I go Cross Racing

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I had to rally down to the Boulder area today for some Cyclocross. See, if I want to get me a trip to Nationals on someone else’s dime, I needed to get this one race out of the way. That’s the good news. The bad news was the collegiate racers would be lining up with the “open” group. Yup, the group of guys who don’t fuck around in any way shape or form when it comes to cross, and then you got me, showing up on the singlespeed that also doubles as my commuter bike. To say that I was going to be beaten like a rented mule is an understatement, thing were going to get ugly, and my sole goal on the day was to finish in any place other than DFL. Gun goes off, and I’m at the back of the pack, where I will stay for the duration of the race. I’ll spare you the race details, but one aspect worth mentioning is that despite all the stereotypes of the Boulder Cross Pros being full of themselves, all the racers who lapped me were not dicks when they asked to get by. A big thumbs up to all you Boulder Pros for that one. I achieved my goal of finishing and not being DFL, so the day was a success, and post race activities included eating waffles with bacon, chocolate, and powdered sugar, and enjoying a canned beverage.

Belgian Waffle with Bacon in the Batter, covered with chocolate and sugar
FREE BEER from Oskar Blues
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About 40 Hands

A fan of riding bikes with one gear, malt liquor, riding without knowing how many miles I’ve covered, and strip clubs that let you bring your own keg. I typically have a stupid grin on my face, it is because deep down I know that no matter what, my mom thinks I’m cool. Denver, Colorado, USA

15 Replies to “I go Cross Racing”

  1. honestly, i was looking at the choco/bacon/sugarwaffle & never even saw the words. no offense. oh, & the beer too.

  2. Drew, it was good seeing you again. You might have missed the singlespeed race but this here drunkcyclist took the victory. chain fell off on the cx bike so I grabbed the 69er mountain bike and took off.

  3. Oskar Blues is NOT “canned beer”; no and HELL no! It’s the most eye-watering downright good stuff you will ever taste. And it comes in a can. But “canned beer” it ain’t.

    Gordon’s beer is like $14 for a four-pack. I balked alittle, but having tried both Old Chub and Dale’s Pale Ale I was willing to give it a shot. At the first sip I wondered aloud how anyone in their right mind would sell something that good, that cheap. Holy cripes, it were yummy. “Big. Red. Sticky.” Yes’m, indeedy-do. Three bags full.

  4. @ joetheelectrician:

    Oskar Blues is the “Canned Beer Apocalypse,” and yes, it’s the best beer in the world (can or bottle).

    The myth of canned beer is that it tastes like aluminum and it’s light, nasty shit. Well this isn’t the problem of the can itself, it’s a problem with the canned beer of the past not living up to the potential of the vessel. The history of canned beer has tainted it’s image, but Oskar Blues, one can at a time, is swaying this perception. Cans are superior to bottles in every way and people are slowly but surly starting to understand this.

    Benefits of the can:
    – Cans are not susceptible to sunlight, which breaks down flavors and causes “skunking” of the beer.
    – Cans are not susceptible to oxidation because they are sealed. Bottle caps cannot create a complete seal.
    – Cans are environmentally friendly. More recyclable than bottles. They are lighter/easier to ship.
    – You can take them to parks, beaches, hiking, biking, anywhere in the outdoors where bottles are prohibited.
    – They get colder faster than bottles and you can shotgun them (not that you would want to of course…)

    Yea, OB is the shit. Drink on.

  5. Mikey, don’t know aboot that, eh. Good common-sense rule if it’s so. Just wanted to dispel the notion about “canned beer” as in, say Miller Lowlife or Pissweiser or, dare I say, even my beloved Yuengling and Oskar Blues being of the same caliber because they come in cans. And speaking of Yuengling, I will NOT drink it out of a (green, even-WTF?) bottle. Yuengling is the staff of life in liquid form. Skunked Yuengling-Well, need I draw a picture?

    And +1 to everything Andy said. He’s done his homework and he gets an “A”.

  6. Mr. Andy is absolutely correct on every point but one: with all due respect to the fine products produced by Oskar Blues (we drink a lot of Old Chub in the desert; the joyous cry of “CHUB ME!” rings across our camp site with regularity), the best canned beer in the world is Zywiec.

    It’s a Polish lager sold in four-packs of 500 mL cans and it is pure refreshment, even served at ambient desert temperatures. (Opinions vary, but “Zywiec” is pronounced “zhiv-e-ick.”) Seek it out, you will be impressed. You may be able to find it in bottles as well, and they serve it on draught at Brouwer’s down in Ballard. Also locally of note in canned beer are the products of 7 Seas Brewing out of Gig Harbor, who have recently built a cannery. Take only photos, leave only footprints.

  7. Well fuck me runnin’. So I ain’t had atleast one can of every tsty beer brewed in the world. Maybe the stuff ain’t available out here. Sweet fucking Jesus, mikey! Why do you always have to throw the “If you were cool like me” card? That shit is WAY past the expiration date.

  8. after i did the old mans open yesterday i dug into a couple of those waffles with nutella on ’em. and a can of modus hoperandi i had stashed in my pack. then i proceeded to sit my ass down at the top of the second run-up and shake a third generation cowbell during your open race. looked tough. i wonder if jake wells is a drunk cyclist.

  9. …homework ???…

    …fuck me…that’s the research of a beerentologist

    …nice work, andy & while i enjoy a good brew, i definitely hadn’t ever considered the situation with such depth or aplomb…

    giants vs phillies definitely deserved the quaffing of a few…

    giants vs rangers, well let’s just say, i’ll be looking for something interesting to sooth the savage jitters…

  10. +1 on the Zywiec, though it’s usually in bottles with the fancy temp sensitive label up here.

    @Mikey, I’ve on no less than three occasions had my pronunciation corrected by Poles, (one colleague, one friend, one server in a Polish bar) and and a few times by other non Polish speakers (which counts for nothing). The weird bit is that every damn time I’m told something completely different and not one of the actually legitimate polish speakers have told me anywhere near the same thing. (!)

    It’s like the name is a fukin moving target. Now i just hold up a coaster and point, or point to the tap handle or mumble quickly cause I’ve completely given up on the word.

  11. @Kark— yer a smoove guy. I just shout “ZHIV-E-ICK!!” repeatedly until the correct Polish lager shows up. I know a dude who knows a dude attached to the American Embassy somewhere in Poland and the dude swears by Zywiec, but gave me three different regional pronunciations.

    I’m thinking about going around my local vendor and contacting the U.S. distributor in New York. All I need is a high-mileage, false-bottom, rented dump truck and I’m in business. Keep the rubber side down.