I took ‘er out behind the woodshed & gave ‘er what for.

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Sometimes in life you’re a hammer. And, of course, sometimes you are the nail. This guy, on this day, he was the hammer all right. He was the hammer and then some.

From: Caveman
Subject: bmc bikes suck balls
I hung my bmc up last summer because I didn’t like it. Also I didn’t want anyone else to have to deal with such a piece of crap. So I was gonna saw it up into pieces and send it back to bmc in a organic shoe box to see if they recycle aluminum. I began to think that they would take that as a insult and on my end a waste of time. Well, two nights ago I came home pissed as hell and didn’t have any pets, kids or wife to beat so I beat my bmc with the blunt end of the ax. It was amazing how good I felt afterward.


Damn man. You got the lead out.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

35 Replies to “I took ‘er out behind the woodshed & gave ‘er what for.”

  1. gotta love that shit right there!!!
    i don’t think sending it back would’ve been a waste of time!!
    some companies just don’t get it!!!


  2. “didn’t have any pets, kids or wife to beat so I beat my bmc …”

    you need to seek some therapy with a statement like that. Work in a scrapyard and crush cars or something. Should have just left it at smashing the bike – which is a good thing, but entirely different than harming loved ones.

    Harming one bird holds more emotional weight than smashing inanimate objects for 10 years. In no way related activities.

  3. I’d still send it back, do you have a warranty? Say that you got in a few crashes, then the bike got beat to shit in a wreck.

  4. I agree, definitely looks like frame failure/manufacturing defect to me. Send it back and threaten lawsuit – it can be big jonny’s first case.

  5. Just as long as his first case isn’t defending someone who DID have “pets, kids or wife to beat”. What kind of pathetic piece of shit posts something like that, even in a halfhearted attempt at failed “humor”?

  6. Sounds like some blocked out memories from dave’s childhood may have just reared their ugly head.

    Dave-don’t bottle it up, dude, it just makes it worst. It’ll be okay, you’ll learn to deal with it optimistically, its just gonna take some time.

  7. bg.

    Naw. I have those memories from childhood and I’m not the pro tour level of fucktard that Dave is.

    I’m more a Cat 3 or 4 fucktard compared to him.

    Hey Davey.

    Would it have been funny if it was Cavewoman’s words and the line read “pets, kids or husband” ??

    You seem like the type to say yes.

    Me ? I’d laugh either way. Obvious joke. Don’t apologies for shit caveman.

  8. Pro tour fucktard? Nah, just an amateur that was in the right place at the right time. And I had alot of help.

    No, I don’t think it’s funny either way. And I’m not that worried about the opinions of those who do.

  9. Gotta go with the Colonel on this one, it’s a fucking JOKE, people. Don’t get your chamois in a bunch.

    Although that bmx frame had better have been a serious POS if it wasn’t worth giving away to some no-cash kid riding pump track or hucking ramps and shit. Hell, I even sold managed to sell the Mongrel, rear wheel that would never run true, heavily rusted fork crown (shudder) and first-generation canti brakes that were fucking sketchy at best. That’s the only road bike I’ve ever thrown down because I couldn’t get it locked down for a corner. Me and the bike landed on grass, no one even saw me fall, lucky as hell.

  10. But what is the wife was a bitch, the dog a stray and the kid a rape baby?
    Beat all three with that piece of shit frame.

  11. Cary – You just described my family, exactly, to the most precise detail. A bitch, a (former) stray dog and a ‘rape baby’…

    And in light of this, all the more reason not to hit. Suffering happens enough. Mouthing off is just so fun, isn’t it? Makes you happy?

    Nice if you’re a privileged white kid who grew up around *plenty* to make a joke or a laugh out of what YOU don’t have to heal from, or deal with, isn’t it just funny to you, who, nose high and bank acount full, can laugh all you want. I know the type. Ya just think you’re better than everybody.

    Even you don’t deserve to get beaten… but you will, one way or another.

  12. which one were you, the bitch, the stray or the rape baby.
    Doesn’t really matter cause it won’t change anything…that frame is still a piece of shit.

  13. Cabin fever does strange things to a man…………
    Or should I have said person?
    Crap- all this politically correct shit gives me a worse headache than Budweiser;)

  14. I guess if the tennis player sucks ass he blames the racquet….Tiger shanks a tee shot….gotta be the club ( insert punch line here ) ….

    BMC rocks, and it ain’t the bike. If you ever have any questions on why it is not the bike it is the engine, go race your bike in Mexico or any 3rd world country. Ever had you ass handed to you by Tarahumara indian on a Western Flyer wearing western shirt with pearl buttons and huarache sandals? Probably not, but if you did you’d know it aint the bike…

    STFU and ride your bike dude.

  15. Cro-magnum,

    Maybe just try decaf for a while…or go rub one out instead

    will do on the story.

    Kids, when I was in the ‘NAM…..

  16. I’m going with giving caveman the benefit of the doubt and say it was merely literary flourish. While I empathize with the sentiment of those here who were put off buy the sentiment, we need to realize it was a joke. Extremely poor taste? yes, but just a joke none-the-less. I mean, it wasn’t like he was a redneck shooting up a unitarian church for being filthy liberals after listening to glen beck.

  17. The only thing Glenn Beck has forgotten Dave is the same thing you seem to forget. No one give a shit what either one of you have to say! His excuse is a drug addled mind and yours is a booze soaked liver.

  18. No, the only thing glen beck has forgotten is how to be a rational human. The really funny part is he has you redneck morons thinkin’ he’s all righteous n stuff (ya buy any of that gold he’s been hawkin’ davey? there’s a good little lemming, he’s paid by goldline.com, ya know)

    Palin ’04 – wow, you _are_ a lost deluded little soul, aintcha…

    Go ahead, bring out caribou barbie for the next campaign (it’s ’12, btw) Maybe have wiseman be her running mate. _please_…I’m beggin you and the teabaggers to force the GOP to take palin. Nothing could assure another obama victory more.

    Tel ya what davey, why doesn’t you and yer redneck pal glen go have a good cry…

  19. Google “palin 04”, slapnuts. You might come away smarter. Christ, it wouldn’t take much to be an improvement. Fucking dumbass…