Big foot prints and a very big hook

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Sticking with the “holy shit, fat boy rode his bike” theme, I, ahem, rode my bike. I went out, nice and easy as you like, to what we call the Big Foot tracks or Big Foot hill here in Flagstaff the other day. This point in the roadway is about 15 miles from my driveway, so it’s ast good as a place as any to swing it around ‘toward home for a quick 30 miler. I’ve no idea who started painting these clown-show footprints across the road, or frankly, why they did so. But, they’ve been a fixture on Lake Mary Road for years and I guess that’s just enough.

Big feet make big foot prints.
Big feet make big foot prints.

Lake Mary is a fickle bitch. There is always wind. And that winpd always turns. Always. The upside is you are sure to have a tail wind at some point in the ride. The rest of the time you will curse all mankind and wonder just why in the fuck Jesus hates you so much.

And so it goes.

My amply buttocks not only serve as a gravitational enhancement device, but a fabulous wind assistance device as well. They don’t call it a “tail wind” for nothing. Thanks, really. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip the ladies. Try the veal.

So, anyway, I’m plowing along at a mid-twenties clip (it was a decent tail wind), not paying attention to anything in particular. Just humming along in the median, keeping the fog line on my left and the dirt on my right. I was enjoying myself. There are a few bits of rock, branches, the usual roadside debris flashing by my wheels now and again. It was a bright, well-lit day on a fairly straightforward piece of pavement, so nothing comes up all to fast.

Well, usually nothing. All of the sudden, a bit of something odd flashed by.

I took this photo after turning around a doubling back.

WTF was that?
WTF was that?

Yeah. Weird. Not a rock, not a twig, or a beer can. What was that? Curiosity may have killed a few cats, but around here it generates blog content.

A second, closeup photo.

That would fuck up your Christmas.
That would fuck up your Christmas.

Man, that just looks nasty! I didn’t think to lay something like a quarter or tire lever next to it for scale at the time I took the photo. But I can tell you that the curve of the hook was large enough that it would fit around my thumb. So, pretty damn big and not something you’d care to get snagged in your tire.

Once I was standing still, I noticed another big ass lure with a big ass hook about two feet away. The second one lacked the fabulous dressing of the first and was on a naked lead weight, so it didn’t stand out against the pavement nearly as much. I hit neither, but only saw the one.


I picked up both and got them off the road way. Kinda made me wonder what else might be out there waiting for the unsuspecting among us. Hitting that would totally suck.

Keep the rubber side down, folks.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

3 Replies to “Big foot prints and a very big hook”

  1. not afraid to turn the cranks, are you? and not afraid to feed the machine apparently, either.

  2. The other day I found a pipe (of the “only legal in some states” variety) that was still loaded. So, I picked it up and pocketed it…and like 1/2 mile later I pass a house with two large German shepards in the front lawn. I picked up the pace a lot.