24 Hours In The Old Pueblo: Long Loops, Big Smiles

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Some people look to 24 hour racing for the personal challenge, some to play on a team, and others just want to enjoy the event in whatever way suits them. I flew to the Old Pueblo seeking a semi-rad weekend, and I mean that in the most exhausting, depraved way possible. I was quite nervous to be honest. What would commence is a reunion of folks who were ready to ride as many beers as they drank miles. It would be dirty, minus the inside of kegs, and we would probably all get into some sort of trouble. The relief I felt when the wheels were up off the Madison tarmac was akin to that first sigh in the morning when you take a dump; awkward, awkward, echhh, ouch, plunk, ahhhhhhhh….bliss.

Be forewarned, this post may not mean much to you if you weren’t at #24HOP, it might feel kind of like a Tucson visitors guide, or perhaps a shopping guide of slick gear, but maybe after reading it, you’ll feel like making the trip out next year, or to any of Epic Rides other events for that matter. It’s a gathering of awesome people doing awesome things, and who doesn’t want to get in on that?

Epic Rides announcing their new race in Grand Junction, ColoRADo.
Announcing their new race in Grand Junction, ColoRADo.

Fun. It didn’t take long for any of that to get started. Julie Bar (who makes a damn good bar by the way) and Cirrus built the weekend hotspot, the Cirrus Lounge, and of course Doris the Drunkasaurus played a good host. That whore.

Sucking on straws all night.
Sucking on straws and breaking laws.

It was cray, there was some dancing, and there were bacon chocolate chip cookies. Thanks to Hillary for the nourishment and Sean for the delivery, these cookies sat well after washing it all down with a bottle of agua mágica. We needed plenty to get us through the gusty, sleepless night.

Pre-race dinner.

Everything was right until the party on top of the hill. For the record, this party didn’t actually occur, unfortunately and fortunately, but thanks to whoever wrote this. And oh yea, fuck Rapha.


Anyways, I don’t like race reports all that much, and I don’t necessarily like long write-ups about events, so here’s a list of the top 10 things from last weekend (that I can remember). Hopefully you can make it out next year, because it’s one of the best times of your life.

  1. LeMans start? More like LeBeer start. Modelo Especial, nice and warm.

    Hydrate, it's going to be a long day.
    Hydrate, because it’s going to be a long day.
  2. Lap 1: 3 hours, average lap about 1:45, maybe. What were we doing you ask? Enjoying. Shots of Fireball, Dirty sketching out on his new Klunker. Straight enjoyment, that’s what we were doing. Just warming things up a bit.
  3. Quote of the weekend: “What if pussy tasted like bacon? It would be like making cake better.” – Scandinavian Jesus
  4. Dirty teamed up with the Epic Rides schwag angel to spread joy throughout 24 Hour Town. Not sure what exactly they were giving out, ass slaps, condoms, GU packs, who knows.. I did see them pouring nice shots of whiskey though. Speaking of whiskey, who said this? “Cheap booze is a false economy.” First correct response in the comments gets stickers.

    Beauty and the Drunk Gorilla?
    Beauty and the Gorilla?
  5. Saturday night the sun set, and I also set, my ass on a lawn chair, with some guys from FairWheel, near the rock, no not “The Rock”, but you know, that one rock where everyone goes over the bars, with a keg of Dragoon IPA. That right there is the best beer in Arizona, hands down. They’ve got the full line-up, as well as a brand new copper bar that needs to be worn in over at Time Market in case you’re looking for a good watering hole this weekend.  862685_10101954710551267_667604702_n
  6. Even though Dirty was cross-eyed drunk on his night lap, he didn’t eat any cactus…probably because of the generosity of Light and Motion. You know the equation: Bright Light + Happy Liver = Night Ride Win. And what a night it was…Bright lights + happy liver = night ride win.
  7. We fixed stuff. 861503_10101954706983417_260598658_n
  8. Oskar Blues fueled the last lap of the weekend. Thanks gents. Old Chub, it does the depleted body, and mind, real good. They were riding some pretty pimp-tight sleds too. Give ’em a look.
  9. Team DC was awarded the Lanterne Rouge for the second year in a row. And although there were others last weekend certainly more deserving, we’ll be sure to live up to it’s meaning this year. Dead fucking last and having a blast.
  10. Lastly, but certainly not least, we want to acknowledge the announcement that Epic Rides is opening registration within the next couple of weeks for their new event in Grand Junction. It’s their first race outside Arizona and will have a similar feel to that of the Whiskey 50 in Prescott. Stay tuned…

Brought a tear to my eye having to leave Tucson. I love that place. It feels like home. But whenever life feels difficult, or weird, or boring, or just shitty, you can’t be a pussy about it. You know, because that’s just unproductive. Gotta keep and open mind and keep talking to people. Did just that during my 3-hour layover / 12-hour hangover at O’Hare Airport. I met a girl at the bar who was starting a blog. It seems like a lot of us here at DC would approve. It’s not live yet, but you might want to bookmark it and keep your eye out. Just sayin’…


If you want more from last weekend, and a much more professional report, check out Devon’s write-up over at Mountain Flyer. And speaking of Mountain Flyer, you might want to grab their latest issue. #dirtyhemingway



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About Cupcake

I don’t have a beer gut, I’ve developed a liquid grain storage facility.

10 Replies to “24 Hours In The Old Pueblo: Long Loops, Big Smiles”

  1. that Fireball was some good shit there huh? You hollar anytime you wanna ride here in town mang…goes for DB too but he knows that already

    March 24 The Dirt Bunny – Lush Bunny Cat @ FI

  2. Next time one of those cookies got to be somethin’ somethin’. Its like the lottery, but who knows how the winner REALLY feels.

  3. There were cookies in that pic? I saw the Hacienda Sotol Mescal and stopped there. Prime stuff that is. Half the price of any equivalent quality tequila. Danger and love.

  4. Great weekend: We all had a good time riding bikes, drinking and talking shit. Then things got serious. Shoot me a line and I’ll get you and db some thermal caps to keep your noggins and nibblins warm when Doris is on hiatus.

  5. On an interesting side note, after viewing the Wiki page for the Lanterne Rouge it has come to my attention that Wim Vansevenant of Belgium was the esteemed winner of this prestigious award at Le Tour three years in a row from 2006 to 2008. I would buy that guy a beer.

  6. Pingback: Epic Rides' New Event - $20k Purse - Drunkcyclist.com