Rapha, this one’s for you

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Yo Marketing dude man of Rapha (thinking theys gots oney) did you spend all the cash on strippers and hotdog outfits and forget this was a SS fucking race? Couldn’t you of traded some that flashy bullshit poser gear off to some local for his SS bike? Also, your mechanic Tommy boy couldn’t figure out how to SS that bike with gears really quick? Sounds like lazy got the best of him. SSCXWC doesn’t mean Super Sexy Cyclocross World Championships (Jesus, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you but I will so you know next time) It really means, Single Speed Cyclocross World Championships. Two things you guys forgot to do, Start the race with the right bike and end it with a fucking tattoo bitches! So really you didn’t win- you gotta play by the rules because there was a line behind you in both the women’s and men’s category that was salivating for a hotdog and hungry for that damn tattoo! Rapha should be DF, its that simple.

Our Hodala homies are in support of this bullshit deal, so they made these lovely shirts- here’s the purchasing info if ya need to get in on the action. These are the jokes, folks.

Relegate

About caveman

I am... Caveman. Spokane, Washington, USA

189 Replies to “Rapha, this one’s for you”

  3. How can you be “World Champion” of Singlespeed Cross racin’ if you don’t even own a singlespeed cross bike? How does that work?

    “Oh, you’re the best singlespeed ‘cross racers in the world! Wow, how many SSCX races have you won?”
    – “One.”
    “Oh, that’s cool… how many single speed cross races have you participated in?”
    – “One.”
    “Oh. One?”
    – “Well, it was a pretty big race. The World Championship!”
    “One race? But you must ride your singlespeed cross bike a lot for fun, right?”
    – “We don’t have singlespeed cross bikes. In fact we didn’t know you needed one to race in the singlespeed cross world championship!”
    “…Oh. So you don’t really ride a singlespeed?”
    – “Well, no. There’s only one gear. You can’t even shift.”
    “Oh. Well, yeah. That’s the ‘single’ part. Uh, anyway, that must have been pretty exciting! Up on the podium, a world champion!”
    – “We couldn’t really stay for the awards. We had somewhere really important to be.”
    “Yeah, I couldn’t make it to Sweden for my Nobel Prize, either. If I’d already been in Sweden, though, I might’ve stayed over for it.”
    – “Are you mocking me?”
    “Of course not.”
    – “We’re world champions!”
    “Prove it.”
    – “What?”
    “Show me the tattoo.”

    If you don’t like to do it, stay away. I do.

  4. Pingback: FIN. | SSCXWC 2011, San Francisco CA

  7. SSCXWC Rules:

    And so, we’ve come to two, and only two, conclusions:

    1. Chris and Julie are allowed to keep their Singlespeed Cyclocross World Champion titles. But as is tradition, they will be banned from future SSCXWC races until they receive and present their SSCXWC tattoos. Frankly, we think this means we won’t be seeing them at our sick little twisted race again.

    2. Going forward, we will set expectations accordingly so as to avoid future disappointments. In other words, we will make it obvious as fuck from here forward that there are two, and only two rules, to SSCXWC.

    See you next year in Santa Cruz, bitches.

    Do the full read. It’s top notch.

  8. I come to this party a little late…been out in the desert…

    Whatever the fuck Rapha is, can someone please ensure that it never sullies African shores. Please.

  9. they get to keep their titles? really? wow. How could the organizers botch that. I guess it’s THEIR race or whatever but this one was a no brainer. If there are two rules and they blew both of them why do they keep the title? rapha are the kind of d-bags that ruined all my play time as a kid with their lame “well you never SAID i couldn’t do that.” garbage. terrible. looks like one more small part of our bike culture has been bought and sold. I don’t care if I sound like a cliquey jerk. so be it. fucking mice parade.

    http://whskycxrcng.blogspot.com/

  10. Sorry been out of the loop on this, had been travelling back home. I still don’t get why the cave men think this is about people liking rapha clothes or not! – I haven’t seen anyone even mention that. (except the people hating on the rapha team) Its about us being appalled by the close-door clique and almost cult-like hostility towards the two racers who won but didn’t want a tat (or attend the right party)… Cycling has always been a really friendly scene where all comers cheered and sang and drank alongside each other at the side of the road/track/singletrack and where riders came from all kinds of different backgrounds. So its really sad to see guys entering an open, public Pro Am race/event being torn at for not being the right ‘type’ of people. You think they disrespected the ‘tradition of the tat’ ? There’s a discussion to be had about not going to the podium, but in a free country the tat issue is kind of a non starter (and sure isn;t obvious on the website calling for entries).
    And more to the point you disrespected basic human warmness and disrespected the tradition of cycling being open to all comers. That’s why we’re calling you out, it’s not trolling its calling you out for acting like a holes, and making our sport seem small, hostile and only for a niche group that demand a certain lifestyle choice, values and style. Really.

  11. I know it’s lame to compare cycling to golf, but it would be like if Tiger Woods won a major tournament and just said “No Thanks” to the green jacket. It’s a slap in the face of a tradition that means something to a lot of people. It’s representative of community, not a clique.

    These Rapha clowns have basically said the cycling community doesn’t mean much to them. This was just another race to win. That’s the clique. That’s the bullshit right there.

  12. The Master’s green jacket comparison is, as they say, on point.

    When you win, you stick around and let last year’s winner help you put on that fabled tunic.

    Sure, a tattoo is a bit more of a commitment than a garment. But the concept remains true. You do it because that is the way it is done. You don’t bail on the award ceremony and leave the organizers, volunteers, and other competitors standing around looking at an empty space on the stage where the event’s winner should be standing. If you don’t know that, you don’t know anything.

    It has nothing to do with living in a “free country” as stated above. This is the benefit of the bargain, my friend. Toe the line, take the trophy. Buy the ticket, take the ride. If you don’t want the tattoo, don’t win the race. It really is that simple.

  14. Thanks for the link gnome. That peloton video really captured it. The Rapha racers didn’t know what they were getting into and after the race they ran away never to come back. Fuck em. They were little known pros before the race and they will be the same in the future. Everyone had a great time and the race is on for next year. Cheers!

  15. the fact their kit makes them look like pussies is just the icing on the cake dude. they could be wearing a suit of fucking armor for all i care. they are still total dickheads for not treating the event with respect. That’s all you can really ask for. a gracious winner. Rapha are not gracious winners.

  16. Fuck these pussy ass mother fuckers who only rode SS to win a World Championship and not take the Tat. I normally don’t get shitty with peeps who drop derailleurs and live life on the wild side for a race or two. However this was a marketing ploy by Rapha to bring in some “ringers” to win a race that isn’t really a race. Fuck them too – rainbow brite fucktards. Remove the titles….

  17. All sides are right. Sigh.

    “Winners:” Honor the race by showing up to the awards ceremony. If I ever win anything cyclocross (unlikely) I’m going to attempt to pickle myself with belgian beer in a way that may truly bring shame to Trappist monks everywhere. Don’t be wieners. bwahaha. Fuck. Anyway, as BJ said, respect the traditions.

    “Promoters/Rest of SSCXWC community:” don’t “require” things of people that are permanent and perhaps not in accord with their values. I like to race bikes, I don’t want any tats. Contrary to what BJ says, a tat is not a green jacket. Make Tiger Woods wear that green jacket everywhere and at all times to see each and every one of his ho’s, and then we’re talking. Shit’s going to need some dry cleaning to get the cum stains off though. Hmm. What then?

    So, is this a race or a cultural event? Do you think it can be both? What does it say about it as a race if the fastest people either don’t want to attend, or are unable to claim the award because of restrictions, or (worst of all) sandbag it at the end because they don’t *want* to win? Well, that ain’t no race, homies…that’s a circle jerk.

    We can all make up races with our own rules and pigeon hole ourselves into the DWCNNPF (drunk world champion night ninja punk fuckers, known as dwikkenpiff), but in this case, it sounds to me like the main reason for the gathering was to get together and race bikes. Racing = trying to go fastest = trying to connect point A and point B in the shortest possible time = winning.

    and DAMN… if I don’t find …BGW… to be… fucking insufferable…. Sorry to call you out, dude, but OF COURSE someone who uses ellipses as a personal tradition and style point is going to side on the side of the promoters/community that favors personal tradition and style points.

    In conclusion: Point A. Point B. Ninjas. That is all.

  18. I’m a little late to this party..I was out riding all week.
    But what i think may be the root problem here is that this now solidifies SS jumping the shark.That probably makes a lot of people bummed. What was once the outlet of obsessed cyclists to get away from douchebag roadie and uber competitive types. Has now become the arena for just the people we were trying to escape. Bad enough SSCXWC was riding on the coat tails of MTB SSWC but now it has been completely polluted the gene pool with a bunch of knobs.

  20. It’s not like the tattoo was a surprise foisted on them after winning. Everyone knew up front what the winners are expected to do. Don’t like it? Don’t enter the race.

  22. FOR FUCKS SAKE,
    you know what you bitches sound like?…..you winging fuck ass cunts hating like a bunch of fucked up retards cos someone didnt get no tattoo and ‘respect’ your shit. I’m going outside now to burn my my DC jersey – the gay ass blue one from back in the day.
    They won the fucking race fair and fucking square and they didnt hang around to fit in with your merry fucking men. Guees what?…you lose. I lol’d at yor reply. Twat.

  24. You lol’d at it?

    Well gents, the twelve year old girl in the room thinks we’re twats. How will we go on living?

  25. …btw…jack daniels, the lynchburg, tennessee sour mash whiskey distiller, in case you’ve never heard of them (…oh, right, dc…sorry) has a christmasy tv commercial & at the very beginning a guy who honestly looks as floyd landis-y as, well, floyd landis turns on a spigot & fills up his testing/tasting jar & proceeds to sniff the contents…

    …thought maybe the ‘mennonite missle’ got hisself a personal sponsor after his past acknowledgment of their product back in his ‘tour’ days…

    …check it out…

  35. Well,….. with those brilliant replies I have to concede…..No wait.
    I’m still winning.
    You suck. My dick.

  36. Fucking hell … I never realised how much I win until I posted on this site.

  42. OK…. you have a little think about posting somthing witty. I will check in at laters. Night all.

  43. …jimmy gets one of the first rapha ‘pretentious as fuck’ t-shirts when they come out…

    …kinda obvious why…

  45. …heavens no, jimmy…your comments are so erudite & well respected here @ dc that we’ll give you one…

    …just as soon as ‘rapha’ comes across…

  49. …don’t feel bad for jimmy, folks…

    …he might a’ lost & lost out on the t-shirt but i guarantee that he’ll be compensated…

    …the next time he buys chinese take-out, he’ll get a free cookie…stone fact…

  50. @bikes

    Are you still fucking chattering away on this thread?

    Fuck bro, give it a rest! We get it now, over and over and over again! Your the guy who is slower than shit, thinks he knows everything about the SS culture, can’t even win your own event where you make the rules,then will claim its “not a race” or “not a serious event”, then spend hours a day engaging and defending your point of view to people behind a computer while others are at work and won’t even listen to your own words “…to whom it may concern……blah…blah…blah…