Before I had the privilege of writing on this yellow page, I was a big fan of DC. I loved Big Jonny’s snark, Gnome’s commentary, Snakehawk’s art and all of the stories sent in from other folks around the globe. To me it was more than just the free porn and low brow comedy (but you can see all that in the NSFW archives if you want), it was a look into a side of cycling that spoke a little more to me than what I was currently doing. These guys just went out into the desert and hammered and got hammered…half the time. Other times it was just long solo rides or simply a chill beer drinking ride with friends. This didn’t only appeal to me, it also lured in a ton of other like minded folks. One in particular, Pistil Pete, would send in stories from wherever he was touring in the globe and they were great. Eventually, through the power of social media and bicycle rides, I finally got to meet Mr. Pistil. I am now honored to call him a friend.
When I saw a recent post from him, somewhere out on the road….he’s always out pedalin’ somewhere. I asked if I could post it and he agreed. I should probably just give him his own login here, because why the fuck not. This dude is like my desert rat bike touring Mr Miyagi and has campfire stories for days.
Man, I love those Del Taco chicken soft tacos. I imagine if I ate them regularly they’d lose their charm but I hardly ever make it to a city anymore and even less often on a Thursday when they give you three of’m for $2 and change. Here I am, in the capitol of Baja Arizona, waiting on the Texas Eagle and it’s Thursday, I might as well.
So I’m sitting, enjoying my treat and a sketchy nut walks past my fatbike. Heavy eye action. I watch him pass by and I go back to my taco. Second taco almost history and here he comes, right at my bike. I’m outta the booth in a flash, out the door and he’s trying to figure out why my bike won’t roll. It’s locked of course but I yell at him “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” He looks at me, clueless, as I step right in with all my weight in my fist, trying to hit the back of his skull through his eye socket. He goes down hard, spinning to land on his hands and knees and I give him a solid kick in the ass, right in the sphincter. My bike is on the ground and he’s trying to crawl away, obviously hurt. Guy from inside comes out, smiling, “Was he trying to steal your bike?” I tell him yeah then tell Bike Thief to get up but he’s having a hard time. I yell again “MOTHERFUCKER YOU BETTER RUN!” and he hobbles off. Another guys asks about my bike, I pick it up and walk inside to grab my shit, it’s time to go. Defending your shit can get you arrested and that guy looked hurt. On my way out the lady behind the counter asks if I want some food to go, she’s charmed too. I laugh out loud, tell her no thanks, walk out to unlock my bike and flee. Maybe I’ll want that last taco later but my hand and foot hurt…
It’s amazing that we have to worry about the law when defending our shit, but that’s the world around us today. Those tacos are pretty goddamn delicious and there ain’t no Del Tacos where I am. Bummer.
Also, don’t steal bikes, bro.
Pistil Pete always teaching lessons.
…keep it dirty.by