Rectum, damn near killed ’em.

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I was at the grocery store today because Sunday reasons and while standing in line to pay money for items I wanted to purchase, a sweet older lady in front of me became the sweet older lady behind me with a small act of kindness. Noticing my struggle to balance a few items with a cast on my hand, she invited me to budge in front as her full cart of provisions would take some time to sort. Thanks lady.

So I move ahead and she asks, “What’d you do to your hand?”

“I crashed my bike, just a small fracture right here (pointed near the Hamate bone), only two weeks left in this stinky thing.”

“Those bikes are dangerous,” she replied. “I had an appointment scheduled last week for a, a…ah what do you call it with the rectum?” “A colonoscopy?” I asked. “Yes! A colonoscopy,” she confirmed.

“I was supposed to get one last week but got a call from my doctor saying he’d also crashed his bike. He broke his clavicle and wasn’t able to do the exam.”

“Ah, well that’s…good,” I murmured.

“Well, not really. I’d already done all the prep work and didn’t even get to the good part!” she said erupting in laughter while poking at my side. I awkwardly laughed with her while envisioning the procedure going down.

That’s all I got today.

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

13 Replies to “Rectum, damn near killed ’em.”

  1. This is where were all headed. Chatting up young people in the grocery line about our next rectal exam. Something to look forward to, aye?

  2. Fantastic blog! Do you have any renmmoecdations for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Many thanks!

  3. @Shaun

    Some of us are already there..

    I can do a “GITORFMYFUGGINGLAWN” that’s absolutely ClintEastwoodesque & worthy of Masters games consideration.

    Don’t get me started on my “Idiedinthelastwarforyouyoungpunks”!

  4. Par ailleurs je vois que vous comparez les chiffres de fin 2007 avec la chiffres de fin 2011.Donc vos n’intégrez pas le budget 2007 (ce qui est normal) mais pas le budget 2012 (qui est voté par la majorité actuelle), qui prévoit 89 mds de déficit.C’est donc Avantage Hollande en fait.

  5. Pshhh-Aah! Gold like Bee Arthur. More like Golden Girls! Gotta get down on THAT. Mad diggy fly props, Cupkake. So golden I spell it with a ‘k’. CUZZATSA COOLISS!!

  6. Oh man, I avoid grocery stores on the weekend. I actually love food shopping (I’ve cooked for a living in the past, so food stocking is something I enjoy) but man, groceries have every mouth-breathing nut from all surrounding counties on the weekends.

    Also, I thought this was going to be a horror story…I thought the old lady was going to pull out a check book! The WORST when you have two things and the last person on the planet to write checks is in front of you. Oh man.

  7. Bicycles are flippin dangerous. I know. I spent an otherwise great day at urgent care in Waterboro, Maine a couple of weeks, or was it a month ago, uh, anyway, I sat in the waiting room for what turned out to be 10 stitches and realized I had broken another damn helmet. Flesh heals. Helmets don’t.

    And contrary to what that old bird says, having a video camera shoved up your ass is in no way fun. Although watching the screen while the doc blasts some polyps into oblivion is kinda cool.

    Used to check out Drunk Cyclist years ago. I wonder now why I stopped coming by.

    Keep it ‘tween the Ditches,


  8. Hey John – I’m sure it will be an incredible feeling to head to the airport with so little stuff in a week! Perhaps a bit odd at first but liberating before long. And like many of the readers, I too look forward to hopefully catching up with you somewhere out there one of these days..-= Earl´s last blog .. =-.