I forgot to mention a few things about my little ride on last Friday. I went out for what was supposed to be "a little leg opener."

Uh huh. More like a "better bring your wood screws jonny, 'cause I'm about to blow your doors clean off" type ride. Wolfe, Liz and Snake proceeded to do bad things to me. Just 'cause they could.

Especially that Snake. Bastard. Dropped me up Gates and then again on the "flat" roads coming back to town. Bastard. And Liz too. Jeez.

So then, the crit comes and goes on Saturday. Snake wins the 1-2 field, Liz wins the women's 1-2 field and Wolf wins the masters.

Maybe I don't feel so bad now, eh?

We're kicking it watching my new '95 Ghent-Wevelgem video the other night, about six of us in my tiny ass apartment. Good race, back in the glory days for puffy steroid boys. Anyway, homeboy Michelesen takes it home for Festina and we're all talking shit like, hurry up Lars, you got drug control in 5 minutes! Remember like we told you in training camp, Lars?

Make sure and drink it all gone, Lars, and wait 10 minutes before you pee. Tell then you just can't pee yet. Ten minutes, Lars, just like we planned. Then the camera pans over and who is handing Lars his "special" bottle? Yeah. Willy Voet.

Oh, I guess maybe we weren't really joking?

Good times.

In the "just in case you were wondering" category, it seems I've made a mistake.

From: Laurie Subject: French spell check A big gear pounder isn't a "roleur," he's a "rouleur." I used to hang with an Austrian roadie who called those guys "Donnerers," which means thunderers.

Thanks for the heads up Laurie. I had no idea I had it wrong. And I'll try to incorporate "Donnerers" into my vocabulary starting today.

From: David Subject: post ride food Grande Juan, Here is a link that might cheer up the gang - my favorite is the shrimp dish with what looks like a bong water dipping sauce. http://www.phule.net/mirrors/www.poundy.com/wwcards.html

You're not kidding about the bong water dripping sauce. Holy shit, that stuff looks like fucking torture. I'd rather be fat.

Ugh.

This would be the national single speed championship.

This would be mountain bike az dot com.

These would be some badass cruisers.

I've seen this guy on the t.v. in a show called mail call. He's a total wingnut. Yes, it's R. Lee Ermey.

Check out the new and improved cooks bros. webpage. That bike is smooth like butter.

Scott Ritter, man who makes sense or pedophile wackjob? Or both? You be the judge.

More about Jason Plite.

From: Mat Subject: Fallen Cyclist Jonny, Some bad news for everyone, especially cyclists. We've lost a great person and a great cyclist. Jason Plite, died Sunday night when his helicopter crashed in Afghanistan. He was Air Force Para Rescue on a mission to save Afghan children with head injuries. In a heavy sand storm their helicopter crashed into a mountain. He died doing what he loved and serving the country he loved. He was a great guy, one of the best friends I ever had and the kid who introduced me to mountain biking. I'll ask everyone to go find someone and introduce them to our great sport, it would be a fitting tribute.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

zdenka   I   kyla   I   courtney

I've learned some lessons in life the hard way it seems. Like, for example, when Big M invited me on a short, couple of hour spin today I thought to ask if that Bastard Justin was coming too.

Yes, he'll probably ride with us part of the way, was the reply.

Fine. I know what this means. I'm bring two big bottles of mix. A big ass jug, the kind that won't even fit in a bottle cage in my jersey pocket. Fifteen dollars I cash. And, I'm slathering on the suntan lotion.

Couple of hour spin, my ass.

Well, today it was Big M that threw me the curve. After a blazing run to Picacho due to a strong tail wind, she says, and I'm not joking, "We've ridden 40 miles, it's almost half way to Phoenix, let's just keep going. Justin can give us a ride back."

Turns out Justin had to take all the stuff he didn't sell at the fourth avenue swap meet yesterday back up to the shop and would come get us later in the day.

I take a swig of my Gatorade. Hmmm. Well, I've got three questions. Where exactly in Phoenix are we going, what time is it and how much money do you have?

Remembering the debacle of my last Tucson to Phoenix attempt where I rode in circles out on the res, I bought a map for $1.79.

Bargain.

And just like that, I was heading to Phoenix.

Of course the tail wind didn't last. How could it? It always turns sooner or later. Head wind, tail wind and cross wind. Fuck, bring it on. When it was good, it was very good. And when it was bad, it was very, very bad.

Such is life it seems.

All in all a good day. 110 miles, average speed 18.

It's midnght and I just got back home. Fuck me. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Good night.

Friday, March 28, 2003

Mikaela   I   lesbians rule   I   lesbians rule

Talk about taking the show on the road. Good times.

You feelin' it?

From: gc Subject: yo mutha fucka Today I realized, again, just why I love this sport so. Today, by riding my bicycle, I made a difference in the world. Yes, if more of us rode with me we could change this big blue marble as we know it very rapidly. Today I spurred the economy. I went to go see my friends at The Path Bike Shop, the greatest bike shop in the world, to replace the gloves my dog ate, the water bladder I haven't cleaned that is now is supporting a mini ecosystem and buy a power/gu thingy. Then I went on a ride. After the ride I went back to see my friends at The Path Bike Shop, the greatest bike shop in the world, to replace the parts on my bike I have broken since my ride mere moments before and the brand new gloves I have just ripped to all hell. Yes, I love mountain biking. Because of mountain biking today I helped the economy and helped grow a new ecosystem. Today I bled. Not enough to make anyone other than me faint but enough to help the environment with more biodegradable material for the soil. Not only did I bleed, but I also used my great skill to eliminate some of the overgrown brush on this particular trail while on my way to bleeding and could now consider my time "volunteer hours" as I did trail work. So today I helped the economy, grew a new ecosystem, helped the environment and volunteered. Today I made a friend because of mountain biking. As I was at the bottom of this particularly nasty trail that I have just done volunteer work to, fixing my bike so that I can get it to the car and my car to The Path Bike Shop, the greatest bike shop in the world, so I can further help the economy, a person who had never ridden the area came up and asked directions to trails. In fact, by the looks of my new friend he hadn't spent much time on a bike at all, but that all changes in time and all he needs is experience. So, I offer my new friend directions to this particularly nasty trail that I have just descended and done volunteer work to and helped by donating more biodegradable material to while ripping my gloves and bike all to shit. So my new friend takes my sound advice and heads up towards the trail and is too stupid disregard advice from a man bleeding profusely, covered in dirt, with gloves ripped to shit and fixing a broken bike with a rock. Yes, I love mountain biking. Today I helped the economy, created a new ecosystem, helped the environment, volunteered, made a friend and helped Darwin further his theory. Today my mountain biking made a difference in the world.

Today was the end of the spring training city limit sprint series. Snake and I have been going at it for a good eight weeks now, with the Gnome and Tex showing up from time to time.

There were two hot spots today. Snake took both. Easily.

He blew my fucking doors clean off.

It didn't matter if I jumped first, led out, or came from the back. Snake clobbered the living shit outta me each and every time. Good damn, I suck.

He he ho ho ha ha ahhh fuck.

Looks like twelve year old white supremacists don't think much of bombing Iraq. How fucking bizarre as that?

That chick in the picture is twelve. And she's got herself a nice little bullshit webpage all about being a dumbass hate filled redneck motherfucker. Great. Sounds like fun. What the fuck is wrong with people?

From: John Subject: Music to bike to Hey. Long time reader of DC, long time biker, great site and all that crap... Recently I've found my battle music when I'm biking; the perfect sound to just get you really stoked about that next hill or that bastard uphill stretch. Against Me!, the best punk band to pop up on the scene in a while. It takes a listen or two to get used to, but once you do: infectious. Give 'em a listen: Pints of Guinness Make You Strong. Just thought I'd share that. Rock on guy. \m/.

Yeah buddy.

I've got a full house tonight with the bike swap tomorrow morning. Snake, who is always here, Big Gay Randy and Nic the Dick. Man, it's like canned ham up in this bitch.

It's time for one last pint of mead, a little more porn and I'm calling it a night.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

veronica   I   zdenka   I   jordan

Hey Fox, grass, cash or ass. No one rides for free.

It's an interesting thing, isn't it? No one seems to actually likes Hussein. The questions in what do you do with him?

I'm not sure I know the answer. But, I'd say this is pretty fucked. It's amazing what the "man" will stoop to, isn't it?

I don't know about you, but Ritter makes good sense to me.

And while I'm at it, Clinton gets a blowjob from a fat chick and middle America freaks the fuck out and Gore feels the sting. Everyone votes Republican 'cause they have morals or something. Now, we got ourselves a fucking class A cowboy at the helm.

This just in from CNN.

"Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism, because it is a merger of State and corporate power." -Benito Mussolini

News flash: Reuters

News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

Yeah, it's like that.

"I hope we shall... crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations, which dare already to challenge our government to a trial of strength and bid defiance to the laws of our country." --Thomas Jefferson to George Logan, 1816

Mike says, "Check this out." I did, and here are some links for you.

www.blogsofwar.com
www.lt-smash.us
sgtstryker.com.cr.sabren.com

And someone jacked the Al Jazeera webpage.

"The Arab network's Web site has been suffering disruptions for days, ever since it showed pictures of dead and captive U.S. soldiers in Iraq."

Fucking cool. I hate hackers, but that shit is funny. I mean, God damn.

From: Matt Subject: the only thing we can do at a time like this I just wanted to remind you and all of your readers that right now, no matter how you feel about the war we must support our troops. This will not become another Vietnam. I am sure that a large number of our troops are not in support of this war, yet they are there, so the least we can do is let them know that we appreciate them and what they are doing. That's all I got......Ride on

I couldn't agree more. I may not like war, but I cannot blame the men and women serving their country for it. I appreciate their honor, their courage, and their sacrifice.

From: Joey Subject: We lost a real hero I think my brother is probably too broken up to write you to tell you that the biking community has lost a great man. Senior Airman Jason Plite died in Afghanistan on Sunday. He biked with my brother a lot and helped introduce him to the sport of biking. He was like a brother to him. I knew him well. I wish I had known him better. He was a great man in every way. He would make any mother and father proud and his little sisters could not have asked for a better brother. He was going to turn 22 this April. He was in the helicopter that went down Sunday in Afghanistan. They crashed in a thunderstorm on the way to a medevac call. It was entirely humanitarian. Two Afghani children had sustained head injuries that were deemed to be life threatening and needed medical attention at the American facility at Bagram Air base. Three other crewmen and the two pilots also died in the crash. He was Para Rescue. That others may live. I once asked him why he didn't just become a Navy SEAL, they always got more attention. He said he didn't want to kill people, he wanted to save them. And save them he did. He was a great guy, nice to one and all. I don't think words will ever do justice to the loss this world has just sustained. He died serving his country and humanity and we will never forget him. Goodnight Jason, you are a hero to us and to all humanity.

I can't even begin to find the words.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I'll try and end this on a good note with an email from Hurl and Mac, who are touring in the far east. Good times.

From: Hurl (Cars-R-Coffins Subject: Good morning Vietnam Lunatic Fringe (I know you're out there...) Greetings from Ho Chi Minh City! After 4 days we've made it from Phenom Penh (and completed our trek across Cambodia) to Saigon. This morning we crossed the Cambo-Viet Nam border at Bavat/Moc Bai with no problems, exchanged our Cambodian Riel (4000=$1us) for Vietnamese DONG! (15,000=$1us), and we are enjoying the soothing, slow burn of "Courson-Finest Old Whisky" as we were unsuccessful in locating our much-loved Jim Beam... Cambodia: what an incredible adventure. Naturally, we've been firing off the photos like mad, but if I try to wrap my head around all of the images we've seen, I'm fairly certain the top of my skull would explode in a crimson splendor of cerebral fluid. Just too bizarre, and yet extremely beautiful, and poignant in its own way. Very desolate, very poor, yet the people so proud, so genuine and friendly. They comport themselves with such grace. Truly humbling, and somehow, sandwiched between the gritty fast-paced world of Thailand, and then the barren landscape gives way to the lush, green irrigation of Viet Nam. Immediately at the border this morning, we were thankful for the paved, mostly smooth roads. Aside from that, the mad 71k dash into Saigon was nothing short of a "mindblower" as Lonely Planet would say; traffic coming at you from all directions, in every conceivable and unbelievable vessel. The usual Camry brigade firing past at Mach 666 speeds, (yesterday, we regaled in joy at a broken down Camry on the side of the road; I swerved into the other lane to take a photo, which Mac thought a bit "in-your-face" as the poor chap had his hood up and was cranking an obvious beat-down starter. Fuck 'em; as just one of the legions of Camrys who terrorized us for the past 17 days, I have no sympathy.) Air-Con touron buses roll by, honking there Freightliner air-horns, big-rig construction trucks, mad moto drivers (90% on Hondas; either vintage Cubs, or newer model scooter-looking things. At the border this morning, I witnessed a female side-saddle passenger get launched at least a foot off the saddle, as the driver hit a deviation in the pavement. She saw me laughing and gave a huge smile, and of course, never lost her composure on the bike-pure comedy.) The heat continues to beat down upon us; we're riding most mornings by 6:30 a.m. though this morning had to wait for the border to open at 7. My face is a beautiful shade of crimson, even with the spf 50 I've been lathering on. The exhaust fumes are black clouds of distortion that you could chew on. We feebly defend our lungs with bandanas pulled over our faces like some modern-day Jesse James. As we neared Saigon, the traffic just increased and it was a full-on assault to stay focused and upright, fighting through the maddening throngs of silk-suited school girls, tuk-tuk taxis, moto drivers, and cyclos hauling sheets of stainless steel, or maybe a woman would roll past with a 12 foot piece of pvc tubing casually draped over her shoulder, held at a deathly-close-to-our-heads angle. Pick a lane, any lane, just don't make any sudden moves and you're golden. In Saigon, we found the district with the cheap hotel/guest houses, paid $8 for a room with a fan and western toilet (harumph!) and set off for some delicious vegetarian food at the Bodhi Tree Restaurant. Spent much of the afternoon strolling around the area, with moto drivers offering us "mari-joona; the best shit in Vietnam! I've got 50 grams in my pocket; I give you 20 grams, Ten Dolla!" Uh, no thanks, pal. I'll drink 75 cent beers instead for now, thank you, much. Soon, we'll head north on the Vietnamese coast towards Hue, and if time permits, get up to Halong Bay, near Hanoi. Then it's back to Saigon and across the lower half of Cambodia, back to Thailand. We hope all of you are well and look forward to sharing more stories and pictures from this hectic, surreal, fantastic adventure. Shout at the Devil!

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

ditch pig   I   cassidey   I   patricia

Ever just feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place? Or that your maybe just stuck.

These first couple of days back on the bike after a week of pretty much picking fuzzy lint balls out of my ass crack is proving to be difficult. I'm beat down and dead tired. Oh well, that's the way love goes.

Got in a four hour ride today. First time I've ridden that long in two weeks. I'll tell ya, the time off hurts. Three hours felt like fucking forever.

I skipped the usual Wednesday ride, or throttling. I really didn't need thirty of my closest friends showing me exactly how slow I am on Pistol Hill.

I'm well aware that I'm slow up Pistol Hill.

I've had a lot of time to get used to the idea, and I've come to accept it. It is not one of my strengths. Now sitting on a bar stool, that I can do. And do well.

Four hours all by myself just seemed like the thing to do. I even remembered an old joke while I thought about pedaling in smooth, efficient squares. My next goal is to pedal in triangles. No one pedals in triangles. I could be the first.

On to the joke.

So, two hapless bastards, Jason and Jake, are marooned on a island when the ship they're on sinks. Pretty much just glad to be alive, they stumble up the beach and into a magnificent grove of mango, banana and papaya.

Of course, they start eating all this good stuff, commenting to each other about how friggin lucky they are to be alive and how good the fruit is and so forth. So caught up in it, in fact, they don't notice the rather large group of rather large natives that have surrounded them.

The natives, gesturing with sharp spears and grunts, take our heroes Jake and Jason to their village and before the Chief.

Now the Chief, he's none to happy with our boys, and tells them of the great insult they have made towards the tribe. They are to be punished for this transaction, the King says. And they much choose their punishment.

The King looks to Jason first, and asks, "Death, or Boo-Baa?"

Our boys are fairly reassured by the Chiefs fine command of the English language. Jason is asked to choose first, and not surprisingly, thinking the Chief is not such a bad chap, he chooses Boo-Baa.

"Very well. Boo-Baa." says the Chief. And with a wave of his hand, ten of the tribes largest swaggering cocksmen come forth and tie Jason over a barrel. They proceed to long dick him with the biggest cocks imaginable in every orifice. After a good half and hour of pounding Jason in the ass, they leave him, a cum splattered, whimpering, bleeding wreck on the ground before Jake.

Again, the Chief asks, this time to Jake, "Death, or Boo-Baa?"

Jake looks at the Chief. He looks down at Jason, still crying softly on the ground, and back at the Chief again.

"I'll take death."

"Very well," says the Chief, "Death by Boo-Baa."

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

busty 36   I   busty 37   I   busy 46 (no end in sight)

News about this country, you won't see in this country. Yeah, it's like that.

This blog is from Baghdad. Go ahead, read what's it's like for an Iraqi citizen.

Oh, it's a barrel of fucking laughs.

At least this link is funny. I've always said a torque wrench in a bike shop is like a fire extinguisher. Sure, we got one. It's right over there on the wall.

No one here has ever used it and we hope like hell we never have to.

I got a new rant up. It's a letter that was forwarded to me written by a man named Thorne Anderson. This is a link to cobis.com. Just punch his name into the search box to see some photos he has taken in Iraq. I'm sorry, I can't seem to link directly to one of his galleries without the server somehow fucking me.

And since preemption is all the rage these days, I'm going to pre-empt all the bullshit email suggesting I leave the country. Yeah, because I cannot possibly be a good citizen and suggest the war in Iraq is bullshit. Questioning my government is not unpatriotic. I am not leaving the country. I am a proud American.

Most of the time anyway. Here are today's top drawer emails.

From: casey Subject: fuck, dude. War? hey buddy nice to hear back from you, as always. been glued to the tube, unfortunately, watching the shit blanket unfold across the world. this too, shall pass, they say. it's hard to predict the outcome, but you know, fuckit. gotta say with your whole web job, man, you've come a long way, baby. To the point: would Big Dave otherwise have a place in this world to have folks like us appreciate his heroism? I was in his shoes. I didn't sport those shoes on the same damned turf as he, but the shoes were on. I was also subjected to the same ignorant "philosophies" as he, and I'd like to think I held myself just as well, but truth be told, I wasn't that strong. I could not, on that gently swaggering tin can, find room or mental fortitude to see the job that absolutely needed done, from the greedy pigs asking me to do it. in this world I feel our immune systems shall face but one true, vile disease. It, amongst a world full of anguish and physical distress, will meet no equal. GREED seems to be the one virus, spreading faster than AIDS, killing more than cancer, that brings us all to our knees begging for the strength to overcome. the powers that be, in all their treachery and deceit, make it all too easy for us to otherwise give in. Let me tell you Juan Grande, that the target of your efforts: humility, grace and fond recognition by a humble and simple folk, is sublime. with all the "world" has to offer, in its efforts to pave the planet and make this nation a never ending backyard, you manage to forgo these temptations via the act of heartfelt dissertations and ceaseless torturing of self to achieve the one prize we as humans could truly "win": a larger, ever-spreading network of the true hard working America that people used to actually fight for. And with that, I hand my soap box back over to you. Jonny, thanks for keeping it real. Next time I see you, I would very much like if you could have some frosting atop my ass, on that napkin you hold so well. Casey vet, USS Billfish, SSN 676, decommissioned.

Consider your ass frosted, my man. I'm gonna slow sex you like you've never been slow sexed before. Count on it.

From: Mike Subject: nazi propaganda Clear Channel; the almost is, radio monopoly ..... has become a Nazi Propaganda machine for Bush and right wing whacko Republicans; this is truly one of the scariest things I've ever read. Propaganda is effective, that's why it is done, constant brainwashing of humans from a very specific point of view without dissent and good dialog and discussion, is as dangerous for us as it was for the German people leading up to and during WWII. My strong beliefs in the importance of debate in America, make me an enemy of media monopolies that are tied to ANY specific point of view. We need objective news, not war rallies. We need the FCC to preserve a wide spectrum of viewpoint in our media, and not have it become a monopoly that feeds into the political designs of a specific party. That's what screwed Germany, Japan, and dare I say, Iraq. http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/25/opinion/25KRUG.html?pagewanted=print&position=top

Today has been a fairly depressing day over all.

I rode up and over Gates Pass for the first time since Garret Lemire died during the Tucson Bicycle Classic. I've pretty much avoided that road all week. Just didn't want to face it, I guess.

There is a little shrine, a couple of candles, some water bottles with letters to Garret written on the side, and some other cycling stuff in a loose assortment on the roadside gravel. I hope someday there will be something more permanent to mark his passing, such as the plaque for Jamie Fallon up in Flagstaff.

It really sucked to ride by that spot in the world. I slowed, but did not stop completely. I just couldn't. I gave a tip of my helmet and tried so say a little something.

It wasn't easy. And, I'm not sure I could find the words. Then or now.

I also recently was emailed some pictures of the death of Rachel Corrie.

I'm not trying to make a statement on the current affairs of the Israelis and Palestinians...

No, fuck that, I am going to make a statement. Her death was bullshit. Absolute bullshit. She was murdered. And I for one am fucking pissed off about it. This won't go away, this is a big time fuck up. State Representative Bob Baird of Washington, Rachel's home state, has called for an independent investigation into the affair.

In my country you are allowed to protest things you do not agree with.

In my country you are not killed for speaking out.

I tried to only post links about Rachel that are balanced, unbiased and from a respectable news source. I think I succeeded. You can do a news search on something like google if you are so inclined to read more about her and the tragic, senseless way she died.

Also, I will not post the pics I got on this site. I was, and am still, very upset by the images of that poor, crushed, dying young woman. The pics are out there on the net if you wish to see them. Go find them yourself.

There is nothing good about any of this. I really don't understand my fellow man sometimes. I really, really don't. I don't want anyone to die. Killing people never solves anything as far as I'm concerned. What the fuck are we doing to each other?

Please don't email me and tell me how I'm clearly anti-Semitic, how Rachel Corrie burned the flag in some demonstration, and about the evils of the PLO.

It doesn't make me anti-Semitic to be angry about her death. I am in no way condemning all of Israel no more than I would be condemning all of Los Angeles by saying the four cops the beat down Rodney King were guilty of assault. Running a young woman over with a fucking bulldozer is, quite obviously, not a good thing to do. And when we're about to give Israel 12 billion dollars in aid, I have a right as a tax payer to question things. Like, for example, the sick irony of a bulldozer manufactured in Illinois being used as a weapon against an American citizen. That is really fucked up.

In my country, you are allowed a freedom of speech which protects the right to burn the flag if you really feel like doing it. I personally find the burning of the flag distasteful, but that's the peril of free speech, isn't it? People may say and do thing you don't necessarily agree with.

And, even if burning the flag was illegal, even if was an offense punishable by death, you would be arrested, tried and convicted in a court of law in this country. Only then would you be sentenced. You would not, I can assure you, be run over by a bulldozer.

I know the PLO is bullshit. Their mandate calls for a destruction of Israel. How can you ever say you are for peace if one of the reasons for your existence is the absolute eradication of Isreal? The PLO have committed brutal and terrible acts for years. As far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't even be the representative of the Palestinian people. The hands of the PLO are awash in blood.

Look, terrorism is bullshit. Suicide bombers are bullshit. Arafat is bullshit. And Sharon is bullshit. Neither man is holding the moral high ground in this one. Everyone is fucked.

The whole stinking thing is fucking bullshit.

All parties involved, the Israelis and the Palestinians, need to stop acting like children and step up to the plate. Peace takes sacrifice on both sides of an argument. Learn how to share the fucking sandbox already.

All I can say when I think of Garret and Rachel is what a fucking waste. One died in an accident and one was brutally murdered. What a cruel, senseless waste of young life.

Monday, March 24, 2003

jo-lee   I   busty 45   I   busy 54

Sweet suffering Christ.

What is the world coming to?

Heard the latest casualty estimates for this campaign? The numbers they are throwing around in CNN and MSNBC? These are for our boys, and granted, they are on the high side.

17,000.

Fuck that shit.

More fun in Iraq. Now we got some jackass tossing grenades in tents. Our fucking tents. Jesus fucking Christ.

Looks like we got ourselves a little planny plan for Memorial Day weekend. It's the National Single Speed title. Oh yeah, you know you want it.

Who knew I was a hit with Canadian hockey players?

From: Michael Subject: drunk cyclist Hey man, Just wanted to say what a big fan of your site I am. I found it through FHM actually. They had a link to a website called chicks with guns one time, and on that site I saw a link to your site. I was thinking, what the hell is this drunkcyclist crap? So I checked it out and holy crap, you've got some cool shit on there! At first I was only looking at the porn that you so gratefully provide, but after reading a little bit of what you have posted on there, I was very impressed. I'm a Canadian with only two American friends, and sometimes I easily fall into the impression that the majority of Americans have hardons for the great tyrant himself, George Dubba. It's nice to see you promoting politically alternative ideas on your site. Anyway, I'm just a drunk Canadian hockey player, so I don't know if you'll be interested in what I had to say or not. But thanks for the great site, I find myself checking in fairly regularly now. Keep up the good work!

I'm glad to know I'm helping to show the world all of us Americans aren't complete assholes. Just some of us. Like those we elect to public office, for example. They would be the assholes.

Maybe we should elect a drunk Canadian hockey player as out next President?

From: Scott Subject: inner thoughts http://www.voiceyourself.com/ During this time of trouble and uncertainty, instead of complaining about who's responsible, one may look within and see responsibilities. I'm not one to get on a soap box, but this is a direction of less resistance. And if you know me you understand. After you enter the site click on 'thoughts from within.' Click on 'Enter Here', turn on speakers. Love one another... Maybe pass it on. Maybe play it again.

Right on man, right on. Just click here as a shortcut. Yeah, maybe I'll be seeing you around.

This link sent in by none other than Charles Burkowski, who adds, don't forget to click 'next'. Yeah buddy. Bring it on.

From: jason tallous Subject: NDC NOVA update Well its over and I lost the battle with myself. The race started at a fast but comfortable pace with 10 of breaking away. Lots of impatience saw guys passing through gardens of cholla. I just sat in and waited. What was I waiting for? Getting dropped that's what. At the beginning of lap 3, my back seized up and I found myself walking up the littlest of rollers. I've never experience this before. The cause could be anything from the previous love affair with the ground to stress?---DT says back pain is all stress related. What stress do I have-----no job, no money, no food, only to ride and eat Dura Carb smoothies. Unfortunately, I did not finish. My first DNF in years. Roland won in a sprint with JH-K. My Mexican juniors teammates did sweep the field taking 1,2, and 3. Well off to the my stressful life.

Well, big daddy, you can't win 'em all. Don't worry, we can go an a ride soon and you can beat me like a red headed stepchild. Then I'll be walking up the hills. But, how did you end up on the ground so fast?

And Dura Carb smoothie? What the fuck is that shit? I'll tell ya what you need to get started on. A couple of bottles of Arizona Honey Wine, that's what. I'm down with that smooth mead goodness. I can't get enough of that stuff.

So, tip the cup and stop cryin. The Gnome might catch wind of your whining and them it's all going to hell around here.

Again.

From: Big Dave Subject: it really is a war Most of you have either heard about or even seen the footage from Al Jazeera. It's real stuff. Our guys got caught trying to secure a few guys that were on the road waving white flags. When they stepped out of their vehicles, they got waxed. RPG's to the vehicles. Lots of equipment. Those guys on Al Jazeera were from the maintenance unit that checked out our vehicles before we left Bliss. They were supporting patriot. It's real ugly. So what do you do? Ignore the guy with white flag and keep rolling while keeping your eyes peeled for an entrenched enemy, or stop and secure the guy while his buddies pop up and try to wax you. The third alternative is to wax the guy with the white flag and hope his buddies pop up and don't overwhelm you with fire power. That's what our guys are facing out there. The press told you that Basra was secure....whatever. We haven't even begun to face the enemy in Basra yet. Last night we had 2 alerts. The previous night we had a false alarm announced by my idiotic First Sergeant. That stupid loser. And he really wants to go to Bagdad. The guy can barely see much less shoot. We had a missile fired at us from north of Basra. It got intercepted about 20k north of us. We didn't even see it on the screens. It was a manual engagement. The UK aircraft was bad news. Right after it hit Fox....2 seconds after....the big boys at the 5 sided building called our headquarters. It was an automatic engagement. No buttons were pressed. Dude was too close and wasn't putting out his signal. The Light Armored Vehicle you guys saw on Al Jazeera was a wasted out Marine vehicle. Rumor has it that everyone inside was killed. We still do not have confirmation on most of what you guys have seen on tv. It's very confusing. Not good at all. The way I see it is that we have two choices: Bomb and shell the crap out of every city and village in Iraq until nobody is left standing, or pack up and go home and do what God told Lot to do many centuries ago in this same land. Leave and don't look back. Some people like to re-live the bad parts of history over and over again. Thanks for all the stuff you guys are sending me. It's greatly appreciated. The mags you guys send get read by me in less than a day and I pass them on. The City Weekly from SL has been a huge hit with some of the soldiers who actually think. They never thought Salt Lake would ever have such a media outlet.

You can email Big Dave at this address.

In another email, Big Dave told me he thought he was being lied to. I wrote back, we are all being lied to.

They're coming to take me away, ha ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho ho,
Hee hee, ha ha
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away, ha, ha!

Sunday, March 23, 2003

sydney moon   I   dolly   I   lesbians rule

Read this about this one yet? There may be as many as ten American pow's.

These guys are from Fort Bliss in El Paso, Texas. Big Dave is from the same base, and might know some of these men and women.

War fucking sucks. I don't know what the answer is, I just hate the whole fucking game, the players, everything. The whole thing. Here is today's quote.

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell

You know, people are fucking crazy.

I can still remember the good old days. How 'bout 'em, huh?

Went out last night and got good and shitty with Ang and the Gnome. Met up with Mark from over at ABE, and proceeded to Chez Louge. PBR for a buck. Well, till they run out anyway. Then its the High Life for a buck fifty.

I got fucking wasted. Just butt ugly wasted.

I ran into a couple of guys I know, and I don't think I made a damn bit of sense. I should just keep my mouth shut. Live and learn.

Big chunks of the night are a mystery. I do remember riding home and carrying the Gnomes bike on my shoulder. He was MIA at that point. In tribute to Nagel, I called out "what up dirties" to a bunch of girls walking down the street.

They seemed to like it.

Ang told me today I was walking around the house naked, yelling something about her being retarded and puking when I got home. Fuck. Musta had fun.

So that was my night. I called my wife a retard, walked around the house naked and threw up.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

From: jason tallous Subject: NDC NOVA Race report so far..... Well to put things short, CEP and the Bookspans are involved which has made things a mess here in PHX. At the end of the TT, the officials were asking racers if they clocked themselves to compare times. I should have given myself 30sec or even a minute. Jeremy H-K argued till they gave him the leaders' jersey. In the TT, I made some costly errors and lost about 1.5 min to JH-K. I don't even remember the last mile of the TT. I did manage to bend my egg beater pedals, though. Frankly, I surprised they lasted this long in rocky AZ. To start stage 2 (STXC), I showed everyone my affection for decomposed granite. I love hitting the ground, sliding, and grinding the skin from your body. And follow that up with Jay Henry riding across your chest. This gave me my much needed first road rash of 2003. After I gave the leaders a 45 sec head start, I remounted my trusty Santa Cruz, fixed my brakes, and began to chase. 20 min plus one lap is plenty-o-time. I caught up with the train and just began passing when necessary. Somehow, I made my way to 9th place and only lost 1:10 to JH-K. So on to tomorrow and my battle with myself. It should be interesting. PS. I can't believe I ripped the palm from my brand new gloves.

This is great. I found this link on a site called peeve farm. Click to listen to the Mohammad-vs-Andrea audio clip. I don't know a damn thing about the radio show this is from, the host, guest speaker or caller. But, it's fucking hilarious. This poor dumb bastard peace activist couldn't argue here way out of a paper bag.

Now, I'm all about peace and justice. You all know that. But, this girl, this "chirping bird", is not doing the peace movement any favors by opening her mouth.

She should really have someone speak for her in the future. It's just embarrassing to listen to.

From: response Subject: the terrorist won As much as I hate to admit it, the terrorist won. Their goal? To inspire terror, take away/ limit our freedoms, and alter are everyday way of life, business and government. They have accomplished this and more. As I sit here and eat my baked beans under the threat of "code orange" and watch our troops, my neighbors and friends, march off to a war with a forgone conclusion, I can see we fucking lost the real fight. Yeah, we'll physically beat the living piss out of Iraq, but will that vindicate us? I think not. We will still be suffering from "terror" and our laws will become more strict in an effort to head off this terrorist threat. Echoes of nine eleven will reverberate throughout our government as excuses to piss on our liberties and rights, fueling the fire for witch hunts and an unlimited spending culture to neutralize every threat foreign and domestic. $90k police cars, billion dollar fighter jets, tax increases, government jobs, national id cards, building prisons, creating prisoners by incriminating the innocent. Yeah we're headed just the direction that all those player hater towel head fucks wanted us to, and our liberal media is helping them walk us right into it, telling us it's for our own good. These terrorists are just using the old rope a dope, let us wear ourselves down and bleed ourselves dry. We are a baby country, still wet behind the ears, fighting against people that have been fighting since before the bible was written. Fuck, my beans are cold...

Saturday, March 22, 2003

kyla cole   I   blonde   I   kill me now

3:00 pm on a Saturday afternoon. I'd say its about high time I cracked open a beer.

I haven't touched a bike all week. Well, not since the McDowell race last Saturday and a fun little jaunt in the rain on Monday.

Fuck it.

So, we're bombing the shit outta Iraq now. It's about as if we decided to invade Arkansas. I think Arkansas might do better actually. If for nothing else the gangs of Little Rock could probably shoot reasonable straight if motivated sufficiently.

But, what the fuck do I know. I'm sitting in a one bedroom apartment, typing on a laptop between hanging wet laundry on my porch railing and watching the Gnome stab the shit out of his earlobe trying to get his ear rings back in.

Sick, I tell ya, we're all sick.

I've got emails coming out of my ears after a week at my sisters place up in Phoenix. Sorry, Scottsdale don't cha know. She's want me to say that.

Baby, baby, baby, baby on the brain. Kinda cool having a niece. Good reason to try to stay out of jail. Like getting stabbed in the ass by a nine foot, three time loser with tattoos and a big belly isn't enough reason all by itself.

I think if I don't get out and ride a bit this week, I'm going to go insane. Not that I'm not already pretty much totally off my rocker and shit. I'll just go a little more toward the deep end. That's where the pro's hand out, in the deep end.

Everyone will be there. Gnomie, Gordie, the regular Wolf and the Gray Wolf, Big Tex and Snake.

Well, maybe not Snake. He's not exactly pro.

But, don't tell him I said that. He's likely to get pissed off and shit. Fucking kinda predicable that way. Always angry and shit.

Fucking bastards, all of 'em.

Maybe some good will come of all this mess in the end?

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

erica   I   aurora and gauge   I   heather

Back in the saddle again. Good to be home. In my own bed. Drinking my own coffee, wearing my own underwear.

Forget that last one.

Don't ya just wish you could get this as a sporty belt buckle?

In a word; pride.

In a word; jenna.

Do you feel safe?

Funny stuff on this page, hossstyle. Check out the link to goofyshit. Grade A time fuck right there.

In the war on terror, bike paths are the first casualty.

This is an excerpt from Big Dave's latest email. I had to pare it down a little as it was the 'mother of all emails' after all.

From: Big Dave Subject: The mother of all emails… I'm a little disappointed in the name of the new death device my employer has created. The MOAB (Massive Ordinance Aerial Burst), is being referred to as the mother of all bombs. 21,000lbs. It is so big, it has to be kicked out the back of a C130. Damn! It's disappointing that so few people in the army have even heard of one of my favorite places on earth....Moab, UT. Why did they have to come up with an acronym like that. The place of my wedding (and the BOOMING 5 hour ride afterwards!!!) and countless rides on the ripping trails that mountain bikers from around the world strive to experience themselves one day. Oh well. Moab, UT, kicks ass...the MOAB killing device is a poor form of American diplomacy. The countdown has begun. I think we are at about 40 hours. There are some guys in another section that keep yelling it out. It will be interesting to see how it goes down. With all the media "embedded" into the forward units, you should be able to get a good view of all the action from the armchair comfort of your home. I almost feel like an actor getting ready for the show. I guess I'm more of a stage hand or some sort of grip or something. It really does feel like some form of entertainment. I'm sure I'll probably crap my pants the first time a scud comes flying our way, but we are well covered by Patriot....as long as the radars are working. They go down a lot.

I just love to hate conspiracy theories. Like, this bullshit about secret submarines on mountain tops.

You want a conspiracy? I'll give you a good one. Figure out who shot Kennedy? Sort out that fucking mob hit, you wanna impress my jaded ass.

Click here to see a lady on a bike. Are those things real? Is that a Kona?

I've been chillin' like a villain for my spring break. Straight up. Yes sir, no endless party for me. Oh no, none of that annoying "fun" stuff around here. I think I've had three beers in the last five nights. I've been doing the Tour de Famila, and doing it well. Helping with the dishes, driving people to the grocery store, the baby clothing/equipment/stuff store and the restaurants.

Mom, Dad, uncle, wife, brother in law, sister and a new niece. Fuck me, I've been busy as a mother fucker. I'm going to uncork some pent-up steam at the end of this one. Jesus fuckin A Christ yer darn tootin' I am gonna pop a few tops at the end of this week.

Well, that'd be it then. I'm back at it for another night or two. I hope ya'll are doing well. And I hope this weekends bike races here in the great state of Arizona go off without any more tragedy.

I can't take much more of this.

Friday, March 14, 2003

0001   I   0002   I   0003 (and it keeps going)

My younger sister had a baby this morning. Hey, I'm an uncle. How cool is that?

I'll be 'that' uncle. The one with the porn site. The one everyone makes fun of because he lives in a trailer park, has bad tan lines and rides his bike all the time. No one will understand me, or why I carry on the way I do when I find a real prize at the Texaco station. Like, the Nemos Fine Bakery Products Carrot Cake Slice I scored the other day.

520 calories: 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 63 grams of carbs and 7 grams of protein.

All for the low, low price of .99 cents. Light, flaky and delicious.

Absolutely unbelievable. I thought I had purchased the coolest thing on the planet until Justin showed me a bear claw pastry that tipped the scales at the big Six Oh Oh. Also at .99 cents.

Six hundred calories for less than a buck? You gotta be kidding me. What do they put in that shit? Sixteen compressed kittens and four sticks of butter?

What do I care? I ate the damn thing. It was good and I didn't think about food for nearly two hours of riding. Now that is something you can write home about.

I live for deals like that. Just head out the door with some water and a couple of dollar bills in a ziplock bag in your jersey pocket. Ride till you totally fucked, way the hell out somewhere and stumble into a gas station. Throw down your dollar and walk out with 500 calories of frosted goodness and two bottles of water from the sink. Don't stop again for two hours. Good times.

If you're really feeling like throwing a party, splurge a little and get yourself a can of Pepsi to wash that shit down with. Yummy for your tummy.

You'll be feelin' like a Belgium hardman.

Another weekend of bike racing for the boys. The Tucson Bicycle Classic is this weekend. Just about everyone and their brother is doing it. 'Cept me. I'm leaving town for the McDowell mtb race tomorrow. I won't be back for a couple 'o three days.

I have it on good authority that none other than the wife of Big Dave, our man in the Middle East, will be here racing. I don't know her name, never seen her face, but she will be on a black Yeti ARC.

I think, and I mean I'm pretty much guessing here, that she is Jennifer Wilson, #516, on Mt Velo/Supergo, out of El Paso, Texas. I've no way to sort that out at this late hour, so fuck it.

So, just yell at everyone that resembles that description and we'll be fine.

Some time trail news. Looks like Tex ran a 7:40, Bensey a 7:48, Snake a 7:50 and Precious in the ballpark of 8:20. Word has it Gord Fraser won the tt again with a time around 7:10.

Aight, see ya'll in a couple of days. Until, drink, ride fuck.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

sydney moon   I   angel   I   lesbians rule

Ok, I am officially tired. I'm wrecked.

Think you got the stuff? Try this.

From: Hurl Subject: Holiday Inn Cambodia Hello Freaks and Geeks! Seor S'dai from Siem Reap, Cambodia. we're now in Siem Reap, having rode the past three days, roughly 50k each day, from the Thai-Cambo border. We are traveling on National Highway 6. Some highway; it's like a bloody Cal-trans orgy, only they forgot the asphalt and somebody stole a fleet of Toyota Camrys which cannot be driven slower than 95mph, kicking up cyclones of pure, demonic, red dust that gets so far down the crack of my chamois I think I'm working for Mr. Slate. But it's a dandy way to see the country, goddammit, Bobby... Every Cambodian school kid knows the words "HAY-LO" and "bye-bye" but not always in that order. Sometimes they throw you a curve ball, and ask "where you go?" Well, to paraphrase Picasso, If you know exactly where you're going, what's the point? The smiles though, are endless and genuine, and a great juxtaposition from the endless dust, or if the roads are "sealed" then potholes, that if the world were a sane place, would be swallowing those damn Camrys. I'm not kidding. Nearly every car is a fucking Toyota Camry, driven by madmen at topspeed. They don't slow down, but their horns work. The pigs don't seem to mind, and I don't mean the cops. See, the pigs are being held against there will, upside down, usually 3 abreast (ahem) in makeshift cages that look like they were made from snow fencing. These 'cages' are strapped to the back of moto-bikes, and sometimes rip past us in squadrons of 3, for a total of nine pigs. This morning, we stopped for Coca-Cola's and Marlboro (oh, yeah; THIS is Marlboro country) and I positioned myself so that the local police station sign was in the foreground as these swine merchants rode past. It was pure delight. Well, I laughed anyway. Right now we're enjoying 75 cent Angkor beer, (in cans, no less, with old fashioned pull-tabs! Can you imagine?) at an air-con Internet brothel. You should be here. On the way in to Siem Reap today we rode with some young Cambodian school kids who spoke excellent English. They ride about 10k to school each day, and I gave Min (sp?) my last copy of Bike. He was geeked, and then they invited us to their home for coconut water. The kid just shimmied up the tree about 25 feet above the ground, knocked a few 'nuts down, and we had refreshing coconut water, through a straw naturally, as all drinks in these parts are served. We met his whole family, and got to ride through some true backroad Cambodian villages. On the way out a woman was washing her yak-looking creature, (it's not a yak, but you can imagine it I'm sure) in a roadside stream. Very surreal to be here, I tell you what. Well, that's enough nooze for now. We did find our first bottle of Jim Beam since leaving San Francisco, upon pulling into Siem Reap. Well, they did have it in Thailand, but it was about $20. Here we gladly paid $12, and bought two $1 Budweisers. Life is good. Burn in Hell!

Paul sent in this fine Jenna link. And you can hack it for page 8, 7 and so on.

From: Racer X Subject: Did you hear the bullshit about these Republicans in Congress changing the name of "French" Fries to "Freedom" Fries and "French" Toast to "Freedom" Toast on the congressional cafeteria menu? Why don't these dumb fucks just return the fucking Statue of Liberty while their at it -- France gave us that too!

Yeah, what a totally waste of time, eh?

Fucking idiots.

They should try dealing with something that is actually important. Like, maybe health care and stuff like that. But, that's just me though.

From: Stan Subject: is it just me? I saw the picture of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed when he got arrested... and all I could think was... man, doesn't he look like porn star Ron Jeremy? ...just a thought...

  

I think you might be on to something there. Ron Jeremy, testicular terrorist? Osama Bin Jeremy? Ron Sadam? You be the judge. I'll tell ya, no one ladels out the gonad gravy like that guy.

From: Big Dave Subject: the top 10 for care packages and another trip Yesterday I got to take my 5th trip off our little prison. This time it was a small convoy of 2 humvees and I led the way south to a pretty interesting place. It was an airbase way south. It was taken over by the Iraqi's when they invaded. The main attraction, besides all the "wartime activities" was the old bunkers that housed the jets. These things were monsters. Walls at least 15' thick. They were built by the French for the Kuwaitis. The contract stated that they would withstand a direct hit from anything. This is were the story gets good. I go driving by and notice that sunlight is shining down into one of them. There is a mess of rebar and a giant hole. Some of the others have holes directly on top of them, some on the sides. These giant holes were made by US bunker busters when the Iraqis had their planes there. Big holes. Big. After the war, the Kuwaitis tried to sue the French for not living up to the contract. The French didn't have to pay up because they said they built them to withstand everything but the US stuff. When I think of this society....a society that pays everyone to do everything for them....I wonder were all the creativity and sense of responsibility is. The trip also enlightened me as to why this place is a desert. It would not be a desert if it were not over-grazed by sheep and camels. The majority of the land is wandered upon by bedouins and their sheep....lots of them. The sheep and camels pick away at the sand along with goats who fight over pieces of cardboard. One of the places we drove past was fenced off. It was probably about 3 sq. miles of land with grass at least knee high. There were no animals grazing there. Watching these old men and sometimes small children tending to these goats, I think back to the Old Testament and the stories of shepherds and wise men. The cradle of civilization. Trampled to death. We are fortunate to have some elementary schools that have adopted us. They send us all kinds of goodies. Girl Scout cookies have been the latest. Several cases! I thought I'd list a "top 10" of things needed by soldiers here in Kuwait in case anyone was feeling generous. 10. Local newspapers and magazines. 9. Black ink pens, note pads, and envelopes (we don't need stamps, postage if free, but really slow) 8. Laundry detergent 7. Healthy snacks (chocolate is great, but nuts and dried fruit actually disappear faster) 6. Coffee and filters (coffee drinkers will drink anything, the officers get Starbucks all the time, but it only lasts a couple of days) 5. Flossers (these have been a huge hit, we give them to those with oral hygiene problems, they work great because you don't have to stick your hand in your mouth to get a good flossing) 4. Tooth brushes and tooth paste 3. Body soap 2. Dust masks (your basic cheapies used for sawdust and whatever) 1. Tampax tampons (for women....though the all of us men could use some MANPONS every now and then) Feel free to send stuff to me. I do share with others even if they are right wing war mongers. If you have kids in school, encourage their class to adopt a unit or a soldier so the wealth can be spread. There are lots of those "any soldier" sponsorship deals going around the schools. It makes a huge difference in the attitudes of the soldiers. Sometimes I get real tempted to write back to the third grader who says, "Thanks for defending the US" so I can tell him that I'm not defending the US....I'm a mercenary for the current administration which is trying to achieve economic and political goals. I realize that he/she would never understand my ramblings. The dust storms have been heinous. I rode home with my gas mask on last night. My bike was squeaky, but not for long thanks to White Lightning. Thanks for the emails, goodies, and snail mail. If you have emailed anything to me, I've put you on my war updated group. If you prefer to not be on the list, let me know. For the new oilnationstate, Big Dave P.S. My address again: SGT David Wilson, 32d AAMDC, APO AE 09889. Also....it made me very happy to find out that Elizabeth Smart was retrieved. I can't wait to find out what kept her from running for help when she was at the drum circle and the parties that weirdo took her to.

Roger tells me you can hack this link all the way from unitedsexsite.com/gl/kpc/100/ to unitedsexsite.com/gl/kpc/184/ just by changing the numbers at the end of the link. Now, that's a lot of porn.

I'll lie to ya and say me and Snake didn't just go through every single gallery one at a time. We're lame, but not that lame. Yeah right, we fucking suck.

Stikman sent me this link. I can't fucking believe it. It just goes on and on and on. What a webpage.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

aria   I   linda   I   sylvia

Another Justin Joyride in the books. It was everything I had hoped for and more. A day in hell.

Justin likes to piece together AFD (all fucking day) rides on the map, and then see if it's actually humanly possible to pull it off. And I'm the dumbass that goes with him.

Since I've learned a few things about Justin's Joyrides, I prepared accordingly. What I thought I would need. Not like you can ever truly prepare adequately for this type of shit, but you can try. I filled two bladders for my Hydrapak, mixed up three scoops of SE in a large water bottle, one full flask of Hammer Gel, two Powerbars and two Cliff bars.

I figured, fuck it, that's enough food and water for anything. Bring it on, Justin. Yeah right, I ran out of water and bonked by the time this thing was over.

I was pretty close to the car when I cracked, so I only had to crawl a couple of miles on an empty tank. It could have been a lot worse. Like when Justin tells you, don't worry, I've got a space blanket for us if we get stuck out here, a large trash bag in case it rains, and three matches. And I told Big M if we aren't back by dark to worry.

He told me this at nine in the fucking morning. What evil are you planning for us today anyway?

I've got to admit, I don't even listen when Justin tells me where we're going anymore. I don’t want to see it on a map. It doesn't matter. Everything will go to shit like it always does when Justin suddenly realizes that what he thought he saw on the map doesn't exit in the real world. The road will not be where he thinks it is, the road will not go where he thinks it does, and the road is a lot fucking longer than he thinks it is.

This brutal reality was forced home before we even got out of the car today. As Justin scans the roadside he's telling me, "I don't know where the turn is, it's supposed to be 11 miles up here."

"Well," I tell him "I saw the 10 mile sign back there bit. What is the road called?"

"I think it's 11 miles. I figured it was the width of my thumb. That's 11 miles usually."

I didn't say a thing. Not a fucking word. This type of shit is to be expected. Totally normal. I'm going to die out here.

We find the road, park, gear up, get the bikes out of the truck and start rolling. I have no idea where we're going and I just don't care.

Justin says something about some single track on the right that we're going to take. Well, I see some single track, with a big ass gate even. Justin says, nah, that's not it. What we're looking for is at least 5 miles down here. We haven't gone far enough.

Whatever.

Now, whatever fucking road we're on is turning to shit and turning uphill. This is one rocky piece of shit mess of a road. I'm walking. A lot.

This goes on forever. Maybe 45 minutes. We hit a wilderness boundary sign. I guess this ain't the right road, eh?

Back to the single track, yeah that single track. And boy, is it ever smooth. Like hell it's smooth. This is a fucking mess. Fun, but definitely not smooth.

We pound along this single track for awhile, maybe another 45 minutes, I don't know. I don't bring a watch when I ride with Justin. It doesn't matter what time it is. Like Justin told me three different times today, "Wow, it isn't dark yet? That's good."

Single track to sandy double track. Help a guy with a old style Toyota Landcruiser get off some rocks he's highsided on. Kinda cool watching his shit scrap off the rocks.

Back to riding. Uphill. Something like 'chico canyon' maybe. I don't know. canyon of some kind. We're working our way into it as the road turns left, right, left again. Up. Still up. More up. Road is going to hell in a handbasket again. Seriously fucked up road. Unreal. We're both walking. To loose and rocky to ride on.

We find a dried up spring. Someone has left a bottle of Arrowhead water propped up on some grass, just under some scrubby looking Mesquite. This water will figure into my day. Call it foreshadowing if you'd like.

Up the hill for a bit longer. Much more walking. Big fun walking. Turn right on to a trail we almost missed. And to think I almost went right by the well defined pile of rocks that marked the turn. Anyway, we made it. Weeee.

Carrying bike now, over the shoulder style. You gotta be fucking kidding me. At least I can see where I'm going now. Over the notch to the right. That is the pass we're heading towards. And here I thought the fun would never end. Ever.

We're over the top. Stop to take a leak and enjoy view. More like try to figure out which little line down in the next valley is the road/trail/cow path we're going to end up on.

OK, down the hill and I wreck for the first time. I try to duck under some branches while threading my way through a rock section. One of the branches goes straight into the slots in my helmet and turns my head waayyy around as I plow into a couple of rocks. Ow. That sucked.

Justin is laughing at me. Fucker. Ok, we can't find the right road. It's supposed to be around here somewhere. Well, I see some shade, so I'm sitting my big ass down.

Ok, fuck the road to Mount Hopkins, let's just go to the radio towers. You wanna do that, Justin asks me?

Yeah, sure. I'll face death straight on. Why not. Up there, eh? With the clouds and shit? Sure.

In the granny gear. The whole way. All the way we could actually pedal. Some of it was way to loose and way to steep. At the top. Nice view. We were just waayy down there. Wow. And now we're going back. Killed off my first bladder of water on the way up, well into the second by the time I reach the top. It's a long way back.

Head down, down, down. Way down. Things are easy up until the rocky part at the pass. Just as I get to the top, I wreck for the second time. Ended up flat on the ground somehow. Don't even know what happened, just hit some rocks and fell down. Climbing even. Jeez.

Down the other side. Wreck again. Land mostly on my feet and then fall over this time. Great.

Get going again. About five minutes later I wreck again. Fuck me, this is gettin old. Quickly.

Running really low on water. Justin waiting for me at the dry spring, all like what happened? I wrecked. A couple of times.

Hydropak feeling a little light. My water bottle is a distant memory. Ah, the other water bottle. C'mere to me you whore. I tear the top of that mother fucker and down it in one pull. Oh God, that was great.

Get going again. Man, it's a lot faster bouncing down this shit that crawling up it. Almost back. And when I say almost back I mean another hour or so. This is where I run out of water completely. I'm tapped. Fuck me.

I'm really crawling now. Sand, rocks, overall good times. Ah, the car. Badass. I've got more water in the car. Muy beuno.

Ride time, about six hours. That guy Justin does not disappoint. I ran out of water, I bonked, I wrecked, I bled. I never knew where I was going or where I was exactly. It was great.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

nikki nova   I   sky lopez   I   lesbians rule

I went out and rode the TT course for the Tucson Bicycle Classic coming up this weekend. I'm pretty fucking glad I'm not doing that one for real. I'll be mountain biking, thank you.

The fine folks over at i heart bikes are giving away a Sycip frame set. Good mag, good bike, good deal. Go check it out.

From: Tall Paul Subject: Colorado River Trip A couple of us are planning a Colorado River trip. We've hired this Native American Indian guide to help us navigate down the Colorado. If anyone else is interested in taking the trip with us, it's planned for the 2nd week in July. Attached is a picture of our guide, that way when you arrive, you will know which raft to go to. Hope to see ya there....

Ok, I'm down.

I got these in the mail a bit back and just never got around to posting them. They fucking scare me. Wanna see? Click on my brothers. Pic one, two, three and four.

From: sean Subject: yea dude i love that old school punk, ramones, sex pistols, clash, bad religion, dead kennedys, dead milkmen, bad brains, nofx. i dunno, after the early 90's stuff like pennywise, sublime, screeching weasel, (old) offspring... most everything just seems to sucks now. that sucks about those U of A cyclists. ive been hit, and i saw my dad get hit, woman didnt look, and bent the fuck out his front tire. ive been clipped by side mirrors from SUV's in the elbow, and have been knocked down when it forced my arm to into the curb, stopping my front tire, but not stopping me from flipping over the handlebars and onto the side walk. automobiles suck.

I'm pretty much with ya on the hardcore getting lame. I think I'm just out of the loop. I never hear about the cool, underground bands.

And wouldn't you know, Sean wrote me back with these kick ass links. Click, listen and learn.

http://www.only10s.com/free/ot/amp/nikkinovahat.html
http://www.thedistillers.com/multimedia.php
http://www.authorityzero.com/discography.php
http://www.a-frecords.com/foyer/FrameSet.htm

From: phil the horse Subject: holy shit I think I must hate myself fuck help me Hey big man i think i am in some serious schizophrenic trouble i ride bmx, crosscountry, downhill and road bikes what the fuck am i gonna do the inner turmoil is tearing me up somebody help me please -- horse i am a dick

You hate yourself, I hate myself, we all hate each other. I need another powerbar, a hair cut and a new Volvo. Then I could start loving myself again.

Either that, or just ride my fucking bike and shut the fuck up.

Here is today's joke.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window, "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished female teller replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and walks over to the bank manager to inform him of the situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," barks the old man. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank.! " "I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

Monday, March 10, 2003

Kaylani   I   april summers   I   zdenka

Here is where Tall Todd is working these days, the League of American Bicyclists. Yep, he's doing the right things for all the right reasons.

From: Matt Subject: Take it easy I just have something I think needs to be said about what groundscore wrote to you. "BMXers pick on roadies, downhillers and freeriders dis the XC guys, roadies and XC are cool with each other, and BMX and freeriders get along" I've found that the only people who do any dissing of other riders are the ones who are bad at riding what they ride anyways. You ran across a group of BMX posers, not riders. Matt BMXer, Freerider, XC racer and soon to be road racer.

Yeah, I think you're got it there. If you're actually riding your bike, you won't have time to look around and point at others.

Now, what does that say about me?

I need to ride more. I just got out of the big hole I dug myself last week. I guess I'll just dive back in and hope there is water at the bottom this time.

"Big" Dave Wilson for President. You heard it here first.

From: Big Dave Subject: has anyone seen my helmet Good Monday morning to all of you back in the good old USA. It's a beautiful morning here in Kuwait. The sun is starting to heat things up. We had some rain last night and this morning....just enough to bring the dirt out of the sky and onto the ground. Yesterday was an eventful day. The funniest part of the day was me rolling out of bed and realizing that I left my kevlar helmet on top of a Humvee. I went out to find it and nobody claimed to see it. I went to my unit's bay, and nobody had left a note on the board or bothered to tell anyone if they had found it. I went ahead with a fun workout on the bike and assembled some jumps out of plywood that I found around the track. It helped take my mind off the bullshit. But I'm constantly reminded of it all because of the damn gas mask strapped on like a really crappy messenger bag. Damn thing is wearing me out. Now we received the directive that we have to carry our chem suits everywhere with us. That thing weighs about 25 lbs. Mine is heavy because of the size 15 overboots. Sucks. I ditch it at the track when I go ride. I'm going to start working on a gap jump this week. I'm going to steal a shovel from under a humvee to accomplish my task. Problem is I will have to find some sandbags, plywood, or carpet to help my piles of sand maintain some solidness. I've got nothing better to do! After going in to work, I started the process of getting a new kevlar. I was an hour into the process of getting a new one ($140), when one of my buddies came running in with the announcement that someone in the unit had my kevlar all along and didn't bother to find me. Thanks for grabbing it yes. Thanks for your huge amount of communication....no. I have never dealt with so many communication problems in my life until I joined the army. People don't use very good grammar or they just won't speak up enough to make themselves heard. They'll tell you one thing with improper grammar, so you do it according to the grammar they used, and they get pissed because they communicated it to you so poorly you did the task "wrong." If you try to correct them, they get pissed and threaten to punish you. Kind of sad. After clearing that fiasco, my boss (who was supposed to be racked out in his bunk by then) was busy loading new software into our system. Dumbass. He worked 36 hours straight trying to get all that crap fixed. And being the great teacher he is....not...I learned everything about it.....NOT. I worked about an hour late watching him struggle, curse, go through an entire pack of smokes, and curse some more. He shouted out how much he loved this stuff. I gave him a look like "Your fuckin' stupid" and went home. Think of it this way. It's sale week at your local store. The manager just got off shift and the inventory specialist passes him on his way home. The inventory specialist says, "Hey dude, I just got this new point of purchase/inventory management software." The manager's face lights up and he turns around grabbing the software. He spends a full 24 hours after already working 12, trying to get the new software installed and working. In the meantime the cashiers are doing record sales......with pen, paper, and calculator. While eating dinner by myself last night, I was approached by an AP reporter. This poor girl. What a dumbass. She's wearing this brown army t-shirt, no bra, and trying to hide her gut by wearing a jacket around her waist. Haven't girls figured it out that when they wear a jacket or sweater or whatever around their waist that it makes their butt look really huge? She comes strolling up....obviously happy to be around so many men...and asks me if I'd answer some q's. Sure. Whatever. She asks, "What do you think about the anti-war protests going on in America?" Okay. She just lit my pants on fire. I bite my lip, take a good long look at her and say, "I'm all for it." She looks at me kind of surprised as well as stupid. I looked at her again and said, "It is a right guaranteed in the constitution for people to speak freely and to assemble in a peaceful manner to express their views. It is true patriotism to stand up and speak out against something that you don't agree with." Then she asks me, "Are you proud to be defending the United States?" Oh shit. What the hell? I look at her and ask, "Is America being attacked? Because if it is, I want to get back home to defend my family and my home." I went on to tell her that I felt it was extremely condescending for people to tell me that I'm doing such a good job defending the US. I told her, "I'm here to help kick the shit out of Sadaam Hussein in order to accomplish a political and economic goal of an administration that I did not vote for." Of course, she was unable to get all that on paper and was too busy trying to lift her jaw off the table. The Colonel sitting next to me about choked on his food. She said thanks and left. Each and every one of you that thinks I'm defending the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic (which is what my oath states) is misinformed. I am living up to another part of the oath which says that I will obey the orders of the President and the officers appointed over me. There you have it people. Serving the President and His government. All I know now is that it is going to cost $9 billion to get us all home. I hope His government has the money to get us all back. I can't ride my bike across the Atlantic to get home.

That's it, I'm writing him in from now on. I think he's got it pretty well sorted out. So does Jim Hightower and the rest of the folks over at junction city.

This bonzai kitten page is some of the most fucked up shit I have ever looked at. Just about pushing the limits of "funny" for me. Kinda more like, ugh, fuck, and why?.

But, what the fuck do I know? I look at porn all day.

Mookie sent me a link to cirlce around the globe. Its the webpage for Reza Baluchi, the Iranian cyclist who was imprisoned in Arizona for crossing the border illegally and later granted political asylum in this country. What a guy. I like his whole style. Just pedal man, just pedal.

From: Arthur Subject: TTT updates Thanks for all the notes offering help. Erik is checking his email, and sitting in the hospital watching cable now - so please entertain him by sending him a note. Couple of updates - TJ was released from the hospital late Saturday, and is now back home and pretty damn sore. Road rash everywhere, stitches here and there, and a messed up head. Oh wait, his brain was already messed up before the accident. He'll be fine. Erik is still in the hospital - looks to be released tomorrow (Tuesday). Surgery on the foot to repair two shattered toes, and one broken toe. Also, the cushy pad under his heel had to be reattached. No severed tendons, just some deep cuts all over the place. Plenty of road rash - but even better is the plenty of drugs that they are giving him. He'll be back in Tucson soon, and he thinks he'll be back on the bike soon as well. I have heard that he'll have to keep weight off the foot for two weeks, and then take it easy for another two weeks. But, the doctors expect that everything will heal fine. The driver was apparently charged to three felony counts, with maybe more coming. However, he posted bail and was released. We will see what happens in the courts. I don't watch Law and Order enough to know what is going on.

Long live Bobble Head Erik! Riding in Tucson wouldn't be the same without his hypnotic head tilt to entertain away the pain.

From: Erik Subject: yo Big Jonny, I thought I would write to say hello. I am glad to see that I have finally made it into your heart after around a year of trying. My name is on your site and I didn't kill anyone. I'm chillin in the hospital with my ass stuck to the sheets. Road rash sucks! I also hate drunk rednecks. I am getting better, but am still pretty soar. My doctor has said about ten words to me since I've been here. asshole. I will hopefully be out of here by Tuesday. I better go, dressing is about to be changed. But don't worry, a variety of good drugs here. Hee, hee, hee.

There you have it folks. He's fine. Totally normal. Didn't phase him a bit.

Sunday, March 9, 2003

skin files   I   cute   I   lesbians rule

Today's ride was a beauty. I rode up Mt. Lemon to windy point then I rode Gates Pass. Ride time: five hours. Let me just say it really knocked my dick in the dirt.

In talking with someone involved with the Arizona Time Trial series last night on the telephone, I found out that the driver of the truck who struck two University of Arizona cyclist was arrested and charged with three felony counts. And, he may be charged with more.

This is a absolute worst case scenario for a race promoter, injury to participants. Especially in this manner, involving a truck and two riders. It just makes your stomach turn to think of it.

And for me, knowing both these guys, it's just beyond words.

Even though this is a horrible thing, the upside is that both cyclist will recover and they caught the man who did it.

I certainly could have been a lot worse.

Check this out, the drudge report.

From: groundscore Subject: Hold up, you bettah slow up, this dude so ugly I'm about to throw up Jonny. Your grim news sucks. The guy's story about some asshole with a truck wider than the highway is all too fucking typical, and we're paying the price. Fact is, the big duallies and SUVs ain't sustainable, doubt they'll last halfway through this century, if that long. We all know that. And look. About these BMX kids. They're all over my campus too (Appalachian State University, home of a couple of hickhucksters) which I think was designed by closet BMXers. By that, I mean, someone just got downright gratuitous with grindable rails and such, and the kids on the 20" wheels make the best of it. Lemme explain the bike scene real quick: BMXers pick on roadies, downhillers and freeriders dis the XC guys, roadies and XC are cool with each other, and BMX and freeriders get along. But we all ride bikes, and we see each other at the punk rock shows, and there's always the one thing we all have in common: beer. The end. a boy without vowels.

I'm hearing ya on the pecking order of things two wheeled. Pretty much stupid, isn't it?

And, as it should be, the common denominator is beer.

Good old beer.

Saturday, March 8, 2003

funny looking boobs   I   lesbians rule   I   jana cova

All fun and games aside, I've got to lead off with some grim news.

Eric Kulman and Tomas Schuyler, commonly known as TJ, both of the University of Arizona Cycling Team were stuck by a vehicle earlier today during a collegiate team time trail in Florence, Arizona.

Both were taken by helicopter, Eric to Scottsdale and TJ to Tucson, after the incident. The driver left the scene and was later apprehended.

I have heard both men are stable and their injuries are not life threatening. Eric, commonly referred to as "Bobble Head Eric" on the site, has a jacked up foot and a good deal of cuts and bruises. TJ has a good deal of road rash. I'm sorry, that's all the information I have at this point.

Here is an email that has just been forwarded to me by Big M.

From: Big M Subject: Best Wishes and Good Thoughts (TTT) Hey Everyone, Just wanted to send a note out about today's disaster up at in Florence. It is probably better to hear it through here rather than through somewhere else. Our A team was on the home stretch of their TTT, catching up with the ASU team, when some cowboy driving a big red diesel dually came by and mowed them over. Erik and TJ were taken down real hard, and sustained some serious injuries. The truck lost its mirror and fender in the process, but the driver just kept on going. Erik was medevac'd to Scottsdale Osborne Hospital, and TJ was medevac'd to UMC after about 45 minutes on the road. Erik has severe lacerations to his foot, some severed tendons, and some blood loss there. TJ also has some huge cuts to his knee. Both of them had road rash all over, and probable concussions. Thankfully, the injuries are not life threatening. Hugh and Evan made it out okay. The driver was chased down and likely arrested, along with the six pack of beer in the back of the truck. Erik will likely undergo surgery later today to fix his foot. TJ is nicely amped up on morphine right now while stitches have been put into his elbow, and knee, at the same time they are scraping clean his road rash. We will keep you posted. Please keep them in your thoughts. Arthur

I'm just about to pissed off to make a coherent comment. This was on a race course. What the fuck are some people thinking?

It looks like three full days of eating like a horse and sleeping for hour upon hour has finally paid off for the big man. Come Friday, I actually started feeling good. To good to be true.

I rode today out at Starr Pass with Big M and the Gnome. That place will grow on ya. Lots and lots of trails out that way for sure.

I put my geared bike (gasp) back together and straight up rocked that shit. I was pretty stoked on the 100 mil fork and tall gearing till I saw a girl named Nikki on a bad ass Soulcraft.

Her bike is steel. Steel is real. My bike is aluminum. Aluminum is what beer cans are made out of.

I still rocked that shit.

Ten oh three victor.

Good times ahead.

Like, is anything hotter than girls kissing?

I got harshed riding through campus Friday night by a whole gang of bmx dudes. They were all siting on their bikes like a bunch of lawn chairs and one of them called me a faggot.

Then they asked what I was looking at as I rode by. I turned and said, I'm looking at you.

Some more mutterings from the peanut gallery, kept coasting and they kept sitting. What a total waste of time.

Sit around and yell at people. How about you actually ride your bike?

I wish now I would have stopped and said something more intelligent. I hate this divisive bullshit. Two wheels and pedals: Cyclist.

Same team, mother fucker. Same team.

Why harsh me 'case I'm on a road bike? What, if I was on a clapped out townie or a mountain bike everything would have been cool? What the fuck are you guys afraid of?

I guess the young guns gotta spout off about something. Might as well be me.

Fuck it.

I sent in my entry for the squealer. Big time fun. Check out flight of the pigs for more information. Be there or be square.

From: Rob Subject: ya, I rode today juan grande borracho, ya, i rode today...out here in iowa, god forsaken armpit of the midwest (at least it is in early march). 30 degrees at ride start, stiff 17 mph nw wind, temp dropping steadily, snow on the ground, it was great. The rain started 15 minutes into the ride, which quickly turned to sleet. Snot freezin' on my sleeves from misplaced "farmer blows". Dropped after "sugarbottom hill" less than 15 miles into the ride...fighting the wind (and a strong urge to turn around and go home) by myself, until,lo and behold,someone flatted! Shit ya!..."geez dude, bad luck, here let me help ya" I pant. We regroup, I have a new lease on life. Second wind time...time to fuck shit up. Long story short, I finish the 50 mile ride, cold toes, crusty snot on my Evil jersey...riding that endorphine high. ya...i rode today.

Dude, you are keeping it real. That is some hard man shit. All I did today was work on my bad tan lines. Keep the rubber side down out there.

Anyone need a time fuck? Cause this next one is going to take some time.

From: info Subject: Naked Flash Hi there, I found something that will keep you busy for half an hour or so..! (018 and 019 is by far the best!) http://www.retecool.com/jump/ Enjoy!

I'm glad to mentioned numbers 18 and 19. The first couple would make a train turn down a dirt road.

And finally, a little something from our man in the middle east, Big Dave.

From: Big Dave Subject: It's a small world… with the internet The sad thing about all this is that not a single American soldier will lose their life for the people of the US in this war. They will lose their life in order to satisfy a hunger to attempt to spread a new society (one that is just over 320 something years old) to cultures that have been in existence for 1000's of years. Sadaam is a bad dude. And I'm proud of our current administration for being ashamed of doing business with someone that is evil. We only buy about 7 to 10% of our total oil purchases from Iraq. And while we amass troops along it's neighbors' borders, we are still buying oil from him. Ain't that some funny stuff. For the new oilnationstate, Big Dave

Yep, it is a sad thing people are going to die for oil. Word on the street is the price of oil could go as high as 4 dollars a gallon.

As much as that is totally going to fucking suck for me trying to get my broke ass to bike races, it's about time it reflected it's true value. Shit, it costs that much in most parts of the world. Why not here?

Friday, March 7, 2003

damn straight   I   lake tahoe?   I   damn

Thing I heard on a tv commercial tonight: It's hard to keep sight of the future when the present wants all of my money.

Ain't it the truth, baby. Ain't it the truth.

I forgot I even had a tv in this shit hole. Then I noticed the Sixers were playing in Portland when I was checking out the website. Fuck me, that games in TNT!

Good times in the apartment tonight. And I found a cheesecake Big Gay Randy left in the freezer last time he was down. A Cheesecake for Christ's sake, can you believe that?

Who the hell leaves a cheesecake in your freezer? What the fuck is that about?

Who cares, I'm eating it.

Sounds like Snake is having fun out in Pomona. Seven minutes down in the TT?

I can't wait to bring that up. I'm sure he's just stoked.

You ready to get your war on?

Real funny site, that last one. This is the main page with more fun stuff. I must have wasted thirty minutes on that shit.

Maybe I should waste more?

And, yeah, I caught the Presidents speech. I'll reserve comment. You all already know how I feel.

Thursday, March 6, 2003

bobbi eden   I   jordan west   I   I am so going to hell

Bad news for Ullrich fans (like me). Team Coast, where cyclists go to die, had been suspended by the UCI.

I don't know what the fuck he was thinking signing with those clowns. Ullrich i's one the best cyclists for the grand tours riding today. And he's just giving up. I swear to God, it's like he doesn’t care anymore.

Coast? Fuck. It's a fucking graveyard with those people. They don't even pay their riders. Never have, never will.

He couldn't stay with Telekom? Buck up and take his pay for testing positive like a man,and actually try to win something again? He could take the Vuelta, maybe even the Giro. And believe me, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't really buy this "lesser race" bullshit. The Giro is a hard motherfucker and who ever wins it is a badass.

A first in the Tour de France, and couple of seconds, maybe a Giro or two to go with an Olympic Gold and couple of World TT titles? Forget about it.

He should have sucked it up and went with Riis and CSC. Everyone knows it and I'm not the only one saying it.

Fuck, I'm tired. I think I went for my shortest ride of the year yesterday. I pretty much felt like shit, but figured I would try going for a little spin to try and feel better. Didn't work.

I made it to Himmel Park, which is maybe, and I mean maybe a half mile from my apartment. I had to stop. I sat on a park bench of a few minutes and watched the clouds blow by. I watched the wind flowing through palm fronds, making that papery scratching noise that only palms do.

They don't exactly sway gently with the wind, do they?

I caught myself wondering about that and other things as I stared off into space, without much direction or idea of what I was looking at exactly. I turned around and rode home. Took a nap.

Total ride time: 10 minutes.

I fucking suck.

Oo la la.

Ever hear of Major General Smedley Butler? He wrote war is a racket. This is from a speech he wrote in 1933.

Some folks seem to like the letters from Big Dave I've been posting on the site. Others out there don't really get why I'm bothering. I'll try to explain it with this quote.

"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag." ~Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, Sergeant, USMC

Big Dave is a soldier and he's in the shit.

Um, duh, ahh, yeah. Now that's the stuff.

Fucking Canadians.

From: Jonny Subject: A Formal Apology On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. Thank you.

And remember folks, beer is good for you.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

jenna jameson   I   jesse capelli   I   lesbians rule

I've gotten some wacky links lately. I don't know whether to laugh, cry or both. For fucks sake, these things are killing me.

I think I might just like girls like Emily. All tied up and shit. Damn. Couldn't be hotter.

Rocket Boy found a couple of galleries on that fucking huge porn site I linked yesterday that he really liked. As in there are bicycles involved. Yep. Damn straight. Line 'em up and knock 'em down. You ready?

Just 'cause you might not believe in the juice. Just 'cause.

From: Doug Subject: Octane Hey Big Johnny, I always read your comments about this Athlete Octane stuff. Thought they might be blowin' ya for pimpin' this shit all the time. Well I gave in and finally tried some. Dude, holee-shit! It took about 10 days after taking it to really start working (just like they said) and I have never felt this rad. Granted, I'm just a category 4 roadie, but I have been putting in the training this season and my fitness stepped up big time and I'm feeling pretty goddam good. I thought it would taste like shit (although nasty stuff doesn't really bother me), but that wasn't the case. Tastes like some sort of concentrated orange drink. Not killer, but not bad at all, pretty good. I also thought it would jack me up, but it's just the opposite, I feel no spikes, just solid energy. When I've gotta do an attack or interval, my heart-rate comes right back down, etc, etc. Soreness is less, etc. I know this sounds like some bullshit plug, but I am seriously stoked that you talk about this stuff all the time. Go ahead and post this if you gotta, but I kinda don't want that many people to know about this shit because I feel like it's a little weapon. Anyway, thanks for the hook-up. No wonder you mention them all the time. Your site is the shit. I hope you make a ton of money and keep the goods comin'.

Right on man, I'm glad to hear you're diggin the Octane. The shit just plain works. I don't know how it works, it just does. Click here to find out more.

I'm not getting any blowjobs out of it, but old Dan has caught my eye a time or two. And my wife says gay ain't cheatin. So, maybe?

Truth be told, I run the link because I like the product and I like the company. That's how it works around here. I like it, I link it.

Another good line around here is, money talks and bullshit walks.

And I've been doing a lot of walking lately. Coincidence? You be the judge.

From: Dan Subject: No Subject Hey man, I've been emailing Big Dave over there in the middle east since you posted his email address. Dude likes to ride bikes and ski and just shoot the shit on email about good times. Crazy shit that he's over there for all this. I don't know any more than they tell us around here in the conservative Lancaster County paper since I'm too cheap to pay for cable tv but the whole thing seems outta hand. I don't know enough to really bitch one way or another but the bottom line is that it sucks that there are a ton of folks over there like Big Dave who would give anything to just roll a nice section of single track or drop a sweet line on a pair of skis.... instead of being holed up in a tent waiting for "the man" to tell them how to create "world peace". Crazy shit I tell ya. I just hope things don't last too long and they can keep on keepin' on. My buddy Mike who I race with just joined the army a couple weeks ago. Dude came flat out and told me that he'd rather get shipped out that have a guy get sent over there who has a wife and kids here in the US. That takes some serious balls the way I see it.

Guys like Dave and Mike make me proud to be an American. Proud to be a human being. Those men have strength of character some of us will never have. Men like that should be in charge. Not some bullshit son of a rich man pantywaste. Fuck that shit.

You think things are getting a little nuts? Now it's to the point that wearing a shirt that says "give peace a chance" can get you arrested. Click here for the story and video at msnbc.

And then, of course, you have cheese racing. I'm pretty much afraid to ask what that's all about.

Just plain skeered.

I wish I was all cool and shit like a those dudes with the No Fear sticker on their Ford trucks. Or, even cooler with a "Fear This" sticker. Yeah. Cool.

Maybe some oakleys and a new pair on Nikes. Just like Lance. Yep.

From: Geoff Subject: "limo liberals" Big J - Knowing how you feel about ShrubCo, I thought I might share with you this article and hope you might link it on your site. Recently, my 60 year old father and I have been going at it via email regarding Shrub's impending war. He decided to get cute and call me a "limo liberal" and say I am a Hitler apologist for opposing the war or some other right-wing crap AND copy his other right wing buddies, including some military guy who then sent to me an angry email about being on the "tip of the spear" and how I'm full of shit for opposing the war because he lost a friend in the 9/11 attacks and I don't know what he knows. I'd love to get this asshole in contact with Dave and let them duke it out. I'm still flabbergasted that the main casualty of 9/11 seems to be the ability to disagree with our government and NOT be labeled a "limo liberal, anti-American, pinko commie, Hillary-loving, Hitler worshipping, baby-killing scum." Especially by members of one's own family! Hippie Crap Saves The World

I've been called quite a few things lately, aside from you usual 'fat ass', 'moron' and 'sick fuck'. Now I'm a liberal piece of shit, commie, socialist, Democrat (?), pussy who should shut the fuck up and leave the country. And I should find Jesus too, apparently. Uh huh. Land of the free, home of the brave. Close your eyes and get in line. Don't ask questions. Just accept. Check out this quote I got in the mail. From Dave in the Middle East no less.

"Of course the people don't want war...that is understood. But voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That's easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and for exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." Hermann Goering Hitler Nazi Leader in 1939 Germany

How does that grab ya, eh? Fucking sounds a bit too familiar for my tastes. Pretty much hits the nail square on the head, doesn’t it?

I should thank you right here and now, Geoff, for the link you sent. That article by Mard Mordford, about hippie crap, makes more sense to me than anything I've read in a long, long time.

And I hate hippies. What with their twirling around listen to phish all day bullshit and "don't harsh my rainbow" vibe, I just want to club 'em like a seal.

Back to the link, I would pull some quotes out of it, but I'll be damned if it doesn't need to be absorbed as a whole. I'd be doing it a disservice if I snipped out even one little piece. I recommend all of you read it, 'cause maybe hippie crap really can save the world after all.

Tuesday, March 4, 2003

nikki nova   I   nikki nova   I   nikki nova

I'm in an "easy" week right now. So I get to drink three pints of Guinness and then try to pull together and update. It just seems like the thing to do.

My first thoughts are that I may well need another pint of Guinness.

This taking it easy shit could get take some getting used to. I'm usually running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to squeeze a couple extra hours into every day.

I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and not showing up for the usual Wednesday group ride. The way I feel right now, it's like I already got my ass kicked. Check out the piggy with her bike.

My my, how timely. Some things never change.

And a big shout out to TC up in Flagstaff. A man who happens to really like brass monkey. Keep it real, brother.

This next link is one hell of a time fuck. It's called busite and it's huge. Just endless, really. Now, that is a lot of porn.

Read this. It'll make you laugh.

More on Jenna and Pony shoes. I guess I'll be rocking a set of those pretty soon. As soon as I find them at the second hand store for ten dollars.

From: Phil the Horse Subject: Ode to Irony you guys are great Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony. "It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "great weather, eh?" and I thought "wait a minute, no way is it great weather". Fullmer then realized that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate. Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future. "I'm like using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them to shit and I said "hey, great weather!".

You're killing me. Just killing me.

Girls from Brazil? Yeah, whatever. Girls on bikes. It's all good with me.

Ever hear of Nick Drake? I've heard exactly one song of his, pink moon it's called. Good song, I'll tell you that much.

The rest of the shit I found on that page "sucked a yard of cock" in the words of Snake. I'll agree with his assessment. I don't know how we went from something as cool as 'pink moon' to the piss miserable hell I'm listening to right now.

Fuck that shit.

From: Scorekeeper Scott Subject: gas guzzling bastards I support the folks in the military, I support the country, but fuck, if we are going to war, I say fuck it, let the gas prices get like they are in Europe. I decided that I would ride the psycocross bike to the bank and back as opposed to driving. The drivers in Marana/NW Tucson are friggin idiots. If I get "pushed" farther right by another Excursion or SubUrban at a light, I will get a gun permit. Let's see them mess around with a cyclist that has Smith and Wesson Protective services. Those god damn behemoths are deadly weapons, I should be able to respond in kind. See how they act after a bunch of them have to replace those $200 tires after I shoot them out. Fuck, FUck, FUCk, FUCK!!! The only consolation that I have is that as I try to bring my heart rate back down under 120% is that I keep repeating to myself, "I'm getting faster, you're getting fatter." Which is a change from my old, "I leave a big dent!" I have a daughter that I want to at least see as much as her mom will let me. Tell Big Dave in the desert near Saddam's ass keep up the good work, and thanks for the sacrifice, bring that bastard's head home on a stick.

Speaking of our man in the Middle East, I got another email today. And here it is.

From: David Subject: ww3 on 3-3-03… not Yesterday was supposed to be the big day. 3-3-03...WW3. Everyone kept talking about how the PX was going to close and how the chow hall was going to close and we'd be eating MRE's. The phones were supposed to cut off and the internet was going to be shut down. Funny stuff. I'm still here and the only shots fired are accidental discharges and random acts of "terror" from disgruntled locals. I guess I'm going to be here a while. Shrub is having a tough time finding enough money to buy the world. Everyone wants the deals in writing as well, knowing that we could pull out at anytime from any commitment. We are the worst country in the world for doing stuff like that. I mean, what can another country do when we back out on an aid package or some loans? We've got enough nukes to destroy the planet. Nobody is going to argue with us. But now, with world wide network news and the internet, the other countries are starting to get smart. They now have some leeway in how they deal with the only superpower. All those little details that people never heard about get published or leaked somewhere. Then they spread like wildfire through the web. If you want the truth, it is out there. It's such good stuff. A planetary soap opera that runs 24/7. This is true entertainment. The backroom dealings that end up on the news. The discrete arms exchanges. Good stuff eh? I'm very glad that we didn't send an onslaught into Iraq yesterday. Now we continue to play the waiting game. Our leader says that they are "stalling". What's he waiting for? If Sadaam is stalling, then let's roll. Let's go kick his ass. The truth is that the international community is not finished with the small details. All the "what happens if" scenarios and the "who will take care of that" kind of issues are still being dealt with. Is America tired of this yet? I know some soldier who have been here since right after 11 Sept. 2001 who are real tired of it. Last night we had a screamer. I woke up from a deep sleep to hear some guy yelling, "Get out! Get out!" What the hell! A bunch of people got up and went outside just to get some fresh air after that. He ended up doing it again a couple of hours later. He was having a sweet nightmare. I figure he just finished up Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape school. It is the toughest class that special ops guys go through. I heard about a class that had a female and the opposing force (instructors) beat the crap out of her in front of the males to try to get them to spill the beans on their mission. All for training. Sickos! I've got some images that I will be emailing out. Enjoy. For the new oilnationstate, Big Dave

If you'd like to email Dave, this is his email address: david.gary.wilson@us.army.mil

Monday, March 3, 2003

cassidy   I   teen dreamer   I   lesbians rule

Someone asked me recently if I was going to make any new galleries here on drunkcyclist. Well, it's like this. I'm pretty much tapped out on server space. I'm working on getting a collocated server set up that will provide me with tons more storage. When I sort that out, more pics will suddenly appear as if out of thin air.

Anyone up for some penis humor?

How about a little sumtin sumtin 'bout the good old days when Iraq was our pal. How does that old saying go, the enemy of my enemy is my friend?

Yeah, that works.

Anyone else think our president like to talk out of his ass?

Anyone else think Quick Step-Davitamon is the toughest team on the road? They rule.

From cyclingnews "VDB sounded an ominous warning: 'These are my races. I am good, but not yet 100 percent, far from it even, but this opens up prospects for the rest of the season. It's is only one race, but it helps clear away the doubts. It was the first race to show what I was worth and now I've done that."

Yeah buddy. Get some. Me and Tom Steels, we ride the turbo saddle.

Further adding to the argument that one should never say "they've seen it all" in regards to the internet, we have this little number over here.

Scary world we live in, isn't it?

Gnomie has got a pic of the drunkcyclist world headquarters up on his site, one speeder. That's pretty much it folks. A couple of dogs, a couple of computers and a whole lotta bikes: My life.

You can't see all the bikes in this pic, but trust me, it's a fucking mess in here today. It's been raining, so we had to bring all the ones we care about off the porch last night.

Number of bikes still on the porch: 1

Number of bikes in here right now: 7

They're stacked up like cordwood almost all the way over from the wall to the sofa. Single file through there today.

Did I mention Gnome took this photo with his back against the "kitchen" wall? It's only the kitchen 'cause that side of my "living room" has a sink, stove and cabinets. My apartment is like a single wide trailer.

In a word, classy.

The part you can't see, the bedroom, closet and bathroom, all fit in a space that is exactly dthe same as what you can see in this pic. Like, you're looking at half the square footage of this place. Hardwood floor, hardwood ceiling and hardwood legs.

At least it's like that in this Monday morning. Snakes telling me he's fucked after this weekend. I think he's preaching to the choir on that one. My race on Saturday was one of the hardest things I've done this year. My ass, shoulders and hands still fucking hurt. And I still haven't bothered to fix my flat tire. At the beginning of the race, my man Alex told me, "I think I'm in for an hour and a half of pain."

Yeah, it was like that. Just stupid pain. Thank God those freaks from Missing Link brings kegs of beer. Kegs, as in plural. More than one. You guys are saving lives out there.

Snake won the Team One crit on Saturday, and 'round the corner Julz won it for the women. Looks like it was a strong day for the green machine. Snake says it was all his team mates on that one. And Julz, well, Julz is just rockin'.

Sunday was the Mt. Humbolt Classic, a sweet little gem of a race. One I'm sure I will probably never subject myself to. Fuck that shit.

Hugh Morgan won it for the men, he was the strongest that day for sure. I don't know who won the Cat II's. No results up anywhere online yet either, so I can't check it.

I do know Troy Love took it home in the III's. An absolute tank of a man, one tough son of a bitch. Did you know he played for Nebraska in college? Apparently, climbing up to the snow level (7,000 feet gain) is no problem for the big man. Yeah, it's like that.

And my man John Benson, rode to a fine second place. Bensey, I'm coming up on ya.

Sunday, March 2, 2003

nadia nicolas   I   girl next door   I   lesbians rule

Adding further insult injury, I had forgotten my yellow norba "receipt" yesterday at registration table. I had taken it out of my wallet for some reason, I think to sign up for a race online and not put it back. Well, no receipt, no dice.

I had to buy a one day license for 5 bucks. After I've already paid 50 bucks for the year. Sorry, they tell me, if your new card hasn't been mailed to you yet, and you forget your receipt, then you have to buy a one day. That is how it goes. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Go directly to jail.

Great.

Guess what came in the mail yesterday? My Norba card. It was in the mailbox when I got home.

Fuck me.

"Here's my bottom line: at a time of war, at what point does subverting our national security in the name of profitability turn from ugly business into high treason?" Arianna Huffington

Thanks to all of you who explained that fucking mind reader flash thingy I posted a few days back. I'll be damned, it was pretty simple after all.

From: Jeremy Subject: Mind-reader… all the possible answers have the same symbol - because the result will always be a multiple of 9. So all the multiples of 9 have the same symbol, plus a couple others for good measure, to make it harder to see the pattern.

Right on man. That is the ticket. I got a few emails telling me pretty much the same thing. I could see a pattern in the symbols, pretty much only because of the way all the numbers are laid out in one big table. But, I didn't recognize the whole power of nine part. I guess should've paid more attention in math class.

Fuck it, need a drink. Perhaps a Heineken?

Anyone have a need for this?

No? Can't use that? Well then, check out this. Damn funny stuff.

More from Big Dave, out in the middle east, working for our county.

What makes these letters from Dave carry so much impact, at least for me, it that he is a real, a person, a fellow mountain biker. He is the kind of guy any of us could meet on a trail, at a race or whatever, and hoist a glass with.

And he's in the army, right now, today, living in a tent out in the sand.

It really helps me shape my feelings on war, Iraq, bush as President (lower case on purpose), and what it means to be an American in these times.

From: Dave Subject: Got myself a bottom bunk… from an Iraqi In my bay there were 2 Iraqis...I should say former Iraqis. I got to talk a little with a guy named George from Chicago. He was born in Iraq and lived there until his late 20's. He and his buddy (both in their 50's now) are linguists/translators/glorified tour guides for the army. I asked him if he thought the US was doing the right thing. He replied with "hell yes." He seemed to think the Iraqi army will totally crumble as soon as we start rolling in. He assured me that the people will be very happy especially if we get food to them. I asked him if the US were to privatize oil, if the people would get pissed. He said that the people would not care. They only care about having freedom and food. Needless to say, I was a little skeptical. I wish I had more time to visit with him. He is being shipped out to one of the forward camps in preparation for our invasion. He assured me that we would see each other again in Baghdad. Kind of weird. I really wonder what our reception will be like after we bomb the shit out of Baghdad with our "precision" weapons. We do know where everything is, and we have thousands of targets already pinpointed. It will be very interesting. I worry most about afterwards. Iran, Syria. I have this strange feeling George will keep driving us on and spreading us outward towards Israel to the west and Iran to the east. Then we will link up with our brothers who have been living in a shithole in Afghanistan. Then after that our boys in Korea will have taken over the entire peninsula after that Il dude tries something stupid. That will either cause china to be "with us or against us" and we can just nuke the crap out of them. Then we will continue to squeeze in from Afghanistan through Pakistan and India and we will then control most of southern Asia. Sweet!! The sad thing is that I did not make any of this up. This is the way many of the officers in my unit talk everyday. They are eager for this. War is job security with promotions for them. For those of you with investment smarts, you should really think short term and dump everything into defense. Raytheon, Northrup Grumman, Motorola, and General Dynamics are just a few. Anyone tied to these firms is getting wealthy quickly. It's real interesting to work with contractors from these firms. I work directly with people from almost every company tied to the defense industry. Computers run everything in the military today, so my job puts me in contact with many of these people. They are all stoked for war. It's job security. It is also interesting to see how many are unwilling to teach soldiers like myself the stuff I need to know to run the equipment. If they were to show me, I'd show other soldiers. Then they would not be needed anymore. Kind of funny. It has been cold here lately. Not cold enough for fleece and stuff, but all the Europeans have been busting out their north face and patagonia. My man Mike Solomon in Salt Lake sent me some local rags from the valley of mo. Good reading. It's even better when you get to read articles that were written by people you know and worked with at one time. Thanks Mike! I'll keep writing as long as the pipes are open. For the new oilnationstate, Big Dave

Keep the rubber side down my man, whenever you can.

Saturday, March 1, 2003

tera patrick   I   lindy fox   I   sydney moon

Good news right off the top. Reza Khoshravesh Baluchi, the Iranian cyclist who has been in prison here in Arizona for illegally entering the United States is going to be granted political asylum. Now, he plans to finish his ride to New York.

And, this would be the bad news. The hick hucksters got nailed building some trails and are up against the man. They could use some help in this one, so click the link for 'em and check it out.

As many of you have already told me via email, and I can tell by looking at the usage logs, this site experienced some "difficulties" earlier this week. I think it's all sorted out now. As in, things seem to work fine now. Ain't life just a bitch? Why not just throw a letter in the mix right off the top? I mean, fuck it, what the fuck else do I have to talk about? Too many good letters not to share a couple.

And, oh yeah, there was a mountain bike race today.

The good old Hedgehog Hustle. That rocky shit course damn near killed me. Fuck. That was hard. I ran a rigid fork, you know, keepin' it real and all that. Fuck. I was right behind Alex, also rigid, on the last downhill and I fucking flatted. Fuck. I tried to fix my wheel and I my quick fill took a shit on me. Fuck. I walked the last quarter mile or so and came in 21st. Fuck. Janet passed me when I was almost, and I mean almost, in the finish.

I think it made her day. I'll see you in hell Janet.

My man the Garden Gnome won. Fuckin' A right. Read the (unofficial) results here.

This first one from our man in the middle east, David Wilson.

From: David Subject: Bedouins and booze A couple of days ago I got to leave the neighborhood. We had originally taken most of our vehicles south to a new post they are building. The reasoning behind this was because we were told we might set up shop down there and we didn't have much room for vehicles up here. Well, it looks like we are not going to set up shop down there after all and we found a nice space to park our vehicles and our equipment. So we loaded up the bus with a few drivers and shotguns and headed down. It was a great day to get out. The air was fairly clear and I had a good seat on the bus. I got to take some pictures of camels and lots of bedouins camping in their huge circus tents. Since the north of the country has been completely taken over by the US, the bedouins have to stay in a smaller area now. So there were several miles of camps set up next to the highway. The highways are heavily influenced by the US. The engineering and signage is identical except for the arabic writing and metric distances. We got down to the camp and retrieved our vehicles as well as our motor pool soldiers. We left them down there to work with a maintenance unit. Turns out they were being totally taken advantage of by the other unit. They did lots of work and got serious sunburn, but now they are back with us to take care of our stuff. I got to drive back in the first convoy. I had the pleasure of driving the super fast M1097A2 humvee, but I had to pull a 35Kilowatt generator. I had it to the floor the entire way and was able to keep it between 65 and 70 mph. The leader of the convoy was not pulling a trailer and had to slow down. I got some decent pictures of the area, but I'm not able to send them at this time. I will work something out later once I get them on disc. We were interrupted by a really drunk driver who had a very large american land yacht that had obviously been through the ringer a few times. He weaved in and out of our convoy toasting us with his pint bottle of Jack. Alcohol is totally illegal in this country. He could go to jail for a very long time. But his driving wasn't much different from all the other drivers, so the cops would probably never catch him. I finally figured out where I am on the map and why it is so cool here at night. We are on a tiny little peninsula just north east of Kuwait City. The breeze comes off the persian gulf. It has been extremely cool at night and stays nice pretty much all day. The sun is starting to beat down quite a bit though. Needless to say, it was great to get out of the neighborhood, even if it was for only 3 hours. I have been able to watch a little news...if you want to call fox news NEWS. That O'Reilly joker is an ass. I saw him interview 5 different people and he did all the talking. One guy was cool and just sat their with a smirk on his face and nodded while the O babbled on about what he thought. Funny thing is that there are people that think O'Reilly is a good newscaster. He's not. He's an editorialist. We have some CBS newsmen staying in my unit's barracks. I haven't seen them as they are being escorted around by our unit's public affairs officer. It's kind of funny how the media works here. They are too scared to go at it on their own. They would never be able to get into a US military post without pre-approval, an escort, and censoring of their broadcast. Sounds like balanced eye-opening reporting! It would be funny if CBS, CNN or some other organization went about the country on their own and showed how many times they were denied access to different areas of the country of Kuwait. You are only seeing what we want you to see! I got some dirt on Dyncorp. Can't tell anyone though. If you have contacts in Bosnia they might tell you. If you know anyone who has gone to Bosnia to help train police forces there, you may want to distance yourself from those people. I can't wait 'till I'm out. That way I can keep my distance from these evil people that I'm surrounded by right now. If any of you have friends that were supposed to get out of the military anytime soon (retirement or end of time in service), I'm sorry to inform you that it won't be happening. My boss is supposed to retire at the end of the summer, but they denied his paper work. The entire military is on a stop-loss/stop-movement. You cannot change units, quit, or retire. I heard gas prices went up another $3 a barrel to $40. Sweet! Keep on climbing. Those of you with bicycles and bob trailers will have it made! For the new oilnationstate, Big Dave

Always good to hear from Big Dave. Now that is the real deal. He's living that shit.

Here's what one of my reader thinks about all this Iraq bullshit. I think he's hittin' this one pretty square.

From: John Subject: Dear Sir, Is it just me, or is anyone else genuinely scared by the prospect of what might occur if there is war in Iraq? I have listened to what Tony, Jack, George and Donald have had to say; and I agree with them that there would be a great benefit if Saddam were to be deposed. The Iraqi people would be liberated, and if disarmament went as planned, it is sensible to reason that the world would be that tiny bit safer. But I wish it were as simple as that. It is not as if there is no internal strife in Iraq. Remove Saddam and you have three ethnic groups vying for power and territory. Add to that the interests of neighbouring countries, many of whom seem poised to flood the region with troops and arms, in an effort to 'secure their borders'. In addition to such infighting, there will be the presence of the 'Liberators', amongst whom there will be much disagreement as to how the future of the country is mapped out. Not the most peaceful scenario that one can imagine. But this is a local problem. After a few weeks the US/UK media will have lost interest, probably because Kylie has a new bottom or something. Perhaps the only mention will be contained in complaints about how much 'peacekeeping' is costing taxpayers. The wider problem is terrorism. The reason given for the 9/11 (11/9 in my book) action was that US troops were stationed in Saudi Arabia, 'The holiest land' in the eyes of those who perpetrated the attacks. This land is filled with disaffected youth, easy prey for fanatics who find little difficulty in convincing them that martyrdom is a sensible way out. It is not difficult to convince these youths that the US presence is equal to an attack on the Holy Land. And herein lies the problem. Unlike the fanatic on the other side of the pond, bin Laden’s Jihad is not about pre-emptive strikes. It is an act of retaliation for a perceived wrong against Islam. If Osama is having problems recruiting now, they will be solved by an attack on Iraq. It will provide him with the ammunition to preach a brand new Jihad, one which will make more sense to many more people than the argument over US forces being based in Saudi. A 'pre-emptive' strike on Iraq will likely provide an entire new generation of 'Holy Warriors'. You are welcome to accuse me of appeasement, and of a lack of concern for the people of Iraq. But I do have one concern overriding all of those, and that concern is about what will happen in the days, years and months, which follow any war on Iraq. When will the suicide bombers announce their presence in Britain? Any Arab you ask will tell you that he despises Saddam. But many will also tell you that a war such as that proposed for Iraq, will be seen by many as a war on Islam. It is not for us in the West to pontificate on this matter, it is not for us to tell the world that the issues are separate. Many in the Middle East will see no distinction, and Mullah after Mad Mullah will preach that a new crusade has been launched. The consequences may be worse than we can yet imagine. I am surprised that the news of the three ships circling the Indian Ocean has not received more coverage, as it is perhaps the most serious which has yet arisen. The oceans are almost impossible to police effectively, and you can be sure that Al-Quaeda are as adept at piloting ships as they are planes. Remember the bombing of the French oil tanker a few months ago? I have heard more than one 'terrorism expert' claim that this was merely a trial run. Now they know how much explosive is needed to breach a hull. Next time the ship may be in a port, and the explosion could be triggered by a simple nuclear device. The resultant radioactive fire could burn for weeks. You can't begin to imagine the consequences. Don't attack Iraq. Don't fight terrorism with all guns blazing. Speak to these people, and address the causes of the problem. Otherwise there will be no end to these wars. You cannot destroy an ideology with bombs.

Quite simply, I couldn't agree more. Thanks for sending in the letter. I'll just post another. This one is more of a press release. Yeah, I said 'press release'.

From: Matt Subject: Maxxis Upstate NY Cycling Cup Release Syracuse, NY – Thanks to Saturn of Syracuse (http://saturnofsyracuse.com/), the 2003 edition of the Maxxis Upstate NY Cycling Cup series has expanded with the addition of both Masters 35+ men and Master 35+ women categories. A spokesman for Saturn of Syracuse and the Onondaga Cycling Club, Chuck Dominick, said, "Saturn of Syracuse sees their affiliations with high profile events such as the Maxxis Upstate NY Cycling Cup and the Syracuse Race Weekend as very positive ones…" The Saturn of Syracuse and Saturn of Route 31 logo will appear on the series leader race numbers for all categories. The current points leader at each race will receive a special cloth number with the number 1 on it to denote them as the current Maxxis Upstate NY Cycling Cup points leader in their category. The 2003 Maxxis Upstate New York Cycling Cup is a season long points competition in a "world-cup" style format for the Upstate New York and Ontario Canada regions. The Maxxis Upstate New York Cycling Cup will be the premier international amateur cycling competition in North America. The competition consists of two series throughout the season: a "Spring Classics" series and a "Summer Series". Points are awarded for starting races, and finishing in the top 20 for each category. For more information on the Maxxis Upstate NY Cycling Cup points series, please visit: http://unycc.spokepost.com/.

Yep, more news you can use. Sorta. Pretty much. Just call me the king of jokes.

Three Texas surgeons were arguing as to which had the greatest skill. The first began: "Three years ago, I reattached seven fingers on a pianist. He went on to give a recital for the Queen of England." The second replied: "That's nothing. I attended a man in a car accident. All his arms and legs were severed from his body. Two years after I reattached them, he won three gold medals for field events in the Olympics." The third said: "A few years back, I attended to a cowboy. He was high on cocaine and alcohol when he rode his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train traveling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a ten gallon hat. Last year he became president of the United States."

Well, that was the funny part. This next part isn't funny at all.

From: Bruce Subject: Powerful stuff Have a listen. Its a phone call from a 65 year old British woman getting shot in Nablus while she is trying to get a woman in labor out and to the hospital. As she says "I just want Americans to know what their tax dollars are paying for!" http://flashpoints.net/realaudio/fp20030219AnneGwynn.ram

I really don't know what to say after listening to that. People just never cease to amaze me. War is wrong. Killing is wrong.

I just want to ride my bike.