Now that I've got that little order of business out of the way, I can share with you my pride and joy of the moment. I have uploaded the Jenna Jameson appreciation page. (thanks Rob) It takes a bit to load, but fuck, it's like 120 pics of the Queen of Porn for Christ's sake! What the fuck do you want? Its FREE!

If anyone has additional pics that just need to be shared with the world, send them as .jpegs to me.

After I finish battering my little brother, polishing the flesh musket, and just plain old jerking off to each and every pic, I will post them. Right here, in Jenna Jameson Rules page number two.

If this site keeps kickng ass the way it has been, I'll make it a regular 'ol daily link must see type thing.

2:37 PM 11/29/2000
It just took me 4 hours to pedal 75 miles. Ugh.
Julie sent me this:

CITIZENS OF THE VALLEY:
This is a code-red Mullet alert. In recent months, there has been a drastic increase in the number of confirmed Mullet sightings in Phoenix and surrounding cities. Estimates indicate we are rapidly approaching the crisis threshold of one Mullet Cut per hundred hair styles. Simultaneous outbreaks have been reported in Iowa City, Iowa; Tulsa, Oklahoma; Louisville, Kentucky; and Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

We have on our hands, or rather our heads, a frightening renaissance for this most catastrophic of coiffures. Not since the mid-1980s has the Mullet beenseen in such numbers. Mullet-trackers theorize the Mullet's comeback may be linked to it's inexplicable resurgence among professional athletes, hard-rock singers and contemporary country music celebrities. Whatever its cause, though, the comeback of the Mullet represents a serious danger to society. Wearers of a Mullet Cut, otherwise known as "Mullet Heads," have been definitively linked with the following destructive behaviors:

* In-home production of crystal methamphetamine.
* Random, menacing stares cast toward non-Mullet Heads.
* Hogging the keg.
* Playing air guitar in public.
* Wearing acid-washed jeans, a tank top, and Oakley Razorblade sunglasses to weddings and funerals.
* A dangerous proclivity for tolerating broken and perforated screen doors.
* Bowling in the wrong lane.
* Cruising for high school chicks.
* Pre-millennial hoarding of Marlboro reds and gray paint primer.
* Pit-bull breeding.
* Shoplifting at dollar stores.
* Working on their cars and/or motorcycles in their front yards in the middle of the night while blasting Lynyrd Skynyrd, Korn, Bad Company, the Indigo Girls (in the case of female Mullet Heads), Vanilla Ice and/orKenny Rogers.
* Unpredictably violent behavior, including World Wrestling Federation "cage match" reenactments and hair-trigger sucker punches,especially if engaged in a "Ford vs. Chevy" debate.

The situation is dire, people. We must stand united against this dastardly 'do. For the good of us all, please read and distribute the following Frequently Asked Questions:

What, exactly, is a Mullet?

The dictionary definition of "Mullet" refers to a wide variety of small, spiny, freshwater and saltwater fish commonly used for commercial fishing bait.

Do not be confused by this literal definition. For the purposes of this bulletin, "Mullet" means any haircut, worn by either sex of the human species, in which the sides and top are significantly shorter than the back. To officially qualify as a Mullet, the back of the cut must flow at least two inches below the neckline.

Well-known Mullet Heads include "Achy-Breaky Heart" country singer Billy Ray Cyrus; "You might be a redneck if..." comedian Jeff Foxworthy; Pittsburgh Penguins superstar center Jaromir Jagr; and Arizona Diamondbacks ace pitcher Randy Johnson, before he set a fine example for today's youth last year by shearing his burly Mullet midseason.

Is the Mullet known by any other name?

Yes. Synonyms for the Mullet include the following: The Soccer Rocker, the Ape Drape, the Restraining Order Mortar Board, the Redneck Rug, the Neckwarmer, the Sphinx, the Darth Vader, the Squirrel Pelt, the Beaver Paddle, the Rogaine Mane, the Lice Ranch, the Porn Shorn, the Hangover, the Sherm Perm, the Guido, the Probation Pate, the East Mesa Waterfall, the Camaro Cut, the STLB (Short Top, Long Back, pronounced "stleeb"), the Tweaker Tophat and the S&L (Shortand Long)Crisis.

What is the origin of the Mullet?

Unknown. The first mass sightings of the Mullet were reported in the early 1980s, with the advent of "Butt Rock" bands such asDio, Bon Jovi, Iron Maiden, Winger, and any with the word "White" in their name (Great White, Whitesnake, White Lion, etc.).

Some believe the Mullet originated in New Jersey during the burnout days of the disco era. Others point to a 1982 promotional "2-4-1" campaign by a regionalSupercuts chain in Davis, California, which featured NASCAR celebrity spokesmodels wearing spiked-top Mullet cuts.

Other Mullet experts believe the Mullet has quietly existed for decades, citing the 1967 prison film Cool Hand Luke, starring Paul Newman and George Kennedy, in which Kennedy's character refers to Southern men with long hair as "Mullet Heads."

Sweet Jesus! I just looked in the mirror and I have a Mullet! What should I do!?

First, remain calm. Your condition is easily remedied. Simply follow this code-red procedure:

1) Obtain one sheet of blank paper and one Magic Marker (no crayons).
2) Print the following message on the sheet of paper, in large, capital letters: "HAVE MULLET. NEED HELP."
3) Pin the sheet of paper to your chest, proceed directly to the nearest hair salon, and place yourself in the care of a trained Mullet-eradication specialist.

Note: If you are a male Mullet Head (an 87 percent probability), it is critical for your own sexual well-being that you complete the above-described procedure as quickly as possible. Studies of long-term Mullet wearers have demonstrated a link between the Mullet and a degenerative disorder of certain hormonal glands whose suppression causes shrinkage of the male member. In laymen's terms, the longer the Mullet, the shorter the bullet.

I don't have a Mullet, but I know someone who does. What should I do?

Before you take any radical steps, ask yourself if you consider this person a friend. If not, your best course of action may be to anonymously avail them of this information sheet.

If you do consider the Mullet wearer a friend, however, the risk of direct intervention may be justifiable. We suggest the following course of action: Speaking softly and slowly, first attempt to convince your friend to willingly rid himself of his Mullet. Offer to give him a ride to a hair salon, and even to pay for the removal procedure. If this doesn't work, use any means necessary to help your friend, but whatever you do, get that Mullet off his head!

Remember: Mullet Heads are prone to aggression, and are frequently armed. No matter how good a friend your Mullet Head may be, use extreme caution, and perhaps a stun gun and some mace. Don't feel guilty. When the deed is done, your friend will thank you. The bottom line is: Friends don't let friends wear Mullets.

I wish to gain a greater understanding of Mullet Heads and how they interact with society. Where can I observe them in their natural surroundings?

Mullet Head habitats abound in the Valley. Prime locales include the Firebird International Raceway; any gun show, monster truck rally or pro-wrestling event; the State Fair; any hard rock or country music concert at America West Arena; Christown Mall; and anyplace labeled ". . .Mart."

The following are suggestions for specialized viewing of certain subspecies of the Mullet:

To observe the Lesbian Mullet, try a Phoenix Mercury game. For the MexiMullet, hit the Swap Meet or any strip-mall check-cashing spot along 16th Street. Many beggars along Mill Avenue sport the GranolaMullet, and certain karaoke bars serve as watering holes for Asian GangsterMullets (exercise extreme discretion with this species, whose condition can be attributed to Hong Kong action film director John Woo's rampant use of tough-guy AGM extras in slow motion shoot-out scenes).

Perhaps the most pitiable and fearsome subspecies of Mullet is the Permed Mullet, also known as the Mid-Life Crisis or Middle Management Mullet. Tailored to broadcast "well-paid professional" from thefront and "party maniac" from the rear, these Mullet Cuts are most easilyobserved in any topless bar during a "Businessman's Buffet" lunch hour.Another good bet is any upscale Scottsdale nightclub, such as Sanctuary orAxis/Radius, where Middle Management Mullet Heads are easily identified by their advanced age in relation to their dance-floor companions, as well as their uneasy yet unfailing use of the white-man overbite as they lag anywhere from 20 to 40 beats per minute behind tempo.

This concludes this code-red Mullet alert. Be ever vigilant, and fear the Mullet, for it is once more loose on the land. To further increase your Mullet awareness, see Mullets Galore, Eye on the Mullet or the 1999 Frisco Mullet Expose Contact David Holthouse at his online address: david.holthouse@newtimes.

8:04 PM 11/28/2000
I am fucked. Why can't a brother get a break? My FTP program took a shit. Since I didn't exactly buy it... I may have to break down and go spend some money. I can upload text, but no images. And, I got a Jenna Jameson Appreciation page with over 100 pics for ya'll. speaking of ya'll...

A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said: "So, where ya'll from?"

The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where ya'll from, bitch?"

4:17 PM 11/27/2000

Former US national team junior Greg Strock alleges that his coach regularly administered doping products and suggested that the young rider "didn't have what it takes" to excel in the sport whenever he objected to the practice. Is this why Lance got cancer?

Read more about it here.

Prosecutors in Paris have determined that there is sufficient evidence to warrant formal investigation into allegations that the US Postal Service team used performance-enhancing substances in this year's Tour de France.

Read more here.

Livingston to ride for Telekom

More here.

3:33 PM 11/27/2000
Read 'em and weep.

STATEMENT FROM U.S. POSTAL SERVICE CYCLING TEAM GENERAL MANAGER MARK GORSKI

"We are appalled at the unfounded report by France 3 television containing baseless accusations against the United States Postal Service Pro Cycling Team.

The team follows all of the strict guidelines set forth by the Union Cycliste International (UCI), the International Olympic Committee (IOC), and the Societe du Tour de France concerning prohibitions against the use of banned substances. In addition, all medical products used by the team physician at the Tour de France are reviewed and authorized by the Agence Francaise de Securite Sanitaire des Produits de Sante, the French medical control agency.

We have not been notified of any formal inquiry by French authorities. I am completely confident that if and when such an inquiry does occur, the facts will unconditionally support our assertion that the team meets or exceeds all of the standards set by the organizing bodies and agencies that govern the sport of cycling."

What a bunch of Bull Shit.

Read more of this fucking drivel here.

7:32 PM 11/26/2000
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner. It took a little over one day.

Date: 11/26/2000 1:09:18 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: Jody

1. big jonny
2. yard sale
3. fish
4. dr bicyle
5. gay randy

That was fun, thanks to all that entered. Now, please stop sending me entries.

Dr. Bicycles was so excited to have his gonads on the net, he updated his website. Fucking amazing. You can tell he really cares. About beer.

US Postal investigation official. Lance is going down. Postal responds.

I think this is cool.

8:20 PM 11/24/2000
What a fucking day. I love Thanksgiving. A man's wealth is the value of his friends.

This is the first Drunk Cyclist Contest. The rules are easy: match the name to the nutsack.

Send your dumbass guesses here. The winner gets a twelve pack. I'll even mail it to ya. No entries accepted from Rotten Apple Fag Boy.

11:12 PM 11/22/2000
I'm so stoked for tomorrow, I can't see straight. We're gonna have a killer meal. I'm gonna stuff my face. I'll be happier than a pig in shit. God bless America.

I hope to have .jpg's of the South Mountain Drunken Festival. I figure it'll be a mess. I'm going to attack every climb like a hardman.

Casey wanted to have a race in Papago. A Le Mans style start with a mandatory beer chug and a 100 yd dash. Then eight laps around a .2 mile circuit, and an additional one beer per lap. It woulda killed me. A 9:00 am start and drinking nine beers before 10:00. It was bring your own twelve pack, and a geared bike required the rider to wear a skirt. Fuck, maybe we shoulda done it?

Read this and this.

It looks like the high water mark has been reached over at the Stile Project Top 50. It, sniff, was a good run. I need another beer.

6:08 PM 11/22/2000
Well, kick me in horseshit and call me smelly. The Great Server Upgrade is complete. Everything should now work. Sorta.

In honor of Thanksgiving, Indians and Football, I bring you six pics of a girl fucking herself with... well, click and find out for yourselves.

I only hope I can find as much enjoyment in the holiday as she can.

What the fuck is going on with Livingston and Van Petegem? New US team? My man, Di Luca for the Giro? This might help clear things up. Specialized: I think they suck dick. What do you think?

9:41 AM 11/22/2000
OK, yeah, great, none of my image links work, or will work in the near future. All part of the mysterious server upgrade conspiracy. Goddamnit, this is frustrating. Gee, it sure is fun having a website I can't update, or change, at all. Fuck this, I want Turkey.

I'm leaving all the shit links in place. Why? Because, they might start working at any minute. People are working on fixing all the "bugs" that come up with a "server upgrade". This "type of thing" is "not uncommon". Who knows? I sure as hell don't.

10:58 PM 11/21/2000

From: David
Yes, I like Boobs, Beers, and Bikes! Who doesn't? It's a great idea for a site.
Here's a little story about my fantasy with Penelope Cruz.
First we will kiss wetly and undress eachother.
Then she will perform oral sex on me while looking me in the eyes for about 3 hours.
Then I will take her from behind, while standing up, while facing a full length mirror. Barry White will be on the stereo and a colored disco ball will be spinning above.
Then she will cry out 'ay, dahveed, es muy grande!' which means 'dave, your manhood resembles that of a donkey in that is so large!'
Then she will cum loudly and beg for more. I will let her beg and have her fix me a ham sandwich.
After the ham sandwich, I down a Sierra Nevada and ride my Single Speed off into the distance.
hee hee
David

Go see this site. It kicks so much ass. It's the greatest thing I have ever seen. Alright, that may have been a little over the top, but it's fucking hilarious. Wanna see how much I suck? Check out my lame ass excuse for a link button. Ha! (Dave, it you read this, I need help. I'll buy you the God Damn six pack)

Kinda a big, ugly, stupid thing isn't it. Fuck, it sucks.

Here are some pics I found squirreled away in a corner. Paris-Roubiax, the Queen of the Classics. I've got one of the bunch, one of Tchmil and, of course, one of Museeuw

8:09 PM 11/21/2000
One more day till the Thanksgivings Day Massacre. A nice ride in the morning to open things up a bit, and drinking heavily by noon. You should see the size of the fucking ham in my fridge. The turkeys nice too.

Thank fucking God I can get back on. You don't know what a release it is after a nice ten hour day of bicycle retail to be able to upload porn for the masses. Fuck. I got so pissed off about being cut off from the site (server upgrade) that I didn't finish my Jenna Jameson page. And it's kick ass.

Don't forget to hit the Top 50 link. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.

7:42 PM 11/21/2000
Finally, I can upload to the site. What a complete fucking pain in my ass the last three days have been. Something about upgrading the servers, blah blah blah. I called, e-mailed, complained. There was nothing I could do. I just had to sit and wait.

Sorry to all of you who came back to see the same boring shit day after day.

I've got a bunch of work to do tonight.

4:13 PM 11/19/2000
Perhaps riding a single speed mountain bike up to the snow level yesterday wasn't the best "just over a cold" ride. I can taste my fucking lungs today. Hack hack hack. It's gross. How does this much shit come out of my body?

The high water mark may have been realized over at the TOP 50 dork website list. I hit 30 or 31 this afternoon. And I still can't upload my updates. Fuck me.

I've spent most of today doing a whole lotta nuthin. It's nice. Found a bunch of VW ad soundtrack songs to download. Why not, right?

11:40 AM 11/19/2000

Go see this. The best yet. Why can't there be more like this. If you know of any, get at me.

Still can't upload anything. Why God, why??? Don't forget to click the top50 dumbshit gif. It goes to a good cause. Well, not really.

10:48 AM 11/19/2000

Made a new forum with ezboard. Yee Haa. Still can't upload anything. Weeeeeeeeee.

Not much point in going on.... Made it to 38th at the Stile Project top fifty thing. Great. Keep hittin it. Just pretend it's your bosses head. Wham. Wham. Wham.

9:14 PM 11/18/2000

This top 50 thing is so fucking dumb. I just can't help myself. I want to kill everyone else on the list. Die, you bastards. Click the thing a few times for me.

Ryan, the Husky Midget flaked on the mountain bike ride. So, Casey, Scott the Neo-Pro and I went to Crown King. I love going to Crown King. 14 miles up, 14 miles down, all dirt. Start in the desert, in the nice little town of Cleator, and climb way up in the mountians. I think it's around 4,000 feet of climbing. Crown King is up in the Pine trees. They even had ice and snow on the ground up there for Christ's sake. Is it still training if you eat a bowl of Chili and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon at the half way point?

You gotta see how pissed off this guy is. He's killing me. This site is not to be missed.

I'm going to follow The Neo Pro around for 65 miles tomorrow. I will probably die.

Someone sent me this. I'm not sure what to think.

Fucking server. I can't upload this. Again. Great. This will be posted tomorrow, I hope. Fuck.

11:03 PM 11/17/2000
I have no idea why you would actually want to do this. If you hit the link, someone actually adds it all up and ranks the traffic generated form this site. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Whoopee.

Looks like four digits cracks the top ten. Think I can do it? Think I give a flying fuck? I won't even make the top 50. Not in a million years.

10:38 PM 11/17/2000
I guess I just finished night school. Gee, I sure learned a lot. Not. I'm fucked. Who gives a shit. Tomorrows ride will be in the Madazel Mountians. Ryan, Dane, Case Flakeman and myself.

I asked Ryan if this was going to be another hammer fest, me just getting over a cold and all. He told me he was bringing a Bob trailer and a Bar-B-Que. This ride is gonna kick ass.

11:58 PM 11/16/2000
I love this guys site. Check out his thong page.

11:14 PM 11/16/2000
What's up with Kevin Livingston? His deal with Linda McCartney may not be realized. I was looking forward to seeing him shine next season as a team leader in the big tours. Sean Yates, manager of Linda McCartney had this to say, "Of course, we want Kevin to come, but I think we will be a very strong outfit with or without him."
More on the story here.

I decided to find some fun webcams to link to today. It's not as fun as you'd think. Most of the cams out there are a bunch of bullshit. I started out thinking how cool a bunch of Tits and Ass was going to be. I couldn't hardly find anything worth the effort. Instead, I just got bummed out on Phoenix and started looking at places I used to live, places I want to live, places I that are fun to hang out at. Here's what I got so far...

I'm working on a Jenna Jameson thing here at Drunk Cyclist. Why, because we care about hot chicks. Should be ready in a couple of days.

One more week till the Thanksgiving Day Massacre. Oh shittty. I bought the Glorious Ham today. She's singing to me. Got the yard bird too. If there is one thing I love, it's eating.

10:51 PM 11/15/2000
God Damn, enough of you fuckers are visting this site. I know, I can read. My lovely hosts keep track of that sort of thing. How about posting some shit in the forum. It's more fun than fucking yourself with a cucumber.

10:28 PM 11/15/2000
I got this in the mail today...

Subj:HEATH LOVES ANG
Date: 11/15/2000 6:04:59 AM US Mountain Standard Time
From: Heath
Yes Ang it made me very jealous. I thought it was plane to see the aguish on
my face the night you said yes him(John). The only reason I moved out of
Phoenix is I couldn't stand to live in the same city as you and not have my
TINY hands all over you. Now I spend pounding hour upon pounding hour at
home alone thinking of you and me alone with a big can of whipped cream and
peanut butter. I just want you to know that you will always be the one girl
for me. HEATH LOVES ANG !!!!!!!!!!!!
F-JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess he really liked Ang's new site.

God Damn, Big Thanksgiving Day Massacre in one stinking week. I cannot wait.

My cold is pretty much past. I took yesterday off and slept like a baby. Or, like a log, rock, box of hammers. You get the idea.

6:35 PM 11/14/2000
We're having a party! OK, it's the worst site ever, but fuck it.

5:33 PM 11/14/2000
Man, I really hope the asshole of the month doesn't become the asshole of the next four years. Ugh.

This just in...

There are enough roads in America's national forests to run from the Earth to the Moon and almost halfway back.

On Monday, the Clinton administration said that is enough.

In Arizona, the proposed roads policy would ban further road construction on nearly 2 million acres. Nationwide, about 58.5 million acres of land will be protected from new road construction by 2004.

"In Arizona, this is good news for everyone who likes to see trees, and not stumps, in our national forests," said Rob Smith, Southwest field director for the Sierra Club.

The timber industry, however, says it will limit logging and hurt business. The proposal amounts to a rezoning of 10 percent of the national forests in the state.

It prohibits road building and bans logging in so-called "roadless areas" except where forest health is an issue.

How is it that all sides to this thing come out like their full of shit? I don't think I believe any of them. Timber industry people are liars. Sierra Club people are liars. Clinton's people are liars. Fuck all of them.

10:59 PM 11/13/2000
I got mentioned at Rebel Alliance. So you think my website is yellow, huh? Well yours is fucking orange! What do you think about that, smart guy? I wasn't expecting much, and a plug is a plug.

Here is a fun chat room to go hang out in. Tell 'em you got some bad ass jet ski thing, and you're looking to sell it cheap. Or, that you want to advertise on the site. Whatever. Just lie. I do. And it's fun.

10:42 PM 11/13/2000
I am sick. I have a cold. I am a fucking dumbass. What was I thinking?

I had to leave work early today. I felt all feverish and just plain shitty. I want to die.

Made it to my class tonight. That really fucking sucked ass. Jesus, I thought I was going to fall right out of my chair.

10:29 PM 11/12/2000

The effects of staying up all night like a fucking idiot on Friday are still being felt. I am retarded today. I still feel like a zombie.

I did actually see Big Gay Randy talking to a, gasp, girl this weekend. It has been rumored to happen from time to time. But, shit, I didn't believe it. I thought he was afraid of girls. She was cute too. Go figure.

You know, its true what they say. It's the quite guys you gotta look out for. And here I thought we were gonna have to get him a hooker.

10:36 AM 11/12/2000
What a nights sleep I just had. I think I could have slept in a snowdrift. The house could have burned down around me. I crashed out so hard. Now, I feel real weird. All fucked up inside. Ugh. I really should try not to pull anymore all nighter's like Friday. This mornings first pee came out like antifreeze.

I haven't really looked around for any new Lance news yet, but its coming.

Saw my friend Jim from Michigan yesterday. He's one of a few guys I now that live my dream. Those lucky bastard show up in Phoenix in the fall, and beat the hot feet outta here in spring. They avoid our nice little 400 degree summer entirely. Fuckers. You should have to earn the mild winter. You can't just come dancing back down to Arizona after summering in Maine. Its not God Damn fair!

I have got to go and do something today. I need to get outside. If I stay in front of this computer any longer, I'll probably fall asleep.

Check this out.

11:42 PM 11/11/2000
I am a walking zombie. I have not slept since I woke up Friday morning at 8:00 am. OK, I napped for an hour in the car when Big Gay Randy drove on the way back from Tucson. But, I still feel like shit.

I just went to two birthday parties. My man Leger is 25, and the Drinking Party Scottish Highland Games Mother Fucking Hustler Chris is 26. I think. How the fuck should I know given all the Jack Daniels I just poured down my throat?

I am fucking ripped to the gills and I want to sleep for six days straight. All my extremities are tingling. Fuck this I need sleep. Go to hell Lance.

4:14 AM 11/11/2000
I cannot believe what fucking time it is. Jesus Christ this day is going to last for fucking ever. I might as well not even go to sleep at this point. I would need to get up in about an hour. Oh Jesus.

I am starting to feel a little funny around the edges, if you know what I mean.
Work, school, ride, sleep, work, school, ride, sleep...

I may need to develop an entire page just for cycling links as I am amassing quite a few of them. I think I'm going to look for more news on Lancey boys drug issues.

2:53 AM 11/11/2000
Still awake. Kill me, please.

12:58 AM 11/11/2000
I hate not being able to sleep. I'm totaly fucking tired. But, when I close my eyes... nothing happens

What to do now. Bored bored bored. Ho hum. This is kinda neat. But only for a little while.

10:46 PM 11/10/2000
The shit gets deeper...

"Actovegin, which contains deproteinized extracts of calf's blood, improves the circulation of oxygen in the blood in a manner similar to the banned drug EPO,"

In a statement form statement from US Postal Service General Manager Mark Gorski, he says "If there is an official inquiry, we are confident that it will find that the team was in full compliance with the strict guidelines of the International Cycling Union (UCI)."

"It's just weird," said Armstrong, "When you take into consideration that we're not even talking about a banned substance."

More info on those lying cheating fucks at US Postal.

10:10 PM 11/10/2000
Here it comes. Just back from night school. It's nothing like the night schools made famous in porno. I am not getting laid and having fun.

Big huge bike swap thing tomorrow down in Tucson. I'm going. So are Big Gay Randy, Bri Bro, and the parents of the aforementioned. Also, Aaron the Slaveholder, Flake Casemen and Scottish Chris. I have to be on the road at the ungodly hour of 5:30. Fuck me.

Work today was unbelievable. One continuos stream of fucking asshole customers. One guy I want to personally run over with a school bus. In front of his mother.

Mister Dickhead is from somewhere up north where being rich means you can make other human beings into doormats. This guy was such a dick. He didn't want to pay the regular price to have his bicycle put back together after he shipped it down here. He was the biggest asshole. He left the receipt from the store that packed his bike in the box back in whatever town his presence degrades. He paid $40.00 to have someone take his pedals off, and pull his stem out. The mystery shop even charged him for packing material. I guess he was a dick to them too.

Me, he expected me to perform a full tune up on his Dura Ace equipped Specialized for $20.00. Wheel true, hub adjustment, clean the thing up, lube the cables, you fucking name it. For half the cost of stuffing the thing in a box. What the fuck is that about?

I wanted to beat this guy to death with a brick. I hate him. Asshole.

10:15 PM 11/09/2000
I'm glad to see Velonews is sucking Postal dick. Put the spin on her boys...

"It should be noted, however, that the reports of the investigation mention only a group of new drugs not yet placed on the UCI or IOC list of banned substances." say the hucksters at Velonews.

I got news for ya. I've been reading about Actovigen all God Damn night. The drug has been around for twenty years. It allows and increase in blood flow and oxygen carrying capacity to the brain. As of yet I haven't found any articles describing any other uses. Got a good link on Actovigen? Get at me.

"We continue to adhere to a zero-tolerance policy concerning the use of substances banned by the UCI." says Mark Gorski, General Manager of Team US Postal.

Yeah, that's great news Mark. But, your missing the point. And, I might add, I don't think you're missing it by accident. Performance enhancement is cheating. All this "it's not a banned substance" crapola won't wash.

My man Ludo Dierckxsens got kicked to the fucking curb after his Tour stage win. He admitted to taking a corticoid injection in an injured knee during the Tour of Germany. No trace of the drug was found in his post race blood test, and no one thought it could have possible given any performance benifit as the Tour was several weeks later. It was the fact that he admitted to it. Honesty bad, lying good.

8:12 PM 11/09/2000
More dumb shit about doping at US Postal. C'mon, grow up. Professional cyclists take drugs.

"It's just weird," said Armstrong, "When you take into consideration that we're not even talking about a banned substance..."

Yeah, that might be true you arrogent asswipe, but Pedro Delgado wasn't taking a banned substance either.

4:32 PM 11/09/2000
Down there in Florida the news is that Bush leads Gore by something like 400 votes, and three districts (counties?) haven't as yet reported in. Jesus Fucking Christ.

I made a page for Rotten Apple T-Shrits. Go see it here. You should buy a shirt. All proceeds go to a good cause. Namely keepin Heath just out of poverty. Hey, I got mine.

I just put a new stem on my new road bike. It's a big 'ol honkin 140 mm Salsa. I think it ought to be a bit stiffer than that crappy, lightwieght steel Profile thing I was rocking.

I'm going riding.

1:00 AM 11/09/2000
I am so fucking tired. And I'm pissed off, and just about out of beer. This night school thing is beating me straight into the fucking ground. I just want to sleep for ten hours. Is that so wrong?

I can't fucking believe that stupid redneck hillbilly dumbfuck is going to be our next president. I don't understand why anyone would think voting Republican was a good idea. I just can't believe that many people out there are lining up for that crock of shit party line nonsense. Nothing the Republican party says makes one God Damn bit of sense to me.

I don't even want to start on the whole Supreme Court Justice thing. Oh fuck, is that goint to ruin, absolutely fucking ruin things in this country for years. My children will grow up in a place where women and gays are considered subhuman. Abortion is illegal. A joint will get you ten years. We'll have a big 'ol CE-Mint wall accross the mexican border to keep out those job stealing, thieving spics, blah blah blah. Klan rallies and fucking gun shows. Yee Haw, Cletus hand me up some more of that Bar Bee Que.

Fuck this place if George W. wins. I want out. I can't stand it. That nutcase will put nine thousand blacks on death row for jaywalking. And then, he'll actually kill them.

Ang asked me if I wanted to move to Canada if Bush won. I said yes.

C'mon Florida, you bunch of stupid fucks. Get it together already. Can't you people count?

Did anyone pick up on this story? Its about the best I've read on the subject yet. And, there is more if you look around a little bit. Thanks Todd for the link.

Fuck it, Lance is a doper, and I have got to go to sleep. More angry words tomorrow.

10:08 PM 11/06/2000
First night of classes tonight. Fucking wonderfull. I want to kill myself.

If I had any more energy, I'd link ya'll to one thousand porn pics. None of them could be any better than the video I saw today at work. It made me about puke. A girl, a dog and the surprising use of a condom. I never would have thought to, you know, think about STD's when fucking a pet. But, I guess you're not just having sex with good 'ol Spike. You're having sex with every flea bitten, gutter snipe Spike mounted in his life. It's scary when you think of it like that.

Fuck it, I guess I'm not that tired after all. Here they are. In order, mind you. Enjoy.

I rode today for 1 1/2 hours with Big Gay Randy. I hurt. Yesterday was one of the longest rides I've done in the last few months. I can't wait to do more.

The Eagles beat the Cowboys. All is well in the world.

8:37 PM 11/04/2000
Ok, I'm really going to the party now... This should require no further explanation.

6:49 PM 11/04/2000
Going to the Blond Ambition house tonight for a BBQ. They'll probably try to assrape me. Bastards.

I'm bringing a bottle of vodka. Nighty night.

I'm supposed to get up and put in another couple of hours on the bike tomorrow morning. At fucking 6:30 am. I don't know if I can make the group ride. Good thing I don't mind riding by myself. Shit, I got the whole day to ride, why wake up that early. The pain will wait. It always does.

2:50 PM 11/04/2000
Nice little ride today. About four and a half hours in the saddle. Good thing we were taking it easy. Scott and I met a new guy out on the road, and I already forgot his name. Fuck. I suck at remembering names.

The New Guy, as he shall forever be known, is from New Orleans. Nice guy, The New Guy. I guess his brother raced against Scott last week at the ill fated mountain bike race, the Wheels of Fire.

Here are the "unofficial results". That's me, #273. Way down there in the 28-34 group. I guess my name is "Don" now. Fuck it. So, much to my surprise, I did not finish last. I fact, I beat three people.

I think this site rules. Post something on the message board. I did. So what if the whole things in French and the froggies can't read it. That's what makes it so fun.

10:55 PM 11/03/2000
It is time for this drunk idiot to go to bed. Or, more directly, pass the fuck out.

I am to ride with Scott the Young Gun tomorrow at 8:00. We are to go for four hours. Easy. I hope I don't vomit.

There is so much to do with the site, it makes my God Damn head spin. I need a butler. Or a slave. Maybe a real hot chick to do things for me around the house. Things like cook me food. Or, maybe she could just do things to me. I would probably be cool with that.

8:52 PM 11/02/2000
Just dropped two hundered dollars at the grocery store. I won't have to buy food again for sixteen years. Heard from Heath today. The Rotten Apple shirts are available for those who qualify. Just e-mail me for the gory details. Heath just might be the angriest son of a bitch I know. And that's really saying something when you take into consideration what kind of jackasses I call friends.

Gonna make me a nice little Bloody Mary here in a bit. Fuck yeah.

12:02 PM 11/02/2000
Slept in till 9:30 this morning. Since the alarm usually goes off at 5:30, I felt like I slept alf the day away. Got a "to do" list as long as my fucking arm. And no motivatuion to do anything. I should probably go to the bank, though. I have last weeks paycheck on the kitchen table and about .27 cents in my checking account.

Monday night is my first day of school. What the fuck am I thinking? I haven't sat in a classroom for years. And now I'm going to pay out thousands of dollars of my own stinking money?

I've got some things in the works here at DrunkCyclist. Look forward to more drunken interviews with my favorite drunken idiot friends. Maybe someday they can be your drunken idiot friends too.

9:52 PM 11/01/2000
A day off tomorrow. Thank fucking God.

I think I might be getting a cold. Of all the rotten fucking luck. Speaking of rotten, what the fuck happened to Rotten Apple???

They got some unbearable Tennesse Williams plays, stories, turned movies marathon on TV tonight. Ang is in heaven, and I am in hell. How much Paul Newman can I fucking take. Nothing but smoking, lying, yelling and heavy drinking.

The one on now is Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. It from 1958. Man, thats fucking old. A bunch of angry white assholes yelling at each other. Oh, Daddy, why couldn't you have loved me. I don't want your millions. Fuck you people, give me the money and shut the fuck up.

12:35 AM 11/01/2000
I got an e-mail for one (or both?) of the brothers blond. I'm not sure if its from Bro Bri, or Bri Bro, but who fucking cares. Here it is:

Subj: Lay off the blond ambition Bitch
Date: 10/31/2000 4:23:49 PM US Mountain Standard Time
Hey, fat boy I think you need to lay off the insults or the boys and myself are going to take you out for a ride and hurt you bad. Just a little reminder the next time you start typing away on you gay little web site.

Those guys are so fun, I just want to give them a great big hug. With a cement truck.