campaign position, due to end when Congress passes a bill, whenever that may be. I'd like to get someone hired soon. Thanks AMERICA BIKES, a national coalition working to improve conditions for bicyclists is seeking a half-time OFFICE MANAGER to handle all administrative functions of a legislative campaign in a two person office. Duties include website maintenance, action alerts, meeting and event planning, database management and miscellaneous office tasks. As time allows, help with organizing, lobbying, policy analysis and more. Bachelor's degree, solid communication skills, familiarity with bicycling issues. Experience with web design and database management desired. Hill work, advocacy or campaign organizing a plus. Ability to work independently essential. 20 hours a week. Decent pay. Flexible schedule. Position is temporary, ranging from 2 months to a year or more. Send cover letter and resume via e-mail to info@americabikes.org. Closing date March 16th.

There you have it folks. Do the right thing for all the right reasons.

You'll have to cut and paste that email addy. I read that by listing them as links, the spam bastards are able to find them out on the net easily. And I can't very well be setting up the fine folks at bike league for that type of bullshit, can I?

Where is that damn beer?

Friday, March 12, 2004

oh my   I   more crissy moran   I   natalia cruze

Check out Muhammad Horton, showing his face already.

Man, that is weak. Don't forget, aside from the very solid top spot occupied by the September 11th jackpoles, the deadliest domestic attacks have all been perpetrated by white folks.

Remember Timothy McVeigh? White boy. Terry Nichols? White boy.

What's my point?

These new ads are nothing short of race-baiting. Pretty low down dirty stuff, if you ask me.

And, while I'm at it, if I want the Patriot Act to go bye bye, does that mean I want to "weaken the fight against terrorists"?

You got to be shitting me.

Why is everyone and everything that disagrees with the Bush Whitehouse terrorists?

Anyone answer that one for me?

From: Moveon.org Subject: Teachers = Terrorists Last month, President Bush's Secretary of Education, Rod Paige, called America's largest teachers' union a "terrorist organization." Why? Because the union had the gall to insist that President Bush live up to his own promises to adequately fund education. Please sign our petition demanding that President Bush fire Secretary Paige. firepaige.org/petition.asp

In case you're thinking that one's just got to be horseshit, its on CNN.com for your viewing pleasure.

Who are these Nazi thugs that stole my country?

And, you think I've got issues? Check out homeboy.

He's certifiable.

Who knew Utah had it's own bikini team?

I sure didn't.

I need a beer. Hmmm. Nothing in the fridge Looks like it's time to take the dog for a walk on down the street and rectify this little issue of beerlessness.

I can't be havin' that.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

nice implants. not   I   crissy moran   I   lesbians rule

After what happened to today in Madrid, I don't really feel like being funny.

I will never be able to understand why blowing people apart with a bomb can ever be a means to an end.

I found this list of letters over at bbc.com and figured it was worth your time.

I hear now Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the blast.

I think Al-Qaeda means "fucking idiot" in about seven languages. But, I'm not sure.

And, just when you think you might be ready to crack a smile, you get an email like this:

From: michael Subject: racer hit and killed cars suck. charleston, south carolina lost garrett wonders, a pro for hincapie sports-bianchi, at age 25 when he was struck from behind by a car while training. not only was he the fastest rider we have had the pleasure of riding with but he was the most friendly, helpful and approachable rider anyone could ask to share a 60 miler with. he leaves behind a wonderful wife, a team and countless riding friends who will not be able to fill the void left behind. remember your friends and be careful as spring hits and we all increase miles and hours on the road. lowcountry volkswagon racing team.

A quick google search only comes up with Garrett's many race exploits and no news of his passing. I did find a short mention on cyclingnews.com. What kind of day is it when all I've done is research misery?

This is terrible news. Just terrible. And, after reading about the tragedy in Madrid, I didn't think it could get any worse.

My heart goes out to the family of Garrett Wonders and all the people of Madrid on this awful day.

And, do be careful out there on the bikes, folks. It was a year ago today that Andrei Kivilev died after crashing in Paris-Nice. Alexandre Vinokourov won today's stage and dedicated it to his Kivilev.

And I'd say that was pretty damn cool of Vinokourov.

Ok, I'm going to try and move on to the rest of the email.

My man Tall Todd and I were trading links, and he thinks this is the year for Bobby Julich to really pull one out. He's been a hero for many of us since his big breakthrough in the '98 Tour. Tough couple of years for Bobby followed that podium spot. I look for him to do big things this year. I call it the "Riis Effect".

My man Noble says to check out the Race across Oregon. Oh gee, Noble, only 535 miles. Piece 'o cake.

You are such a pussy. You didn't even make it down for the Old Pueblo. Jeez.

Who am I kidding? I would fucking die.

From: Josh Subject: more games to waste time with yea I to spend a little to much time playing "fun" games on the net... anyway hope I linked this correctly but its a bushshoot em up game... I think the guy that made it was confused as it would be more fun to actually play the assassins but what can you do its a confused world... haven't spent much time with it only got to level 3 but I saw it and thought of your site... Anyway been reading the site for a while you a true gangsta... not rolling on dubs or anything but riding a 24 hr on a single speed? wowsers!

Click here for the Bush Shootout game from Miniclip.com. J-dub beat that game down like a red headed stepchild his first time out. I've managed to stay away so far. I could see it becoming a little addicitive.

No Mom, I'm not on drugs, I was just thinking. How 'bout a Pepsi?

And a cheeseburger.

I figure this is a good way to end this thing tonight.

From: Bill Subject: bikes in another place This is interesting reading for those of you who like bikes a lot more than war... bikesnotbombs.org/maya-pedal.htm

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

crista nicole   I   aria giovanni   I   kendra jade

How 'bout a little safe for work porn? You know, just to get this party started and all.

From: Robert Subject: yet another game This one has it right on so many levels. transience.com.au/el/elgameo.html enjoy

Or it has it wrong on so many levels. Cop cars? Nah. Whatever. Fun game. And I totally suck at it.

The transcience folks are the ones that brought you this crazy fucked up game, pearls before swine. There are two new versions of the game for you to beat your brains out trying to win.

Here's a page with some game play hints, and outright answers: flazoom.com/cooler.

Just in case you need that type of thing. I did. And I really enjoyed beating down that smug little bastard.

In case you like being scared…

From: Big Dan Subject: Naked + Paint + Bike Big J - Boobs & Bikes but no Beer orsm.net/php/showmemore.php?

Pretty sure I saw a penis in there. Pretty sure.

In case you want to get your read on, check out this link from mudflap.

From: mudflap Subject: y0 yo bj. Long time, good to hear you are still getting along with your bike... even if she is riding you now. I just came across this site below and thought it deserves mention. Some great intelligently written essays, etc. from someone who obviously knows what the hell it is all about. twowheelfetish.com Have a friggin day

Yeah, she rides me some of the time. It's like a split custody thing. Every other week, or some shit. Whatever the judge tell me to do, right?

Some good news coming out of Albuquerque in the form of the save otero website. Looks like folks are making some progress out that way with Governor Bill Richardson lending support to the trail issues. Let's hope this can come to a prompt and equitable conclusion.

'Cause I just hate to see trails closed.

From: Tom Subject: Kansas Dude... What is up? It's finally warming up in the Midwest, so you know Ragbrai is right around the corner. Let's get it on. Here is a link to the Girls of KU 2004 calendar. No nudity, but it really has me thinking that 5 or 6 more years of college wouldn't be a bad deal. kusports.com/womenofku

Yep. Five of six additional collegiate years could do a brother right. I wonder if I've burned up my eligibility?

I shoulda red shirted.

And check out the 360 degree shots. Shit'll make you dizzy.

Two words: Alessandro Petacchi.

My man is going to mop the floor this year. And he's using Cipo and Zabel for the mops.

From: Chris Subject: chick on a bike Bet she can kick your ass! Only after she kicks mine, though! kunstradshow.de/show_en.html

Damn. If I could do half the shit that girl could do, I'd really be something. Check out the tiny little gear she's running.

I think I like her.

From: Zeke Subject: Midwest Mountain Bike Summit Jonny!!! Dude I totally dropped the ball on this one. I meant to ask you to post this last month and spaced it. Could swing me a huge hook up and give some free advertising to help a forgetful brother out? You know I'll love you in all the right places! Double that if you could hook me with some give away stickers or some shit! Maybe you could even dust off the ol' mountain bike and come on out. This years Midwest Mountain Bike Summit is in Kansas City Missouri on March 19 -21! Check out earthriders.org or heartlandrace.com for all the details. Three days of trail advocacy, ripping single track, bands, food, and of course beer! Grab your bike and come to some of the finest trails in the midwest. There are two races that weekend with categories for all skill levels. Saturday and Sunday the 20th and 21st is the Spoke Pony Showdown, Heartland Mountain Bike Championships Series #1 and #2. Race #1 on Saturday will be a dirt time trail and race #2 on Sunday will be a traditional Cross-Country race. These are AMBC events and all expert racers will need to have a NORBA license! Not a racer? No Problem come out to watch or hop in later in the day for a guided trail ride of landahl Park Reserve. Go out and rip it up your self or hang next to the beer tent and listen to the bands all day. Did I mention that the Summit is the first stop on the Dirt Rag would tour? Not to mention several bike companies will be there pimping there wears, Specialized, Cannondale, Trek, Gary Fisher to name a few. Come on out and see what the mid west has to offer! Spread the Dirt!!

I assure you sir, my mountain bike needs no dusting off. My honor has been challenged.

Yeah, about like my checking account is challenged. I'm not making it anywhere near Missouri anytime soon.

From: Route 66 Subject: give yourself more credit Johnny, if you hiked up above the main lift @ Snow Bowl, you were closer to 11,800 feet,,,,,,,,, good onya tough guy

For sheezy.

Today's best unsolicited porn span email:

From: Miss Sweetness Subject: good day today I want to show you all I have. This is my finest hour. You will be so boned up when you see all I can do for you. So sit back relax and let me stroke you hard and then swallow all I can. .. Remember baby that I love doing this and you really make me hot!

I'm sure you do baby. I'm sure you do.

From: Chuck Subject: No Subject Check this out...this couldn't happen to a better guy. I used to work with Ariel in a shop in Boulder, you couldn't ask for a better guy to work with. That and he's fast as hell. kleinbikes.com/us/klein_club

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

nikki benz   I   hot damn   I   jessica jaymes

Tonight I hiked up Snow Bowl with some friends. We went up to the top of the ski runs, and then the extra hundred yards or so, where you can see around the corner of the mountain. Looking down on Flagstaff from 11,000 feet while drinking Tecate and Cuervo is pretty damn cool.

Unfortunately, the bozos I went with like to run back down the hill. Where as I kinda stumble. And it's a slow stumble.

I got dropped. So bad in fact that the rest of those bastards hid in the trees and threw snowballs at me as I came past. Lucky for me, they throw like girls.

Come to think of it, one of them was a girl. And I think she's the only one who managed to hit me. Keep working on that throwing arm boys, you've got a lot of catching up to do.

I just now realized why Jeff offered the use of his light. It wasn't so I could check it out, it was so he had something to throw at. Bastard. Dirty fucking bastard.

Well, I happen to know he got thrown out of the army for sucking dicks. But, I would never, say, put that on my website and tell the whole damn world. Or would I?

Ok, Jeff is not gay. I was just kidding. In fact, he's happily married. I repeat, he's not gay.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Here's a report in from the 25 Hour of Caffeine.

From: Random Guy Subject: 25 Hours of Caffeine What was supposed to start at 11AM didn't until NOON! Why, me and Steve (the head brewer from Mogollon) decided to have beers 'til the wee hours of the morning. Needless to say the beer arrived late! So the event started late and ended at 1PM! The event itself was kickass. Bike & Bean had almost everything a rider would need: a BBQ with hamburgers (Boca Burgers), hotdogs, chicken. They had pizza delivered and of course we brought 4 different flavors of beer from Mogollon. They had two wrenches on call at all times, which was good because I had to have my fucking free hub body replaced right before the race! The course was sweet! Rain, two days previous, made the trails XTRA tacky. The course was 8 miles long and covered some sweet single track along Bell Rock Path, Templeton, H.T., and EQ Bi-Pass. Some good grunting hills to keep you honest and a couple of sketchy downhills to get your heart going. They raffled of prizes. Steve won a $184 Gyro Zen helmet. Other prizes included t-shirts, a Kona beer pitcher, gift certificates. The winners of each category won gift certificates to Bike & Bean as well. Risha won solo female, not sure who won solo male. Two teams from Canada were duking it out for duo (we came in 3rd w/a respectable 8 laps). Of course 3-man+ category was taken by the shop team from B&B. Everyone had a great time. A definite must next year.

So, I come home tonight to a mystery package on the front door. I have no idea where it came from. No note, no message on the phone, no nothing. I can make some guesses, but they'd be all wrong. Interesting. Very interesting.

There is a plastic bag with three erotic candles, and a book wrapped in blank paper.

It's an naughty connect the dots deal, one I can't wait to work on.

Looks like I'll be working on it alone then. 'Cause ain't nobody home right now 'cept me.

Where's the justice in that?

Monday, March 8, 2004

mary beth   I   sandee westgate   I   fo sheezy

Went down to Sedona for a little mtb action on Sunday. Talk about a good time. Water crossings in washes that are often dry, really tacky trails and rockin' short sleeves. I even managed to wreck myself pretty good once.

I came around a corner, hugging the bushes on the inside, only to run into what looked like rows of tombstones. Big, flatish rocks set out like a series of walls. I screamed, oh shit, leaned back, laid off the brakes and promptly endo'd way up and over the graveyard rock garden.

Gnome, who was behind me, laughed. He said he couldn't believe how high in the air I went.

Neither could I.

Landed in some soft sandy stuff, with hardly a scratch.

Check out this event.

From: Rob Subject: 24 Hours of Booty in Charlotte, NC If you're coming back near Carolina this year, check out the 24 Hours of Booty (www.24hoursofbooty.com). 24 hours on a road bike on a 3 mile loop. Sound like fun? No? Well it's a fucking blast, and the people are the coolest around. The hard man of event last year was a messenger who rode 300+ miles on his fixie, then went to work.... Damn. Hope to see ya. Oh, did I mention the last lap of the ride will be the parade lap of the Bank Of America Crit? I should also mention that the 1st prize for the team category is a brew pub party? I knew that last one would get ya.

You had me at hello.

I didn't say hello.

Nevermind.

Check out this next email. I remember when this story came out. Some of the most fucked up shit I have ever heard.

From: Brad Subject: bikehaters… Yo DC! I've been a fan of the site since I saw you riding Sunset Trail last summer adorned with the DC regalia. When I got back home I had to see what DC.com was all about. Glad to see you're representing the Flagtown bike community - I'm a Flag-local now transplanted to Colorado. Anyway, thought you might be interested in what some dumbass shitheads did to me and others last year. As a bike commuter, there are plenty of dumb drivers to worry about - let alone kids with aluminum baseball bats out to get you. They hit me in the back as I was riding home from campus in the dark. My courier bag took the biggest blow (cell phone smashed) and while I managed to stay on the steel steed, the bat left a nice cucumber-sized (no pun intended) bruise on my back. After I got over the shock of what had happened I was so fucking irate that I almost caught the dickheads and the Jeep they were in on my trusty singlespeed. I would have fucking killed all three of them - and used their bat to finish the job! I was the first victim and they went on to attack 12 others before being caught. They put one guy in a coma and he had to relearn how to talk and walk and broke the bones of many others. The first court date is at the end of the month and yes, I be there to look the fuckers down... Ride on! Brad Anyway, here it is: Teenagers accused of injuring bicyclists closer to jury trial Plea agreements fail for pair By SARAH LANGBEIN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -- Two teens are expected to stand trial for a series of attacks that injured at least 13 Fort Collins bicyclists. Eric M. Parisi and Trevor R. Gonzales were set to reach plea agreements with the District Attorney's Office. However, Parisi's attorney, Erik Fischer, on Thursday told District Court Judge Terence Gilmore that the deal was "unacceptable." With no deal on the table, the teens' cases move closer to jury trial. Fischer asked that a motions hearing be set to discuss whether evidence and statements made to authorities will be suppressed at trial. Also to be decided is whether Parisi and Gonzales will be tried together or separately. That decision could hinge on the outcome of the motions hearing, which was set for for 1:30 p.m. Nov. 20. Parisi and Gonzales are suspected of striking bicyclists with a bat or ramming them with a car. At least 13 bicyclists reported attacks to Fort Collins police. The crimes date to December, with the most recent happening in mid-January. The two, along with a third unidentified juvenile, were arrested and charged with a long list of offenses. The most serious of those include menacing and second-degree assault, both felonies. Victims have asserted the charges are not serious enough, and that the three -- whose ages range from 16 to 17 -- should have been charged with attempted murder. Similar bike attacks also occurred in Windsor. Those incidents are believed to be separate from those in Fort Collins. Originally published Friday, October 3, 2003

I would want to be in that court room as well. Stare them down for all of us my man. For all of us.

Sunday, March 7, 2004

alyssa lovelace   I   jenna haze   I   lesbians rule

Hey look, Liz Begosh is on Velo Bela. Good looking out, girlfriend.

Last night the Gnome and I dragged our southern Arizona friend up to Snow Bowl for some snow shoeing. And when I say dragged, I mean he waited up for me. A lot.

Nah, it wasn't that bad. I had never tromped around in the snow like that before and I can say it is a good time. Especially when it's a full moon at over 9,000 feet on a clear night. So bright you wouldn't believe it.

Shoulda brought some booze though…

Running back down through the tree, falling down and laughing. Good times. I found out you can slide pretty damn far on your ass if it's steep enough. And trees will stop you.

Fuck it, this weekend ain't over. Today we're going single speeding down in Sedona. I'll be able to damn near get frostbite and a sunburn in the same weekend.

And you got to love that.

I wonder how the 25 Hours of Caffeine went?

Saturday, March 6, 2004

melissa puente   I   nina mercedez   I   cory lane

Check this.

I was thinking of heading down Sedona way this morning to check out the 25 Hours of Caffeine. But, snow shoeing up on the peaks with a full moon won out. Go figure.

I'm definitely feeling the bike urge. I'll think I'll head south tomorrow for a little mtb action.

Just call me crazy.

From: nik Subject: swillams Don't know if you have heard, but our man Jeff is Bringing offspring into this World...Good luck to Humanity....Oh No...Later Nik

There you have it folks, and from a rock solid source as well. There is going to be a little more swillams in the world.

Speaking of children, my man rotten apple just had a daughter. A great big old drunkcyclist congratulations to Heath and Amy.

From: Rotten Apple Subject: Peris Rooney Peris BreeAnn Roney was born March 4th at 11:54 am. She weighs 7.4 pounds and is 21 inches long. Amy and Peris are coming home Sunday. Peris is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right on man. Right on.

From: joey Subject: what scat is that? If we're going to keep talking about the shits, we might as well see what we're talking about. bammage.net/flash/poop.swf

Oh my.

I just killed the poor bastard with a meal of pop rocks and a can of coke. Died? What a fucking pussy.

Get back in there and fight like a man. You wuss.

Here's a press release.

Ha. I said "release".

From: Matt Subject: Maxxis Cup Regional Cycling Series Press Release Maxxis Cup NY Kicks-Off April 10th at Payne Valley Spring Classic at Perinton second battle-ground for series Syracuse, NY (March 5, 2004) - The 2004 edition of the Maxxis Cup NY Cycling Series is set to kick-off on April 10th with the Payne Valley Omnium - a two-stage one-day race being held at Colgate College in Hamilton, NY. The race consists of a morning prologue and an afternoon road race. Riders are not required to race both events, however, Maxxis Cup points will be awarded based on each riders overall finish in the omnium. The Maxxis Cup continues with the Spring Classic at Perinton near Rochester, NY on April 18th. This 6-mile circuit has been a mainstay of the spring classic circuit in Upstate NY. Last years feature race saw Todd Scheske, riding for Preferred Care, nip Team West Virginia's Mike Jones in an exciting sprint to the finish. Expect to see some heated racing action again as teams compete to get their top riders into the Maxxis Cup standings! Watch SpokePost.com for the latest news and standings surrounding the Maxxis Cup Regional Cycling Series. The Maxxis Cup Regional Cycling Series is brought to you by such great sponsors and promoters as Maxxis International (maxxis.com), Duratec Bicycles (duratec-usa.com), High5 Sports Nutrition presented by ActiveFUEL.com (activefuel.com), SpokePost.com (spokepost.com), KLM Marketing Solutions (klmmarketingsolutions.com/) and Bicycles Unlimited (bicyclesunl.com). For more information about the Maxxis Cup NY Cycling Series -- or any of the Maxxis Cup Regional Cycling Series regions (New York, Southeast, Midwest), please visit spokepost.com/series

Erik sent in this link to infoshop.org. Looks like an interesting read if nothing else.

From: Mike Subject: bike rack as an accessory So in response to people using racks as an accessory on their SUV's, I have seen it too. When I worked in a shop a guy comes in looking for a rack to put on top of his truck. WTF? You gotta truck bro! And he had a walmart bike. Anyways it is weird seeing that type of shit. The best was when I was in Japan. They take that poser shit to a whole new level. I am walking down the street killing time, looking for a restaurant with pictures on the menu so I can order something. (I don't speak, read, or write a bit of japanese) when I see this little rice rocket with a tricked out M1 on the rack. Cool, it pulls over and parks down the street so I check it out. (something familiar)He drilled holes in the rims ,through the tires, and had it bolted to his roofrack!! Are you fucking kidding me?! Yea, it takes all kinds.

That definitely takes the prize for lamest poser move ever. Kinda makes you wish you had a picture of that one.

Because seeing is believing.

Well, kick me in horseshit and call me smelly. I've been moved up to sixth place in the Old Pueblo standings. How 'bout them apples?

Friday, March 5, 2004

buffy tyler   I   crissy moran   I   erica campbell

A few words on friendship. I'm at the bar last night with a buddy of mine. He's in from out of town, staying the weekend. He's chatting up a hot local girl, and I'm playing the role of a lifetime.

Our bikes are locked together outside. I'm ready to get on up out this mother fucker and go home to bed. I'm getting pretty bombed and I've got to work in the morning. The Gnome already left, smart little bastard he is.

But I can't leave. If I go, I force my buddies hand. He's doing his thing, and doing it well. As he works his magic, he cuts back his drinking. And as I work mine, I increase my drinking. I'm not exactly falling on my sword, but it's close enough.

Turns out he's decided to stay at her place. I give him my house key, so he can come by in the morning when I'm a work. I've got a spare out in the backyard I can go dig out of the snow. Good thing he's swinging for the fence, 'cause I just spilled my last beer all over myself. I won't be able to show my face in here till at least, well, tomorrow night.

Did I mention it's snowing like hell? There's a fresh four inches on the ground as I half carry, half drag his bike as I ride back to my place. I never put a foot down, and didn't wreck. How I managed that, I have no idea.

He's on his own, I've done my part. I got him to the base of the climb, now it's up to him to win it.

And I think he will.

I'm laughing to myself I as I climb over the fence and poke around for my spare key. The life of a domestique is a life of sacrifice.

From: Dr. Science Subject: Pootin' and squirtin' Big J, Your tale of gastrointestinal woe reminded me of a buddy of mine, a culinary paranoid of legendary proportions who has been known to grill waitpersons more thoroughly than the meat which they fetch to the average trencherman's table. He attended a fund-raising dinner recently, some high-zoot affair involving all the local disco hash-slingers, and contracted a debilitating case of the Hershey Squirts shortly thereafter, as did a few other diners. Seems the culprit may have been an undercooked loaf of sourdough bread that led to something resembling a yeast infection (yeah, yeast infection). Consumption of bread thus tainted apparently triggers an Old Faithful-style gut-rumble mimicking the dread Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which requires sufferers to dwell within meters of a flush toilet with a roll of buttwipe in each hand and the books-on-tape version of "The Lord of the Rings."

I'm off the hippie bread. Bring on the preservatives.

The top twelve reasons homosexual marriage should not be legal. Makes perfect sense to me. But then again, I'm a registered Republican.

Yeah, right.

From: Phil the Horse Subject: to be a repubican… Things you have to believe to be a Republican today 1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery. 2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. 3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money, but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. 4. The government has no business telling me I can't have guns, but when you want to exercise freedom of choice, then it's time for a Constitutional amendment. 5. George W (6% unemployment, $87+ billion to Iraq, half-trillion dollar deficit) is doing a great job getting us out of the economic mess that Clinton (3.8% unemployment, peace, huge surplus) got us > into. 6. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation. 7. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. 8. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay. 9. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican. 10. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. 11. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money. 12. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart. 13. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism. 14. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. 15. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush couldn't find Bin Laden. 16. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about nonexistent Weapons of Mass Destruction to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. 17. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet. 18. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business. 19. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt. 20. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant. 21. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. 22. We have to run background checks on every Muslim traveler to the U.S. because those bastards killed 2,800 Americans on 9/11, but a background check on gun buyers? No way! 15,000 gun-related deaths in the U.S.? C'mon. Guns don't kill people; people kill people. 23. We're leaving no child behind. Entire public school systems, that's another story. 24. Americans shouldn't buy imported goods, but other countries should all buy our stuff. 25. The Right is still bashing a president who's been out of office for three years, who made our economy healthy, and who didn't alienate the rest of the world's leaders. The minute anyone says anything about little Georgie, it's wrong. 26. John Ashcroft can spy on you, tap your phone, check your email, even search your home. An independent investigation into the administration? Not a chance.

Now that we all feel warm and fuzzy inside, and all the Republican viewers of the site are firing up "fuck you jonny" emails, lets get to some thing completely different. How's a bar crawl by bike sound? Pretty Check out this upcoming event.

From: COACH Subject: RAILS TO TRAILS BAR TOUR YO THIS IS THE COACH LETTIN YOU KNOW THE SITE IS UP AND PLEASE LINK THIS SHIT. IT SHOULD BE A GOOD TIME OF BEER, BIKES, AND HOPEFULLY SOME BOOBS. WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT IF IT WAS NOT FOR SITES LIKE YOUR'S, THINGS LIKE THIS WOULD NOT BE THOUGHT UP. AND BY THE WAY---THANKS FOR BRINGIN BACK THE DAILY PICS. RAILSTOTRAILSBARTOUR.COM

The COACH likes CAPITIOL LETTERS apparently. Looks like a nice event back in the fine state of Pennsylvania.

Feel like polishing up your bible knowledge? How 'bout if you use little lego people? Yeah, it's badass.

Check out http://www.thebricktestament.com/ I really love this in particular. Sexual discharges.

More of the same over here.

I just love wacky bible stuff.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

mindy   I   lesbians rule   I   kelle marie

A few people were a little confused in thinking the email I posted two days back, the one with all the anti-cycling bullshit, was the words and thoughts of Paul who wrote the email.

Take a look at this email. Not really beating around the bush, is he?

From: ??? Subject: Paul Hey, our boy Paul is talkin' real brave huh? He didn't give any idea who he is in real life did he? If so send'er on this way. I been thinkin' about a Central Cali trip lately. I've still got a little free time before Spring Season really starts. And I'm a little wussie inna pair o' Spandex shorts. And my favorite ridin' boots.Stomp the shit outta that tough ol Mary Boy. Of course I'll have to go alone. It's best that way. No witnesses. Anyway, if you can set me'n him up I'd be obliged...

I figured I'd post a little follow up. As much as I'd like to, I can't post this bastards full name, address, phone number photograph. I really don't feel like getting a phone call from the cops when someone beats this doochebag down. 'Cause that is probably what would happen.

From: Paul Subject: RE: More Carnage big jonny - the really sick thing about this is the original poster (geoff) wrote his first email with the forged name of a cyclist that was killed here about 6 or seven years ago. geoff is a real peach - i actually used to work with the pasty-faced, little dicked, fat fuck. he was a dick then, too. apparently the only way he can feel like a man is by acting mas macho in his big fucking car with his firearms. the sad thing is he is one of many. so much for the enlightened left coast - god i hope dubya gets taken out behind the woodshed this fall.

There you have it folks. Paul good, Geoff bad.

Well, at least that particular Geoff.

Oh, nevermind.

Just don't kill anyone today, Ok?

From: NrthFace7 Subject: Check out the story about this guy! He's either the unabomber or the most dedicated rider ever! outdoornetwork.com/ton_outdoorhead_archive/

How totally fucked have we become as a society when a man doing voluntary trail work is asked to stop for fear of some cocksuckers laywer going in for the cash kill.

From the article:

" The county has asked him to stop because if there's an expectation that the trail will be plowed, there's a greater chance for litigation, said Kane County Forest Preserve District operations supervisor Pat McQuilkin.

"If a person falls, you are more liable than if you had never plowed at all. Crazy world," wrote AnnMarie Fauske, the district's community affairs director, in response to a letter to Peterson. "Unfortunately, the times we are in allow for a much more litigious environment than common sense would dictate."

You have got to be fucking kidding me. What's next for these blood hungry bastards? Don't help out and shovel the snow off your neighbors sidewalk, as you'll be expected to continue doing so for the rest of your life? Stop feeding the homeless because they might be able to sue if you don't? Don't give to charity, because you will be expected to continue after setting a precedent of sharing your income?

Stupid fucking asshole laywers. What kind of person would even presnent a lawsuit like that?

I'll tell you what kind. The guy who would never have done anything for free in the first place, that's who.

I fucking hate people.

From: John Subject: Yuppie with a bike rack Bike racks are just an after-market accessory to some of these dicks. Working in a New York bike shop I have installed numerous Thules that will never see a bike. My favorite-this dread that had us out in the snow (!!) installing a 4 tray rack on his SUV so I try to talk bikes to him (Kinda cold to be riding, hope you have good thermal undies etc.) He admits to me he doesn't even own a bike. So bike racks are up there with the bling rims and nausea inducing kicker box. In my experience the red necks in trucks are more courteous than most cuz their DWI ass was on a bike not too long ago. As a former bike messenger / city rider everybody in a car is a potential murderer, bike rack or not.

No shit?

Well, you learn something new every day.

From: Eric Subject: irony First of all, let me preface this by saying that I live in Flag and don't own a car. I ride and I walk and I mooch rides. So, I was driving across da U.P. (upper peninsula of Michigan for those of you who have never heard of a pasty) over christmas. Borrowing my dad's pickup, when I hit some ice, then the ditch, rolled the hunk of shit and totalled it. I lived to tell of it, but the irony is that i was wearing my trusty "cars are coffins" hoodie. So, after a broken collar bone and a fricked-up back, GOOD RIDDENCE!, I say. One less car on the road.

On that note, me and Sadow are walking down the bar. Good night all.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

bobbi billard   I   redhead   I   jana cova

Spent the day driving all the way to Yuma and back with Ray-Ray. Left at 6:00 am, got back at 8:15. Good times.

I'll see what I can come up with for tonights post.

From tnr.com:

"As Nader embarks upon his fourth protest run against the Democrats in as many elections, there is something slightly ridiculous about the shock of his liberal critics. They still don't know who they're dealing with. Nader is not a heroic figure tragically overcome by his own flaws; he is a selfish, destructive maniac who, for a brief historical period, happened upon a useful role."

I want to like the guy, I really do. But I'm having a hard time.

Anyway, my new favorite band is Death Cab for Cutie. You can download a bunch of their mp3's over at www.barsuk.com.

My head is gone.

Straight to the email then.

From: Brad Subject: Damn periodicals You said: "Can't catch the latest on drunkcyclist.com at the office? Not surprising. Can't see it at the office of a major, national cycling magazine? Also, not surprising." Not surprising at all. Don't worry, your domain isn't banned from the work computers - Its bookmarked! Damn good thing I don't work for one of those lame ass monthly cycling periodicals. I'll stick to every 6 weeks thank-you-very-much. It's just better that way. ...And on a separate note, check out this choice shot of mine of some doofus wearing a DrunkCyclist jersey causing these guys to stack up at the start of the 24hrs of Old Pueblo.

Ha! That's the Truckdriver! And the guy in the red sleeveless jersey is DJ, who won the solo single speed for the second year in a row.

That shit is too funny.

And I won't mention where you work. I'll just let people guess which magazine employees your stinking ass.

I'll put this next email in the "you gotta be fucking kidding me" category.

From: Joey Subject: But could she blow bubbles? I think she was actually training for the trailer hitch de-chroming competition... www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?

And that's what I call talent. Sorta like that whole golf ball through fifty feet of garden hose deal. Respect due.

I wonder if her HMO covered that one?

From: Smiffy Subject: RE: hey fag. i was just going to email you. check it out. churchofbike.com. the sick 66 is coming up and its gonna be good, and in other news the passion of the christ tickets were numbered 666. aols got it in the news, and last but not least the 2nd annual moustache parties gonna be the last weekend of may, and not that it needs to be said, but im way in the fucking lead.

Lotta love in this room tonight.

From: Jake Subject: burgh burner bike race big jonny, we got some pictures back from the biggest race yet here in pittsburgh. the burgh burner alley cat drew 76 racers. it was wild and of course pabst gave us tons of free shit. check some flicks at pabstville.20.com and pittsburghmessenger.tripod.com. keep the rubber side down and the blood alcohol level up.

Damn. And to think I grew up in Bucks County, where nothing like that ever happened. Glad to see those boys are representing the Keystone state to the fullest.

From: Phaty Subject: SSWC Website is online! There is a lot more to be seen on there soon ... ! But it is a start! If you have a website - link us! sswc2004.com

If I have a website?

From: Hurl Subject: thought you would be interested in this... El Large De Barge, here is some doom-laden nooze. observer.guardian.co.uk/international/

El Large De Barge?

From: northwave Subject: sick of email scams Big Jonny Are you sick of e-mail scams? These guys are: 419eater.com/html/stev_ebe.htm They actually managed to get the scammer to pay them $40! Keepin' it real.

I like the part where they get him to hold up the sign saying "I take it up the arse."

Fucking awesome.

And then I got this in the mail:

From: captstella@fadmail.com Subject: Please Read (Extremely Important) Hello Dearly, We are urgently seeking for your willingness to secure the below consignments as shown in the attached photos! The goods were captured here in Baghdad, abandoned in one of the Saddam Hussein's Treasure House. However, the contents of the box are Gold Bars, Gold coins and huge amount of fund in the sealed boxes! At the moment, we are intending to ship these goods outside Iraq for safekeeping on our behalf but due to law and restriction order, we are unable to transport these goods. We hereby seek for your assistance to receive the box on our behalf. We are offering you 15% (15 per cent) of the entire goods either in cash or in value. Therefore, we will appreciate your effort to get back to us via my confidential American Fax number 1-309-216-1248, which is very confidential. All correspondence and reply to this mail should preferably be by fax. Send us a fax with your NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER AND CONFIDENTIAL EMAIL confirming your interest to assist us receive the consignment. Then we will immediately get back to you and furnish you with further details. Please, note, this issue must be handled with utmost confidentiality as to avoid publicity! Yours truly. CAPT. STELLA ANDERSON (Team Leader) Confidential American Fax number 1-309-216-1248 Confidential Email: captstella@fadmail.com N.B: Are you interested in buying crude oil? We will keep you fully posted on any further dictators/bullion/gold coins unearthed in palaces or small holes in the ground, and any business opportunities, which may arise from such discoveries.

So please feel free to have at this doochbag. Maybe you can get him to take a photo of himself with a sign saying, "I'm a Doochebag".

Wouldn't that be something?

From: Rudy Subject: One more thing… Thanks for running my email on the same day as Rebecca Ramos. I'm from San Antonio, and I remember running across her grandfather, the late great Rep. Henry B. Gonzalez while dining at Earl Abels Restaurant back in the 70's and 80's. I remember when Henry was in his 70's some dude in his 30's came up to him and called him a "Commie." Henry jumped up and layed his ass out with one punch! Try living that one down……… www.loper.org/~george/

Yeah baby.

From: the professa Subject: Rebecca Ramos Jonny - I had to say that I got a big laugh today when I checked DC. That chick Rebecca Ramos from Tues - I know her. She used to be a drug company rep. A friend of mine - a contributing playboy photog - shot some images of her. Suddenly she was on her way to being a **star**. There was a bit of a hubub in San Antone 'cause her uncle is a state congressman or some shit. But nothin too huge, like her chest (god bless 'em both). Anyway, I built her first website. I had lunch with her one or 2 times - up close you wouldn't pick her out. Nice enough though. She went into hiding after the news broke of her being in Playboy the first time - it all went a little to her head I think. She was calling me telling me to not talk to the press and stuff. (phone wasn't ringing - her head was.) Went T-totally psycho. Then I never heard from her again. Glad to see she made it out alive - and losing more clothing.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

rebecca ramos   I   adiana   I   lesbians rule

I've been buying this hippie bread form a local baker for the last couple of months. It's the good stuff, heavy and solid. And with a short list of ingredients where you can actually pronounce all the words on the label. I take that to be a good thing.

Turns out, of course, that some of those mysterious ingredients with the big long chemical weirdness names are what keep things from spoiling. That too, is a good thing.

I'm not one to hesitate before shoving a generous helping of damn near any food substance in my grill. So, it wouldn't be out of character for me one bit to open fridge, tear off a chunk of hippie dippy cinnamon raisin bread and start munching.

Halfway through that first munch I'm spitting this shit in the sink. Damn. Who knew bread could turn like that. Upon close inspection, I don't see any mold. I smell it. Smells fine.

I don't get it. It seems fine. Sure did taste like hell. This shit is going in the trash

I figure, at most, I've managed to swallow one raison. No more than that, certainly.

That raison brought down an empire.

So, I'm pissing out my ass all day Monday. It's a good time. Fucking stupid hippie bread.

Saved by acidophilus. Label says to drink a tablespoon. How 'bout I chug half the bottle in true drunkcyclist fashion? I mean, a tablespoon? I'm dying here, I need some serious help down south. And pronto, mi amigo.

It sure seemed to work.

From now on I'm buying the bread with mysterious ingredients that might give me cancer. And fuck supporting local business shit; I'm supporting the health of my ass. And Basha's Grocery. In that order.

A friend of mine was telling me a story he thought I should put up on the site. I told him to email me a little something, and I'll just post it. He said, he hates reading emails on drunkcyclist.

So I get to write it all out from memory instead.

So, these two guys are out Friday afternoon last week getting in a little run. The weather wasn't conducive to cycling, just skiing. Just a couple of guys getting in a workout.

They're doing the usual staying off the main roads routine, as anyone would do. At a certain point, they did have to cross a pretty busy main street. So, they didn't just dart out, they went to an intersection and crossed like law abiding citizens.

As they're making their way across, a young guy in a little yuppied out import, complete with two bike racks up top, lays on the horn, drives right at them and tells them to get out of the road.

I repeat, young guy, import, bike racks. Not a redneck in a pickup truck with gun racks, as one might expect in this situation.

Since both these guys are cyclists, they took offense to this. Like, same team here buddy, how 'bout a little slack?

And that's the story, I guess: Local prick cyclist intolerant of other forms of exercise almost runs over fellow cyclists.

Sounds like homeboy needs to chill out.

From: dp Subject: BIKE MAGAZINE big jonny, writing you from my new gig, intern @ bike magazine. though I can't check yo'site @ the office, just wanted to say hey ya.

Can't catch the latest on drunkcyclist.com at the office? Not surprising. Can't see it at the office of a major, national cycling magazine? Also, not surprising.

Although, I might add, there are plenty of site fans at many of the monthly cycling periodicals in this country. And, overseas as well.

I get emails from time to time. Hey, love the site, great job, no way in hell I can mention you in the magazine, keep up the good work.

I'm not complaining. I know the course I've set for myself and my site. From day one this was about doing what no one else was doing. Bikes, boobs and beers. Has a nice ring to it, eh?

The content hurts the advertising a bit, as one would expect. But, the guys that are down, are fucking down. Anyone who supports the site deserves your business. Make sure to support those folks that make this happen. 'Cause once you go down the porn road, it's damn hard to go back. And why would I?

I like it here in the gutter.

From: Rudy Subject: Carnage at the Riders on the STORM mtb race, Comfort Texas I always thought no one was stupid enough to start a race with exposed tips on their bars, but it finally happened. During one of the short track races, a couple of riders went down in the first corner, and one of them skewered himself on the end of handlebar. Actually, he caught the end of his bar right in the shorts and took a chunk out of his penis, enough to be soaked in blood down to his knees. Man, I am never running open ends again! Sorry, no pictures, you don't really want to see something like this anyway.

I wrote Rudy back after hearing this guy drove himself to the hospital. He apparently declined the ambulance ride. Maybe he didn't have any insurance or something. Either way, he is one hard man.

Rudy wrote back with this:

From: Rudy Subject: Re: Carnage at the Riders on the STORM mtb race, Comfort Texas Harder than me. It was all I could do to drag my hungover ass out of the tent Sunday morning after too many stops on the Night Train Saturday night. One bright spot: saw a pink lace thong laying in the mud Sunday morning. Glad someone got some that night.

Always good to know someone had a good time. And, it's crawling out of a tent with a hangover just part of mountain bike racing?

Maybe if you're like me: pack fodder.

More mail from the fringe element.

From: Mr Completly Subject: A night of contrasts PBR and a fresh bottle of Don Julio. A fresh studio overlookiing gollywood, hanging with the USC and UCLA grads, listinging to ICP (my choice). Everyone, too scared to change the CD. MAC'S instead of PC's . Hourdevours and champagne. Did anyone mention a bicycle? Not this crowd. I tell them that I am a representitive of cyclcide on the behalf of the "Big One" and I use my masters degree to spread the proliferation of DOSS (dirt bags on single speeds). Oh im sorry, this was an art opening, "where's the bikes?". Maybe someone wants to use this MAC. Fuck these ho's. More of my PBR's and their Don Julio... Free booze is the best tastin'......

Or, it could be the mainstream too, I guess. It all depends on your point of view.

Free you mind, baby. And your ass will follow.

From: Paul Subject: more carnage Near the bottom of your 2/26/04 entry you reference some carnage: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi? I don't know how bad it is in your parts but read some of the responses to this accident at ba.bicycles (go to google groups - a sample is attached). It makes me sick to my stomach. I fucking hate people... A 53-year-old bicyclist died in the crash and his 65-year-old riding companion is listed in critical condition at Valley Medical Center, police reported. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Monte Sereno is between Saratoga and Los Gatos. Oh, I'm quite familiar with it. I now consider it hallowed ground, the site of a Great Victory For All That Is Right And True. Good. Do you think their limp, flailing bodies were punted any appreciable distance, tumbling be-Spandexd ass over helmeted teakettle through the air, or do you suppose they were they merely dragged underneath the van? (In other words: a ground game as opposed to a passing game?) "Time to make kissy-kissy with Mr. Differential, boys!" Maybe that big Ford ran over one of their heads, squirting brain tissue and MindSnot(tm) out through the slots in the guy's silly little pointy helmet, that headgear that makes you guys look like the Draaks in "Enemy Mine." (splootch!) You know, kinda like a car running over a dropped ketchup packet in a McDonald's parking lot. I note the tacit assumption that the van driver was at fault. Regardless of how things eventually turn out, I can't help wondering whether it ever occurred to any of you mealy-mouthed spokehead weenies anywhere along the line that the actual reason for this incident could've possibly -- just possibly, mind you -- been that the cyclists were arrogantly riding too far out in the street. I know Ridgecrest Drive, and it's easy to envision a pair of Spandex fags riding side by side on that narrow road instead of in single file as they should've been and getting smacked by traffic. Kinda like the way you fucks get all brave and full of yourselves when you have any numbers, and take up half the right lane on Foothill Expresway. Eventually, somebody's going to pull a "Le Mans 1955" number and plow right into the lot of you. Let's hope that it happens sooner rather than later, and that the fatalities are maximized while the damage to the car is minimal.

Monday, March 1, 2004

38D rebecca   I   adriana sage   I   I'm going to hell

Holy shit its March already. It just doesn't seem the same without Het Volk. Oh well. I'll just have to distract myself with some other means.

Drinking seems to work.

Funny things about training, when you get to the event you worked on, you kinda just stop. At least I do. Or, did. Or, am.

It's been a fun two weeks of being completely retarded and drooling on myself a lot. Now, with March coming and April just 'round the bend, we've got events coming out of our ears.

I'm going to be a very busy, and very broke boy.

I may be going to hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride.

This in from Laura from Holland.

So, you want to make some dread locks?

From: Scott Subject: marco tribute and trike race Johnny, Though you would like to know two things: I put together a little video tribute of Marco Pantani after I realized that I captured his last professional victory on film. It is a montage of my encounters with him during the 2000 Tour de France. thetourbaby.com And, at the Boulder fundraiser, I engineered a tricycle race between Bob Roll, Andy Hampsten and Ron Kiefel and caught that on stills and video too. You can find that here: thetourbaby.com/boulder_gallery Also, I am heading out to the Skinny Tire Festival this next weekend in Moab to show the film and get some miles. Everyone is invited that is in or near Moab and admission will be FREE. skinnytirefestival.com/skinny.html

That Moab event looks like a good time. Damn, there is so much shit in the works it makes my head spin.

From: Rotten Apple Subject: spring jam It is that time again. Spring Jam March 27 at Voodoo Park. For flyer go to rottenapplebmx/springjamflyer1.pdf

Rotten Apple kinks ass.

Yesterday I posted and email about an event over in New Mexico called the Alien Run. These are some pics of the Alien Run at Hart Canyon, where there will be a race on April 17th. Link to the race here.

I'm leaning on toward that one.

And then you have a 24 hour race getting put together out in Asheville. I had received an email about it, and I replied requesting more details. This could also be a good one.

And, yes, I am now the Large Professor.

From: Adam Subject: Asheville 24hr race Yo Large Professor! (better than "Lard" Professor!!) I will gladly send in the info when I get my hairy little palms on it. To give you an idea of how "off the hook" the riding is around here: Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes like Dom Perignon after a few hours of punching your knobbies into the sweet soil these trails are made of!! Not to mention, I used to live in Southern Oregon (I was lucky enough to have done the IMBA Epic ride in 2001 that hit up the North Umpqua River trail. The river comes down from Diamond Lake- near Crater Lake- and goes for 79 miles, point to point) and I can tell you the riding here is even better! It's like this: you're nailing Jenna J. while she eats Susanna Spears box during which time Jeff Jones is putting the finishing touches on your custom ti single speed (yeah, with those cool, funky ti bars) and when you are finished with your fuk-a-thon, Wolfgang Puck is serving up your favorite 7-course feast while you receive a massage from Johan Museeuw's soignier. Then, of course, you wash it all down with a sixer of PBR cans... Because you are, after all, in Asheville, NC! Well, maybe the riding's not THAT good... You need to come for a visit, though. It ain't that far from your hometown, either. Have fun- I gotta get some sleep 'cause I am opening the store tomorrow morning at 5:15am. Shit- that isn't tomorrow, it's more like later tonight.

You just can't argue with that.

Or, this.

From Ti bikes to Ti guns, it's all about the love up in here.

From: Doroteo Subject: goddamn pistols So, I been shootin' my little Ti .45 a bit. It's kinda like a stick o' dynamite goin' off in the ol' paw. Light too. Nice for bike ridin'. I'm wishin' I bought the 4" barreled one though. I know, what a wuss. At least I got a good deal on this one.$450 including the holster. I feel like shootin' me a Hummer. Or an Escalade. Maybe I'll just make a new stencil. "Your Car is a Piece of Shit". Or should I be more direct? Decisions, decisions. Oh yeah, Did I tell you Yuki-chan is thinking of moving to Tucson? The poor nut. Maybe I'll introduce her to one o' the boys out here after I give'r a bit o' the Meat Mole. She'd be wise to stay in Osaka, I'll tell you. As for throwin' that shit down, one of the BICAS boys was a bit worried about his girlfriends reaction to meetin' Yours Truly. I told him not to worry, I'd send her back better'n new. That's me, always thinkin' of others. A Goddamn philanthropist. I sure wish they'd start makin' bike tires outta that shit. After all the ridin' west o' the Tucson Mountains baby needs some new shoes. It's one goddamn thing after another I tell you... And Charlies out there gittin' stronger, Uncle Pistol

I mean, damn.

This is rapidly turning into one gaint email dump. Oh well. At least it's entertaining.

From: Matt Subject: anti-hand job gwhatchet.com/news/2004/03/01/Metronews/ It's a link to my school newspaper. The article was mixed in on the same page with information for housing next year and new food choices at the student union. Reading it brought a tear to my eye. If only such an organization existed before that fateful summer I met Danni. Could have saved me a lot of pain.

Yeah. I'm feeling ya.

If I was just looking for a hand job, I would have never left my house.

From: Bill Subject: You're missing out This is one of the most interesting journal entries of any cyclist... These guys were traveling through Cuba letting their friend know what he was missing out on. Nice friends. cyclingnews.com/photos.php?id=photos/2004/

What are friends for if you can't bust some balls every once in a while? What's the point of having fun if you can't remind those that aren't how much fun you're having?

Check out this email from my landlord.

From: Goldmember Subject: Kickin the Karate Monkey through Egypt Neighbor, the first week of the tour D'afrique is in the books. After starting at the foot of the pyramids in Giza under the loped off nose of the sphynx 36 riders in the tour D' afrique pedaled out of the smog belching third world monstrosity of Cairo (think Phoenix with 17 million people except the women are hidden behind burqas and from what I can tell don't all have breast implants!). We're going to bike the 6000 miles to Cape Town over the next 120 days. Right now we're at the Nile town of Luxor hounded by touts, carriage drivers and people who just "want you to come into my my shop, look no buy!" We've pedaled 480 miles mostly over the flats through the desert. There are some Dutch riders on board that are rolling over the flats and eating up the terrain windy or calm. Great riding along the red sea and through villages along the nile, the locals seem really into to see a bunch of rich whiteys on their bikes flying by but our police escorts won't let them get anywhere near us. I've got the Karate Monkey 29er rollin' fast here on these road sections and she's chompin at the bit for the desert sections when she's gonna jump all over the flying dutchmen. Next up The Sudan Ciao Goldmember

I wrote him back and said, "You have no idea the pride I sign my rent checks with after your email. Go forth and conquer, young lion."

You can read about the Tour D. Afrique over here.