Humpday train wreck post

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I just got turned on to a real gem. I’m talking ’bout Van Halen, son. VAN HALEN! Ever hear of an old ass demo they put out back in 1976 produced by Gene Simmons? It’s rough. It’s unpolished. It’s awesome. Like most things in this world, you can find it on the glorious internets (a series of tubes). Yes, now you can have a taste too. Download it here:

Every time I think of Gene Simmons I think about gayness. I think of gayness I think of South Park. And then I laugh. I give to you the The Red Badge of Gayness:

South Park’s Civil War reenactment, sponsored by “Jagerminz S’More Flavored Schnapps,” gets out of hand. Cartman persuades the drunken lot to defeat the northerners so that he can win a bet with Kyle and Stan that will make them his slaves for one month.
See it here:

In other good news, retail sales continue to circle the drain: Oh, so stoked. Can’t. Buy. Anything.


Some things never change.

Back in the day, we used to joke that OLN was the Only Lance Network. The outfit calls itself Versus now, but the Only Lance Network remains as a multimedia collection of newspapers, web sites, blogs, magazines, video outlets and wire services for whom bicycle racing means All Lance, All the Time.

The latest from the OLN concerns Armstrong’s out-of-competition encounter with a French drug tester. At issue is a 20-minute shower Armstrong took between encountering said tester and the actual tests themselves. He and his people say it was a question of taking time to verify the tester’s bona fides; the French say it was a violation of the International Standard for Testing, which requires an athlete notified of his or her obligation to provide a sample to “(r)emain within direct observation of the DCO/Chaperone at all times from the point of notification by the DCO/Chaperone until the completion of the Sample collection procedure. …”

There is some dispute as to whether the tester erroneously approved the shower.

I’ll say there is some dispute. Fuck it. Now they’ve gone whole hog with the Tour de Lancelatest poll over at LA-LA land asks the question “Is Lance Armstrong being targeted by French authorities?” with 76% reporting (at the moment) “Yes, this is an abuse of authority.” Only 9% (including me) choose instead “No, it’s the duty of the AFLD to test riders.”

Really. Four out of five think Armstrong is being “targeted” in a manner which is an “abuse of authority” rather than it is “the duty of the AFLD to test riders.”

The AFLD is the anti-doping agency in France. It is unquestionably their duty to test cyclists. They do not exist to make crepes.

Ah, whatever. Who cares. Got this next one via email the other day. Pretty such sums it up.

Microsoft bringing joy to the world...
Microsoft bringing joy to the world...

Each and every time I hear Cantor speak, I feel like I’m being hustled. How long till the allegation of child molestation come to light with that guy? Coke and prostitutes? Something? Anything?

From: Dan Casey
This might be worth a fun link on dc. There’s a Virginia congressman, Eric Cantor, the #2 GOP member in the house, who recently appeared on NPR to criticize the bailout.

But OF ALL the things Cantor picked to criticize in that gazillion-billion package, what did he choose? Right — $3 million for bike paths in Washington, D.C.

The post includes a link for folks to let Cantor know what they think.

But it gets better.

There’s a subsequent post here, that notes Cantor subsequently went on the record describing the Dems’ stimulus ideas as old and tired and bad, and, when somebody asked him what ideas are better, he responded “Well, Rush Limbaugh has good ideas” or some pap like that.

And that post also notes that :Limbaugh, laughingly, on his Feb. 16 radio show, noted what great pleasure he takes in observing cyclists get doored.

Which is why, the posted is headlined: Va. Rep Eric Cantor and Rush Limbaugh: Two peas in a bicycle-dissing pod?

And then you have, what was described to me as, “Legend of Durham cycle sport, Wm. H. Puffington.”

Word. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Legend of durham cycle sport, Wm. H. Puffington.
Legend of Durham cycle sport, Wm. H. Puffington.

God Bless ’em, one and all.

From: Dr. Jon
Big Jonny,
Word up.
Attachment is for our Spring Classic…it’s not for pussies. Toss that shit up on the site for all the Utah faithful.
Keep it real baby, we’ll be in AZ for Memorial Day rockin the MV and the P& it’s goin’ out of style.
Peace Brother,
Dr. Jon

I am Ted Nugent
I am Ted Nugent

2009 Park City Spring Classic
2009 Park City Spring Classic

Here are some crash highlights of Paris-Roubaix, 2009. Fresh, fly and ultra.

One of these years I will be in that part of the world for that particular week, drunk off my ass and sleeping in ditches. Oh, the horror.

Link dump:
Study: Children exposed to pornography may expect sex to be enjoyable
List of race coverage out the wazoo
Bike hottie from our man Jim
DJ threatens cyclists
The Battenkill Cometh
Marilyn Chambers has gone to the Great Casting Couch in the Sky to do girl-on-girl with Linda Lovelace (credit to Harry O’Reems for the fine turn of a phrase.)

Over and out…

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

8 Replies to “Humpday train wreck post”

  1. You get over here for that sometime, you look me up. This time with more than a few days’ advance notice and I’ll be there.

    Over and out.

  2. wtf was going on with the spectators hitting the ground hard like that? was that a mosh pit on the side of the road

    I’ve looked at it a doz times and dont get it.

  3. I think that was the spectators hit by the motorbike. You can see the blue jacket and helmet of the rider getting up.

  4. Im guessing they was someone on another person’s shoulders. Too much belgian white, slippers cobbles and over-enthusiasm… >ka-POW< stack o’people down.

  5. Not a huge fan of Lance and don’t disagree about the duty to enforce drug rules. However, Lance has had 25 out of competition tests since his return. That’s 5x more than anyone else on his team. When you’re 5x above the norm that would appear to be a targeted effort.

    In addition I’m not sure how he could adulterate the blood and hair samples taken at the same time during the test. Hair and blood transplant in 20-30 minutes? They came back negative also.