Step 4 is the Most Important Part

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I don’t even remember how it started. All I know is everyone was rolling this way, so I had to do the same. Because we all had bikes, and it was night time, and what do you do at night? You pound four or five PBR’s.

Then you go out drinking.

The process goes something like this:

Step 1: Dress ratty. This is not a problem for me because I am 23 years old and I am poor as fuck.

Step 2: get on your fixie/urban commuter/steel hardtail you fished out of the trash. See my reason for step 1.


Step 3: Go fuck yourself. By which I mean, drink a fucking lot of beer. At people’s houses, at the bars where the drinks are cheap, on top of parking garages.

Step 4: Ride in circles. This is the most important part. Everything about bicycles is cyclical: you ride, you eat, you drink, you sleep. You ride, you eat, you drink, you sleep. You’re born, you grow, you ride, you die. You’re born, you grow, you ride, you die. Circles are the most important fucking part. Don’t forget that.

Step 5: Puke if you have to. We have a lot more drinking to do.

Step 6: Go fuck yourself. By which I mean: everything you thought you were before this moment is no longer true. This is also part of the cycle. You are redefining yourself just by turning the cranks with people on your left and on your right. Did you take yourself seriously?Stop that. You’re a joke. Were you a fucking joker? Stop that. You’re a serious, living, breathing masterfuckingpiece. Be brilliant.

Step 7: Drink until the bars close. Then continue riding, preferably up a large hill so you can see the lights from the top and  bomb back down the hill drunk off your worthless ass. Falling is not an option. Don’t do that.


Generally speaking, you will find yourself in places like this.
Generally speaking, you will find yourself in places like this.

Step 8: It’s 5 a.m. You get two hours of sleep starting…now! Pass the fuck out!

Step 9: Wake the fuck up. You’ve gotta go to work. Those Huffy masterpieces ain’t gonna wrench themselves.


Step 10: It’s noon. Have a beer.


Step 11: Work’s over. Have a beer.


Step 12: Repeat.

Do it while you’re young because it hurts when you’re old. Do it because there’s only one time in your life when you can do it, with the right people, at the right time. Surround yourself with the right people. If they ain’t the right people, ride away. You have no time for them and they just want something from you. Don’t give the biggest part of yourself to people who don’t deserve it. Give it to someone on a bicycle, someone riding beside you, because hey, they may not be there much longer. There are hungry cars out there. There are haircuts and suits out there. There are kids and mortgages and business trips. And, let’s not forget about achieving that perfect hairstyle, which can be easily done using a crimper. Knowing how to use a crimper makes the work easier for me and has 3 simple steps- select the desired thickness, plug it in, and choose the temperature. These things can be good or bad, but one thing’s for sure: when you’re 23 and you’re riding at night, hand off your coldest beer to someone riding beside you. Forget the rest.

We’ve got too much to do.

(Sappy side note: I wrote this because I managed to accidentally delete every photo I took between 2005 and 2007. Sorry, Flagstaff.  If you have any of them, send them to me!).

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About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

14 Replies to “Step 4 is the Most Important Part”

  1. in the process of posting this, it looks like you got lost on your way to your shitty tumblr

  2. My tumblr’s so shitty there’s a tumblr about my shitty tumblr.

    My tumblr’s so shitty there are memes about my shitty tumblr.

    My tumblr’s so shitty its address is written on bathroom stalls.

    My tumblr’s so shitty it doesn’t even exist.

    I think I covered all the bases.

  3. Thanks, D2 for that post. I haven’t commented here in a couple years…didn’t have anything to say. You have given voice to my raison d’ etre. I just turned 40 and I’ve been living your life since day one in a bike shop 1991. It does hurt a little more these days, but not as much as I had feared.
    Keep circling, and fuck those hungry cars.

  4. Almost got misty eyed when I read this. Reminds me of almost 10 years ago with my best friends, beer, blood, bikes and bandits. All the while fighting it out in the dirty south with the blackest grease under my nails and whisky in my belly. Cheers to you! Go live it hard. Go fuck yourself.