Tuesdays with Dirty: Burn one down.

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Last week I got a call from Scandinavian Jesus talking some nonsense about riding in a 100 mile mountain bike race that was going to be all on fire roads. I wished him luck and then went about the rest of my day.  He waited until later in that evening, after I already had a few adult beverages, and asked me again. He rationalized that if I just rode 100 miles on my fixie that I would probably be ok doing 50 on dirt roads alternating laps with a partner. In a moment of weakness I said yes. We briefly discussed what bikes to ride and he mentioned something about being able to borrow a geared 29er from a friend, to which I responded “Fuck gears!”

  Our fate was sealed.

I have to admit, I went into the day with a really bad attitude. I have never done a mountain bike race that went around a mountain, and had zero singletrack.  Waking up a half hour before the start to frozen water bottles and frost over everything probably didn’t help either. In short, I was just plain grumpy. My partner went out first lap while I waited in the exchange area with none other than The Gnome. He dropped some knowledge on me and gave me a little pep talk to change my salty attitude. Then Scandinavian comes across the line to tag me in for my lap, smiling ear to ear looking like this:

sj finish

Aside from bicycles and booze, I am a huge fan of live music. Something I have learned from years of going to shows is that one sign of a good performance is the reaction of the crowd. Even if the music doesn’t please my ear,  the band is doing a great job if the crowd is going nuts. As I settled into my spin around mile 5 of my 26 mile lap, I came to a similar conclusion. This race really isn’t for me and my one gear, but everybody that was passing me would yell support for DC and maybe even give me a wheel for a mile.  Bottom line, everybody was having a great time. I finished the first lap with a respectable time and waited for my second and final lap. Scandinavian busted out yet another absurdly fast lap and I started my second lap with a new found stoke. The music was loud in my ears and the food and water were going down great. I was even handing out high fives to more members of the DC family on course. I was having some serious fun. Then it happened…full stop, with 6 miles to go. Everything in my body shut down. I couldn’t believe it . It felt like hour 16 in a 24hour race, not mile 46 of some one day event. I crawled to the finish line in full survival mode only to be greeted by my crew in all their glory.

Copy of P1020212

Nothing motivates you through the last quarter mile of a race like getting chased by an ape and a banana while throwing down an ice cold beer. Unfortunately that time on the clock shows that we missed the cool belt buckle prize by a mere 2 minutes, but I was suprisingly ok with that. The experience of the day had far outweighed some little metal trinket.  I met some really great people on course, and Red Rock put on a flawless event with copious amounts of free beer.

Until next week (reporting from Interbike)…keep it dirty!

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About dirty biker

I am a fan of singletrack, singlespeeds, single women and single malt. Currently in Carbondale, CO Follow on Instagram @dirty_biker

15 Replies to “Tuesdays with Dirty: Burn one down.”

  1. loved this race report dirty. you had a good day and had fun. NOW lets fucking look forward to some fun! a week from now we will be demo’ing some rad bikes. HOLLA!!!!!!

  2. …crossing the finish line (any finish line, really) drinking a beer whilst being chased by a gorilla & a banana seems entirely appropriate…

    …just sayin’…

  3. Gorilla and Banana chasing you pre-drinking = Priceless.

    Gorilla and Banana chasing you post-drinking = Large payment to a shrink.

    Just saying….

  4. “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”


    “Banana who?”

    “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”


    “Banana who?”

    “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”


    “Orange who?”

    “Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘gorilla’?”

    Jesus, do you have even the remotest clue how much work this is when you’ve got a half bottle of Bourbon in you? The things I do for my friends…

  5. Nice one to the Dirty Biker. It’s a bit fuzzy, but I remember congratulating you after crossed the finish line. I had been taking in recovery drinks since my lap finished at 9:40. I concur with the great event put on by the Red Rock crew and am looking forward to next year’s effort.

  6. Agreed Gnome, that liquid prayer service the following day was an essential part of the event.

  7. Isn’t it amazing how much credence you get when show up to any bike event with a DC jersey on!!! Now hurry up and get the new ones printed already, I am in for 2 of them.