The Riddle

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If you’re a DC Facebook fan, you may have seen the question of the day today. For those of you who aren’t savvy enough with the Interwebz to figgur out the Bookface, here it is:

Q: What’s really expensive, about 400mm long, and sounds like a thousand crunchy tacos? Winner gets D2’s undying respect.

Ha! Like D2’s undying respect is worth a goddamn.

Anyway, here’s the answer to the riddler:

It's amazing more of this is not lodged up my ass...
It's amazing more of this is not lodged up my ass...

Still don’t know what it is? Here’s a better angle.

She's jagged...and the other half is still stuck in my frame.
She's jagged...and the other half is still stuck in my frame.

If you don’t know what this is by now, you might be retarded. Go back and check your eighth grade report card.

Here’s the glory shot.

FSA: Full Speed Ahead...Up Your Ass.
FSA: Full Speed Ahead...Up Your Ass.

So, to recap: the sound an FSA carbon seatpost makes when it crumbles beneath you sounds similar to the smashing of about fifty hardshell tacos. This happened at Palmer Park in Colorado Springs. I was going uphill. Weird.

You’ll notice it broke clean at the seatpost clamp. This is usually a case of the seatpost clamp being overtightened. As a mechanic, I would not let that happen, especially on my own bike. Yep, used a torque wrench on this puppy. Still broke.

To be honest, though, I don’t blame FSA. I blame Gunnar. I’ve had some bad customer service experiences with Gunnar, so I no longer recommend these frames to anyone, as nice as they are. They were condescending and completely unhelpful when I contacted them about the seatpost/seat tube issues I was having, and to clue you in, this is the sixth—that’s right, motherfucking 6th—seatpost I’ve been through since I bought this frame in late 2008. I won’t bore you with the details, but Gunnar’s got a lot of ass kissing to do if they want to get back on my good side.

As an aside, the rest of this lovely post is lodged in my seat tube. It wasn’t coming up, so it got pushed down where it will live permanently. Thanks, Gunnar, for a fine product. Now I can’t sell the frame, nor do I really want to use it anymore. Too bad. You used to make such good products.

That being said, I’m on the lookout for a nice 29er full suspension. What’s out there, world?

In closing, I give you Prince, reminding you why Prince is fucking badass. If you don’t think so, I’ve got a nice seatpost to sell you…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_2tSGxGnJQ&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

Stick around for the solo. It’ll get yer giggles.

About D2

I am a writer and a photographer. I never killed a man in Reno, but I once rode a bike through a casino in Vegas. Bikes are cool, huevos rancheros are for breakfast, whiskey is for dinner. Denver, Colorado, USA

195 Replies to “The Riddle”

  1. @99-Why would you think of me?

    Nevermind.

    Fuck you.

    That was beneath even a person of your blatant douchiness.

    I might live amongst ’em. That don’t make me one of ’em.

    And I bet you got a purty mouth. WEE WEE WEE.

  2. Holy crap joe, take a pill.

    It was a fucking joke.

    And my douchiness is not blatant. I hide it very well.

    And while I don’t have a purty mouth, I do have a real long tongue that has served me well in life. If ya know what I mean. Which I know you don’t.

  3. “…take a pill…”? Fuck that. Pills is for truckers, which I ain’t, thank the baby Jeebus.

    A joke? I’ll let you have that one, but it was a piss-poor excuse.

    And while you might think you hide your douchiness, my douchedar is state of the art. Don’t even try to evade it.

    As to the last, you’re right. Got no fucking idea, and if you know what’s good for you you’ll keep it that way.

    Now get off my lawn.

  4. Actually it was a great excuse. That duet was perfect. It remains the only banjo music I will listen to.

    You can find great music in most genres. I have mostly rock in my collection but also in there is rap, country, jazz, blues, whatever.

    I take the sound as it is. And I don’t give a rat’s ass how it looks.

    And as far as your lawn. If I knew where it was, I’d go there some night and mow a crop circle on it. Then I would piddle on your wife’s roses and then, on the way out, I’d drop a bag of fire ants.

    Just kidding…..except for the crop circle. I think that would be fucking funny.

  5. @BGW re: Hendrix…very true. His louder rock stuff easily holds it’s own against contemporary rock, which – I think – makes it all the more impressive. I love his slower, more soulful stuff too…”I treasure the guy’s “ENTIRE” catalog.

    Good call on Ry Cooder, Reverend.

  8. @Hurben

    Good thing you stood back cause the spaz motions I made to close that video would have taken you out.

    Just saying…

    Tho I am rocking away to Brian Setzer right now and most people I know turn their noses up at him. Guess I just need a better quality of friends eh ?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v-LfZ4jo0c

  11. @104-If you even get CLOSE to my lawn the motion sensors go off. Damned neighborhood cats; ain’t had a decent night’s sleep in years.

    But walnut and blued steel have kept me company on many a night. And I can still put fifteen rounds out of fifteen inside body center mass at fifty yards, even rip-roaring drunk.

    Not that I’d need to. Bet I’ve scraped bigger than you off my boot.

  12. Joe.

    Seriously.

    You need a pill more than anyone I’ve never met.

    I’ve shot a few guns over the years. And I’ve been around others(like you) who think holding a gun automatically makes your dick 3″ longer.

    It doesn’t.

    And if you think you “…can still put fifteen rounds out of fifteen inside body center mass at fifty yards, even rip-roaring drunk.”

    Then I am SO going to put a giant dick shaped crop circle on your front lawn.

    Just saying…

  13. C’mon…I CAN’T be the only guy here who fucking HATES jazz?

    Oh…and file me in the Led Zeppelin camp.

  14. sfb – I am with you on the jazz for the most part. Small doses ok, perhaps. at best. maybe not quite hating but not really keen on it, and in agreement with the Page camp.

    Also want to kick a vote in for Dr. Know (bad brains).

    and TripleF @112:

    “…dick shaped crop circle on your front lawn…”

    That had me just about spewing the beer I was drinking, thanks for the laugh!

  15. JESUS TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST FOO FIGHTERS WOOOO FUCKING BOB MOULD AHHHHHH ROCK AND/OR FUCKING ROLL DONT BE A BUNCH OF WHINY PUSSIES FUCKING FOO FIGHTERS OKAY??

    This thread is done.

  20. Oh, we’re just getting warmed up. And if you think some smelly bunch of guitar-packing hippies can play music (not knocking it; been there myself about a hundred years ago) you should get a recording of Yvgeny Kissin’s 1984 Moscow performance. Mmmmm, Chopin…

  21. @DB,

    music is part of the rich tapestry of us all.

    Get us started & we turtle pirates might try to better the mighty 300 that LJ started with his turtle in a pothole by a stop sign rant.

    His meds are obviously kicking in because he’s been so quiet lately

    Just saying…

  22. Oops, sorry, the turtles came later in their majesty, LJ was outraged by a solitary pothole.

    Bless him.

  27. I haven’t been on the site in a couple days. I can’t believe this shit is still going… and no one’s really even mentioned a bike in, what, thirty comments or so?

  31. …i went looking for a foto of flo & eddy (the turtles) on a bicycle to make the circle complete, but alas, nothing but a lack was to be found…

  33. @Hurben

    Thanks a lot ya putz. I just wasted the last 1/2 hour of my life re-reading that lj pothole post.

    A pox on you and your sheep.

    @bgw.

    Steve Vai is apparently someone who should be heard and not seen.

    Gracias.

  35. …triple f…re: your steve vai comment…

    …now THAT, i’m in total agreement with…little too ‘rock god-y’ (rock gaudy ???) to watch but i like his guitar stuff over a lotta cats…

  36. I’m late to rejoin the party but the security software at work has decided that:

    a) This is a bad site & I shouldn’t post to it,
    b) I’m a bad person & shouldn’t be allowed to post to it.

    I’m leaning towards b.

    So now that the hooter has sounded & it’s beer o’clock…

    @TripleF

    Why yes, we do have sheep here, happy bouncy wooly ones, I’m impressed with your worldly knowledge.

    We also have some American Eagles visiting & they recently engaged the old foe, (Russian Bears), in mortal combat. It was a triumph for truth, democracy & free market policies, (just don’t mention the GFC).

    @D2

    Speaking of bikes,

    I hold your Gunnar responsible for all this.

    I have 4 steel Softrides currently mobile, impecable manners with beautiful long flowing carbon seat posts, (ok, struts) & they’ve never misbehaved like that.

    I feel incrediably manly riding them, sadly on closer inspection some people seem disapointed to discover that it is a carbon strut.

  37. …without the above protracted musical discussion, the answer would not have come as easily as it did today as regards who should be first played in my new (to me) black on black integra gs-r…

    …sinatra, bennett, buena vista social club, eloquent jazz, steely dan, srv, thin lizzy, van morrison & santana all get their turn in time but first up it hadda be ‘black dog’ & ‘rock & roll’ from led zeppelin IV…

    …now, we can go anywhere together, mileage & musical wise…

  39. …thanks, bud…‘back in black’…most appropriate…

    …my last one, the one i launched into the stratosphere, was kinda organic looking in dark metallic green w/ a tan interior…

    …this one is a nasty looking motherfucker…it’s a beauty but a nasty kinda beauty…

    …plain & simple, i’m back, in black…

  40. “was kinda organic looking in dark metallic green w/ a tan interior…”

    Like a rolling metal turtle?

  46. …foo you, too, mikey-oo…i’ve liked stuff i’ve heard but can’t say i’m overly familiar with the foo fighters…

    …i’ve gotta admit though that dave grohl is one a’ those personalities that goes beyond rock n’ roll & makes you feel like the bizness is in good hands…cool motherfucker…

    …& major props to the lads when i see stuff like that video…they ain’t mailing it in, they are fucking bringing it…

    …any band that that would go to the extent of staging a scenario like that, to ‘counter protest’ by way of pulling the wool over the eyes of all those ‘god lovin’, sign wavin’ fools is fucking righteous by me…

    …i just may hafta get more foo-serious…

  47. …re: the foos…been checkin’ their videos & those cats are great all ’round…& i’m more familiar with their stuff than i thought…

    …whether it’s the totally ‘off the wall’ humor of ‘white limo’ featuring a certain mr lemmy killmeister, ‘learning to fly’ with jack black or the comedic take on abject frustration in ‘walk’, i’m digging it…

    …my favorite though, is the vid for ‘the pretender’…truly awesome in my book… fight back the best way you know how – blow ’em away with the power of music…

  48. Hmmmmm. I’ve always had this thought that the Foo Fighters was just the band version of a Mentos commercial. Lite weights not worthy of attention.

    But I am now rocking away to The Pretender.

    Sweet.

  50. There ya go. That video turned me off big time to these guys.

    I just rocked away to this video…New appreciation

    What’s their nickname ??

    FooFi ? Foosters ? Foo-a-rooni ? The Foo’s ?

    Just asking…