We are Cat 1 at Partying

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Location: Winona, MN
Event: Single Speed USA
Objective: Fuck shit up

Seeing as though my brain is still bathing in booze, it’s taken about two hours to get only this far into the post. As such, this will serve as a teaser to a better report coming later this week.

We arrived at the quiet river town known as Winona and Caveman said something along the lines of, “Hey I’ve got an idea! Let’s open this whiskey and go ride our goddamn bikes.” So that’s what we did, and it set the tone for what would be the only rule for the weekend; sobriety disallowed.

The singletrack was pretty (mid)Western as Fuck. We pushed some pedals, and pushed up some hills also. We also drank award winning beers along the way. It was a good start.


From there, we headed to the party and it was $2.50 pints of fuck rapha all night.


This happened.

Poor Winona.
Sorry Winona.

Even with the ruckus, we managed to stay safe.


Then Saturday came and there was a drinking event with a bike ride attached. It started Le Mans style, so basically all the losers ran, and we rode ponies.

This wouldn't be the only jockey riding this weekend...
This wouldn’t be the only jockey riding this weekend…

Then we hiked our ponies for about two miles and got drunk in the woods. Fuck yea drunkhyclist.

Screen shot 2013-08-19 at 9.32.26 AM

Your weekend’s MVP catching the draft of a local cougar.

I like that wagon you're draggin'
I like that wagon you’re draggin’ sweetheart.

Took a bath.


And then we partied.

Weekends like this are like putting a new spark plug in the engine. They get rid of the soot of everyday life and add a little hop in your step. I’m sure as the days go by, stories will surface and pictures will be posted to bring back the fading memories. Gotta go with another Caveman quote here to sum up the weekend, “That got me more excited than every porn I’ve ever watched.”

Screen shot 2013-08-19 at 9.53.42 AM

Until next year…

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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

15 Replies to “We are Cat 1 at Partying”

  1. Good Lord. Kind’ve makes me glad I’m and old married guy with no hope of every getting myself into this kind’ve shit anymore. Must say I never fail to be impressed that you crazy bastards are always able to get on the bike after and during the highly committed boozing.

    Whoever the hell at PBR managed to get them where they are today should run for president. Last time I ever considered buying that shit is when it happened to be a few cents cheaper than the Old Mil or Mil’s Best and whatever else shit beers were running less than $3 a twelver back in the 80’s.

  2. @Hack— nice clip from Spa ’91. In those days, they’d apex Eau Rouge at 200 MPH, on the rev limiter in sixth gear, with the suspension bottomed out. What could possibly go wrong?

  3. @Joe— did you watch the clip? Note at 0:17, apexing Eau Rouge at 200 mph, the car is scraping its magnesium skid plates on the track.

    A fellow’s sphincter alone would apply as much force as the average drunk singlespeeder.

  4. Which is quite a lot, by the way. In case anyone, maybe from Japan or Hong Kong, wondered.

  5. I’ll defer to you on this one, Mikey. It sounds to me as though you are far more knowledgeable on the subject of forcing a fellow’s sphincter.

    Not that, yadda yadda yadda..

  6. Winona will never forget SSUSA or the Drunk Cyclist crew. Thanks for being part of what was on o the craziest weekends ever!

  7. I think SSUSA is extremely good for your health and the town it lands in.

    Senna would of lost terribly trying to keep up with us at SSUSA.

  8. Pingback: Scandinavian Jesus Does SSWC 2013 Italy - Drunkcyclist.com