Hello.
After these years I finally determined your email address one day; a gift from the universe, as it is the only way I know to make contact with you now… if you even use it. Hopefully you do, but if not, I will wait for you to someday reach out. Don’t wait until you’re in your 30’s tho. That seems to be the case for many falling-outs like we had because of my actions.
In the aftermath of my breakdown I lost everything including any way to reach out.
I hope you are well and that your life over the past years has been good, and strengthening, as I know you were impacted to the core by my behaviors when we were together. If we were ever to try to communicate and perhaps, be related again, then I would want to… I would need to take account of my behavioral problems that ultimately fractured your worldview.
You undoubtedly remember. And you undoubtedly need to know that I know what happened and I am fully responsible for my actions which had nothing to do with you, even though you might wonder how that is possible. How it is possible that you had no effect on the violence of my behavior? You did not. My rage was building without any outside input, without any input from you. Instead my world was finally falling apart.
You are a beautiful person and someone I want in the world; I chose you. And while you never have to accept an apology, I want you to know that I take responsibility for my actions and I am sorry for what happened.
I am happy and I have done great work on myself since the day you left my house for your Mom’s. That was 4 years ago you know? Maybe longer. I think I have paid my debt in silence for long enough and wish to recover my relationship with you. I am a good person now.
I am wondering where your writing has taken you in your life now?
You are almost graduated. Are you going to college? How is your social life? What do you want to do in your life? What are your interests now?